[Anonymous]

I spoke to a guy online for several months and began to develop strong feelings for him online. We believed we were soulmates, he fell in love me with and I began to believe I felt the same way.

We met up a few weeks ago, and since then, I have been feeling like utter crap because I am not sure how I feel about him now. I cannot seem to equate the online him with the 'real' him, which is making me feel confused, depressed, anxious and horrible. He is totally in love with me, messaged me saying I am the most important thing to him, meeting up made me realise how much I do mean to him, I am the only person he has ever opened up to, and it's making me feel as horrible as hell because I'm starting to doubt how I feel now :'( he's never had a girlfriend before and is shy and quiet with low self-esteem and a really nice person. What makes it worse is that we're going to the same university (that is how we met, on an online forum).

I don't know what to say anymore. I've been feeling really horrible the past couple of days, almost to the brink of suicide. I have no idea what to say anymore. I don't even know if it's just me stressing too much about my emotions and I need more time. If I tell him I have feelings for him I feel like it's a lie, if I tell him I don't, I could lose him and the repercussions could be dreadful, especially considering we're going to the same university....

Please help me someone :'(

[ratherchloe]

If you don't like the "real" him then it's not going to work. People can be very different online versus real life. It'll hurt him but you need to tell him you don't feel the same way and don't feel like you clicked in real life.

I'm not sure what you mean by repercussions? He'll be hurt, but he'll get over it.

[threecupcakes]

I agree with ^^^...just tell him how you feel, talk to him about it. Its gonna be hard, but it will be worth it.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by ratherchloe)
If you don't like the "real" him then it's not going to work. People can be very different online versus real life. It'll hurt him but you need to tell him you don't feel the same way and don't feel like you clicked in real life.

I'm not sure what you mean by repercussions? He'll be hurt, but he'll get over it.

We're going to uni together and have been put in the same accommodation... :/

[fl4mers]

I agree with the person above. Personalities can be misconstrued online, especially if you've only been chatting, emailing, webcamming for a short period of time. I remember chatting with one guy for about 3 months online last year. We would webcam, text and chat and I really thought he was the hottest thing alive. I really liked the guy. We finally met up in person though and it was totally different to what I expected. I didn't feel a thing, niente, nada, nothing. I was really shocked. I told him that and he got upset, because he felt like I was leading him on before that, but in the end I still think that was better than actually continuing to see him and then ACTUALLY leading him on by letting him think I had feelings for him.

If you think there might be a chance of developing feelings for him, then maybe share your insecurities with him and just tell him you're not sure how you feel about him just yet. However, from the sounds of it you're more intimidated by the fact that he adores you so much, which makes me think you'd probably be better off leaving this one be. He will be hurt, that's inevitable, but he will get over it unless he has serious issues with depression/suicidal thoughts in which case he needs some actual help/support that you won't be able to provide him with anyway. (I just added that in case that's what you meant by repercussions...)

Letting a relationship run for longer than it's supposed to and just hoping things get better is a sure fire way to lead to a really bad relationship, so if you really don't feel like you click, let him go. You gotta look out for you and you'll be better off for it. Plenty more fish in the sea as they say. Good luck!

[fl4mers]

As for accommodation... if you're not on the same floor you may actually never run into him. Fact. And if you do, just don't let things be awkward. It's only awkward if you let it be awkward.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by fl4mers)
I agree with the person above. Personalities can be misconstrued online, especially if you've only been chatting, emailing, webcamming for a short period of time. I remember chatting with one guy for about 3 months online last year. We would webcam, text and chat and I really thought he was the hottest thing alive. I really liked the guy. We finally met up in person though and it was totally different to what I expected. I didn't feel a thing, niente, nada, nothing. I was really shocked. I told him that and he got upset, because he felt like I was leading him on before that, but in the end I still think that was better than actually continuing to see him and then ACTUALLY leading him on by letting him think I had feelings for him.

If you think there might be a chance of developing feelings for him, then maybe share your insecurities with him and just tell him you're not sure how you feel about him just yet. However, from the sounds of it you're more intimidated by the fact that he adores you so much, which makes me think you'd probably be better off leaving this one be. He will be hurt, that's inevitable, but he will get over it unless he has serious issues with depression/suicidal thoughts in which case he needs some actual help/support that you won't be able to provide him with anyway. (I just added that in case that's what you meant by repercussions...)

Letting a relationship run for longer than it's supposed to and just hoping things get better is a sure fire way to lead to a really bad relationship, so if you really don't feel like you click, let him go. You gotta look out for you and you'll be better off for it. Plenty more fish in the sea as they say. Good luck!

I did like him a little bit, as I wouldn't have wanted to cuddle and kiss him if I didn't. I didn't meet up and think 'Oh my god what have I done'. I was a bit shocked how different he was to how I'd pictured, but I still felt very nice when we shared a cuddle. He is also very very shy and quiet so maybe that's what contributed to it as well. I'm just truly unsure though... :/ maybe feelings will develop and I need to get 'used' to him in person...

[ratherchloe]

(Original post by Anonymous)
We're going to uni together and have been put in the same accommodation... :/

Still don't see what the repercussions will be. Universities are big places and even if you're in the same accommodation you won't necessarily bump into him. It may be a little awkward but that's all.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by ratherchloe)
Still don't see what the repercussions will be. Universities are big places and even if you're in the same accommodation you won't necessarily bump into him. It may be a little awkward but that's all.

Its cause it will devastate him :/ he said he'd always dreamed of 'the one' and we've been messaging loads for months, we felt we were soulmates. So the fact I could end up telling him will really cut deep and hurt him. It might even make him withdraw his application and I cannot stand the guilt if he does that...

[RowingGoose]

That sounds a hard situation to be in, I'm sorry! He sounds like he's caught the first-love bug! There's no point in taking things further if you don't feel the same, just think realistically how could u keep it going? And if you did then it would make him feel worse then if you broke it off now. Also if you kept it going, you'd be preventing you and himself from meeting other people.

Don't feel bad about the repercussions (sp?), if you talk to him in a mature way then there's nothing you can do about how he's going to react. We all dream of 'the one', especially when we're young and naive! He'll feel bad about it of course but he will learn a lot from it and move on in time :-) Maybe just have a chat and explain that you don't feel the same as him and you want him to meet someone who will like him just as much as he likes them.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by RowingGoose)
That sounds a hard situation to be in, I'm sorry! He sounds like he's caught the first-love bug! There's no point in taking things further if you don't feel the same, just think realistically how could u keep it going? And if you did then it would make him feel worse then if you broke it off now. Also if you kept it going, you'd be preventing you and himself from meeting other people.

Don't feel bad about the repercussions (sp?), if you talk to him in a mature way then there's nothing you can do about how he's going to react. We all dream of 'the one', especially when we're young and naive! He'll feel bad about it of course but he will learn a lot from it and move on in time :-) Maybe just have a chat and explain that you don't feel the same as him and you want him to meet someone who will like him just as much as he likes them.

I still feel bad because I told him I loved him, how much I cared, etc but that was ONLINE. I felt I did at the time, it's not like I lied about how I felt/strung him along. But it was probably artificial love That's probably what's eating me up, because I feel so guilty about it :/ because he seems to feel (or at least he thinks he does) real love :'(

Truly do feel horrible, and the fact that we're going to university together makes it far worse. It's even got me where I'm thinking about withdrawing my application... and I'd feel so so so terribly bad if he withdrew his because of me doing this to him :'(

[Flyingaround]

Introduce a fetish to him that might scare him off, there's lots on wiki, it gives a full list with explanations...There's actually fetishes where they like to poo on eachother, if you just say you have one of those it might really scare him off, although if he agrees to liking it too you might have a problem

(Original post by Anonymous)
I spoke to a guy online for several months and began to develop strong feelings for him online. We believed we were soulmates, he fell in love me with and I began to believe I felt the same way.

We met up a few weeks ago, and since then, I have been feeling like utter crap because I am not sure how I feel about him now. I cannot seem to equate the online him with the 'real' him, which is making me feel confused, depressed, anxious and horrible. He is totally in love with me, messaged me saying I am the most important thing to him, meeting up made me realise how much I do mean to him, I am the only person he has ever opened up to, and it's making me feel as horrible as hell because I'm starting to doubt how I feel now :'( he's never had a girlfriend before and is shy and quiet with low self-esteem and a really nice person. What makes it worse is that we're going to the same university (that is how we met, on an online forum).

I don't know what to say anymore. I've been feeling really horrible the past couple of days, almost to the brink of suicide. I have no idea what to say anymore. I don't even know if it's just me stressing too much about my emotions and I need more time. If I tell him I have feelings for him I feel like it's a lie, if I tell him I don't, I could lose him and the repercussions could be dreadful, especially considering we're going to the same university....

Please help me someone :'(

[RowingGoose]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I still feel bad because I told him I loved him, how much I cared, etc but that was ONLINE. I felt I did at the time, it's not like I lied about how I felt/strung him along. But it was probably artificial love That's probably what's eating me up, because I feel so guilty about it :/ because he seems to feel (or at least he thinks he does) real love :'(

Truly do feel horrible, and the fact that we're going to university together makes it far worse. It's even got me where I'm thinking about withdrawing my application... and I'd feel so so so terribly bad if he withdrew his because of me doing this to him :'(

Again though, people can either say they love each other and not mean it; or say they love each other and then fall out of love too. Speaking online is completely different to in real life - there's no awkwardness online, no body language, no intonation your voice, no looking into each others eyes etc. It may have been that you felt close when you got together because we all crave closeness and comfort. This isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone though if you don't feel an attraction.

My first bf, I felt atracted to him cos I lived with him and he seemed funny and kind. We got together but I never truely loved him. I felt so bad about breaking if off because he seemed more into me than i was to him. It was a really hard decision too, I had a constant fluttery feeling inside like I was going to be sick as I know it would upset him. I did so in the end, we had a few arguments etc but now we're fine. We don't speak anymore and I have no desire to. I mean we had good times but we've both moved on.

What I'm trying to say is that you may well see him at uni, and it may feel a little awkward but life really does go on! You will make completely different friends, get differnet hobbies maybe, be on different courses so you may rarely see him - if you do, you can just acknowledge each other, have a brief chat and move on. I don't think you should alter where you go just because of it all though.

[MancBoy]

Stopped reading at 'spoke to a guy online'.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by MancBoy)
Stopped reading at 'spoke to a guy online'.

Why?

[MancBoy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Why?

It annoys me when girls meet guys online and then wonder why things go wrong.

[Jabberwox]

I think honesty is the best policy in this sort of thing, OP.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I spoke to him and I said I wanted to just be friends and maybe we could start getting to know each other properly in person down in university and take it from there. He wasn't that hurt, but I think it's cause he's still got it at the back of his mind there might be an 'us'. I feel that was the better option that to just give him a full-blown rejection, because he is a nice guy and there could well be potential there.