[Anonymous]

I'm bi (not out) and fancy one of my mates. He's straight acting but can you really be sure someone is 100% straight? I find that many people show signs of at least curiousness hence why this dilemma is such a tough one.
I have uni in September so would it be worth risking a friendship over something like this? On the other hand my feelings are pretty strong. It's not love.... but you could call it lust I guess.
What would you do in this situation? The guy isn't a jerk, he's a clever guy and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't freak out and tell people but I also not sure if it would mean our friendship is finished or whether he thinks I will try it on with him.
There's that side of me that thinks if I don't tell him I may regret it if my feelings are still there as I find that I'm pretty picky with who I like in this way or whether I'd get over the whole thing sometime soon and I'd regret either ruining a friendship, damaging it or worrying that even if he says he won't tell anyone that people find out and suddenly it affects a whole lot more people and possibly you could lose even more friends even if they're not obvious about it people may distance themselves from you and you wouldn't know.
Also I know that if 'friends' act in such ways then they're not really your friend but I think there's more to it than that.
Its a tough decision and I would leave it until after exams but it's such a bad time to have strong feelings for someone!

[Anonymous]

Any advice/comments would be helpful.

[Tycho]

I'd imagine you'd be better starting off by telling him that you are bi, without implying that you have feelings for him. You can test his reaction to that - and it will likely help you decide how to proceed with your feelings for him. If he's a good friend then he won't have a problem with your sexuality.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Tycho)
I'd imagine you'd be better starting off by telling him that you are bi, without implying that you have feelings for him. You can test his reaction to that - and it will likely help you decide how to proceed with your feelings for him. If he's a good friend then he won't have a problem with your sexuality.

Good luck.

Thanks for the reply.
How would I tell him I am bi? It's easier said than done.... am I supposed to just drop it in a conversation?
I guess the hope is that something will come of it and if it doesn't then I may regret it.

[Alpharius]

I had this exact same thing happen to me in college. A guy who was part of my group of friends out of the blue said he fancied me. I'm not bi, so there wasn't a chance, he should have taken the hint of having a GF for almost a year at the time.

I'm not the type to care, so just made a big private joke about it. I'm sure he got over it.

OP, to just come out and say; "I like you alot" could be a disaster. It's best if you let it slip that you're bi to test the water. How? No idea, never been in your shoe's.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Alpharius)
I had this exact same thing happen to me in college. A guy who was part of my group of friends out of the blue said he fancied me. I'm not bi, so there wasn't a chance, he should have taken the hint of having a GF for almost a year at the time.

I'm not the type to care, so just made a big private joke about it. I'm sure he got over it.

OP, to just come out and say; "I like you alot" could be a disaster. It's best if you let it slip that you're bi to test the water. How? No idea, never been in your shoe's.

I can imagine that if I just said "I like you" then it's a bit too much information to take in at one go and that's probably why people freak out or overreact.

[Anonymous]

I've been in a VERY similar situation OP. I can give you advice if u want. My email is: max_19-92@live.com

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been in a VERY similar situation OP. I can give you advice if u want. My email is: max_19-92@live.com

Thanks for the reply. I have sent you an email.

[Alpharius]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I can imagine that if I just said "I like you" then it's a bit too much information to take in at one go and that's probably why people freak out or overreact.

Yeah, it's a good thing I'm not surprised easily.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been in a VERY similar situation OP. I can give you advice if u want. My email is: max_19-92@live.com

Very anonymous, that.

[Harve]

(Original post by Tycho)
I'd imagine you'd be better starting off by telling him that you are bi, without implying that you have feelings for him. You can test his reaction to that - and it will likely help you decide how to proceed with your feelings for him. If he's a good friend then he won't have a problem with your sexuality.

Good luck.

Definitely this. If you fancy someone, I reckon most people have a tendency to interpret behaviour as some sort of sign, when it's often just coincidence. Coming out would be as close to testing the waters as you could get without saying "I like you - wanna fool around?" (and that's a bad idea)

As for coming out, I don't actually remember how exactly I did it with my friends as it was about 3 years ago now. I just remember it being often rather awkward. I know the first guy I told was over Facebook, but I didn't actually tell that many of my friends, I instead let gossip do the work as it was inevitably going to, being in year 10 - probably not the best of ideas! I guess the golden rule is to make sure you're not pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone: if that's the case then you may not be 'ready'.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Harve)
Definitely this. If you fancy someone, I reckon most people have a tendency to interpret behaviour as some sort of sign, when it's often just coincidence. Coming out would be as close to testing the waters as you could get without saying "I like you - wanna fool around?" (and that's a bad idea)

As for coming out, I don't actually remember how exactly I did it with my friends as it was about 3 years ago now. I just remember it being often rather awkward. I know the first guy I told was over Facebook, but I didn't actually tell that many of my friends, I instead let gossip do the work as it was inevitably going to, being in year 10 - probably not the best of ideas! I guess the golden rule is to make sure you're not pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone: if that's the case then you may not be 'ready'.

I've not told anyone that I'm bi so to tell someone that I like will be a tough thing.
Do you think that guys can pick up your body language or how you act around them in a way that they can kind of work out themselves that you like them? Obviously it'd be easy if you started flirting one day and all that, but any other way.
Also I wouldn't want to say anything on Facebook or text because it's written in text to be seen by others or not deleted etc.

[Harve]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've not told anyone that I'm bi so to tell someone that I like will be a tough thing.
Do you think that guys can pick up your body language or how you act around them in a way that they can kind of work out themselves that you like them? Obviously it'd be easy if you started flirting one day and all that, but any other way.
Also I wouldn't want to say anything on Facebook or text because it's written in text to be seen by others or not deleted etc.

(Saying all this as if I'm an expert on coming onto potentially-closeted guys - I've got only a little experience and even then it was the other way round)
Yeah, it will probably be really difficult, I dunno, try telling another close friend first? Girls are generally easier to tell.
As for noticing signals, it obviously depends completely on who they are. I at least can and do, I guess, flirt with guys and just pass it off as banter or whatever, and that'd be convincing (though the idea of describing myself as 'smooth as hilarious) - and even though I'm gay, most of the time that's all it is. I think most guys would give the benefit of the doubt unless you do something that crosses over the line, and often that'd be more than flirting.
Honestly, I doubt anything will happen unless you come out to him and see how he reacts, even if you imagine / fantasise situations otherwise.

[restoration]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've not told anyone that I'm bi so to tell someone that I like will be a tough thing.
Do you think that guys can pick up your body language or how you act around them in a way that they can kind of work out themselves that you like them? Obviously it'd be easy if you started flirting one day and all that, but any other way.
Also I wouldn't want to say anything on Facebook or text because it's written in text to be seen by others or not deleted etc.

Are you actually ready/want to come out? If you are that's deffinately the first step before letting this guy know you like him that way. I think the easiest way is not really make a big deal over it Just bring it up in conversation if your comfortable with everyone knowing say it on facebook or something as that might be easier for you, if people change their opinion or judge you for it they're not worth knowing

[Anonymous]

(Original post by restoration)
Are you actually ready/want to come out? If you are that's deffinately the first step before letting this guy know you like him that way. I think the easiest way is not really make a big deal over it Just bring it up in conversation if your comfortable with everyone knowing say it on facebook or something as that might be easier for you, if people change their opinion or judge you for it they're not worth knowing

I wouldn't want to 'come out' for the sake of it. Other than wanting this guy to know I'd rather not tell anyone.
I have a few days left of term and then I will have finished school so there's no point in coming out before then especially as it is exam season right now.
I will have to work on it I guess maybe tell him sometime over summer or pick his brains about stuff and see how it goes.

[restoration]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn't want to 'come out' for the sake of it. Other than wanting this guy to know I'd rather not tell anyone.
I have a few days left of term and then I will have finished school so there's no point in coming out before then especially as it is exam season right now.
I will have to work on it I guess maybe tell him sometime over summer or pick his brains about stuff and see how it goes.

That's fair enough This might be quite personal but would you say your into men more or women or similar ammounts? I never really wanted to tell anyone either, but got frustrated at people asking things, telling him over the summer sounds like a good idea I am sure he won't be weirded out or anything

[Michaelj]

I wouldn't come strong because if he is straight it could potentially ruin your friendship! One of my best friends one night he was drunk just went upto me and tried to snog me while everyone was watching and it was the most embarrasing thing ever. I didn't speak to him for ages but we're friends again now. Like the others have suggested, just come out the closet and see his reaction.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by restoration)
That's fair enough This might be quite personal but would you say your into men more or women or similar ammounts? I never really wanted to tell anyone either, but got frustrated at people asking things, telling him over the summer sounds like a good idea I am sure he won't be weirded out or anything

This is the first guy that I've liked, if that means anything.
I can't answer that question, I've felt different amounts in the past, I think my hormones need to settle before I can say exactly what/who I am and I need to see what I prefer in other ways. I've never felt emotionally attached to a guy before but I have with a number of girls and still am.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Michaelj)
I wouldn't come strong because if he is straight it could potentially ruin your friendship! One of my best friends one night he was drunk just went upto me and tried to snog me while everyone was watching and it was the most embarrasing thing ever. I didn't speak to him for ages but we're friends again now. Like the others have suggested, just come out the closet and see his reaction.

Of course I would never do anything as near as dramatic as that and would never try it on in that way, I'd always mention it first and talk before doing anything that could jeopardize the friendship.
I am not the type to just declare to everyone my sexuality. It would cause a lot of drama for many people and my parents would be shocked if others knew about it before them. Plus with university coming up I do not want to bite the fingers that feed me. Also, if I were to 'come out' he may not even find out for a while, maybe not until he is in university so that would just be a dead end.
There's so many possibilities, I know that if I want anything to even have a chance of happening then I have to let him know. But again, I would not know if I'd regret not saying anything or not, this could be a phase and I may not have these feelings in a few months. There's so many possibilities.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Alpharius)


Very anonymous, that.

looooool. It's not my "real" email lol I just use it for TSR purposes

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
looooool. It's not my "real" email lol I just use it for TSR purposes

Thanks a lot for your reply mate. I appreciate it a lot. Everything you said is identical to my current situation to the point where I would have believed it was me who wrote it until you said you were in university.
I would not want to 'be' with this guy, more 'get' with him but it would still mean something.
I feel a lot of lust for him, it isn't love but it still drives you crazy. I know what the feeling of love is and it drives you over the limit, further so than this lust.