[Anonymous]

I really don't know how to approach this situation. On occasion when my mum is getting stressed from looking after my youngest sister she will hit her. It would be between one or two slaps that would cause the baby some pain and cause her to cry more. I've tried telling her to stop because the baby doesn't even understand why she is hitting her so discipline won't work. But she says that its her baby and she can look after her how she wants to. I offer to hold the baby and look after it a little when my mum is stressed and the baby is crying but when she does hit the baby she refuses to give her to me.

My heart aches when I see my little sister cry. I have a long history of physical abuse from my parents and I resent them for it. I come from quite a traditional south asian household where there is a tendency for children to be discplined that way roughly during the ages around 10 to 15. I'm twenty, I still get hit sometimes. All my siblings get hit as well but I get it the most. But right now I'm just trying to think of a way to stop my mum from getting frustrated and hitting her. Please help.

[Adam C]

You seriously need to tell someone about this, not just TSR.

[PinkMobilePhone]

That's not on. A 1 year old cannot possibly comprehend whether or not they are doing something wrong.

I'm not opposed to giving a kid a smack on the bum if they have deliberately done something they shouldn't do - but I would never smack an infant. I mean, honestly, what does your mother hope to achieve? She's a baby for goodness sake. Smacking her isn't going to teach her what is right and wrong - it's only going to show her that her mother (who she looks to for care and attention) is hurting her. She's going to be confused and scared and not know what is going on.

Poor little girl

Really, I know she's your mother, but I'd be inclined to report it. Or at the very least, threaten to report it. If you got some film footage or something it might give you scope to threaten to show it to the authorities unless she stops smacking your sister.
It sounds extreme, but really smacking a 1 year old is just wrong.

[Aspiringlawstudent]

Call the police

[Einsteinius]

If you told the police about it, they would investigate into it through child protection agency. If your parents have had anything on their record about child abuse their children would be taken from them, if not then they would get a warning which also goes down on records, but not as serious.

Although, if child protection do investigate and see threat to the child then the child would immediately go to a foster family.

[Anonymous]

Pakistani?
Trust me, I know what your feeling right NOW, watching a younger sibling get beat.
My brother got it bad and so did I.
Its a cultural thing which is embedded in them from generations.
I have spoken to my parents about it and they regret their actions, its just they let their anger get the better of them and when a situation arises, they completely forget about their regrets and out come the Muhammad Ali skills.
Just try speaking to them about the situation and do not be afraid to make yourself be heard.
Sometimes you need to be loud and aggressive to get your point through to Asian parents.

[Aspiringlawstudent]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I really don't know how to approach this situation. On occasion when my mum is getting stressed from looking after my youngest sister she will hit her. It would be between one or two slaps that would cause the baby some pain and cause her to cry more. I've tried telling her to stop because the baby doesn't even understand why she is hitting her so discipline won't work. But she says that its her baby and she can look after her how she wants to. I offer to hold the baby and look after it a little when my mum is stressed and the baby is crying but when she does hit the baby she refuses to give her to me.

My heart aches when I see my little sister cry. I have a long history of physical abuse from my parents and I resent them for it. I come from quite a traditional south asian household where there is a tendency for children to be discplined that way roughly during the ages around 10 to 15. I'm twenty, I still get hit sometimes. All my siblings get hit as well but I get it the most. But right now I'm just trying to think of a way to stop my mum from getting frustrated and hitting her. Please help.

I'm just going to say it; why is it always Asian families? Every time I see a post like this on TSR, it's someone from an Asian family.

When will someone in government have the balls to do something about this sort of culture in certain communities in our country?

[Tycho]

You have a legal obligation to report it. Tell your mother that she leaves you no choice but to report it unless it stops immediately.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
That's not on. A 1 year old cannot possibly comprehend whether or not they are doing something wrong.

I'm not opposed to giving a kid a smack on the bum if they have deliberately done something they shouldn't do - but I would never smack an infant. I mean, honestly, what does your mother hope to achieve? She's a baby for goodness sake. Smacking her isn't going to teach her what is right and wrong - it's only going to show her that her mother (who she looks to for care and attention) is hurting her. She's going to be confused and scared and not know what is going on.

Poor little girl

Really, I know she's your mother, but I'd be inclined to report it. Or at the very least, threaten to report it. If you got some film footage or something it might give you scope to threaten to show it to the authorities unless she stops smacking your sister.
It sounds extreme, but really smacking a 1 year old is just wrong.

Those are the thoughts that run through my head, how the baby for that short moment will feel so detached and ...

I just can't bring myself to reporting my mother, it would wreck my family to pieces. And I dont know, I'm Muslim and we have always been taught to respect our parents and love them and if I did report them then I would be betraying them.
I'd like to add she doesnt hit the baby often, I would say once a week maybe. She hit her just an hour ago due to the baby not sleeping (they are both asleep now) and I just started to cry in my bed because I feel helpless. She does love my sister, I know she does.

[Anonymous]

South Asian families just do not give a **** about the police.
Trust me, I tried that line numerous times and all I got was another punch.
Have you not been watching the news these last few days, South Asian parents will go as far as killing their own children if they don't abide by the rules that they have set out.
Its taken me a good six or seven years to finally get my dad to stop ****ing me up, but eventually it has stopped, I just started fighting back.
Even mow though, my younger brother gets beaten on the odd occasion, but thankfully, it is transitioning out.
You need to make sure your voice is heard and presence is felt, it really is the only way, otherwise it will carry on and on.

[Origami Bullets]

You're going to have to tread carefully on this one, but it's obvious that you don't want your baby sister to be the subject of the same physical abuse as you were when you were growing up, so something must be done, and it seems that you must be the one to do 'something'.

I doubt that you see going to the police / social services as being an option - but could you do this anonymously? They're duty bound to investigate such allegations, and realising that she is (a) being kept an eye on, and (b) society at large does not see hitting babies as being in any way acceptable might make her moderate her behaviour.

Social Services don't just take children away on a whim - often they are accused of leaving children with parents when they shouldn't be there (Baby P, for instance). They are likely to offer support, such as parenting classes and anger management, which could help her to stop getting so frustrated and hitting the baby / other children.

One important question though - does the hitting ever leave visible marks on you, the baby, or your other siblings?

[Air_wolf]

im making assumptions here, your mother is kinda strict traditional, girls in the kitchen type? in her mind the best way she knows how is to hit the child. i understand the "no no" of reporting this to the authorities being of asian descent myself, but the fact is unless u seriously do something about it, ur mother may harm ur sister, (not purposely, but i know how asian parents will hit kids and not hit age appropriately if u get what i mean).

your options are soon as u see your mother getting stressed, keep urself and the baby away from her.
tell ur father or another member of ur family, although if they are "traditional" (which is really just a cover word for backwards) theyl tend to agree with ur mum.
or third, report it to social services. they will try and educate ur parents, but obviously this option has massive backfire scope.

hope u get it sorted inshallah

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Aspiringlawstudent)
I'm just going to say it; why is it always Asian families? Every time I see a post like this on TSR, it's someone from an Asian family.

When will someone in government have the balls to do something about this sort of culture in certain communities in our country?

Not all asian families do this. But there is a signifcant amount I agree. And something definitely needs to be done such as Imams in Mosques should educate the parents the importance of not hitting a child etc.
I do think there is hope, my generation is obviously more integrated and I think we will hit our own children far less. I never plan on hitting mine, not even a slight smack on the bum.

[U.Ahmed]

(Original post by Aspiringlawstudent)
I'm just going to say it; why is it always Asian families? Every time I see a post like this on TSR, it's someone from an Asian family.

When will someone in government have the balls to do something about this sort of culture in certain communities in our country?

Because back home, it has been going on for generations and generations and is the way they see 'discipline'.
They think just because it is how they were disciplined, it should be the way we are treated.
No one bothers government wise because they know that it will still happen behind closed doors, and no one has the balls to betray their parents, it just wont happen.

[Einsteinius]

(Original post by Aspiringlawstudent)
I'm just going to say it; why is it always Asian families? Every time I see a post like this on TSR, it's someone from an Asian family.

When will someone in government have the balls to do something about this sort of culture in certain communities in our country?

Here in England you see either 1 of 2 extremities, either kids are brought up being beat, then there's youths doing what they want without receiving any discipline from parents. Neither are good in my opinion

[PinkMobilePhone]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Those are the thoughts that run through my head, how the baby for that short moment will feel so detached and ...

I just can't bring myself to reporting my mother, it would wreck my family to pieces. And I dont know, I'm Muslim and we have always been taught to respect our parents and love them and if I did report them then I would be betraying them.
I'd like to add she doesnt hit the baby often, I would say once a week maybe. She hit her just an hour ago due to the baby not sleeping (they are both asleep now) and I just started to cry in my bed because I feel helpless. She does love my sister, I know she does.

Once a week is pretty often actually. I don't even smack my 6 and 4 year olds as often as that. I'd say they maybe get a light tap on the bum from me about once a month, and sometimes not even that, it depends on how disobedient they are being.

My 2 year old (2 years 8 months) maybe gets a smack from me about once every 3 months (a light tap on his nappy, may I add, so I don't hurt him), and I only started doing it when he became aware of doing things that are naughty. Even then I try to avoid smacking him because he's still young, so his level of comprehension is not that great. Only time he really gets one is if he hits (on purpose) one of his siblings, and then refuses to apologise. If he says sorry and gives them a hug, then I let him off. And he's not really a kid that lashes out very much anyway, so the instances of him hitting them are pretty infrequent in any case.

Smacking a 1 year old for not sleeping is absolutely ridiculous. None of mine even slept through the night until they were at least a year and a half (my daughter was 2 before she achieved it). It's to be expected that some babies aren't brilliant sleepers. It's just something that, as a parent, you have to be patient about. Yes of course I was envious of other people I knew whose babies had slept through when they were only a couple of months old, but all children are different.

I know you don't want to report her, but what's the alternative? You do nothing? That's about your only two choices here.

[PinkMobilePhone]

Incidentally, can I draw your attention to this case that is currently in the news :

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...urt-hears.html

Now, I'm not suggesting in any way that your parents would ever kill your sibling - I'm sure they wouldn't, but regardless it just highlights the fact that sometimes, despite the fact that you might respect your parents and not want to admit that what they are doing is wrong, sometimes somebody needs to speak out for others who cannot speak out for themselves.

[Aspiringlawstudent]

(Original post by Tycho)
You have a legal obligation to report it. Tell your mother that she leaves you no choice but to report it unless it stops immediately.

Since when do you owe a duty of care to your sister?

There is no legal obligation here.

[Aspiringlawstudent]

(Original post by pouryia)
Here in England you see either 1 of 2 extremities, either kids are brought up being beat, then there's youths doing what they want without receiving any discipline from parents. Neither are good in my opinion

Well, my parents never hit me and I'm not exactly a feral youth running wild on the streets knocking over old ladies and robbing corner shops.

The idea that discipline can only be achieved through violence is anachronistic and ridiculous.

[HeavyTeddy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Those are the thoughts that run through my head, how the baby for that short moment will feel so detached and ...

I just can't bring myself to reporting my mother, it would wreck my family to pieces. And I dont know, I'm Muslim and we have always been taught to respect our parents and love them and if I did report them then I would be betraying them.
I'd like to add she doesnt hit the baby often, I would say once a week maybe. She hit her just an hour ago due to the baby not sleeping (they are both asleep now) and I just started to cry in my bed because I feel helpless. She does love my sister, I know she does.

Reporting her is not the way to go, for all you know, your mother will be charged, the baby will probably be handled by social services etc, and end up in a worse situation. It's just not a situation you want to put yourself in. Your mother is wrong, but at the same time she is still your mother and I doubt she's doing it for malicious reasons. She was brought up being beaten up by her parents (presumably), it was her lifestyle and she is using it because it probably worked well for her. Try talking to her with sense, make her see what she is doing is wrong, and if you have too, bring out the Ahadith and that should hopefully turn it around. Also, do it nicely, if she feels your attacking her she'll become defensive, naturally.

She's your mum, she cared and looked after you and she'll do the same for the baby - regardless of whether your sister is being hit or not, don't let TSR make you think she's a problem that needs to be reported, ever. My parents hit me, and I'm glad they did because I've grown to respect and hold true to certain morals and values, and it looks as if you've turned out pretty good too. So try your best to sort it out, think of any possible way to do it.

Inshallah everything will turn out fine.