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am i to blame or is my girlfriend just jealous/clingy?

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    I too would be pretty upset by this situation. Now she knows that if she was out of the picture then you would try it on with this other girl.
    I think drawing a line with the other girl is the best thing to do. Make it completely clear that you aren't interested. But I personally don't think you should keep being friends with her for the time being.
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    I wouldn't have reacted that way, personally. I think she is over reacting because she went through your messages and you would not be doing anything wrong if you asked other people out if you were single. You're going to find other people attractive. Nothing wrong with it - it's normal!

    If it was me, I would probably have said "lol, she's a looker, yep" or nothing at all. At the most I would have teased about it, because that's just how I am.
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    (Original post by Pkysam)
    Why does everyone want someone to dump someone? The whole of TSR seems to have it in for the OP's relationship! Needless to say this is pretty bad advice too. Who cares that she saw what you said, it's true isn't it? There's nothing dishonest or that you need to hide from her or be ashamed of. Let her see it. Tell her the truth, it's fine.
    I never said I wanted anyone to dump anyone. Nor did I give any advice. What I'd do and what I'd advise someone else to do aren't necessarily the same thing.


    (Original post by Char081)
    I too would be pretty upset by this situation. Now she knows that if she was out of the picture then you would try it on with this other girl.
    Of course he would. And if he 'was out of the picture' then his girlfriend would be going after someone else. This is obvious.
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    (Original post by Converse)
    I never said I wanted anyone to dump anyone. Nor did I give any advice. What I'd do and what I'd advise someone else to do aren't necessarily the same thing.
    Sorry, didn't mean to cause any offence. In a thread where someone is asking for advice, your description of "what you'd do" is likely to be interpreted as advice.
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    (Original post by Pkysam)
    Sorry, didn't mean to cause any offence. In a thread where someone is asking for advice, your description of "what you'd do" is likely to be interpreted as advice.
    Don't worry, no offense caused. Next time just read a bit more carefully, you might see that the OP actually asked

    (Original post by Clez)
    Who is right in this situation?
    and not for advice on what he should do, hence why I didn't advise him on what he should do.
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    (Original post by Converse)
    Personally, I'd tell her that of she does that again, she's dumped. Then I'd change my password and make sure I dont put it on automatic login when I go round hers.
    This reads like advice but we can agree to disagree on that and let others make up their mind. My response was just to recommend that the OP might not want to start threatening to dump his insecure and upset girlfriend, irrespective of whether she was being reasonable in getting upset.
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    (Original post by Clez)
    "how could you find someone else attractive when you're out with me?"
    I think she was right until she this. In relationships, you are still going to find other people attractive, but that doesn't mean you're going to cheat on your partner with them. But I can see why she got upset, the way you were talking to your friend about it suggested that you wish you could be free to get with that other girl.
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    I love how quickly these threads spiral off topic
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    (Original post by Char081)
    Now she knows that if she was out of the picture then you would try it on with this other girl.
    Ok, so if I'd never met my girlfriend (we met in very specific circumstances) I wouldnt have gone out with somebody else when I was previously single? If Id never met her, I would have stayed single forever? I could say that if I hadnt met my girlfriend when I did I might have ended up going back to my ex, but that wouldnt mean that I preferred her
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    (Original post by Kaaal)
    the way you were talking to your friend about it suggested that you wish you could be free to get with that other girl.
    but i didnt say that at all, i said that the other girl was quite attractive and IF i hadnt met my gf when i did, i MIGHT have made a move on her THEN -ie when i didnt know my gf existed. I didnt say I wished I could have her now at all, Im always talking about how much i like my current gf
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    I think whilst you're defending yourself to the girls on here who are saying you're out of line you're missing the point slightly. These girls are interpreting your comments how your girlfriend interpreted them. whether or not that's what you meant, is almost irrelevant. Your girlfriend took them badly and the situation has to be resolved. Does it matter whose 'fault' it is? Be the bigger man. Say 'I'm sorry you took my comments badly, that wasn't how I meant them. I love you, and you know that (assuming you do...) and I never meant to hurt you. I'm upset that you read my conversation because I expect to have my privacy and your trust.'

    She might want to qualify a few things, or make a few requests. If you're not happy with those requests, make your reasons. Make your own requests (i.e. not reading your facebook). Relationships are about compromise. There are going to be misunderstandings and upsets, but the way to deal with them is not to place blame and get into a mentality of 'who's right'. At the end of the day she insulted your right to privacy, and you upset her with the way you spoke to a friend. Learn from it: when you speak to friends, think about what she'd like to hear. I'm not saying censor everything, because talking to friends can be a good way to let off steam, but think about how she might interpret what you're saying. And in turn she'll hopefully grow up enough to realise you have a right to keep things private and to talk to your friends without her witnessing it.
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    (Original post by Clez)
    Ok, so if I'd never met my girlfriend (we met in very specific circumstances) I wouldnt have gone out with somebody else when I was previously single? If Id never met her, I would have stayed single forever? I could say that if I hadnt met my girlfriend when I did I might have ended up going back to my ex, but that wouldnt mean that I preferred her
    Seeing as you are so certain that you're right, and seem to have ignored most of the replies so far, why did you bother coming on here? Nobody is saying that she is "the only girl for you" etc. - I don't believe in soul mates. But you have to understand that it was perfectly reasonable for her to be upset. Imagine if she was talking to one of her female friends about a really hot guy that she would love to get with if it wasn't for you.
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    I think it's the way you worded it; it makes it sound like you wished you hadn't met your girlfriend, so that you could've made a move. She's now going to assume you find the other girl significantly attractive as you made such a passing comment.

    I would be upset, but she is over-reacting. You should probably sit her down and explain what you meant, and probably not talk to the other girl so often (but do not cut her out of your life, no-body should do that for anyone without a real reason.)

    btw, isn't your girlfriend an active member of TSR? How embarassing. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by echeee)
    I think it's the way you worded it; it makes it sound like you wished you hadn't met your girlfriend, so that you could've made a move. She's now going to assume you find the other girl significantly attractive as you made such a passing comment.
    probably was the wording, but then i wasnt expecting it to be read by anyone else so i didnt phrase it within a context.

    (Original post by echeee)
    I would be upset, but she is over-reacting. You should probably sit her down and explain what you meant, and probably not talk to the other girl so often (but do not cut her out of your life, no-body should do that for anyone without a real reason.)
    Good idea.

    (Original post by echeee)
    btw, isn't your girlfriend an active member of TSR? How embarassing. :rolleyes:
    How would you know?! But yes, and thats kind of the point in posting in that if she reads the post she'll see both sides of the argument more clearly if other people have posted thoughts on both - rather than me sitting on the phone for days on end, endlessly repeating myself
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    (Original post by Clez)
    probably was the wording, but then i wasnt expecting it to be read by anyone else so i didnt phrase it within a context.
    Prehaps, but then maybe next time you should make sure that you don't keep your password/yourself logged in to anyones computer but your own. :cool:

    How would you know?! But yes, and thats kind of the point in posting in that if she reads the post she'll see both sides of the argument more clearly if other people have posted thoughts on both - rather than me sitting on the phone for days on end, endlessly repeating myself
    I know because until x number of months ago the 'Relationship' section was littered with problems between you, your current girlfriend and your exgirlfriend. Honestly, it's hardly a secret.

    Maybe that seems like a good idea but I know if my boyfriend came onto TSR and started making posts about me I wouldn't be very pleased.
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    (Original post by MattCunnelly)
    Both in the wrong. She shouldn't of logged onto your Facebook at all, doesn't matter if she knows your password or if it's saved there's no reason for her to log on - but at the same time you shouldn't of said such things.
    There is nothing wrong in discussing things, you're as insecure as the girlfriend. :lol:


    (Original post by Clez)
    A few days ago I was on facebook chat privately talking to a close friend about stuff at uni and conversation turned to this girl from a society who kept asking to meet up for drinks with me and this other guy to talk music etc. During the conversation i remarked that the girl in question was very attractive and that I may have made a move on her if I hadnt met my current girlfriend before hand and why didnt he do so instead.

    (Note: I said "if" I hadnt met my current girlfriend, i said nothing about cheating on her now.)

    Next day I get a tearful phone call from my girlfriend saying did i know my facebook password was saved on her computer and she'd logged in and gone through and read the whole conversation and "why did you say blah blah blah?" and that she was really upset and she would break up with me if I didnt ignore and delete the said girl off facebook/phone and "how could you find someone else attractive when you're out with me?"

    I told her i was sorry that she got upset from it and i didnt want to hurt her, but that it was really her own fault for snooping and reading private convos between me and my friends. I kept refusing to delete the girl on the grounds that Id made no move on her, or said anything to suggest that I wanted to date her, plus i like her as a friend and it would be really rude to just blank her and delete her. I also said that being attractive and wantivng to date someone are different things... but even now, days later she is still going on about it.

    Who is right in this situation?
    You did nothing wrong except to make a bad choice Gf-wise.

    I say you wont last with her past another 8-9 months. if you do it means you've been suckered into a "its free sex!2 situation.
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    (Original post by echeee)

    I know because until x number of months ago the 'Relationship' section was littered with problems between you, your current girlfriend and your exgirlfriend. Honestly, it's hardly a secret.
    :O i see. well none of those were my fault either, i was kinda stuck in the middle between the two. how did you remember my username though? I literally dont note of anyone on TSR - i wouldnt remember the posts
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    I think everyone in this thread is over-reacting tbh.
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    (Original post by codle)
    I don't think you considered her feelings when you messaged them - whenever you put something down in writing there's a chance that somebody you don't want to will see it.
    Most guys don't realise that girls see relationships differently to them. Not all, but some girls want to be their boyfriend's 'only' - the only person they love etc. By talking in the way you did, you implied that this was not the case. Saying 'if I didn't have a girlfriend...' can sound like that's what you actually want. Whilst that wasn't what you meant, you should try and see it from her perspective - she probably feels insecure about you leaving her.
    I hope you two sort it out

    What has a simple appraisal of physical attraction (privately to a friend btw, AND with the disclaimer of satisfaction with his current relationship) got to do with her boyfriend somehow loving someone else?

    Saying "I don't want a girlfriend" is saying that, saying "If I was single" is merely a hypothetical.

    People will always find other people attractive and has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with how much someone cares or loves their current partner.

    The OP can no less find someone attractive than he can stop breathing, it's just part of us, no point trying to make a paranoid thought-crime out of it because it's just not reasonable.

    It's not as if he is acting on it or even stating a desire to.

    The girlfriend over-reacted to be honest, a more reasonable girl woulda saw it and shrugged it off instead of attributing thoughts and feelings about their relationship where their isn't any.
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    (Original post by Clez)
    :O i see. well none of those were my fault either, i was kinda stuck in the middle between the two. how did you remember my username though? I literally dont note of anyone on TSR - i wouldnt remember the posts
    I don't remember your username, but I remembered the picture.

    I have a good mind for pointless facts, it doesn't retain any important ones though.

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