[Anonymous]

I found out recently that my boyfriend cheated on me 8months ago.
We've been so good recently that i really don't know how i should feel.
He promises he hasn't done it again, and i believe him. I know he's angry it came out when we are so happy because to him it happened a long time ago when times were bad. He is remorseful, it was a drunken kiss in a club.. and only happened once. He said he regretted it straight after, but if he'd told me at the time we would have ended because we were in a really bad point of our relationship.
I don't really know why i'm writing this, but i've decided not to tell friends as i don't want to feel embarrassed that he's cheated on me. (all my ex's have as well). He's also a really nice guy and i don't want people thinking less of him.

I guess i just wondered if people have been in this situation and what they did.
Has anyones partner cheated but its months until you find out?

[2ndClass]

You're a girl, you'll forgive inevitably

[Zara<3]

how did you find out? if he was really that decent, surely he would have confessed to you rather than you find out from somewhere else? makes you wonder what else he could be hiding?.. but at this point in time, only you will know if you can fully trust your boyfriend or not..go with what your gut says..if you think he's capable of doing it again..walk away..and to be honest, even if you're in a bad point in a relationship and going through a hard time, that's not a good enough excuse to cheat on your partner..if you're in a relationship, you stay faithful no matter what the circumstances are..i mean it could have been a drunken mistake and he is genuinely sorry..and if you really feel he won't do it again, then carry on but be cautious

[Anonymous]

Its so hard to know for sure i guess, but i think he's telling the truth. I think at the time he didn't want to be with me, but when he did it, it made him realise how much he did want to be. And since then in all fairness we have been really good, and really happy.
I guess whats hard for me in some ways is that i thought he could be the person i wanted to spend my life with, but now i'm questioning my feelings i've had for him over the last 2 years. He's not my first serious relationship, but i guess in some ways i was hoping he could be my last. Now i do question that. My previous boyfriends have all cheated on me, and my dad had an affair, so my trust in men is pretty minimal anyway.
I do want to be with him, but i question whether its because of our summer plans and booked holidays.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Zara<3)
how did you find out? if he was really that decent, surely he would have confessed to you rather than you find out from somewhere else?

Ironically i had read a SR post about reading FB messages. I've known his password for ages but never really thought twice about it. I kind of laughed at the other people and though my bf wouldn't be like that and that i could trust him.. then i saw an email from his friend about it right at the top. I know i shouldn't have read his mail.. i guess that serves me right in some ways!

[Foo.mp3]

did he get his dick wet?.. nope.. should you be bothered 8 months later when things were bad at the time?.. probably not.. does it bode well?.. probably not realtalk

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Foo.mp3)
did he get his dick wet?.. nope.. should you be bothered 8 months later when things were bad at the time?.. probably not.. does it bode well?.. probably not realtalk

This is how he sees it. 8 months ago we were bad, he was going to end it, he saw us as over. He gets with a girl, realises its bad and has since then being trying hard and we genuinely just have a laugh together.
It wasn't the right think to do... but i'm guessing your pretty much saying don't dwell on the past?

[Calpurnia]

I don't think it's a good precedent that:

a) he did it
b) didn't tell you about it
c) it happened when you were at a "bad" place in your relationship

If you're having problems in your relationship, that's when you need to know you can trust the other person with anything in order to be worth getting through it. Not for them to use it as an excuse to get with other people.

[echeee]

(Original post by Calpurnia)
I don't think it's a good precedent that:

a) he did it
b) didn't tell you about it
c) it happened when you were at a "bad" place in your relationship

If you're having problems in your relationship, that's when you need to know you can trust the other person with anything in order to be worth getting through it. Not for them to use it as an excuse to get with other people.

This.

OP he didn't even tell you about it, you found out about it by snooping.
That's not exactly trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

I would have thought the snooping is worse than kissing some girl in a club. I wouldn't even really count that as cheating, whereas looking at somebody's emails is a huge invasion of privacy. If I was him i would have run.

[Anonymous]

I know I shouldn't have looked and I know that does make me worse in some ways. I never pretended it wasnt wrong! But at the same time when he was meant to be with me when he did it, even if he was planning to break up with me at the time he shouldn't have done so.
Had I found out 8months ago and he'd told me straight away some of me thinks I'd be more likely to forgive him than I am now. I guess the question is do I throw away our recent times of happiness for something he did in the past and seems to Believe that had he not done it he wouldn't have realised how much I meant to him. Do I punish us both for a mistake in the past, or try and move forward towards our summer and numerous holidays.
I think the worst part about it is that I have my 2 last uni exams this week.. But again my fault for looking and finding out now!

[Pitt1988]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I would have thought the snooping is worse than kissing some girl in a club. I wouldn't even really count that as cheating, whereas looking at somebody's emails is a huge invasion of privacy. If I was him i would have run.

This. Sometimes, if he really did regret it, it's better to keep things on an even keel right?! If you two are really good together now, though the chances are, if he told you, you wouldn't be together.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Pitt1988)
This. Sometimes, if he really did regret it, it's better to keep things on an even keel right?! If you two are really good together now, though the chances are, if he told you, you wouldn't be together.

Very true, i guess if i'd been caught snooping and found nothing he'd have been pretty furious. The only reason he hasn't been angry is because i found something equal to what i'd done. Things really were good up till 2 days ago... i know two wrongs don't make a right, but i presume your saying what i did could be seen as way worse so just move on?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone else ever been in this situation where their partner has cheated on them but its ben months till they found out?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend cheated on me whilst we were in a bad point and were not communicating it. He told me, we broke up. A month later he begged forgiveness and I gave him another chance. We've never been better.
However, this is different to your situation because he didn't tell you... I wouldn't be able to trust him if i'd found out months later.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend cheated on me whilst we were in a bad point and were not communicating it. He told me, we broke up. A month later he begged forgiveness and I gave him another chance. We've never been better.
However, this is different to your situation because he didn't tell you... I wouldn't be able to trust him if i'd found out months later.

It will be hard to trust him, I have pretty big trust issues already.. But do I give up our recent months of happiness for a drunken mistake? Or do I attempt lay out some rules of some sort. It doesn't help that he was with his laddy mate.. I'm Pretty sure had he been with another friend it wouldn't have happened.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by BillyBongos)
Get rid of him, you two are obviously not right for each other.

If you are under 25years old, you shouldn't be in a relationship! You are still growing as people, and you really don't know what you want out of life.

ps. there's no such thing as a perfect relationship - just whether you are perfect for each other...

Surely everyone makes mistakes and should be allowed the chance to rectify those mistakes. If there is no such thing as a perfect relationship then fine chance these things are bound to happen? Is it the act that matters more or the way that people try to reconcile?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but I disagree that snooping through his emails is worse than him kissing someone else. What a load of ****. Yes, you shouldn't have read his emails but that is nothing compared to him breaking the trust between you by involving someone else in your relationship, lying about it for 8 months and only fessing up once you'd found out.

It also isn't good that he cheated during a bad patch, if he was committed to you he would have spent the time working on your relationship and looking for solutions, not going out and kissing other girls. What happens if you go through a bad patch again, is he going to work at it or go and get with someone else?!

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sorry but I disagree that snooping through his emails is worse than him kissing someone else. What a load of ****. Yes, you shouldn't have read his emails but that is nothing compared to him breaking the trust between you by involving someone else in your relationship, lying about it for 8 months and only fessing up once you'd found out.

It also isn't good that he cheated during a bad patch, if he was committed to you he would have spent the time working on your relationship and looking for solutions, not going out and kissing other girls. What happens if you go through a bad patch again, is he going to work at it or go and get with someone else?!

I guess I should have explained our bad patch. Although I'm sure to some people it will make the situation even worse in their eyes.. Others may understand why he did it more so.
My grandad died in the 1st month of me being at uni. I didn't feel close enough to people to talk about it and my mum wanted me to stay at uni till the funeral to carry on my studies. I saw my grandad everyday and I couldn't understand why it had happened and I got so sad and depressed I just didn't talk to anyone. I'd shout at my boyfriend down the phone for hours, pushing him away. The more he tried to help the more I hated him.. After a while of this I think he'd had enough.. I can't blame him.. I was foul. Anyway in his head we were over and he was going to finish with me when he next saw me and once the funeral had happened etc.
I guess when he was drunk he hated me so much he got into the situation of kissing someone else. He only kisses her once and straight regreted it. He thoighhy if he told me then we'd defs break up. And then i guess the time to tell me never came!
I don't agree with what he's done.. But I understand that I probably pushed him that far.