[The_Real_Deal_]

Hi all. A quick question - have you ever dated someone much older than you? When I say 'much older', I mean 10, 15 or 20 (or more) years older than you?

How did it work out?

Guys and girls may reply (though most guys don't date older women, but I guess some do).

[jazzykinks]

Dated a guy 10 years older than me and it was good whilst it lasted, but he was looking for a long-term thing whilst I was going to move 200 miles away anyway, so I just wanted something casual. I mean, he was almost 30 so it was never going to work, but I have dated someone 7 years older and that worked.

[The_Real_Deal_]

(Original post by jazzykinks)
Dated a guy 10 years older than me and it was good whilst it lasted, but he was looking for a long-term thing whilst I was going to move 200 miles away anyway, so I just wanted something casual. I mean, he was almost 30 so it was never going to work, but I have dated someone 7 years older and that worked.

It could've worked if you and him both wanted something casual. I don't think it's necessarily the age that gap that causes the problem - what causes problems is when one partner wants something serious, but the other person wants something casual. With the guy who was 7 years older, I'm guessing you both wanted the same thing which is why it worked?

Anyone else care to comment?

[Vikki1805]

My current partner is 10 years older than me and we've been together almost two years now.
Sometimes the age difference can be a slight issue but very rarely, although a lot of people tell me I come across a lot maturer than my actual age anyway.
If you really like someone and it's legal, then the age gap shouldn't bother you, nor should what other people think about it.
So long as you're happy is all that matters, and if you're unsure about whether to go for it, I say do it, otherwise you could always be wondering 'what if?'

[F Ellen]

I'm dating someone 27 years older than me. We've been together for 3 years so far and are going strong. When I meet someone I click with, age does not factor in it for me. We sometimes get strange looks, but people should really mind their own business. We are happy and I couldn't care less about social acceptance of our relationship.

[The_Lonely_Goatherd]

I had a thing (don't ask me to be more specific than that. Still trying to work out wtf it was ) with a uni tutor nearly twice my age. Said uni tutor was actually quite abusive, though I was too ill to realise it at the time. Ended when I left uni, in a rather abrupt fashion

[jazzykinks]

(Original post by The_Real_Deal_)
It could've worked if you and him both wanted something casual. I don't think it's necessarily the age that gap that causes the problem - what causes problems is when one partner wants something serious, but the other person wants something casual. With the guy who was 7 years older, I'm guessing you both wanted the same thing which is why it worked?

Anyone else care to comment?

That's what I mean -- age didn't come into it in either relationship and I don't think it does generally; it depends on what you both want because that's really what it comes down to.

[The_Real_Deal_]

(Original post by F Ellen)
I'm dating someone 27 years older than me. We've been together for 3 years so far and are going strong. When I meet someone I click with, age does not factor in it for me. We sometimes get strange looks, but people should really mind their own business. We are happy and I couldn't care less about social acceptance of our relationship.

Now THAT'S the spirit

[Anonymous]

The guy im seeing is 25 and im 19 it doesnt usually cause a problem just I can be quite immature and have my teenage strops so to speak which annoys him,

sometimes he takes on the dad role that annoys me, he becomes a bit patronising, he tells me of for my annoying habbits and stuff but actually i love being with somebody older as I can turn to him for advice he's been there done that, he also treats me like a gf not like a bit of a causal fling as all the guys my age are dicks tbh. My ex was my age and all he wanted was sex and as many girls as he could get whereas my new boyfriends done the whole sleeping around thing and now want to settle down which although i dont want to get married till im atleast 26 the thought of being with him long term makes me happy

[The_Real_Deal_]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My ex was my age and all he wanted was sex and as many girls as he could get

What's wrong with wanting sex? That's the primary reason why men and women get together.

(Original post by Anonymous)
whereas my new boyfriends done the whole sleeping around thing and the thought of being with him long term makes me happy

How do you know for sure it'll definitely be long-term? You can never know whether a relationship will be long-term or not - only time can tell on whether it will be or not.

[morganalex]

I've only dated someone who was almost 4 year older than me but at my age now (17) I feel an age gap of about 2 and a half years older is acceptable. That's just my opinion though.

I understand you were more looking for people who were with people 10/20+ years older than them but I found that being with someone almost 4 years older than me difficult (with other reasons affecting it, not just age) so I can imagine what an older age gap would be like.

That being said it also depends on your age. In my case a 20 and 24 year old wouldn't be bad but a 16 and 20 year old was nice but also strange in parts. Basically if you're happy to have a relationship with someone a lot older than you then why not! It's your life, live it how you want to!

(I realise how weird this post sounds but I don't know how to make it seem more understandable haha, hopefully you catch my drift )

[Anonymous]

My current boyfriend is 10 years older than me and we have been together for two years. I prefer dating men who are between 5-12 years older as they are generally more mature. Saves spending nights in horrible student houses as well.

[Aconcernedparent]

I've been on several dates with older men, but mostly in phases I was only looking for a fling or something non-serious. Like many girls, I do feel an attraction to older men, but the pool of older men I'm interested in is rather small. The reasons to go for an older man would be the qualities they possess which younger men often don't; experienced, good at talking to women, cultured, well-traveled, intellectual and so on. So if an older man is going to be interesting, he has to fulfill personal requirements to make up for the fact that he has lost some of his 'young appeal'. Yes men often peak later and stay attractive for longer, but that only goes for men with a certain 'look'. Some men peak in their 20s, some in their 30s and some in their 40s. Men like Clive Owen and George Clooney have a particular look (and are classically handsome) which makes them look better in their 40s than they did in their 20s. Only a minority of men look hot with gray hair.
The worst is older men whom are either trying to be younger than they are (you need to own your age to be attractive) or men whom are openly looking for a sugar baby. Every girls likes to be treated once in a while, but some try to make up for lack of both personality and looks with cash, which won't work.

I'm about to be 22 and the ideal man for me is 26-27, up to 29. I don't go for men over 30 as the 'good ones' often are settled down already. Those who are single may have prolonged commitment. For a serious relationship, I'm not interested in divorced men or men with children, so that limits the pool. Even if a woman is mature for her age, she should be skeptical about men over 30 who claim they look for something serious with a girl of 22 or younger. Once you've turned 25, the pool of men opens up. But before that, a lot of men 30+ simply see young girls for a good time.

[WhyMe]

Yes.

It was a disaster, but not because of his age. He was just a jerk.

[HumiT]

(Original post by Aconcernedparent)
I've been on several dates with older men, but mostly in phases I was only looking for a fling or something non-serious. Like many girls, I do feel an attraction to older men, but the pool of older men I'm interested in is rather small. The reasons to go for an older man would be the qualities they possess which younger men often don't; experienced, good at talking to women, cultured, well-traveled, intellectual and so on. So if an older man is going to be interesting, he has to fulfill personal requirements to make up for the fact that he has lost some of his 'young appeal'. Yes men often peak later and stay attractive for longer, but that only goes for men with a certain 'look'. Some men peak in their 20s, some in their 30s and some in their 40s. Men like Clive Owen and George Clooney have a particular look (and are classically handsome) which makes them look better in their 40s than they did in their 20s. Only a minority of men look hot with gray hair.
The worst is older men whom are either trying to be younger than they are (you need to own your age to be attractive) or men whom are openly looking for a sugar baby. Every girls likes to be treated once in a while, but some try to make up for lack of both personality and looks with cash, which won't work.

I'm about to be 22 and the ideal man for me is 26-27, up to 29. I don't go for men over 30 as the 'good ones' often are settled down already. Those who are single may have prolonged commitment. For a serious relationship, I'm not interested in divorced men or men with children, so that limits the pool. Even if a woman is mature for her age, she should be skeptical about men over 30 who claim they look for something serious with a girl of 22 or younger. Once you've turned 25, the pool of men opens up. But before that, a lot of men 30+ simply see young girls for a good time.

Why aren't you interested in divorced men?

[TieMeUp]

Yeah, two guys who were 6 years older than me (18 and 24, 20 and 26); far better than dating people your own age, that's for sure.

[Aconcernedparent]

(Original post by HumiT)
Why aren't you interested in divorced men?

As long as I have the option to choose (which I have at 22) I would want to get married to someone who hasn't been married before. So it's the first time around for both of us. It is less special second time around. It would also worry me if he'd been married for a very short time or appeared to be a serial monogamist.

[Soph.Jade]

I've been in a few relaionships with people at least 12 years older than me (I prefer older men) and it's a lot better than dating people my own age (I'm nearly 20) though there are the looks and comments they really don't matter when you like someone. They evetually fizzled out but that had nothing to do with age (apart from me moving to uni).

[Amelia31]

Currently seeing someone 8 years old than me and we get on far better than I did with anyone my own age! But as others have said, people often say I seem quite mature for my age.

[xXHolly_90Xx]

I went out with someone 6 years older and he was actually more immature than me so i got tired of him.. When a 26 year old tells you hes a virgin and never had a girlfriend then say away.. Theres a reason for it lol
Honestly if the guy is nice i dont think that age matters at all