[anonymous14]

(Original post by hn456)
Haha hey
trust me you coming home would not be the worst case scenario at all!!! if anything its the best option..
think about it, if you come home for the weekend at least it'll keep your parents happy and away from coming to meet you instead. And if you wanna go out clubbing or whatever, then jus go throughout the week , you'll meet loads of new people at uni who do that

Yes, I guess if you put it that way.

Plus, I could use Skype.

Guess, that makes it better.

Thanks for the advice everyone

[RowingGoose]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am going to make this short and sweet:

-Moving out for uni, it is about a 3 hour drive.
-Parents were reluctant to let me move out in the first place, but agreed in the end.
-At present, my parents are quite protective/controlling etc, e.g. I'm hardly allowed out, 5pm and 6pm at the most is my curfew (that's when I am allowed to go out) and while I am out, I get calls from my mum to check up on me, and she has to know exactly who else is coming etc.
-I thought I would have a bit more freedom at uni, but my mum said that she will drive to see me every week (once a week) and she will come at night.
-I said that I could come home every weekend instead, but she said that I would be too busy with work, so she will come or my dad (one of them), and I think she mentioned staying the night too.


My parents are religious etc, what can I do?

That's sounds really restrictive! My mum is restrictive too altho not religious but I pretty much made it clear that I would not see her much at uni and I wanted to do this without excessive interference.

Here are the options that I can think of for you..

a) if they are easy-ish to talk to, you could sit them down and explain that you appreciate them raising you and all the support they've given you (you may have to BS your way through lol) and that this is a new, important step for you and that you'd like to do it without a lot of their input.

b) Then/or come to a compromise. Maybe you go home every other weekend to start off with, then once a month? And/or you can ring every week instead of them coming up, and text more often? i.e. however much contact they feel they need to make sure you're not up to no good!

c) put up with it for a bit and hope they stop coming as much when they realise it's a hassle or when they realise you're not going to do unreligious things! A 3hr drive is a long way to be doing every week, and if she has to pay for somewhere to stay (you could say there's nowhere for her to stay at yours?).

d) Maybe you could make it clear that you will be busy with friends/doing sports/your studies when she wants to come too?

Hope you can sort something out with them!

[anonymous14]

(Original post by RowingGoose)
That's sounds really restrictive! My mum is restrictive too altho not religious but I pretty much made it clear that I would not see her much at uni and I wanted to do this without excessive interference.

Here are the options that I can think of for you..

a) if they are easy-ish to talk to, you could sit them down and explain that you appreciate them raising you and all the support they've given you (you may have to BS your way through lol) and that this is a new, important step for you and that you'd like to do it without a lot of their input.

b) Then/or come to a compromise. Maybe you go home every other weekend to start off with, then once a month? And/or you can ring every week instead of them coming up, and text more often? i.e. however much contact they feel they need to make sure you're not up to no good!

c) put up with it for a bit and hope they stop coming as much when they realise it's a hassle or when they realise you're not going to do unreligious things! A 3hr drive is a long way to be doing every week, and if she has to pay for somewhere to stay (you could say there's nowhere for her to stay at yours?).

d) Maybe you could make it clear that you will be busy with friends/doing sports/your studies when she wants to come too?

Hope you can sort something out with them!

Hey

Thanks for your suggestions!

[foolscap]

(Original post by anonymous14)
Its not just this, that I'm annoyed about. But, more the fact that my parents will be invading in my privacy, and student halls, my mum wants to visit me at night e.g. 11pm onwards, I mean some students may be drunk at that time/ be 'busy' in their rooms etc, and my parents will just be annoying and ask me incessant questions OR... Ask other students on my hall about who I hang around with etc, if I have a boyfriend etc...

Tbh I think you should approach this from a different angle, ask your parents what they think they achieve by checking up on you at uni and what they are scared of you doing. Then take steps to make them comfortable in the knowledge that you will not do these things, if that's possible. At the end of the day they want what's best for you, but I think it would be unfair if they ruin your university experience by interfering with your social life so much. As with most problems, talking them over is the only way to properly solve them. Good Luck

And yeah I have an image in my head of your parents walking in to your dorm room at about 11pm friday night and there's people throwing up everywhere, loud party music etc, and they're just like

[dgeorge]

(Original post by anonymous14)
Its not just this, that I'm annoyed about. But, more the fact that my parents will be invading in my privacy, and student halls, my mum wants to visit me at night e.g. 11pm onwards, I mean some students may be drunk at that time/ be 'busy' in their rooms etc, and my parents will just be annoying and ask me incessant questions OR... Ask other students on my hall about who I hang around with etc, if I have a boyfriend etc...

1. It's quite likely that your parents don't have the intention to visit you every week, but are just trying to scare you
2. Even if they ARE 100% serious, they WILL get worn down after a while, and will reduce the frequency (even if they bother)
3. The best nights are student nights anyway, and those occur during the week (e.g. Wednesday and Thursdays) so there's lots of things that happen outside the weekend anyway

[anonymous14]

(Original post by dgeorge)
1. It's quite likely that your parents don't have the intention to visit you every week, but are just trying to scare you
2. Even if they ARE 100% serious, they WILL get worn down after a while, and will reduce the frequency (even if they bother)
3. The best nights are student nights anyway, and those occur during the week (e.g. Wednesday and Thursdays) so there's lots of things that happen outside the weekend anyway

Hey, thanks for the advice

Ahh that's good to hear!

As, I've mentioned before, in the worst case scenario, I guess I could offer to come home every weekend, and perhaps after a couple of months reduce the frequency to twice a month, or once a month, to keep them happy! :P

[Agenda Suicide]

Just say you've joined societies that are on different days or extra classes at night...

[nash_4_lyf]

Im Indian and Im going to uni in september, my mum was not for me living far away but she doesnt mind me living out. In fact she kind of wants me to coz im so dependent on her its crazy. I know living in strict families is so tough on us teens especially when the boundaries set for us are just so ludicrous. But no, you need to stand your ground and say that university is the best place to study and you are doing dentistry so evidntly you seem studious. You seem responsible, and your parents need to trust that you are YOU and you wont change for anyone at uni. Drill it into them, that your going to study (obvs your going for the sstudent life too but you dont need to point that out) and say if they come down weekly its embarassing for you.

its hard to say all this to them, but you need to voice your opinion. x

[odkfn]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am going to make this short and sweet:

-Moving out for uni, it is about a 3 hour drive.
-Parents were reluctant to let me move out in the first place, but agreed in the end.
-At present, my parents are quite protective/controlling etc, e.g. I'm hardly allowed out, 5pm and 6pm at the most is my curfew (that's when I am allowed to go out) and while I am out, I get calls from my mum to check up on me, and she has to know exactly who else is coming etc.
-I thought I would have a bit more freedom at uni, but my mum said that she will drive to see me every week (once a week) and she will come at night.
-I said that I could come home every weekend instead, but she said that I would be too busy with work, so she will come or my dad (one of them), and I think she mentioned staying the night too.


My parents are religious etc, what can I do?

Holy crap..this sounds mental!!! Tell them you're an adult and you'll never learn anything in life being checked upon every day! Also you will never learn from your mistakes if they don't leave you room to make any, and they won't always be around so one day you will make some!

[*Joanna*]

Surely going home each weekend (or having your parents visit you) is going to be detrimental to your studying? I would imagine that dentistry is a fairly intestive course with lots of work, and having done an intensive course myself, there is no way on earth I would have been able to spare the time to go home or have visitors every week. I think this needs to the be pointed out to your parents.

I don't think pointing out that it would be embarassing would work to be honest, because it suggests you're ashamed of your parents. If they're dead set on seeing if you're up to no good, I don't think this would be a deterrent. Suggest skype calls, tell them that you're not allowed overnight visitors without prior permission (no university will allow parents to visit and stay each week), and that you will need time for study and making friends and socialising (maybe suggest joining groups that would be acceptable to them, such as a reading group, baking circles, walking clubs etc.).

I would be concnerned that if they come to visit you, they'll see people doing things that they consider to be wrong (drinking, smoking, kissing etc.) and assume that you're doing that stuff too, even if you're not. At the end of the day, it's about trust. I would be hurt if I thought my parents didn't trust me enough to act appropriately. I don't have any experience of this kind of situation though, so I don't know if any of these ideas would even work.

[sophisticated]

(Original post by *Joanna*)
Surely going home each weekend (or having your parents visit you) is going to be detrimental to your studying? I would imagine that dentistry is a fairly intestive course with lots of work, and having done an intensive course myself, there is no way on earth I would have been able to spare the time to go home or have visitors every week. I think this needs to the be pointed out to your parents.

I don't think pointing out that it would be embarassing would work to be honest, because it suggests you're ashamed of your parents. If they're dead set on seeing if you're up to no good, I don't think this would be a deterrent. Suggest skype calls, tell them that you're not allowed overnight visitors without prior permission (no university will allow parents to visit and stay each week), and that you will need time for study and making friends and socialising (maybe suggest joining groups that would be acceptable to them, such as a reading group, baking circles, walking clubs etc.).

I would be concnerned that if they come to visit you, they'll see people doing things that they consider to be wrong (drinking, smoking, kissing etc.) and assume that you're doing that stuff too, even if you're not. At the end of the day, it's about trust. I would be hurt if I thought my parents didn't trust me enough to act appropriately. I don't have any experience of this kind of situation though, so I don't know if any of these ideas would even work.

Just tell them that you're not allowed visitors in your room after 10pm or people staying over

[anonymous14]

Thanks for the suggestions and advice everyone.

[anonymous14]

(Original post by *Joanna*)
Surely going home each weekend (or having your parents visit you) is going to be detrimental to your studying? I would imagine that dentistry is a fairly intestive course with lots of work, and having done an intensive course myself, there is no way on earth I would have been able to spare the time to go home or have visitors every week. I think this needs to the be pointed out to your parents.

I don't think pointing out that it would be embarassing would work to be honest, because it suggests you're ashamed of your parents. If they're dead set on seeing if you're up to no good, I don't think this would be a deterrent. Suggest skype calls, tell them that you're not allowed overnight visitors without prior permission (no university will allow parents to visit and stay each week), and that you will need time for study and making friends and socialising (maybe suggest joining groups that would be acceptable to them, such as a reading group, baking circles, walking clubs etc.).

I would be concnerned that if they come to visit you, they'll see people doing things that they consider to be wrong (drinking, smoking, kissing etc.) and assume that you're doing that stuff too, even if you're not. At the end of the day, it's about trust. I would be hurt if I thought my parents didn't trust me enough to act appropriately. I don't have any experience of this kind of situation though, so I don't know if any of these ideas would even work.

Hey,


Yes, this is an issue.

My parents are, quite 'protective', to such an extent that it is suffocating.

I think I will try to come to some sort of compromise e.g. I go home each weekend for the first couple of months, and then, perhaps later in the year, reduce the frequency of my visits and use Skype as someone pointed out.

And also, yes, going home EVERY weekend will be annoying, but it does mean that I can still enjoy regular student activities during the week days and my parents are happy and not intruding into my personal space at uni.

(Oh and if they do visit they said that they will come at night 11pm or midnight).