[Anonymous]

I know it's long but plleeaaasse I need help. Please keep anon.

My father was like my best friend, we are (or were) identical in personalities, incredibly close - went to festivals, gigs and the like with eachother and most of the time get on better than anyone I know get's on with their parents.

However, a few years ago after years of issues both his kidneys failed and he is now waiting for a transplant. He has to go for dialysis treatment three times a week which is both painful and exhausting, and has to work around this too, making him very tired. I find it really hard to find my old dad now, he looks so old and drained. He suffers from depression but doesn't like taking the pills and now smokes weed most nights as his 'way of escaping everything', which is what he told me.

He has started to become unpredictably angry, where he suddenly has horrible outbursts. Baring mind that I am a 5"2 female, I find him very frightening. An example being that once I was crying in the night once, can't remember why, and he heard me and burst into the room and grabbed me round the shoulders and shook me hard until I stopped. He regularly yells suddenly over literally nothing and comes right up in my face, which makes me scared, having been in an abusive relationship previously.

I love the man to death and it hurts so much to feel like I've lost not only my Dad but my best friend. Sometimes when he's happy it makes me even sadder, because it genuinely feels like I'm mourning the loss of a father. But at the same time I always feel on edge around him because I don't know what he's going to do and I'm frightened. I just need a bit of help and reassurance - is there anything I can do?! Why is he like this?

[CheekiiMonkii]

I think it's a way of getting his depression out... Try and talk to him when he's calm... if not seek help from someone you really trust x

[ratherchloe]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I know it's long but plleeaaasse I need help. Please keep anon.

My father was like my best friend, we are (or were) identical in personalities, incredibly close - went to festivals, gigs and the like with eachother and most of the time get on better than anyone I know get's on with their parents.

However, a few years ago after years of issues both his kidneys failed and he is now waiting for a transplant. He has to go for dialysis treatment three times a week which is both painful and exhausting, and has to work around this too, making him very tired. I find it really hard to find my old dad now, he looks so old and drained. He suffers from depression but doesn't like taking the pills and now smokes weed most nights as his 'way of escaping everything', which is what he told me.

He has started to become unpredictably angry, where he suddenly has horrible outbursts. Baring mind that I am a 5"2 female, I find him very frightening. An example being that once I was crying in the night once, can't remember why, and he heard me and burst into the room and grabbed me round the shoulders and shook me hard until I stopped. He regularly yells suddenly over literally nothing and comes right up in my face, which makes me scared, having been in an abusive relationship previously.

I love the man to death and it hurts so much to feel like I've lost not only my Dad but my best friend. Sometimes when he's happy it makes me even sadder, because it genuinely feels like I'm mourning the loss of a father. But at the same time I always feel on edge around him because I don't know what he's going to do and I'm frightened. I just need a bit of help and reassurance - is there anything I can do?! Why is he like this?

Sorry to hear that. I feel for you Dad too, dialysis is pretty ****. I don't know your Dad but my guess would be that he's angry and frustrated at his situation right now and he's not dealing with it in the best way. I think you should sit down and talk to him about your concerns, something like

"Dad, I love you but I'm starting to worry about your mood swings lately. I know you're going through some ****ty stuff right now and I understand you're very tired and frustrated with this treatment. I'm just worried about you and I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk."

Have you thought about donating a kidney? I know you might not be a match etc but just wondering Do you have any other family members around that you could talk to?