[Ketchup!]

EDIT: Please remember this is GCSE level.

Here is the general mark scheme:
• Complete understanding of text and task
• Complete overview
• Very clear focus, tightly organised and synthesised
• Almost entirely in own words
• Comprehensive range of points clearly identified

My main targets are to give a wide variety of points and to shape my response.

Also I'm not allowed to use quotes. I've stuck to around 200 words.

Article - in attachment.

Outline concisely the recent developments in the mobile phone industry and explain the writers’ concerns about them.
Use your own words as far as possible.

The writer is concerned about how our activities can be monitored and used by large companies, due to recent developments in the mobile phone industry.

There are software applications that we can download onto our mobile phones, which are publicized by large corporations as an ordinary application, and indeed, provide services that are useful to us. Users assume that since these companies are well known, they can be trusted. However when users download the application, they are oblivious to the fact that the services can track and monitor personal details such as products we have recently brought to our location and age. The companies that collate this data, for example Google, can then sell it to other organisations such as retailers who then know what products to sell to whom. This is just one of the aspects that troubles the writer.

Another thing that worries the writer is how voices can be recorded when speaking on a mobile phone, and it can be detected if the speaker is hiding the truth. He feels that it means that we no longer have a control on our privacy, as these new developments would mean that external companies would be able to watch us at all times.

Thank you very much - any help is much appreciated!

[rm22]

Far too short. Needs more effective arguments like blocking of civil libverties and rights e.g. the right to a private life. Maybe say how recording of the voice can be taken out of context, permission hasn't been asked from you to use your details.

I give it a C.

[lil-mazie]

Why aren't you allowed to use quotes, in the exam you have to?

[cognito_08]

The English in your answer is good to very good.
I think the person above giving you a "C" is harsh; I'd give it Band 2 to 3.

But I think there are points you have missed:
- mind control through advertising
- companies getting around privacy rules
- people are unlikely to realise they are giving permission for their data to be used

[cognito_08]

(Original post by lil-mazie)
Why aren't you allowed to use quotes, in the exam you have to?

If this is a "question 1" then you are supposed to write "[a]lmost entirely in own words".

[Ketchup!]

(Original post by rm22)
Far too short. Needs more effective arguments like blocking of civil libverties and rights e.g. the right to a private life. Maybe say how recording of the voice can be taken out of context, permission hasn't been asked from you to use your details.

I give it a C.

Thank you.
It needs to be short - the skill is in making it concise, as the mark scheme says.
What do you mean about the "taken out of context" part?

[Ketchup!]

(Original post by rm22)
Needs more effective arguments like blocking of civil libverties and rights e.g. the right to a private life. .

I said "He feels that it means that we no longer have a control on our privacy," ?

[Ketchup!]

(Original post by cognito_08)
The English in your answer is good to very good.
I think the person above giving you a "C" is harsh; I'd give it Band 2 to 3.

But I think there are points you have missed:
- mind control through advertising
- companies getting around privacy rules
- people are unlikely to realise they are giving permission for their data to be used

Thank you very much
you said "people are unlikely to realise they are giving permission for their data to be used" and i put "they are oblivious to the fact that the services can track and monitor personal details" ?

So you reckon if I included the other two points you mentioned it would be a band one?

Also I'm not allowed to give out any more rep today, will remember to give it to you tomorrow

[usycool1]

I'd give it Band 1 or 2 It's not too short, it's just about right (the exam board recommend only 200 words anyway) and it's written quite well. You don't need to mention all the points to get in band 1; if you mention most of the points and write it in good English, you can still get into band 1

Well done

[g.k.galloway]

(Original post by usycool1)
I'd give it Band 1 or 2 It's not too short, it's just about right (the exam board recommend only 200 words anyway) and it's written quite well. You don't need to mention all the points to get in band 1; if you mention most of the points and write it in good English, you can still get into band 1

Well done

i thought the higher the band the better... band 5 being the top?

[usycool1]

(Original post by g.k.galloway)
i thought the higher the band the better... band 5 being the top?

In OCR, the lower the band the better

[cognito_08]

(Original post by Ketchup!)
Thank you very much
you said "people are unlikely to realise they are giving permission for their data to be used" and i put "they are oblivious to the fact that the services can track and monitor personal details" ?

So you reckon if I included the other two points you mentioned it would be a band one?

Also I'm not allowed to give out any more rep today, will remember to give it to you tomorrow

Thanks!

And sorry, you're right—you did mention that point.

I think if you added those other points it would be better AND I don't think you've got it "tightly organised" for a Band 1.
For example your point at the end feels like a last-minute add on especially considering it beings with "Another thing..."

[Ketchup!]

(Original post by cognito_08)
Thanks!

And sorry, you're right—you did mention that point.

I think if you added those other points it would be better AND I don't think you've got it "tightly organised" for a Band 1.
For example your point at the end feels like a last-minute add on especially considering it beings with "Another thing..."

Yes that makes sense, thank you

[cognito_08]

(Original post by Ketchup!)
Yes that makes sense, thank you

I should say that I may be being a little harsh considering I did GCSEs ages ago.

On further reflection, I think if you wrote your answer in the exam you would get at least Band 2.

[rm22]

(Original post by Ketchup!)
Thank you.
It needs to be short - the skill is in making it concise, as the mark scheme says.
What do you mean about the "taken out of context" part?

lol sorry, um I meant how the person may say something which could be manipulated into sounding like they're saying something really bad or racist or something.

[Big-Daddy]

(Original post by Ketchup!)
Attachment 151923
Attachment 151924

cognito_08*

Can we have the questions for these?

[SophieSumerReed]

I think your answer is very good In the sense that you managed to narrow down the points, but make sure you give details of what he introduces his extract saying, throughout and at the end, state (in your own words) some details he says, but then say ' the main point I feel the writer is trying to express about .. Is...'


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Ketchup!]

(Original post by Big-Daddy)
Can we have the questions for these?

Oh so sorry I deleted that post before I realised you commented on it.
if you saved them (im hoping you did) the q's were What do you learn from Geoffrey Lean’s article about the issues of rainfall and flooding in Britain and Outline concisely Orwell's views on the role of sport in society and how this have changed over time

[Ketchup!]

(Original post by SophieSumerReed)
I think your answer is very good In the sense that you managed to narrow down the points, but make sure you give details of what he introduces his extract saying, throughout and at the end, state (in your own words) some details he says, but then say ' the main point I feel the writer is trying to express about .. Is...'


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Thank you

[SophieSumerReed]

It's okay


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App