[ArcadiaHouse]

(Original post by AndISaidRuby)
Have you tried talking to any helplines?
08457 90 90 90 is the Samaritans in the UK (1850 60 90 90 in Ireland)

I agree with the rest of your post but just FYI Samaritans are useless, OP is better off trying to find support at the uni or Women's Aid, anywhere but the Samaritans.

[ArcadiaHouse]

(Original post by tsru)
I have so far missed 3 out of 4 of my exams, but I feel stupid as they didn't start until a week after the abortion.

A week isn't really enough time to come to terms with an abortion so definitely don't beat yourself up about that.

[tsru]

(Original post by aftrglw)
I sympathize with you, I really do. I'm sorry you got pregnant. I'm sorry you decided to terminate the pregnancy, which is always a tough decision. And I'm sorry that you're suffering for it (which is completely normal). If I could, I would offer you a hug.

That said, I don't know if other people who have posted on here have stopped to think that perhaps your boyfriend knows you better than we do. I'm not saying that you haven't gone through a difficult situation, but simply that if your boyfriend thinks that you're being a bit absurd, then he knows you better than we do and he may be right.

This is going to come across harsher than I intend, but I think tough love is in order.... life is about living with the choices that we've made and if you get into a habit of feeling sorry for yourself then you're not doing yourself any favors in the long run. I'm just looking at the facts: you are resitting exams because you had a family member die last year and I think it's safe to say that's somewhat less traumatic than an abortion. This year, you've had an extra year to revise and you had the abortion a week before they started and you've now missed 3/4 of your exams. While I understand your head is in another place, why didn't you go to your exams? Were you putting off all of your revising until the week before the exam? Maybe you wouldn't have done as well as you would have liked, but you still should have gone. Unless you've been really slacking all year, and most of last year, you really should have been able to pass them. Revision maybe would help you get a 70+, but considering you've been taking the same classes for essentially two years, it's hard to imagine that you're not able to pass them. And while I believe most unis are sympathetic for awhile, they're going to be suspicious when it starts becoming a habit and has happened two years in a row... I really don't know how sympathetic they'll be with this, only because they've already given you a second chance and you haven't handled the situation very responsibly (e.g., told them right after you missed the first exam).

Additionally, the longer you wait to let them know, the worse it gets. I know at my uni you need to inform them within 7 days of the exam. Sure you're upset, but you still have some basic responsibilities that would only take 5 minutes to deal with (filling out a form and turning it in). Sometimes, no matter how hard it is, you have to suck it up and take care of your commitments. That's just a part of being an adult.... here come the negs.

Ah I don't think he thinks I'm being absurd, it's affected him greatly also but he has a habit of avoiding things and not addressing them in order to get over things, he does know me, he doesn't know what having an abortion is like, it's crazy the amount of hormones go through you affecting your emotions even afterwards as your body gets back to normal

Oh I've got the form and filled it out, and know when I need it handed in by, it's just the worry of whether they would accept my circumstances and not turn round to tell me I can't cope with the course and I'd have to leave.

I appreciate your advice, but I do know what being an adult is like, I've been through worse than this in my short life hence why I feel so stupid and like a failure that I'm not coping x

Edit: Also I do know the stuff, my last essay I wrote whilst suffering with morning sickness and got 78% on it, top 3 in the year. It's the actual anxiety and depression that's stopping me from attending the exams, and the fact that I want to do really well in order to get on an exchange programme, but the facts figures and names aren't staying in my head, I'm afraid I can't explain why, hence why I came on here....but I don't know why I bothered to just tell you all that..

[willbee]

Considering none of this was your fault, I'd be shocked if the uni wasn't supportive. I'd email your personal tutors and explain what's been going on. You can do resits, right? Get extra tuition maybe?

[Gaffel]

(Original post by tsru)
Thank you that's so nice of you and you're probably right, my boyfriend has said the same, that I don't need to go if I can't do it.
I almost feel like I need to prove to the exam board that I can carry on, and also prove to myself that I'm not a complete failure but maybe it's too soon as all I'm doing is getting myself worked up, revision notes scattered everywhere but nothing in my head x

After reading your story I felt really sorry for you, and I know how you feel as I have been through the same about a year and a half ago (only in my case it wasn't my own decision to terminate, but nature took it's course) and I still have moments where I feel like my mind is going blank and I can't get my mind off it.

Let me just make clear that you are not a complete failure! I understand that you want to prove this to yourself by carrying on with 'normal' life, but it is very important that you take a moment for yourself, it is more than ok to feel very sad, angry, helpless and even disorientated for a while, and it's just really bad timing, with all the exams coming up.
But as many people said before, I think it would be very useful to talk to your tutor about this, you wouldn't have to give an entire detailed story, but get do tell him/her as they will be able to help you, no matter in what way.

You are a strong brave women by getting your story out and asking for help!
Big hugs
xx

[tsru]

(Original post by ArcadiaHouse)
I agree with the rest of your post but just FYI Samaritans are useless, OP is better off trying to find support at the uni or Women's Aid, anywhere but the Samaritans.

This is what I found, I've rung Samaritans before, I think I'm going to try Nightline this time

[tsru]

(Original post by truthandtragedy)
I promise you, it does get better. Please don't blame yourself, you have to try and realise that you made the right decision for you, and of course there will be days when you think "what if" and contemplate how differently things could have turned out, but that's so natural. The only way that I managed to move past it was by understanding why I made the decision and accepting that decision and realising that it was the right decision. If you don't realise that, you'll spend the rest of your life regretting something which you can't change now. I know how hard it is, but if I could go back to my year at uni, I'd have sought counselling sooner than I did. Because once I got my head sorted, I realised that I wanted to work hard, get my qualifications, get a good job and be ready for children when it happens. But because I waited longer, I wasted that year by not handing in essays, missing exams, etc and I had to drop out. I still do think "what if", I sometimes wonder what he/she would look like. It's a part of you now and that's what you have to accept. Sorry, I'm not even sure if I'm making sense now, I think I've tried to get my thoughts down too quickly. xx

No you are making sense I suppose in some sick, strange way I should be grateful it happened to me at the end of the academic year, rather than the beginning. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, that must've been so tough but you sound so resilient and like you've got your head straight and I'm definitely going to strive for that x

[tsru]

(Original post by Emely)
After reading your story I felt really sorry for you, and I know how you feel as I have been through the same about a year and a half ago (only in my case it wasn't my own decision to terminate, but nature took it's course) and I still have moments where I feel like my mind is going blank and I can't get my mind off it.

Let me just make clear that you are not a complete failure! I understand that you want to prove this to yourself by carrying on with 'normal' life, but it is very important that you take a moment for yourself, it is more than ok to feel very sad, angry, helpless and even disorientated for a while, and it's just really bad timing, with all the exams coming up.
But as many people said before, I think it would be very useful to talk to your tutor about this, you wouldn't have to give an entire detailed story, but get do tell him/her as they will be able to help you, no matter in what way.

You are a strong brave women by getting your story out and asking for help!
Big hugs
xx

Ah please don't feel sorry for me, some people go through a hell of a lot worse! You're so right I keep thinking I can just try and carry on, albeit staying at my boyfriends house, but I suppose I need to almost 'grieve' in a sense?
I'm so sorry for what you went through, and hope you've come to terms with it and managed to move on, it must be so hard to read about people who choose to end it when you didn't get that choice big big hugs
Thanks for your advice and lots of hugs x

[tsru]

(Original post by willbee)
Considering none of this was your fault, I'd be shocked if the uni wasn't supportive. I'd email your personal tutors and explain what's been going on. You can do resits, right? Get extra tuition maybe?

The uni offers re-sits but I think they have a cut-off point, say you can't do more than 3 in the re-sit period, and I have 4 lets just hope I can come to some arrangement with them

[Nutty_Psychologist]

(Original post by tsru)
Thank you that's so nice of you and you're probably right, my boyfriend has said the same, that I don't need to go if I can't do it.
I almost feel like I need to prove to the exam board that I can carry on, and also prove to myself that I'm not a complete failure but maybe it's too soon as all I'm doing is getting myself worked up, revision notes scattered everywhere but nothing in my head x

I know it's hard to see now but this will make you stronger I'm glad you posted on here and got nice people replying instead of the mean people from before.
Good luck with everything and let us know how you get on

[tsru]

(Original post by Nutty_Psychologist)
I know it's hard to see now but this will make you stronger I'm glad you posted on here and got nice people replying instead of the mean people from before.
Good luck with everything and let us know how you get on

Yes everyone on here has been fantastic, I'm going to ask a mod to close the thread now (how do I do that?) and keep it saved in my bookmarks for a boost when I feel low. I will PM you when I know what's happening, thanks for posting xx

[The_Lonely_Goatherd]

(Original post by tsru)
The uni offers re-sits but I think they have a cut-off point, say you can't do more than 3 in the re-sit period, and I have 4 lets just hope I can come to some arrangement with them

Get a letter from your GP and hand it over to your personal tutor. Explain what went wrong. Maybe they can adjust things for you.

My sister had to file for extenuating circumstances at Notts and with the right evidence, they were really good to her about it. She's failed quite a few exams in the past and had to do resits (and then passed, thankfully) over the years, but no one has ever tried to kick her out. For the latest extenuating circumstances, she got to take her exams in the resit period, but as if they were the first time.

I'm sure there can be a lot to help you. Good luck with it all. Like others have said, you're not a failure in anyway. You've just been dealt a very rough hand in life at the moment

[aftrglw]

(Original post by tsru)
The uni offers re-sits but I think they have a cut-off point, say you can't do more than 3 in the re-sit period, and I have 4 lets just hope I can come to some arrangement with them

This is my point. I know you have valid situation and if it was the first time I'm sure they'd be more than helpful. It's just that I'm sure they get a lot of excuses thrown at them and after the first time I'm sure they'll be a bit suspicious. It's not really fair to other people on your course that you have three years to prepare for exams that they only get 8 months to.

I don't think they'll kick you out and tell you to never come back, but the fact that you haven't been telling them any of this and are going to come to them at the last minute and say you had a very personal problem a week before the exam may make them somewhat less sympathetic. Your situation is tough, but you really could have handled it better. I think it would have worked more in your favour to actually make an effort to take the exams, rather than sit home and sulk which just assumes that you can get away without taking them. Obviously, if you got say.. hit by a car on the way to the exams it makes sense why you wouldn't be in them. But to simply be depressed and not feel like going, for the second year in a row, is a hard sale...

By the way, can you actually prove to them you had an abortion? Not to us, obviously, but to the school.

[tsru]

(Original post by aftrglw)
This is my point. I know you have valid situation and if it was the first time I'm sure they'd be more than helpful. It's just that I'm sure they get a lot of excuses thrown at them and after the first time I'm sure they'll be a bit suspicious. It's not really fair to other people on your course that you have three years to prepare for exams that they only get 8 months to.

I don't think they'll kick you out and tell you to never come back, but the fact that you haven't been telling them any of this and are going to come to them at the last minute and say you had a very personal problem a week before the exam may make them somewhat less sympathetic. Your situation is tough, but you really could have handled it better. I think it would have worked more in your favour to actually make an effort to take the exams, rather than sit home and sulk which just assumes that you can get away without taking them. Obviously, if you got say.. hit by a car on the way to the exams it makes sense why you wouldn't be in them. But to simply be depressed and not feel like going, for the second year in a row, is a hard sale...

By the way, can you actually prove to them you had an abortion? Not to us, obviously, but to the school.

I've asked a mod to close the thread now so please just talk to me over PM if you're really that bothered

[fire2burn]

(Original post by tsru)
Yes everyone on here has been fantastic, I'm going to ask a mod to close the thread now (how do I do that?) and keep it saved in my bookmarks for a boost when I feel low. I will PM you when I know what's happening, thanks for posting xx

Thread is now closed as per your request

fire2burn
H&R Moderator