Worried about neglecting the course/or the kids?

Helloooo

I am due to start full time english at Chester in September, and my main concern, over everything else, is the impact that me starting full time will have on the kids.

I have 4 children, my eldest will be starting high school in September and along with that worry, I am concerned I am going to end up not spending much time with any of the kids. In opposition to that, I am worried that in order to try and make this a smooth transition and as non-disruptive to them as possible, I will end up neglecting my studies?

It seems like it is going to be so hard to get the balance just right :confused:

If anyone has any tips or advice then I would very much appreciate it :smile:

Reply 1

evening sunrise

Original post by redmel1621

If anyone has any tips or advice then I would very much appreciate it :smile:

Nope, ask us in a years time between now and then it will be a voyage of discovery.

We have four kids too, but the eldest graduated last summer and has moved away, the second eldest finished college and started work and has also moved out in January.

We are taking our 13yo and 17yo special needs with us when we head to the North East from the Northants in September. In some ways it will be better than before, because even if I am studying, at least I will be at home and not working away as I was for the first two. It will be nice to be around for 18th and 21st etc etc. Plus nearly 4 months over the summer to take them camping and stuff like that.

Reply 2

redmel1621

My children are all young. I have 3 boys and a girl ages 11, 9, 3, 2. The 2 older ones are obviously in full time school, and my 3 year old is in preschool. I have booked him in 9-3 mon-fri so basically school hrs. I haved booked my 2 year old into a private nursery full time, although once I get my timetable I may be able to drop a day or a couple of morn/aft sessions.

I am feeling guilty as I feel like I am 'palming them off' iygwim..

Maybe I am just overthinking it and it will all work out perfectly :redface:

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Reply 3

evening sunrise

Original post by redmel1621

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100

That will be handful.

Palming them off ? Some folks pay thounsands for boarding schools. Plus it might not be ideal, but if your investing in their future I am afraid it is a case of no pain no gain compared to staying at home with them full time. Which way the pain and again are assigned is one very much of personal perception.

Reply 4

Shug1

Hi

I'm in the same position as you, I also have four children and start a full time degree in September. Mine are four year old twins, 5 + 12. The twins start school here in Scotland full time in August and the 12 year old starts high school.
I think the fact that we are all starting new challenges at the same time is a good thing, but I'm also obviously very anxious.
The way I see it is by studying now I am planning a better future for us all as a family, a few hard years for a brighter future is a sacrifice worth making.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100

Reply 5

redmel1621

I am glad I'm not the only one in this position. I like a challenge anyway lol.

Hopefully it won't be too hard to find a good balance and as you point out evening sunrise, I will have all the holdays off with them, more than some get.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100

Reply 6

anonymouspie227

Original post by redmel1621

If anyone has any tips or advice then I would very much appreciate it :smile:

What about your partner?
I wouldn't call it neglect if the children are being looked after! Have you thought about getting an Au Pair?
My siblings and I, had Au Pairs as a child, and they were truly brilliant! They helped us get ready, they helped us with school work, they just looked after us (Our parents were very busy(demanding jobs), and spent their time working so they could provide for us).
I think Au Pairs truly helped my parents a lot (we were all young and there was 3 of us), they were able to come home and there would be meals ready and they could relax and enjoy their children's company. The Au Pairs were happy, and so were we.
I also think, maybe you should get them in lots of activities-so they won't miss you so much! My parent's got me into swimming and karate and so much- Although, It could be slightly expensive, I'm sure considering your children are young- It won't be that pricey.
I do not think you should neglect your studies at all. You must of worked hard to get into the course, so you deserve it. You don't have to sacrifice your studies for your children.
I hope everything goes well for you.

Reply 7

Owly

Lots of good advice given so far. One thing I'd mention is to make sure you've got good backup plans if one of your kids gets ill. Most tutors and lecturers are extremely sympathetic towards mature students in terms of their awareness of committments, etc.

I don't think you'll end up neglecting them :tongue:

although it can feel that way sometimes. One other point I'd make is that indirectly you'll be benefitting them, as a role model. That sounds waaaay too condescending, but from personal experience seeing you work hard tends to motivate your kids.

Reply 8

redmel1621

Thanks guys, yes it will all be worth it, I suppose it will just take a little while to adjust. I have been a SAHM for the last 4yrs, Although prior to that I always worked f/t or p/t... I think I am just nervous :redface:

Thank you all x

Reply 9

highopes

Great thread. I think you have all covered the points that I was going to make, au pair (friend of mine had one this year as she was at uni and she swears by it, affordable (I think she was paying £80/week + extra for the odd night babysitting) and brilliant!) And back-up plan if kids are sick - my daughter caught chicken pox right on week we had 4 assignments due in last year and I had to beg for extentions (yes, lecturers were v sympathetic and understanding, but back-up plan would probably be good idea as they might not be so kind 2nd or 3rd time round!)

I found burning the midnight oil once kid (I only have one,sorry!) the only way I could manage. I kept a fairly strict study schedule of 8-11pm (or 9-12, 10-1am..as often had wee siesta between putting kids to bed and resuming study), and 5-7am.

Reply 10

redmel1621

Well after some unfortunate news(redundancy), it will appear my husband will be about a lot more as of next month.

We have decided to continue with childcare plans as already arranged as he is going to take back up his open university studies. This means that he will be able to study in the day and be about to collect the kids from school/nursery so no need for additional after hrs care.

Hopefully things will work out, but I'm wondering if we might be better off with him at home/part time working whilst im at uni... Lots to consider?

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 11

sarah83

I am a mum of two and have just finished my first year, its been hard at times but if I were more organised it would have been easier (oops) Ive told myself that in my 2nd year I will be attending the uni library when I have no lectures so that I can spend time with the kids when I get home.

The hardest thing I find is when trying to do assignments at home, the kids, the hubby and the housework overtake my thoughts so I think that it can only benefit my studies if I allocate my spare hours to the library for study/assignment time.

Its all about good time management (and I need to improve :smile:

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