[Paradoxical]

Too much repitition, and it seems some times you are just filling in spaces without thought.

[Pitt1988]

(Original post by najinaji)
Wait, before I began any sort of reply, I had to take a moment to laugh at that...

I take the bus and the train, no shame in that,
Pay for my Oyster all off of my own back,
I don't play little kids' games, I spend my time wisely,
I read books and sip wine while you pass out on Bacardi,
But anyway, keep on pumping that bravado,
Because I know you live in Dulwich and get your shopping from Ocado.

Hahaha. Fair play mate, this actually made me laugh!

[salty_candy]

what the **** is going on?

[Jingers]

I **** with it.

For what it's worth, this attempt was 100% better than those who try to rap seriously and post their bars in this forum.

[najinaji]

(Original post by Pitt1988)
Hahaha. Fair play mate, this actually made me laugh!

[Arekkusu]

(Original post by Alakamind)
Does this sound better, a quick 8 bar.

Im on fire let me melt this
I think a label really needs to help this
Im all about me put me on the market I can sell fish
Playing cod ( reference to fish in above line) thinkin what Ive got to brag about
They on my nuts I aint even bought a banger out
And I dont wanna see a man about, its man down man down if I ever bring Rihanna up (juxtapositioning with the up and down bit)

If you have to explain your wordplay it's probably bad, reminds me of this bloke:

A lifetime spent as a customs officer is arguably not the most salutary training for a poet aspiring to membership in the literary pantheon - as the career of Edward Edwin Foot attests.

No sooner had Foot created an elusive poetic effect than he would introduce a footnote to explain it. Consider, for example, the first line of "Disaster at Sea":

The captain scans the ruffled zone[1]
1. A figurative expression, intended by the Author to signify the horizon.

His finest achievement, however, was to produce an elegy on the death of Lord Palmerston whose opening lines contain footnotes exceeding, in length and clarity, the remainder of the poem:

Altho' we[1] mourn for one now gone,
And he - that grey-hair'd Palmerston[2]...
1. The nation.
2. The Right Honourable Henry John Temple, Viscount Palmerston, K.G., G.C.B., (the then Premier of the British Government) died at Brocket Hall, Herts. at a quarter to eleven o'clock in the forenoon of Wednesday, 18 October 1865 aged 81 years (all but two days), having been born on 20 October 1784. The above lines were written on the occasion of his death.


Foot, Edward Edwin (?- ) British poet

[Sources: Stephen Pile, The Book of Heroic Failures]

[U.Ahmed]

Went and did some revision and came back to this thread.
I am in tears, seriously some of the 'bars' on here have been brilliant.
keep it up guys.

[Rybee]

(Original post by Alakamind)
You give me ratings bro?

Somewhere near Lil Wayne/The Sound of Diarrhoea.

0.5/10

[frankieboy]

I like the "24/6" bit. Assuming it was intentional, of course...

[C_G]

Are you trying to rap through text? It never works, it's like reading the lyrics to a song you have never heard from an artist you have never heard of. Just doesn't work.

[IAmTheKing]

Me's be reppin' da big ting yo...

Oh I give up.

[Alakamind]

I went asleep and thought of some more bars, check it!

Dont bet your life on it, u dont wanna bang
I'll take the nine from you, then take your life from you
You're shook like dice, watch your heart hide from you

This guy above me saying I can't express my lyrics through text
Real talk he is making me vex
I might just have to dial in the cab and pull out my tek
No talking, straight blow a whole in his neck

[Alakamind]

Have you ever been at the bottom
Everybody around you seems to be progressing but you feel like your forgotten
Have you ever sat in your bedroom, stressing
Praying to a higher spirit to ease you of this depression
Have you ever felt this aint for me
The stress is draining me
The pain is deep
happy families are only make belief

Cos my mum isnt, and my dad isnt
how can they when they aint got a pot to damn piss in ?
Mums a nurse, her wages dropped but her tax risen
Angers got my thoughts corrupted with these mad visions
I be cash driven, poverty motivates him
Being in a load of stations, I never wrote a statement
Ive been through altercations that left me near to dead
I could be doing years in the bin feeling really blessed.

I know my life is hard, but I smile you know
Cos theres people worser off, so who am I to moan?
i dont cry, I laugh
I dont fkn hide, I march
I dont scream or shout
Claim to be the realest out
But that dawg ur with is not ur friend if he aint been ur house
Never met your family, never seen you cry
Careful who u trust , cos trust why alotta people die

Give me a reason why, I should give a damn
I dont need a gang, all Im tryna do is feed my fam
So brudda show me paper
Give me a scond in the light so i can show the majors
What the roads created
I got the roads debating
Got a load of haters
Look i cant teach you how to rap but I can show u basics
First off, look at ur life, make it relevant
find ur flow, get a pen, the rest is heaven sent
Im a wolf surrounded by sheep, but I dont get at them
I step at them, use my position here to shepherd them

Cos I speak for those, focused in the rain
had love got thrown it away, emotional drain
Lots of rage, tryna make a living off a honest wage
And theres a lot of days where parents feeling guilty, cos they cant afford to take their kids on holidays
But their friends can, the type of shet to throw a man over the edge fam

I dont respect the rapper rapping with a gold chain, I respect the rapper rapping with the most pain
I dont respect the raper rapping with the most fame, I repsect the rapper trappin in the cold rain
Ima make it happen, ima dragon, so I throw flames, harper the dan, thats a bold name.

[JOftw]

Fresh prince of Tsr.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[ugk4life]

(Original post by Alakamind)
Have you ever been at the bottom
Everybody around you seems to be progressing but you feel like your forgotten
Have you ever sat in your bedroom, stressing
Praying to a higher spirit to ease you of this depression
Have you ever felt this aint for me
The stress is draining me
The pain is deep
happy families are only make belief

Cos my mum isnt, and my dad isnt
how can they when they aint got a pot to damn piss in ?
Mums a nurse, her wages dropped but her tax risen
Angers got my thoughts corrupted with these mad visions
I be cash driven, poverty motivates him
Being in a load of stations, I never wrote a statement
Ive been through altercations that left me near to dead
I could be doing years in the bin feeling really blessed.

I know my life is hard, but I smile you know
Cos theres people worser off, so who am I to moan?
i dont cry, I laugh
I dont fkn hide, I march
I dont scream or shout
Claim to be the realest out
But that dawg ur with is not ur friend if he aint been ur house
Never met your family, never seen you cry
Careful who u trust , cos trust why alotta people die

Give me a reason why, I should give a damn
I dont need a gang, all Im tryna do is feed my fam
So brudda show me paper
Give me a scond in the light so i can show the majors
What the roads created
I got the roads debating
Got a load of haters
Look i cant teach you how to rap but I can show u basics
First off, look at ur life, make it relevant
find ur flow, get a pen, the rest is heaven sent
Im a wolf surrounded by sheep, but I dont get at them
I step at them, use my position here to shepherd them

Cos I speak for those, focused in the rain
had love got thrown it away, emotional drain
Lots of rage, tryna make a living off a honest wage
And theres a lot of days where parents feeling guilty, cos they cant afford to take their kids on holidays
But their friends can, the type of shet to throw a man over the edge fam

I dont respect the rapper rapping with a gold chain, I respect the rapper rapping with the most pain
I dont respect the raper rapping with the most fame, I repsect the rapper trappin in the cold rain
Ima make it happen, ima dragon, so I throw flames, harper the dan, thats a bold name.

why did u just type out strapzy f64? lool u a joker bitin bars and getting tsr mans gassed

[Alakamind]

(Original post by ugk4life)
why did u just type out strapzy f64? lool u a joker bitin bars and getting tsr mans gassed

You gotta get gassed in the rave g!

[ugk4life]

(Original post by Alakamind)
You gotta get gassed in the rave g!

yeah but dont cat bars

[aqquaintance_sport]

(Original post by Alakamind)
Please give me advice on how to improve my rap or comment on how you feel about it.

My names Harper the dan
You aint catchin me fam
Might see me hayes town with a zoot or a fag in my hand
With african Sam, hes backin it man
See me on road 24/6 sellin draw to peeps im stackin the grands
Mans repping purple hayes, thats where Ill be stackin the grands
Aint got no strap but u know certain, man in my click are packing it fam
You aint your boys aint backing it man, realizing there slackin infact
Cos im taking ur fans, invading ur town aint gonna stop till my boys are making the grandssss!

'grime' has no variety. It's all about Guns, Girls, Grands & Shanks. It just seems like 'grime' artists have a limited vocabulary or an angry persona.

Grime artists such as Crazy T have been sentenced to jail for life imprisonment over stupid things like ' bars '.

[RPM1]

(Original post by Alakamind)
Does this sound better, a quick 8 bar.

Im on fire let me melt this
I think a label really needs to help this
Im all about me put me on the market I can sell fish
Playing cod ( reference to fish in above line) thinkin what Ive got to brag about
They on my nuts I aint even bought a banger out
And I dont wanna see a man about, its man down man down if I ever bring Rihanna up (juxtapositioning with the up and down bit)

I can sell fish? Really?

[Dicey]

(Original post by I likewinegums)
I thought thug life was Biggie?

2Pac actually