The Student Room Group

Is this normal? scared of anything happening

I am a 19 year old female who has never even kissed a guy, and have been texting a guy for weeks and I like him. Thing is I cant imagine kissing him or anything because ive never done that with anyone. I cant stop thinking about him, but dont know if its normal to be scared/cant imagine anything between us? I think it could be partly because of something in my past where I was in a position where I was terrified I was going to be raped.

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Reply 1
It's normal to be nervous and to overthink what might or might not happen. The thing is though, actually being in a relationship or even just kissing someone is a lot more natural than thinking about it. I think you should give it a go and see what happens :smile:
Reply 2
Ye im hoping that if anything does happen next time we meet up, it will come naturally. Im not used to any physical contact (even hugging) anyone though!
Reply 3
It will come naturally and he'll understand if you tell him (if you haven't already). Try not to over think it and worry about it because it will come to it and you will wonder what you were worrying about.
Reply 4
Things will happen naturally. I don't know anyone who didn't feel like had a heart attack over their first kiss and stuff.
Just don't push yourself into doing things because you want to be normal. Go at your own pace :smile:
Reply 5
Maybe if you're talking about relationships or something along those lines, you could try and drop it in jokily that you haven't kissed before, and see how it goes from there.
Reply 6
Original post by harufi
Maybe if you're talking about relationships or something along those lines, you could try and drop it in jokily that you haven't kissed before, and see how it goes from there.

Good idea, I used to drop in jokily that I'd never had a proper boyfriend and it sort of got them thinking but it's whatever's most comfortable for you.
Reply 7
I dont know if anything will happen between us, but he knows im 'innocent'. He is quite experienced which doesnt help, would be easier (in my head anyway!) if he wasnt very experienced either!
Reply 8
Maybe just see where it goes then, he sounds like a good friend even if nothing does happen. I hope everything goes well for you.
Reply 9
Thanks, some of our text conversations are very flirty, but I dont know if hes only after one thing or not. This is the first time ive ever even texted a guy!
Reply 10
I did have a friend who had a similar past, lots of experience and I had none. It soon became clear though that he'd decided I'd be cheaper to take home than a hooker so it didn't last very long!

Just thought I'd throw that in there, though obviously not everyone is the same.
Because I hadn't had any experience before, and started meeting up and texting this guy, I also couldn't 'see' him in that way too much. But it wasn't that I didn't fancy him, I was interested, but wasn't used to seeing people in an overly sexual/lusty way; and couldn't imagine doing the stuff I had never done before with him.

But of course, I got to know him more, felt more comfortable, and once we began kissing and stuff, I wanted more of it. :smile:
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
Because I hadn't had any experience before, and started meeting up and texting this guy, I also couldn't 'see' him in that way too much. But it wasn't that I didn't fancy him, I was interested, but wasn't used to seeing people in an overly sexual/lusty way; and couldn't imagine doing the stuff I had never done before with him.

But of course, I got to know him more, felt more comfortable, and once we began kissing and stuff, I wanted more of it. :smile:


:smile: Sounds like what im hoping to happen if anything does. When/how did you first kiss? Did he take control?
It's nothing to be ashamed of. I knew this girl who was 18 or 19 at the time and she told me she had never kissed anyone or ever had a boyfriend. I couldn't understand why because she was a nice person and she was pretty too.

Conclusion: It doesn't automatically mean that there is anything wrong with you.
(edited 11 years ago)
My advice for kissing: Leave the tongue out until later kisses. Just use your lips. One of the first times I actually kissed a girl she stuck her tongue in my mouth and it wasn't that pleasant to be honest.
Reply 15
Original post by Frankie_say_relax
My advice for kissing: Leave the tongue out until later kisses. Just use your lips. One of the first times I actually kissed a girl she stuck her tongue in my mouth and it wasn't that pleasant to be honest.


I will do! I have no idea how to kiss :confused: lol
Reply 16
Original post by Frankie_say_relax
It's nothing to be ashamed of. I knew this girl who was 18 or 19 at the time and she told me she had never kissed anyone or ever had a boyfriend. I couldn't understand why because she was a nice person and she was pretty too.

Conclusion: It doesn't automatically mean that there is anything wrong with you.


I hope not!
i was nearly identical to you, except a guy, 18 hadnt kissed anyone, met this stunning girl who had more experience than me, i told her that i hadn't done it before, it all came naturally and after practice it was pretty good - just chill out.
Yeh, first kisses are rarely ever perfect. I had no idea how to kiss either and I started pretty late also. It's kinda difficult to explain, does this guy know you've never kissed anyone before? You should probably tell him if it comes to that, it'll help.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
:smile: Sounds like what im hoping to happen if anything does. When/how did you first kiss? Did he take control?


Yeah, he started the kissing and I responded, and tbh I was quite bad at it, but I pretended that I was sort of teasing him and playing hard to get. So it would give me time to get used to it, So he'd lean in and kiss, and I'd peck back a little then smirk and look away. I was extremely nervous, but I think even people who are experienced are a little nervous with any first kiss with a new person, so it was kinda both sided :smile:. He just assumed I was shy about kissing someone new as opposed to having no clue or experience whatsoever. Once we did it a little more, just with lips and a little gently, I grew more confident.

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