Attitudes towards older virgins (21-26)

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Whats wrong with having sex outside of a relationship with someone who your in love with?!!! Love is a pretty rare gift. Are all these people critizing others who will 'shag anything with a pulse' seriously suggesting that it should only be them who are allowed to have sex... that the rest of the population should all wait untill we find the 'right' person?? That's ridiculous. I have slept wih someone who I love more than I ever thought I could and it was fantastic but it wasnt my first time, and though sharing our first time together would have been great, it doesn't bother me that we didn't. Personally I think 'your first time' but not virginity, is overated. People should be able to have sex with people who they aren't in love with because sex.is.goooooooooood!!!!!! :biggrin:

Reply 41

high priestess fnord

i am the last person to start lecturing on the evils of sex rofl but there are standards. if a guy (or girl) will literally go for anything with a pulse no matter how unattractive or taken or drunk etc then its just not right. sex outside a relationship with someone you fancy the pants off and with no strings attatched mmmmm. not much compares to that kinda sex. its very different from being in a relationship but its still oh so good.

Reply 42

RL99

dyslexic_banana

Sorry, but you, as everyone, are overlooking the reason for a lot of guys being virgins: shyness. If I had to guess, I'd say that the 'OP' was a guy in the age range stated, who was shy, and, hence, unable to approach women easily. There are more male virgins in this age range, than female virgins, because it's men that are still expected to initiate things, and to do the approaching. Any woman who goes to a club is going to be able to get sex, and will be approached by several men with little else on their minds, but, for a man, it is an entirely different story. I know of guys in this age range (actually, even above it) who are virgins, or who lost it within this age range, and it doesn't speak negatively of their looks; only their ability to approach women. In many of the places I go to, the male:female ratio levels are shockingly high; couple this with shyness, as regards approaching women, and, well, there we have it. The implications as to male virginity, compared to female virginity, are different, generally speaking.

Quite disconcerting, seeing such small-minded views on the matter.

This is a quite unbelievably accurate description of my situation, you've hit the nail on the head mate. I'm 21, at uni, never had a gf and since all I really want is a relationship am therefore a virgin by extension. I do a course with a massive male majority in terms of gender ratio, and I haven't been a huge fan of any of the girls I've lived with, even in terms of being good friends with them, let alone anything else. I'm in a band and play rugby and while I love doing these things there's precious little opportunity to meet any girls. Circumstances have contrived to deprive me of a social life at uni this year, but when I went out previously, and when I go out at home, I'm far too shy to just approach a girl I don't know. Tbh clubs/bars/pubs don't seem the best places for doing this anyway as a lot of the people who go there- of both genders- are just looking for something casual. As you can probably tell I'm pretty stuck for ways to meet girls and it is frustrating.
As an aside, would it be fair to say that in some quarters female virginity is viewed as something 'special' whereas a male's is something he's expected to get rid of as soon as he can? I just get the impression that a female in the age range stated, or older, can be respected as waiting for someone 'special', whereas a bloke is more likely to be viewed as a loser.

Reply 43

Anonymous #7

It's nice to read about 'older' male virgins. I'm really shy as well, and it's really difficult for me a lot of the time because people don't understand why I find girls so difficult to meet! It's very hard to describe. dyslexic_banana's hit the nail on the head.

Reply 44

Bambi

Angelil

Bambi, you're an idiot.
It may be true that, as you say, most blokes are 'desperate' to have sex. My boyfriend certainly was. HOWEVER he had more self-respect than the men you have apparently met, which was why he saved himself for someone he loves (me) rather than just jumping into bed with the first girl he fancied (and yes, he fancied plenty of women before me). There's 'desperate', and there's 'desperate-but-has-the-sense-to-wait'.

Most blokes are desperate to have sex and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot. Fair enough if your boyfriend waited til he was in love, that is the best way, but most blokes don't and was he 26? Don't call me an idiot again, you are the one being naive.

I know plenty of shy blokes and yeah they don't go out and shag some random they meet in a club because they don't have the confidence but they meet girls other ways and do lose their virginity. The only 26 year old male virgins I have met only are for religious reasons which is a different issue.

Like everyone has said it's your own choice but I personally wouldn't sleep with a virgin but I like guys who know what they are doing.

Reply 45

Bambi

dyslexic_banana

These guys are trying to get me into bed? Well, perhaps I hadn't noticed their limp wrists and colourful behaviour, but I'm speaking as a guy who has the problems I've mentioned (I'm not a virgin, but I find it hard), along with having friends who do; I speak as a man who knows how it is, rather than a misled woman, as you seemed to think I was. You have a point, as regards men being rather sex-craved, but your views are still too exaggerated; not all men are sex-crazed lunatics, and definitely not to the point at which they can all overcome inhibitions and successfully seduce women. Did you think I was a woman, because you think no bloke could ever suggest what I did, as it is so obviously untrue, and could only be believed as the result of lies?

Any way, I know it's far from being the norm; I'm only saying that there are reasons people may overlook, as to why it can be hard for some guys, and, I'm sorry, but, as a woman, you'd never experience them. Also: may I suggest that, should you meet a male virgin who falls within this age range, that perhaps he is so as a result of shyness (which it's be unfair to judge him negatively on the basis of), or perhaps because he simply isn't sex-obsessed, as the stereotypical guy is?

May I ask what it is that would freak you out, about a 26-year-old male virgin? Seriously, I'm interested to know as to the thinking behind this stigma concerning male virginity.

Yeah wasn't sure if you were a boy or girl actually. You never know maybe they were trying it on. Anyway lot's of people do use these sort of lines. My point was it's unusual.

Why would it freak me out? It just would really, most people have lost it by this age and I couldn't help but wonder if they were some kind of serial killer or something and that's why they hadn't. That's more because of my own experiences though, I have been stalked and all sorts and an ex of mine had a fake dead sister so I'm more wary than most. I'm not saying that older virgins are psychos or anything.

Reply 46

Spiral Architect

I'd think they were either holding out due to religion or just plain shy. Either way, it's their choice.

Reply 47

Angelil

Bambi

Well, aren't you charming. So you prefer guys who shag anything with a pulse just to get the experience, to guys who have a soul and wait to find someone special? Whatever. (For the record, my guy was 23, not 26.)

Reply 48

high priestess fnord

Angelil

there is the happy medium of having a "normal" guy who will sleep with an attractive woman should the opportunity arise. whats wrong with getting a bit of practise in?

Reply 49

Angelil

Because surely it's nicer to learn together with someone you love?

Reply 50

high priestess fnord

id feel nervous with someone i loved and def wouldnt experiment so much. not i know what i want and what works i wouldnt be too shy to ask. each to thier own i spose.

Reply 51

silence

no attitude whatsoever. i don't see why virginity is a factor which affects how someone should be judged, whatever age they are, young or old. sure, it probably does vaguely correlate to certain types of people by coincidence, but that would be for sociological statisticians to judge, not me.

Reply 52

Hanzing

I see nothing wrong with being older and still a virgin, I should know, I'm 19 and never had sex. But I haven't met anyone I want to. I mean yeah, I could go to a club and accept some guys offer, But I don't want to do it that way.. Maybe I'm just old fashioned But Hell if Ive waited this long for it, Its gonna be special.. Think of life as coincidences, some people are lucky to find people that are really special at a younger age and will do it, others Just dont find them till later in life, Doesnt make them 'sad' or 'losers' They just havent met them yet, or maybe they just dont feel ready. People make their own choices in life, and just because they dont loose it in the society 'typical' time range like everyone else doesnt make them sad.

Reply 53

Mankjosh

There is no relationship between how cool you are and yo having lost your virginity. i was working on a camp and was sharing a dorm with three guys. Me and two of them were virgins at the time and the one who had had sex was actually socially an outkast on the camp.

Reply 54

Guffy

I can sort of get behind the whole "wanting to wait until it's special" thing (even though I personally was never all that bothered about it), which is kind of why I pity virgins that age. Not because they've never had sex, but because they've never had a relationship with someone they care enough about to have sex with.

I'd also like to add, I really don't understand the whole "if you're casual with sex, you don't have any self respect" thing. Some people just don't attach any importance to sex. It doesn't mean they lack self respect. If they compromised their principles on something that meant a lot to them then that would signify a lack of self respect, but if they're free with something that holds no value to them, I fail to see how they lack self respect.

Reply 55

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

Anonymous

what do you think of people in this agre range and older who are virgins.

admirable

Reply 56

The Canadian

I'm 19 and still a virgin, and my girlfriend is 20 (nearly 21) and also a virgin, but we've both never been with anyone we'd want to have sex with. To Guffy, it's often not the case that there's not the care there, it's the just the lack of wanting to go that far into a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being older and being a virgin, and as Tammy said, it's often quite admirable.

Reply 57

Guffy

The Canadian

To Guffy, it's often not the case that there's not the care there, it's the just the lack of wanting to go that far into a relationship.

If you're in love with someone, why would you not want to have sex with them?

I can't think of anything more beautiful and natural.

Reply 58

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

Guffy

If you're in love with someone, why would you not want to have sex with them?

I can't think of anything more beautiful and natural.

Why? because the two people in the relationship could be scared and have never been exactly went farther with anyone else before, maybe thats why they wouldn't want to have sex.

You hear of stories of people losing their virginity to the 'person they love' and after it the relationship ends, people do get scared of this concept - I certainly am but I won't know until that time comes what will happen in my relationship.