[Anonymous]

Hi, I recognize a problem of mine that is severely letting me down, not to myself but to others, and to an extent, it is affecting my relationships with people.

I am short, and I mean very short and because of this, I have built some sort of insecurity complex around me - and it is draining me, mentally. I am sick and tired of trying to battle my height, I can't find a way to make it my advantage.

Honestly, I didn't think squat about my height - I didn't think it would affect me in any way possible, by more recently, I've been accused of being insecure and having a complex when try to assert my authority. Apparently I turn everything into a competition (which I do, but I compete against myself by constantly challenging myself). Naturally, I am a very determined person, I will find a way to do things, and I generally never give up. I am hard working. I am a nice person, or so I like to think. I go to the gym, to build some muscle, but I'm not looking to overly bulk up - I don't want to look ridiculous - I know that I don't need to compensate in several area to get what I want, but, I am aware of people around me treating me different.

Pretty much so far, every girl that I've come across has said either to my face or behind my back that it's a shame or a waste that I'm this short, otherwise they'd be totally into me. This shouldn't affect me, because I want to be with someone who is with me for me, regardless of everything else, but it's when people constantly say these things about you, it just breaks the little confidence that you have in yourself, and it comes worse as I'm beginning to seek validation from people (why the hell am I doing this? I don't need them to tell me where I am successful or not, it is my prerogative).

How do I rebuild my confidence to what I thought it was before?

[TizzWazz]

Building confidence is a hard and lengthy process. To say that it is a shame that you are small gives me the opinion that it is their loss as you shouldn't judge someone solely by their size. I am small even for a female and everyone towers over me. But then you got to take things into consideration and take everything with a pinch of salt. You should be happy for what you are like and if anyone has a problem with your size and truly states this to your face, even if you make it apparent that it is hurtful and don't want to hear about it are they worth your friendship/relationship?

After a while people can build a wall around them enabling them not to get affected on commentary of other people. If you portray confidence when you walk e.t.c. after a while you will perhaps believe that you are actually confident.

Good luck.

[Josh93]

If they like you but won't go out with you because of your height then screw them, they aren't worth it.
Just find something you enjoy and are good at and focus on that, don't make everything a competition because frankly it will just make it look like you're trying to prove something which:

A) compounds your problem and
B) makes you look like a tw*t

Be happy about yourself and you will find the right girl, any girl that judges you based on your height would just be wasting your time anyway - it's the same as guys that won't date a girl because she isn't the right size or has small breasts, if that's how you think then you deserve to be lonely (not you personally).

[Anonymous]

(Original post by TizzWazz)
Building confidence is a hard and lengthy process. To say that it is a shame that you are small gives me the opinion that it is their loss as you shouldn't judge someone solely by their size. I am small even for a female and everyone towers over me. But then you got to take things into consideration and take everything with a pinch of salt. You should be happy for what you are like and if anyone has a problem with your size and truly states this to your face, even if you make it apparent that it is hurtful and don't want to hear about it are they worth your friendship/relationship?

I've been trying to tell myself that, but it's certainly noticeable, not just in the dating world. The taller you are, the more automatic respect you get. Personally, if it weren't for people treating me the way I am, I wouldn't have an issue with it, but it gets worse. I was brushed aside for something because I didn't "look like" fit (i.e tall enough) for the position. A few months later, they came back to me offering me the position because the person they took turned out to be crap. How the hell could I accept that? I'm not going to let myself be walked over like a doormat, and told them to shove it.

After a while people can build a wall around them enabling them not to get affected on commentary of other people. If you portray confidence when you walk e.t.c. after a while you will perhaps believe that you are actually confident.

Good luck.

I did that - I was very confident at school, I was a popular person because I stood by what I deemed to be right for me, and I took absolutely no hesitation is doing things. I took pride in things I did. The life outside of that is very different. That said, I have come across people mistaking my confidence for a complex :/

(Original post by Josh93)
If they like you but won't go out with you because of your height then screw them, they aren't worth it.
Just find something you enjoy and are good at and focus on that, don't make everything a competition because frankly it will just make it look like you're trying to prove something which:

A) compounds your problem and
B) makes you look like a tw*t

Be happy about yourself and you will find the right girl, any girl that judges you based on your height would just be wasting your time anyway - it's the same as guys that won't date a girl because she isn't the right size or has small breasts, if that's how you think then you deserve to be lonely (not you personally).

I'm trying to think that they aren't worth it, but when you here the same thing everyday, it's like being sanded down by sandpaper, if you get what I mean.

I entered a job where I know that I could face issues with height, that is, the commercial aviation industry. I know that there are certain advantages of being smaller and taller - actually, it's easier being shorter, and it is sort of a male-dominated industry. More importantly, I am in training because I absolutely love flying - I don't care about the other benefits. I believe for someone to do something, and for it to be worthwhile, they have to enjoy it and do it for the right reasons. That is when it becomes rewarding.

Here's a small kicker though - I'm already in a relationship, and she loves me for who I am - doesn't care about the height or the logistics in bed. I am told that I one of the most caring, considerate, loving, protective and loyal person she's ever met. A person is only as ever loyal as their options, so not having everyone throw themselves at me is helpful in terms of long-term relationships.

The confidence issues for me exist with the outer world. I was in a meeting with potential partners with someone who was taller than me, but had less experience than me in pretty much everything. They seemed to be attentive to what he was saying and dismissive of what I was saying - until the end, when they realized (and the horror on their faces) that I was the one with the greater experiences and the one to make the final decisions on things.

I was a senior advisor in the school's debating society - I wasn't allowed to participate in debating competitions, but I actually taught and gave advice to those when it came to debating competitions etc.

In the dating world, girls can make me laugh - because of how they react. I am automatically dismissed for my height by some, but the minute they notice how much money I have, they come flocking to me. What in the world will convince me that they are with me because of me? Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Why do I seem like I'm competitive? Well, I was told that I was competitive because I was the person to gain the higher marks in the tests, was the person to be reading most of the time whilst spending less time socializing and generally keeping me with standards I set myself. Generally, I am not a very competitive person, and people see that in my traits and generally how I react. People have said that I act like a spy, shrouded in mystery.

[ct2k7]

Confidence being a positive factor is BS when it comes to shorter men. Women subliminally correlate confidence to height preference, often finding excuses to discard the short guy who actually "ballsed-up" to her in hopes of engaging in conversation. There is no "right" amount of confidence a shorter man can have. Too much means he's got short-man-syndrome, too little means he's a wimp and a pushover which is even worse than having none at all. Women say they are "turned on" by confident men, but I believe it's more about being turned on by confident "tall" men.

[ct2k7]

I should probably add that a short guy going for something aggressively will make him look like a complex, but if a tall guy goes for something aggressively, then it's a total turn on for women.

[Ferrus]

I have actually reached the point where I've concluded that having confidence is probably more indicative of delusional self-dishonesty than its worth for one's own sense of integrity.