[Octohedral]

Hi

I just wanted to share some advice that I wish someone had given me as a naiive 18 year old. If you fit into the following categories;
1. Have few or no friends at school.
2. Rely strongly on a 'best' friend.
3. Know you are shy.
Then please follow it, and don't make my mistakes. If the above doesn't apply, good for you.

1. DO NOT retreat into your room - your university life will pass you by and nothing will change. You need to be out there, even if you don't like it. There's nothing worse than regret.
2. Don't go looking for friends - people will sense it and run away. Develop interests and be around people and friendships will develop.
3. Don't be disheartened if they don't - you don't need friends for the sake of it. However, you will never regret what you do, only what you don't do.
4. You WILL make mistakes, particularly if you are inexperienced conversationally, and socially awkward. If you want a social life you have to be thick skinned about it - laugh them off, learn from it, and move on.
5. Don't neglect your degree - if you don't make friends it's not the end of the world, but the worst thing you can do is retreat and not give it a chance.

You're not alone.

[xoxAngel_Kxox]

The most important thing is to realise that uni doesn't automatically make you a different person. People won't flock to be your friend; you have to make the effort. I was shy at school and got told "it will be fine when you go to uni, you'll make loads of friends" but then I got there and realised I was the same person just in a different place now..

But I realised that very early and then just got involved in everything I could, and had a great time.. even though I was sometimes absolutely exhausted at the end of the day from all the effort I had to put in. It started as an act, eventually felt natural, and now I can talk to people when I first meet them which is something I never thought I'd be able to do!

[Anonymous]

How was your experience then?

I retreated. Social anxiety got worse. At times would 'push' myself on people and be overly nice and eager. But then gave up and now keep to myself. Just finished 2nd year of uni, and got to the stage of avoiding people. I'm not completely weird, I will respond civilly and nicely if someone talks to me, but otherwise I'm on my own.

[IndigoRockGirl]

Thank you!

[Airfairy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
How was your experience then?

I retreated. Social anxiety got worse. At times would 'push' myself on people and be overly nice and eager. But then gave up and now keep to myself. Just finished 2nd year of uni, and got to the stage of avoiding people. I'm not completely weird, I will respond civilly and nicely if someone talks to me, but otherwise I'm on my own.

Ditto! I still enjoy uni though, even if I haven't made as many friends as planned.

[Devon]

That sounds like very good advice, thank you.
Is there any socially acceptable way to respond to people asking why you don't have friends from your last school?
In my specific circumstances, we had a huge blowout near the end of the year because they didn't seem to respond when I said I wasn't comfortable with something. I'm imagining it'll be a bit awkward at uni if people ask what I did at A-levels. Though now that I think about it, the question itself seems a bit odd?

[Ferrus]

Hmm. Well my first year was an utter social disaster. It was the halcyon days of posting on this board too - which is perhaps a lesson in not letting this forum become your surrogate social life. At the end of the first year I did start finding reciprocal interests, such as the RPG society. It can be difficult to leverage that outside of what it is.

It was the second year where I really had my dose of sociality, being in a house share forced matters. It was a good laugh. I made a friend whom inevitably I feel out with and yet... I discovered that I could actually be good social company. If the first year doesn't work, try the second.

[KeepItSecret]

Thankyou!

I'm really nervous about going to university in September.. I think I've gotten more reserved and socially awkward as I've gotten older!