[Chumbaniya]

As far as I'm aware there's no particularly recent thread on this topic (though obviously it'll have come up before) so I thought I'd give it a go.

Online dating is something I've obviously been aware of for a fair amount of time - though I've paid little attention to it - but I've decided to give it a go as my social life (whilst great with existing friends) is looking a little stale as far as meeting new people goes until I'm back at university in September.

As with most things, my first instinct is to do science at it, so I'm really interested in trying to work out what the trends are both through personal experience and by hearing about the experiences other people have had. And the questions begin:

If you've tried online dating, what made you decide to do so? What sites did you join and why?

If you haven't tried it, is that deliberate? If it is, what is it that makes you want to avoid it?

Have you had good or bad experiences meeting people online? How have you felt judgements you made about people based on profiles and chatting correlated to what they were like in real life?

When you're looking for someone online, what is it that appeals to you about a person? Is it the same sort of thing that you'll notice first about a person in real life, or do you assess people a little differently?

What are your habits when looking for someone? Do you like to send brief, non-specific messages to a lot of people, or find people with common interests which you can talk about in more detail? Do you like to wait to see who has shown an interest in you, or browse for yourself?

Phew. That was a lot of questions. As for me, I just signed up on Plenty of Fish yesterday and it's definitely rather a novel experience. I've had moderate experience meeting women I've spoken to online (including my last girlfriend of over a year) but that's all been through TSR, and without either party focusing specifically on meeting up or relationships.

[Helenia]

Cue a lot of bitter guys coming in to whinge that all the girls are way too picky and think far too much of themselves...

[Anonymous]

Ok. Here goes my epicly long reply...but hey, you asked for it

I joined a dating site called freedating in Novemeber (i currently had a boyfriend but id found him on a dating site so i only joined because he had). I got chatting to this guy and we clicked really well. I told him i had a boyfriend and i also told my boyfriend about him. I met this guy (with permission off my boyfriend on the basis it was just friends). And the initial meet wasnt successful but we stayed in touch. (my boyfriend broke up with me after finding another girl) so then me and this guy got closer, ended up in a relationship for about a week, and then just friends- and we're still really good friends now

Then when my boyfriend broke up with me i joined PoF. Met a guy off there, things were going ok, we shared a kiss outside my house. Never met up again, but spoke loads on facebook. Think he thought i was a weirdo he'd ask me why i wasnt talking to him etc and then id suggest meeting up again and hed make an excuse, so i just gave up on the mixed signals (i.e. inititating talking etc and then not wanting to meet). Im not looking for 'chat buddies'.

2nd guy- we met up and he was really shy. Asked me what id done today and 2 mins later asked me what id done today, bless him he was nice enough, we went for a drink then he suggested we went for a walk, then text me saying ''nice meeting you, you were lovely'' then i text a few days later, got no response, never heard off him since. He was a lot better looking in real life than his photos though!!

then i quit PoF because i just couldnt be bothered.

Then i rejoined around easter because all my friends were going home from Uni and i wanted to meet more people.

1st guy- we met up 3 times, kissed, but tbh i was in a weird place, thought i liked him, then just realised i was desperate told him i was sorry etc but didnt like him in that way- apologised for giving him mixed signals.

2nd guy- we just went out as friends had a good day, still talk, but not entirely sure what he wants. I dont want anything with him anyway.

3rd guy- went on 2 dates, actually really liked him and fancied him and vice versa. The only problem was after the first date he got really clingy- told me who i could and couldnt be friends with, jealous when i said i fancied a celeb, even though all day he'd done the same thing and i didnt care lol. Then just got really manipulative, twisted everything i said. kept pushing for a relationship, told me off for not wanting to kiss on the 1st date etc. so i just told him i didnt like his games.

4th guy- i was stupid, we met up at like 11pm....and being the naiive idiot i am i genuinely thought he didnt just want sex. Ended up at his flat, he was just disgusting. He kept trying to push for stuff. I was really lucky that i got out his flat ok, because it was so stupid going there!!

Then i quit PoF about 2 weeks after joining, and now i dont want to date or relationships at all!!!

[Chumbaniya]

(Original post by Helenia)
Cue a lot of bitter guys coming in to whinge that all the girls are way too picky and think far too much of themselves...

I'm not sure that's fair - there will presumably also be plenty of girls whinging about how the guys that message them are always creepy

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok. Here goes my epicly long reply...but hey, you asked for it

I joined a dating site called freedating in Novemeber (i currently had a boyfriend but id found him on a dating site so i only joined because he had). I got chatting to this guy and we clicked really well. I told him i had a boyfriend and i also told my boyfriend about him. I met this guy (with permission off my boyfriend on the basis it was just friends). And the initial meet wasnt successful but we stayed in touch. (my boyfriend broke up with me after finding another girl) so then me and this guy got closer, ended up in a relationship for about a week, and then just friends- and we're still really good friends now

Then when my boyfriend broke up with me i joined PoF. Met a guy off there, things were going ok, we shared a kiss outside my house. Never met up again, but spoke loads on facebook. Think he thought i was a weirdo he'd ask me why i wasnt talking to him etc and then id suggest meeting up again and hed make an excuse, so i just gave up on the mixed signals (i.e. inititating talking etc and then not wanting to meet). Im not looking for 'chat buddies'.

2nd guy- we met up and he was really shy. Asked me what id done today and 2 mins later asked me what id done today, bless him he was nice enough, we went for a drink then he suggested we went for a walk, then text me saying ''nice meeting you, you were lovely'' then i text a few days later, got no response, never heard off him since. He was a lot better looking in real life than his photos though!!

then i quit PoF because i just couldnt be bothered.

Then i rejoined around easter because all my friends were going home from Uni and i wanted to meet more people.

1st guy- we met up 3 times, kissed, but tbh i was in a weird place, thought i liked him, then just realised i was desperate told him i was sorry etc but didnt like him in that way- apologised for giving him mixed signals.

2nd guy- we just went out as friends had a good day, still talk, but not entirely sure what he wants. I dont want anything with him anyway.

3rd guy- went on 2 dates, actually really liked him and fancied him and vice versa. The only problem was after the first date he got really clingy- told me who i could and couldnt be friends with, jealous when i said i fancied a celeb, even though all day he'd done the same thing and i didnt care lol. Then just got really manipulative, twisted everything i said. kept pushing for a relationship, told me off for not wanting to kiss on the 1st date etc. so i just told him i didnt like his games.

4th guy- i was stupid, we met up at like 11pm....and being the naiive idiot i am i genuinely thought he didnt just want sex. Ended up at his flat, he was just disgusting. He kept trying to push for stuff. I was really lucky that i got out his flat ok, because it was so stupid going there!!

Then i quit PoF about 2 weeks after joining, and now i dont want to date or relationships at all!!!

failed to add 5th guy to this- got on really well, but i didnt fancy him, so we're just friends.

[DancinBallerina]

Online dating experiences - been there, done that, and not going back!

Seriously, if anything I have learnt from it - don't bother wasting your time!!! That probably sounds bitter and etc, but I have come to the conclusion - what will be, will be, and one day your partner will come along when you're not looking!

I joined PoF earlier this year, and after chatting with a few blokes, one of them I even dated for a short while before that all went 'tits' up, it literally is a load of bullocks (imo!)

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by DancinBallerina)
Online dating experiences - been there, done that, and not going back!

Seriously, if anything I have learnt from it - don't bother wasting your time!!! That probably sounds bitter and etc, but I have come to the conclusion - what will be, will be, and one day your partner will come along when you're not looking!

I joined PoF earlier this year, and after chatting with a few blokes, one of them I even dated for a short while before that all went 'tits' up, it literally is a load of bullocks (imo!)

i remember you posting about said experience on PoF. Agreed online dating is a waste of time. Especially the free sites. Too many people say what you want to hear.

[Chumbaniya]

I've just thought of another particularly interesting question that I can't really find out the answer to myself - for women seeking men, what do you find men most commonly request in a partner? And how do men most often describe themselves?

There's an incredibly strong trend that's already evident to me of women seeking "genuine" men, and describing themselves as "down to earth" (even more popular, seemingly, than the ubiquitous "bubbly").

[DancinBallerina]

(Original post by pinkangelgirl)
i remember you posting about said experience on PoF. Agreed online dating is a waste of time. Especially the free sites. Too many people say what you want to hear.

LoL I tried PoF on two separate occasions, as I thought maybe I was doing something wrong, but it really is pants imho! I still talk to the guy I dated, went out with briefly and had nookie with lol, but that's as far as it's goes. Yes, a lot of people on PoF tell you what you want to hear; many string you along too.

Just going to look after number one; myself, concentrate on getting myself sorted before even taking another look at that part of my life.

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by DancinBallerina)
LoL I tried PoF on two separate occasions, as I thought maybe I was doing something wrong, but it really is pants imho! I still talk to the guy I dated, went out with briefly and had nookie with lol, but that's as far as it's goes. Yes, a lot of people on PoF tell you what you want to hear; many string you along too.

Just going to look after number one; myself, concentrate on getting myself sorted before even taking another look at that part of my life.

100% agree with everything you just said lol

[Chumbaniya]

(Original post by pinkangelgirl)
i remember you posting about said experience on PoF. Agreed online dating is a waste of time. Especially the free sites. Too many people say what you want to hear.

I'd already much rather have people telling me what I wanted to hear than the "hey how r u" contentless messages from gigantic women that I'm receiving so far.

[DancinBallerina]

(Original post by Chumbaniya)
I've just thought of another particularly interesting question that I can't really find out the answer to myself - for women seeking men, what do you find men most commonly request in a partner? And how do men most often describe themselves?

There's an incredibly strong trend that's already evident to me of women seeking "genuine" men, and describing themselves as "down to earth" (even more popular, seemingly, than the ubiquitous "bubbly").

The majority of men are looking for someone who is good is bed, to put it bluntly! I was even asked that on a first message, which you can probably tell I didn't respond to! Some say they want a genuine girl, but what constitutes as genuine is dependent on the man seeking! . . I don't know - it just varies I guess .

The majority of men didn't really ''sell'' themselves, tell me more about themselves and etc, instead the majority just wrote about 2-3 lines, and then left it with ''message me for more info'' - which in my mind = boring!!!

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by Chumbaniya)
I'd already much rather have people telling me what I wanted to hear than the "hey how r u" contentless messages from gigantic women that I'm receiving so far.

well i clearly didnt mean in that sense did i? I meant when you get to know someone and they tell you they want this and that i.e. looking for a relationship and something meaningful, and then afterwards you find out they just havent been laid in a while and want to get their leg over.

[DancinBallerina]

(Original post by pinkangelgirl)
well i clearly didnt mean in that sense did i? I meant when you get to know someone and they tell you they want this and that i.e. looking for a relationship and something meaningful, and then afterwards you find out they just havent been laid in a while and want to get their leg over.

LoL Exactly what happened to me.

OP, listen to this girl - she's talking sense.

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by DancinBallerina)
LoL Exactly what happened to me.

OP, listen to this girl - she's talking sense.

and me on at least 3 occasions.

[Chumbaniya]

(Original post by DancinBallerina)
The majority of men are looking for someone who is good is bed, to put it bluntly! I was even asked that on a first message, which you can probably tell I didn't respond to! Some say they want a genuine girl, but what constitutes as genuine is dependent on the man seeking! . . I don't know - it just varies I guess .

The majority of men didn't really ''sell'' themselves, tell me more about themselves and etc, instead the majority just wrote about 2-3 lines, and then left it with ''message me for more info'' - which in my mind = boring!!!

Interested in someone good in bed, or easy to get into bed? I'd actually be somewhat surprised by the former, since men tend to place a greater premium on the willingness of a lover than on their skill, since men are more easily pleased sexually.

(Original post by pinkangelgirl)
well i clearly didnt mean in that sense did i? I meant when you get to know someone and they tell you they want this and that i.e. looking for a relationship and something meaningful, and then afterwards you find out they just havent been laid in a while and want to get their leg over.

I was merely making a flippant remark about how certain portly women believe that asking me how I am in broken English might intrigue me.

[Awesome-o]

I've dabbled in it for the past month. I am a 26 year old doctor in London. 8 weeks POF, 4 weeks Match.com, 3 weeks Lovestruck.

Obviously the former is free and attracts all sorts of characters, whilst Match.com (£4/week iPhone) should filter out some of that, and Lovestruck (£37/month) is expensive at aimed at London professionals.

Reason for joining: Not meeting anyone through friends. No luck with work colleagues. Also just to see what the fuss is about.

I have found very little differentiation between them to be honest, overall very poor experiences. It's a real chore sifting though the generic profiles most females have. It's as if they've used a template. I like going to the gym, baking, shopping, going to bars. I don't care about them having 200 hobbies and interests, but just make your profile more readable, interesting and funny. It's a real gem when you find a girl who's profile has made you laugh out loud. No personality comes through int he vast majority of profiles, and there's very little to work with when messaging them.

I estimate the message response rate to be about 1 in 15. In the vast majority of cases I wrote a messages which were (in my opinion) witty and humorous, picking up on aspects of their personal statements (such as common work place, travel destinations, general outlook on life) in about 3-4 small paragraphs. I then will pose a couple of brief, easily digestible questions. All wrapped up in a subtlety flirtatious package. I will also add that my personal statement is written with dry humour, social/media references, use of sarcasm etc, so many may not be very receptive to my style of humour (for me a good thing, weed the non-compatible them out early on).

I would pretty much always get a profile view, but no reply. On POF, I pretty much exclusively message the fellow professionals, keeping a similar target audience to the two latter sites I mentioned.

I have "back and forth" messaged about 3/4 girls. One of which we still keep in contact (only for the last week or so), but lives too far away for anything serious. One was right up my street regarding personality, but messages died out for whatever reason.

The vast majority of girls (notably on POF) state in their profile things like "No offers of sex", or "Will not respond to text speak", "Must write more than just 'hi'", "Will not respond if topless mirror pic" etc. Of course, I do none of these. One does wonder what kind of message/profile thy do respond to, then. And don't get the impression I'm writing some mushy rubbish. My intentions are clear, I don't lavish the praise on them. Far from it.

Possible limiting factors:
1) Height listed at 5'8". This has to be a big factor (irony!). Online dating introduces selection via statistics, whereas the real world is more fluid and not so categorised. Match.com lets ladies state a minimum height requirement. I don't meet about 95% of these.
2) Young looking for age - I still get ID'd
3) My sense of humour/general approach to life is too "niche". I agree it is, and of the girls I regularly messages, they were right on point with my slightly left-field, eclectic persona (Think Flight of the Concords, Charlie Brooker, Brass Eye style).
4) I'm completely out of touch with reality.
5) I don't posses rock hard abs and a full length mirror.

The most disappointing site has to be Lovestruck. Admittedly it has the smallest dating pool, but is pretty much restricted to professionals. Though standing in the tube surrounded by smartly dressed, older looking and of course taller finance workers does explain this somewhat.

Though I suppose 1 in 10-15 response rate is about average, non?

I shall cancel my subscriptions however.

[emdo]

(Original post by Chumbaniya)
As far as I'm aware there's no particularly recent thread on this topic (though obviously it'll have come up before) so I thought I'd give it a go.

Online dating is something I've obviously been aware of for a fair amount of time - though I've paid little attention to it - but I've decided to give it a go as my social life (whilst great with existing friends) is looking a little stale as far as meeting new people goes until I'm back at university in September.

As with most things, my first instinct is to do science at it, so I'm really interested in trying to work out what the trends are both through personal experience and by hearing about the experiences other people have had. And the questions begin:

If you've tried online dating, what made you decide to do so? What sites did you join and why?

If you haven't tried it, is that deliberate? If it is, what is it that makes you want to avoid it?

Have you had good or bad experiences meeting people online? How have you felt judgements you made about people based on profiles and chatting correlated to what they were like in real life?

When you're looking for someone online, what is it that appeals to you about a person? Is it the same sort of thing that you'll notice first about a person in real life, or do you assess people a little differently?

What are your habits when looking for someone? Do you like to send brief, non-specific messages to a lot of people, or find people with common interests which you can talk about in more detail? Do you like to wait to see who has shown an interest in you, or browse for yourself?

Phew. That was a lot of questions. As for me, I just signed up on Plenty of Fish yesterday and it's definitely rather a novel experience. I've had moderate experience meeting women I've spoken to online (including my last girlfriend of over a year) but that's all been through TSR, and without either party focusing specifically on meeting up or relationships.

Experience: None

Opinions: Conflicting and ever changing.

I was close to joining one, after some failed attempts in meeting people through more 'usual' channels (i.e. through work/mates/going out/etc.) but my friend called me at that moment and brought me to my senses

My initial reaction to dating sites, was "hell no". Then as time progressed I started to think "maybe". However, I guess I haven't taken the plunge because feel I'm still young, not even old enough to say I'm in my 'mid-twenties' and I figure I still have time/opportunities to meet people. I also feel that online dating would be even more of "the game" and "rules". I can barely handle the game offline, let alone online where people have the opportunity to really think about what they are going to say/their next moves.

However, I'm finding a few ex-university classmates are signing up (we're all around the same age) and seem to be having dates...haven't heard any negative experiences from them...

My overall opinion is whatever you do, is whatever you do (and really, none of my business). But online dating isn't for me.... yet.

[Awesome-o]

(Original post by Chumbaniya)
I'd already much rather have people telling me what I wanted to hear than the "hey how r u" contentless messages from gigantic women that I'm receiving so far.

Yes, forget to mention this. Exclusively the "female initiated" messages I receive. God, write something vaguely related to my profile.

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by Awesome-o)
Yes, forget to mention this. Exclusively the "female initiated" messages I receive. God, write something vaguely related to my profile.

all the men seem to do that too.....