[Anonymous]

I have a friend who I think is suffering from what I think is anorexia. I don't know for sure because she isn't actually diagnosed, what I do know is she has anemia, she sleeps a lot because she is so weak and she eats so little, one meal a day and when she does eat that meal....it's not a lot. We are very worried about her. She refuses to go to the doctors because she finds them very 'intrusive'.

How do we get her to go to the doctors when she refuses? If she keeps this up she will most likely die, if not, then develop some serious long term ill-effects. We can't force her to go to the doctors and we don't want to wait til she basically faints to get her to the doctors. She won't listen and we don't know what to do.

What can we do?

[intermediary]

When it comes to a friends eating disorder, you can't do much at all apart from offer support. Any attempts to push her into treatment are more than likely to result in her isolating herself.
Being able to offer her a listening ear is the most you can do and it really is a lifeline to someone with anorexia.
You obviously care very much about her and its great that she has such caring friends. You just need to accept the fact anorexia is not a choice, she is not in control of it and neither are you, you can't make her better, nor can you force her into treatment.
Being nonjudgemental and supportive is the most you can offer. Also try to include her socially as much as possible in things which don't centre around food. Anorexia tends to lead to isolation and food is anxiety inducing so inviting her to the cinema, to go shopping etc will help to improve her mood, minimise the isolation and remove food anxiety from those outings.
Many people with EDs are unable to speak to others because they feel like they don't understand or will be judged. EDs are very complicated. Tell your friend that you are there to listen whenever she needs to talk, reassure her she's not a burden and you're always there for her.
That is all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Hey thanks for replying.

She's already isolating herself. In fact, I think she's isolated herself already for many years. It's just manifested into something much more serious now. She's 24 years old and she has no friends. I don't actually live close to her. In fact I feel horrible because I live so far away and more so because I've personally experienced mental disorders first hand and I know what it's like (I've suffered from OCD, depression and other anxiety problems for over 12 years). Her parents can't do anything because they never see her. They work in a takeaway shop and she's asleep every time they're back. From what I've been told she's been like this for 2 months already. I feel like they've all given up on her because she's refusing help and probably because they don't know how to help her themselves. I also feel like they're waiting until one of her organs actually fails until they take her to hospital. Is this really the only time they can take her to hospital because she's refusing? Wouldn't it be too late by then? She would have developed some life long ill-health effects by then.

(Original post by intermediary)
When it comes to a friends eating disorder, you can't do much at all apart from offer support. Any attempts to push her into treatment are more than likely to result in her isolating herself.
Being able to offer her a listening ear is the most you can do and it really is a lifeline to someone with anorexia.
You obviously care very much about her and its great that she has such caring friends. You just need to accept the fact anorexia is not a choice, she is not in control of it and neither are you, you can't make her better, nor can you force her into treatment.
Being nonjudgemental and supportive is the most you can offer. Also try to include her socially as much as possible in things which don't centre around food. Anorexia tends to lead to isolation and food is anxiety inducing so inviting her to the cinema, to go shopping etc will help to improve her mood, minimise the isolation and remove food anxiety from those outings.
Many people with EDs are unable to speak to others because they feel like they don't understand or will be judged. EDs are very complicated. Tell your friend that you are there to listen whenever she needs to talk, reassure her she's not a burden and you're always there for her.
That is all you can do.

[intermediary]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey thanks for replying.

She's already isolating herself. In fact, I think she's isolated herself already for many years. It's just manifested into something much more serious now. She's 24 years old and she has no friends. I don't actually live close to her. In fact I feel horrible because I live so far away and more so because I've personally experienced mental disorders first hand and I know what it's like (I've suffered from OCD, depression and other anxiety problems for over 12 years). Her parents can't do anything because they never see her. They work in a takeaway shop and she's asleep every time they're back. From what I've been told she's been like this for 2 months already. I feel like they've all given up on her because she's refusing help and probably because they don't know how to help her themselves. I also feel like they're waiting until one of her organs actually fails until they take her to hospital. Is this really the only time they can take her to hospital because she's refusing? Wouldn't it be too late by then? She would have developed some life long ill-health effects by then.

Aw that's fine, gave me something to do !
Don't feel horrible, I know that's easier said than done but it's not your fault she's suffering and it's not your fault that you don't live close by.
I can understand how difficult this must be for you and I know it's horrible to feel helpless in these situations.
If your friend refuses treatment, she may be forcibly detained/sectioned under the Mental Health Act if it's thought she's a serious risk to herself or others. So, a professional can force her into treatment under this Act but it'd have to be pretty bad.

You could get in contact with B-EAT (UK eating disorder organisation) on 08456341414 to get information on the services available for her in her area. They're open Mon-Fri from 10.30am-8.30pm and Sat 1-4.30pm. If you don't want to talk on the phone, you can email them at help@b-eat.co.uk.

To avoid the charge of calling an 0845 number (I think it's 2p a minute from a landline so not much at all, but still) or if you'd like to speak on your mobile as opposed to a landline, you can call B-EAT on 08456347650 if you're under 25 and ask them to call you back so you don't have to pay for the call (they offer this service). This line, the 'Youthline', is open Mon-Fri 4.30pm-8.30pm and Sat 1.00pm-4.30pm. Alternatively, if you'd prefer not to talk to someone on the phone, you can text them on 07786201820 at any time. You can also ask them to call you by sending a text, as opposed to having to call them first.

Hope that helps a bit and don't put pressure on yourself; you're doing more than most would and she's lucky to have such a great friend.