Should I tell him I cheated?

Personally I think that he has a right to know, despite the fact it was so long ago. If it is as great a relationship as you make it out to be then I think that it will survive this information.

Final point, although this is an anonymous post there are now over a hundred people who know about this secret and yet the person whom it is about is still in the dark. Can that be fair??

Reply 21

odkfn

14

Original post by Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend 2 years ... I went on holiday after we'd been together 2/3 months and we'd hardly seen each other because of distance ... and I had a holiday thing with this guy (just kissing.. nothing else) for the whole week away. About a month or so later when there was no distance me and my boyfriend started to get closer and since then we've been really close. However, I've always felt guilty and a bit 'weighed down' by my holiday "fling".

I've always had trust issues from my family background, a past relationship and also a bit from this relationship. However recently I've noticed that its got a lot worse. I feel SO paranoid all the time about him liking other girls or cheating on me and I'm wondering if my guilt from before is catching up with me.

Part of me has always wanted to tell him because I hate the fact that I'm lying to someone I am supposed to love and care about. It feels so wrong. But obviously I also have doubts about telling him the truth - mainly what if he then decides to cheat too. I really don't know what to do right now and I don't want to ask my friends as they are friends of his too.

What do you guys think...should I tell him that I cheated on him? :/

xXx

Well, to be honest you opened your whole thing making excuses for yourself to justify that you didn't have a strong relationship to begin with and how that some how made it acceptable to cheat. In my opinion - of course you should tell him. I cheated on my girlfriend a year after we started going out (pulled another girl, not sex or anything like that) and I told her the next day, she was angry/upset etc, but I owed it to her to tell her. I like to think of my girlfriend as my best friend, and as I wouldnt pull one of my guy best friends girlfriends, I equally don't like to hurt my girlfriend that much. If you don't tell him the guilt won't go away. Conversely, if you do tell him, the guilt won't go away either probably but then it's his decission whether or not to forgive you, not your own.

Reply 22

Wild Boar

Slag, you don't even deserve to be in a relationship you can't even remain faithful.

Reply 23

The_Jammy_Witch

10

You should absolutely tell him.

Cheating doesn't just 'happen', as some people on here seem to be suggesting. You didn't just slip and fall and his tongue ended up down your gob. You CHOSE it, every step of the way. I wonder how your choices would have differed had Mr Holiday been a viable option back home as opposed to a circumstantial impossibility. But as it is, you went back to what was comforting and easy.

Easy option: don't tell him. Try to justify to yourself, via some strained moral logic, that it would be 'more selfish' to tell him than to not (what a crocka ****e!).

Harder, more sincere and respectable option: 'fess up. If you respected him at all, that's what you would do.

You would allow him to make the choice on the real facts, and not make the choice for him by keeping quiet. By keeping quiet, you will be taking away his right to choose to be with you based on a real perception of who you are.

At present, he thinks you're not a cheat. This is a hugely influential thing to be incorrect about.

All that said... if you respected him in the first place, we wouldn't be reading this thread.

Reply 24

Wild Boar

Cheating is never acceptable, there is continuous amount of threads regarding the same thing.

It is up to you whether you tell him or not, nobody can force you to. :ike:

Imagine if the boot was on the other foot and he did it to you. :mute:

Reply 25

Lucia.

16

OP, let us know what you decide to do. At least make sure you're coming to it from the point of regret.

Reply 26

gagaslilmonsteruk

18

If you don't tell him this will continue to eat away at you.

Reply 27

username917703

17

Original post by Wild Boar

Slag, you don't even deserve to be in a relationship you can't even remain faithful.

Say how you really feel. :biggrin:

Reply 28

Wild Boar

Original post by Wilfred Little

Say how you really feel. :biggrin:

I think cheaters are scum.

Reply 29

Lucia.

16

There are obviously two schools of thought for this. I don't think one is more right than the other. It depends on your situation. Decide what you think is best but try to move on from the past.

I know this is a heated topic but there is no need to be calling the OP names. She knows it's wrong. She asked for advice, so just give constructive advice.

Cut yourself a bit of slack. You've done wrong; just don't do it again. Nobody's perfect. Think about your boyfriend and try to do your best by him, whatever you think that is.

Original post by BillyBongos

Also, what defines cheating? - advertising yourself on fb, talking to people of the opposite sex, going on singles holidays, flirting with other people, wearing revealing clothing, going for same sex night out at a nightclub? This can be seen differently by different races and cultures

I tend to define cheating as anything you wouldn't do in front of your partner. However, it is normal to find other people attractive whilst in a relationship and even to flirt a bit with other people. The important thing is never to take it further than that.

It is awful to be dishonest with yourself. When people do that, relationships last longer than they should do and it makes cheating more likely. I think that's the worst part of it. Someone being so dishonest with themselves that they don't realise when their relationship has run its course or so they are too much in denial of their feelings. A healthy dose of cynicism is a good way of preventing that. Whatever you do, be true to yourself.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 30

Wild Boar

Original post by BillyBongos

No don't tell him - he will only hate you for it and it won't help you! You'll have to deal with, and live with your guilt! That's the price you pay.

Have you ever cheated yourself?

A partner has a right to know, it is not fair - trust, faithfulness and loyalty are key factors in a healthy relationship.

Cheating on a partner, can make the cheater a little paranoid!

Well I never, most partners after finding out would end it, and rightly so! :doh:

You will never forget what you've done. just don't do it again.

Some people forget what day it was yesterday... :bawling:

Also this is a sign that you're not happy in your current relationship :wink:

Point out anything more obvious, may you? :colondollar:

If you're less than 25, you shouldn't be having serious relationships, you're still finding who you are.

Says who?

Most people can get into and maintain healthy serious relationships from 16+, you can get to know yourself whilst still having a partner, many upon many in uni have partners and did before going into uni, for example. :facepalm:

If you had cracked lips / sores around your mouth, you could have an std and pass this on - which is not fair to the guy

Also, what defines cheating? - advertising yourself on fb, talking to people of the opposite sex, going on singles holidays, flirting with other people, wearing revealing clothing, going for same sex night out at a nightclub?

Anything you wouldn't do infront of your partner, quit being silly.

This can be seen differently by different races and cultures

Any individual regardless of their race(s) has different definitions of it but 90+% would say its anything you wouldn't do infront of your partner. :ta:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 31

Average_Aaron

11

Yes you should tell him

If you don't you are a bad, deceitful person. I am 100% serious.

Reply 32

M4LLY

12

Keep it fromnhim, if you were going to tell him you should jave told him sooner. He'll just be angry at you if you bring it up now because of the fact that you kept it from him for so long.

Reply 33

lewisd17

2

100% tell him. I'd want to know. He'll probably get rid of you but that's up to him and not you.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 34

Wild Boar

Original post by lewisd17

100% tell him. I'd want to know. He'll probably get rid of you but that's up to him and not you.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

That's why many wont tell.

Reply 35

TheLastOfUs

Original post by Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend 2 years ... I went on holiday after we'd been together 2/3 months and we'd hardly seen each other because of distance ... and I had a holiday thing with this guy (just kissing.. nothing else) for the whole week away. About a month or so later when there was no distance me and my boyfriend started to get closer and since then we've been really close. However, I've always felt guilty and a bit 'weighed down' by my holiday "fling".

I've always had trust issues from my family background, a past relationship and also a bit from this relationship. However recently I've noticed that its got a lot worse. I feel SO paranoid all the time about him liking other girls or cheating on me and I'm wondering if my guilt from before is catching up with me.

Part of me has always wanted to tell him because I hate the fact that I'm lying to someone I am supposed to love and care about. It feels so wrong. But obviously I also have doubts about telling him the truth - mainly what if he then decides to cheat too. I really don't know what to do right now and I don't want to ask my friends as they are friends of his too.

What do you guys think...should I tell him that I cheated on him? :/

xXx

Look you stupid worthless hoe. You kissed some other dude while you're still together and you think you deserve to keep expectations of him not to cheat on you? What kind of worthless hypocritical slag are you? Just fking tell him that you did what you did and let's see. It's highly immoral that you don't.

Reply 36

lewisd17

2

Original post by Wild Boar

That's why many wont tell.

Yes but my point was that it should be his decision, if the relationship is that strong he'll look past it. If not, it's probably better if it does end?

Reply 37

Laurenculver

Definitely tell him. Otherwise you'll live with this guilt forever. It's just better to be truthful in a relationship, trust me.

Reply 38

kunoichi

20

Original post by $hadow

Agreed, If I were your boyfriend and you told me you had cheated on me at the beginning of a relationship; I would get rid of you faster then the speed of light and here is why...

Once a cheater; always a cheater, plus the fact that trust goes straight out the window.

*******s, that doesnt apply to everyone.

Although tbf i agree with the get rid part, if someone cheats on you they dont deserve to be in a relationship with you.

Reply 39

amyshamblesxx

10

Bit strange how you said you were kissing this other guy all throughout the holiday. If it was a one off kiss in a nightclub for example, I would be more inclined to believe it was a mistake. But to repeatedly kiss another guy over the course of a week, when you have a boyfriend back home? That's just really low and vile of you.

Should I tell him I cheated?

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