(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 27 years old. I've had problems that some might call "mental health problems" for a long time now. I've also had a lot of physical illnesses and injuries, most of which were relatively minor - to my knowledge.
At the moment, I feel like I'm decaying, sickly, old and withered. I have headaches a lot of the time, usually centred around my eye. I have pains in my legs. I spend most of my time on my computer... almost all day, every day, playing games.
There's lots of things I think (physically) could be wrong with me, but because I have a history of health anxiety, doctors tend not to take my symptoms seriously. This just makes me worry more about my health.
The problem is, I don't know what I can do. I try to exercise but then some problem prevents me from doing so (press-ups seem to result in indigestion, possibly a hernia coming on and chest pains). I feel skinny and underweight no matter how much I eat.
Mentally, I'm not doing well either. Most of the time I feel like things aren't real, like I'm not completely there. This used to occur in patches, now things never seem real unless I'm suffering in some way. I have bouts of deep depression and anger in which all I can think of is killing myself or others. Almost all my friends have stopped talking to me. I barely speak to my family except when we argue. I struggle to look anyone in the eye unless I'm angry.
I know that the world really doesn't care, and that's fine. I don't feel real anyway, except for the symptoms. I have no income, savings or plans. I was going to go abroad, but in this state I don't feel like I can do anything, ever. Even sleeping is difficult, long nights of trying not to think about how my life is wasting away and that "this is it", coupled with constant indigestion no matter how much or little I eat.
I've seen lots of therapists and counsellors, and sometimes it helsp temporarily. But only temporarily. I don't know what to do anymore, if I ever did. Even writing this doesn't seem real, and sometimes I wonder if I'm actually dead already, living in some sort of terrible afterlife.