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from dating to friends? :/

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    Been dating a guy for the past few months, we spoke every day, saw eachother every week, he would tell me things like he really liked me, would look forward to seeing me (in a more than just a friend way), tell me im really attractive and I fit in really well with the type of girl he is looking for.

    Over the past week he has been really distant, really cutting down on the texts and being flaky about when we can next meet. My gut was telling me he had lost interest or something so I asked him what was going on and he took 2 days to reply to me and told me he see's me as a really good friend and hasn't 'emotionally bonded' yet :/ over the past week he hasnt felt much of a connection. I am trying to talk to him more about it because I feel like i deserve more of an explanation and I would like some closure.

    I don't understand 'emotionally bonded' in the beginning he asked me if i liked him in more than just a friend way because he liked me as more so what does he mean? Also, can you ever get back out of the 'friendzone?' :/
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    If he's just going to be like this with you... do you really want him to even be your friend?
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    (Original post by Iron Cross)
    If he's just going to be like this with you... do you really want him to even be your friend?
    You think hes being an ********? I dunno about friends.. I just want to understand his reasons
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    Anyone else please?
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    I think that if you're in the friendzone generally, it's almost impossible to get out. If you've dated the guy a bit already, it'll be MUCH easier to date him again rather than getting out from scratch. It's hard to know exactly where this has gone wrong. You mentioned you need closure so I get the impression you have stronger feelings than he does. If you were being clingy then that could've been a complete turn-off. If you haven't had sex and it's been 3 months or so, maybe he's just fed up. Can't really tell too much from that info.
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    (Original post by RichyFrench)
    I think that if you're in the friendzone generally, it's almost impossible to get out. If you've dated the guy a bit already, it'll be MUCH easier to date him again rather than getting out from scratch. It's hard to know exactly where this has gone wrong. You mentioned you need closure so I get the impression you have stronger feelings than he does. If you were being clingy then that could've been a complete turn-off. If you haven't had sex and it's been 3 months or so, maybe he's just fed up. Can't really tell too much from that info.
    He told me I had done nothing wrong and he has always enjoyed my company. I dunno :/ maybe he just doesn't like me enough for a relationship or is getting to a point where the idea of a relationship scares him :/ tried to talk to him more about it but he isnt really replying men are so cowardly sometimes
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    Anyone else? :/
    #1

    You're better than that. The worry stops here. Too many relationships are ruined by selfish people. This guy thinks he can treat you as his second option, his back up plan. You ain't no back up plan. How about you tell him you're not a second choice and you thought it meant more? If he says let's leave it then leave it. But my god whether directly or indirectly make sure you show him who the better person is. Rise above it, dedicate yourself to self improvement and live off the motto : "The best revenge is a life well lived." Being nice to these people who use you get you nowhere, let me tell you, from the male perspective.

    I tried this with a girl, it just doesn't work, you get heartbroken and hurt. I took it badly, but it inspired me to do better things and I pushed myself to become this person that anybody would be scared f friendzoning and losing.


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    You get one life, live it, you're worth more than that. Don't get caught up on some douchebag.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're better than that. The worry stops here. Too many relationships are ruined by selfish people. This guy thinks he can treat you as his second option, his back up plan. You ain't no back up plan. How about you tell him you're not a second choice and you thought it meant more? If he says let's leave it then leave it. But my god whether directly or indirectly make sure you show him who the better person is. Rise above it, dedicate yourself to self improvement and live off the motto : "The best revenge is a life well lived." Being nice to these people who use you get you nowhere, let me tell you, from the male perspective.

    I tried this with a girl, it just doesn't work, you get heartbroken and hurt. I took it badly, but it inspired me to do better things and I pushed myself to become this person that anybody would be scared f friendzoning and losing.


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    You get one life, live it, you're worth more than that. Don't get caught up on some douchebag.
    Thanks for the support. It is still quite fresh so I am just giving myself today as my last day to mope! Why do men have to be so confusing he referred to himself as a mug and said he doesn't know whats wrong with him :/ Part of me thinks he is just getting scared of his feelings or something. He was in love with his long term ex gf (they broke up a few years ago now) and he has only had 2 girlfriends since who he said he wasn't that into at the time. Or maybe he just isn't that into me :/
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    Just sounds to me like he's decided he's not ready to commit to you in a relationship. He said he hasn't emotionally bonded to you, which I think just means he's not that into you (sorry if that sounds blunt). He thought he was, he gave it a shot and now he's decided it's for the best to end it. It sucks because you obviously have emotionally bonded with him (trust me I know how you feel...been there, done that). In the end though you'll do well to move on and find someone you can connect with 100%. Just don't go blaming yourself. It's not your fault that he feels this way and there's really very little you can do about it. I don't suggest being friends with him though, as I think it'll just take you longer to get over the whole situation. Tell him you accept his decision and will move on. Don't text him, don't see him and whenever you feel the urge to contact him grind your teeth together and just don't. Soon(ish) the urge will get weaker and you'll be able to function more normally again. Good luck!
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    (Original post by fl4mers)
    Just sounds to me like he's decided he's not ready to commit to you in a relationship. He said he hasn't emotionally bonded to you, which I think just means he's not that into you (sorry if that sounds blunt). He thought he was, he gave it a shot and now he's decided it's for the best to end it. It sucks because you obviously have emotionally bonded with him (trust me I know how you feel...been there, done that). In the end though you'll do well to move on and find someone you can connect with 100%. Just don't go blaming yourself. It's not your fault that he feels this way and there's really very little you can do about it. I don't suggest being friends with him though, as I think it'll just take you longer to get over the whole situation. Tell him you accept his decision and will move on. Don't text him, don't see him and whenever you feel the urge to contact him grind your teeth together and just don't. Soon(ish) the urge will get weaker and you'll be able to function more normally again. Good luck!
    What does 'emotionally bond' even really mean? I mean we spoke everyday, he noticed if i took a long time to text back and he told me he really liked me, he would look forward to seeing me etc, would talk to me about his family friends and that sort of thing, surely that is emotionally bonding? And to refer to himself as a mug and saying he doesnt know whats wrong with him :/

    Thanks for the advice, he has a few of my things so one day I will have to ask for them back but I am not going to talk to him for the next few weeks.
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    Have you had sex with him? Or at least got close to it?

    I know it's a typical 'lad' attitude, but if you've been seeing each other that long and nothings happened then he's probably realised there isn't any sexual chemistry. Regardless, you don't want to be running after someone who's being like that with you. Should want better than that.
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    (Original post by FrostyLemon)
    Have you had sex with him? Or at least got close to it?

    I know it's a typical 'lad' attitude, but if you've been seeing each other that long and nothings happened then he's probably realised there isn't any sexual chemistry. Regardless, you don't want to be running after someone who's being like that with you. Should want better than that.
    No we didn't. He has slept with 4 people, one of them was a long term relationship, two were girlfriends and the other one was a friend. he said he regretted sleepin with the last 3 because they didn't mean as much as the first girlfriend :/ and with the friend he slept with he said he regretted it because he only likes to do that sort of thing with girlfriends.
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    (Original post by blondyx)
    No we didn't. He has slept with 4 people, one of them was a long term relationship, two were girlfriends and the other one was a friend. he said he regretted sleepin with the last 3 because they didn't mean as much as the first girlfriend :/ and with the friend he slept with he said he regretted it because he only likes to do that sort of thing with girlfriends.
    Why not then? Was it you or him who was hesitant, or was it something that just didn't happen?
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    (Original post by FrostyLemon)
    Why not then? Was it you or him who was hesitant, or was it something that just didn't happen?
    Well because of what he has said about his past I guessed he likes to know people really well before he wanted to have sex etc. We always met up in public places so I guess we never got the chance to anyway
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    (Original post by blondyx)
    Well because of what he has said about his past I guessed he likes to know people really well before he wanted to have sex etc. We always met up in public places so I guess we never got the chance to anyway
    I think he was probably telling a few porkies to make himself sound better tbh. Or maybe even to try and convince himself he isn't like that.

    I bet if you text him and hinted that you wanted to have sex with him he would miraculously come back into your life, (obviously don't do this.)

    This is all conjecture of course, but I'm going on male instinct. I think the sexual chemistry wasn't there and he's found someone new. Sorry, blunt I know.
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    Friendzoned. You won't get out so stop trying
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    (Original post by blondyx)
    What does 'emotionally bond' even really mean? I mean we spoke everyday, he noticed if i took a long time to text back and he told me he really liked me, he would look forward to seeing me etc, would talk to me about his family friends and that sort of thing, surely that is emotionally bonding? And to refer to himself as a mug and saying he doesnt know whats wrong with him :/

    Thanks for the advice, he has a few of my things so one day I will have to ask for them back but I am not going to talk to him for the next few weeks.
    It just means that he doesn't feel an emotional connection, or have any romantic feelings towards you. Maybe he feels you don't have enough in common. It could just be down to him not feeling there's a 'spark', so to speak.
    Sorry if it sounds harsh. :hugs:
    Tbh I think he should have stopped seeing you earlier on if he didn't have feelings for you, rather than now.
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    (Original post by ChilliBonbon)
    It just means that he doesn't feel an emotional connection, or have any romantic feelings towards you. Maybe he feels you don't have enough in common. It could just be down to him not feeling there's a 'spark', so to speak.
    Sorry if it sounds harsh. :hugs:
    Tbh I think he should have stopped seeing you earlier on if he didn't have feelings for you, rather than now.
    I don't understand though because he said he was attracted to me and he said he liked me more than just a friend. I dont understand why he would say 'i don't know whast wrong with me'
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    Tbh I met somebody who i felt like i had a connection with, then they just got very distant for reaons which i couldnt really understand, i then just realised that i cared alot about them even as a friend and thought they cared about me too but actually they never really cared about me in the first place its quite hard and its very very hurtful and sometimes it makes you want to just tell them how you feel but its life and you have to move on

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Updated: June 11, 2012
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