[beth2404]

You could come to some kind of agreement where rather than paying the full £50, you could pay for whatever food you have so some of the weekly shopping bill?

[Supportive mum]

(Original post by lilahnurave)
Sorry supportive mum, but your posts are just irritating me more and more. You sound so self satisfied and downright condescending. 'very grateful for the opportunities they had' to pull an example - you're their parent! You should be proving this support and these opportunities for them as a given, because you love them, not gloating about it and feeling smug. I also hate it when people use the term 'expected' - its so patronising. Your children may have done well, and all credit to them. But if my mother talked to me with the attitude you have, I'd stop seeing her. Also, not wanting your children home for christmas, what a bitchy thing to say - I bet that would make them feel great if they read this. I know parents like you and they do my head in. Never stop treating their children likes idiots and never treat them as equals - always 'the children '

Mmmm......let's start with the 'not wanting your children home for Christmas'! I love having my kids home, if that's what THEY want to do. They are adults! Do you not recognise a joke when you read one? I suppose, like text messages, it's difficult to get the nuances of language on an internet thread. Actually, they would have a laugh if they read this thread......the extent of the 'perceived entitlement' of some of the posters is quite astonishing! Granted, as a family we don't have a typical view of Christmas...we don't celebrate it. (We are not JWs). We have always gone for birthdays more, as they are spread throughout the year. That spreads the cost and increases the enjoyment.

I do not feel smug and am sorry if that is how I appear! Our kids are doing well, but it's down to hard work on both our parts, and a certain degree of sacrifice on our part. However, whether you agree with it or not, my kids SHOULD (and are) be grateful for the opportunities they have had. And as for treating my kids like idiots.....don't make me laugh! Tell me.....in what way do I do that! They all have friends from very wealthy families. They have commented on the fact that those kids' families' affluence has not given them a real view of the world and what will be expected of them after university. What is patronising about being expected to have a job in their 3 MONTH holiday from university? When they have jobs they will get 4 or 5 weeks a year, not about 18. I grew up on a council estate, my dad always worked and my mum worked 2 jobs to put food on the table. Believe me, my kids know how fortunate they are, and that there are millions in this country who are not!

You are in for a great shock if you become a parent!

[Labqueen]

(Original post by Supportive mum)
Mmmm......let's start with the 'not wanting your children home for Christmas'! I love having my kids home, if that's what THEY want to do. They are adults! Do you not recognise a joke when you read one? I suppose, like text messages, it's difficult to get the nuances of language on an internet thread. Actually, they would have a laugh if they read this thread......the extent of the 'perceived entitlement' of some of the posters is quite astonishing! Granted, as a family we don't have a typical view of Christmas...we don't celebrate it. (We are not JWs). We have always gone for birthdays more, as they are spread throughout the year. That spreads the cost and increases the enjoyment.

I do not feel smug and am sorry if that is how I appear! Our kids are doing well, but it's down to hard work on both our parts, and a certain degree of sacrifice on our part. However, whether you agree with it or not, my kids SHOULD (and are) be grateful for the opportunities they have had. And as for treating my kids like idiots.....don't make me laugh! Tell me.....in what way do I do that! They all have friends from very wealthy families. They have commented on the fact that those kids' families' affluence has not given them a real view of the world and what will be expected of them after university. What is patronising about being expected to have a job in their 3 MONTH holiday from university? When they have jobs they will get 4 or 5 weeks a year, not about 18. I grew up on a council estate, my dad always worked and my mum worked 2 jobs to put food on the table. Believe me, my kids know how fortunate they are, and that there are millions in this country who are not!

You are in for a great shock if you become a parent!

I've not seen any of your posts as being smug, but I do see a great deal of pride in your children. Maybe some people have mistaken that pride as being smug. However as a parent when we see our children being successful and turning into well rounded adults we, as parents, can't help being proud of our children. It is the one thing parents feel strongly about, seeing our hard work in loving and caring for our children being reflected in what our children do in their lives.

I showed my daughter this thread and she has laughed and been as amazed as me at some of the selfish attitudes of some of the comments.

[Supportive mum]

(Original post by lilahnurave)
.....always 'the children '

Maybe this is a problem with the English language!? I do wish there were a word we could use for 'adult children'. It does sound weird! Even though they are adults, they ARE my kids! I certainly wouldn't ever consider my 24 year old, 6ft 4in son a child!

[Fires]

(Original post by Supportive mum)
I do not feel smug and am sorry if that is how I appear! Our kids are doing well, but it's down to hard work on both our parts, and a certain degree of sacrifice on our part. However, whether you agree with it or not, my kids SHOULD (and are) be grateful for the opportunities they have had. And as for treating my kids like idiots.....don't make me laugh! Tell me.....in what way do I do that! They all have friends from very wealthy families. They have commented on the fact that those kids' families' affluence has not given them a real view of the world and what will be expected of them after university. What is patronising about being expected to have a job in their 3 MONTH holiday from university? When they have jobs they will get 4 or 5 weeks a year, not about 18. I grew up on a council estate, my dad always worked and my mum worked 2 jobs to put food on the table. Believe me, my kids know how fortunate they are, and that there are millions in this country who are not!

You are in for a great shock if you become a parent!

There isn't anything odd about your viewpoint, it's normal outside the rarified world of (some) pampered upper-middle and upper-class students to expect to have to try to find paid work during holidays, many have to and others want to, it isn't always the parents doing the pushing. Lots and lots of very middle-class families have this kind of expectation of their student "children"(!) as well.

Any teenage or young adult student now who has parents with jobs who can provide at least some support is lucky.

I do think parents need to do whatever they can to advance their children (it kind of goes with the job) but that doesn't mean spoiling them - I work in an RG University now as a very junior admin guy, the scale of overspending on wealthy kids can be rather breathtaking - brand new expensive cars a particular favourite for some - certain they can't have all earned them - they are growing into adulthood with a somewhat distorted impression of entitlement I suspect.

[pikaboo]

(Original post by Supportive mum)
ONE person posted something concerning this. I didn't. My reason for my posts is based on what I believe my role as a parent to be. As parents we are not there to mollycoddle and fund their every activity forever and a day. We are there to provide for their NEEDS, not their wants. Part of that role is to guide and prepare them for the adult world and to provide for themselves in the future. ...

The proof that our way worked, is that they are all doing extremely well, and are very grateful for the opportunities and support that they have had! Their work ethic was such that the 2 eldest got job offers before they even graduated and this autumn both start fully funded 4 year PhDs!

Now tell me I'm not living up to my name!

I think this is a very good post and touches on something that hasn't been mentioned yet: a sort of long-term 'cruel to be kind' lesson from the parent.

To illustrate, when I was 18 and left for Uni, my mum (single-parent, minimum-wage income) started making it clearer and clearer that I had to either move back to my Uni house or find a job and work for my keep at home. At the time (not even having the foggiest about how adult financial outgoings work) I thought she was being extraordinarily heartless and trying to make money by sponging off my student loan - a loan I'm going to be paying back for the next 20 years or so. In fact, I made a thread very similar to this and received similar sympathetic replies from fellow students!

Now I'm 25 and immensely grateful that she played hardball. I wouldn't have got the work experience at home and at Uni that I'd been forced to get had I stayed at home rent-free. I would have spent all my summers playing The Sims and throwing the rest of my grant away at the cinema.

Partly because of that early work experience and that independence, I'm one of only a few graduates in my social circle to have a good job. It's taken a few years to get rid of the chip on my shoulder but now I'm really proud to be financially independent and determined to raise any future children of mine to be the same, whether or not I can afford it. My partner comes from the complete opposite background, and he is still fully financially supported by his parents while he completes his postgraduate studies. It might be coincidence but I can't say he has the same drive to make it alone as I do. Sometimes I think that showing your offspring (when they're not kids anymore!) the way to a responsible, adult way of living is the best gift that parents can give.

[Labqueen]

(Original post by pikaboo)
I think this is a very good post and touches on something that hasn't been mentioned yet: a sort of long-term 'cruel to be kind' lesson from the parent.

To illustrate, when I was 18 and left for Uni, my mum (single-parent, minimum-wage income) started making it clearer and clearer that I had to either move back to my Uni house or find a job and work for my keep at home. At the time (not even having the foggiest about how adult financial outgoings work) I thought she was being extraordinarily heartless and trying to make money by sponging off my student loan - a loan I'm going to be paying back for the next 20 years or so. In fact, I made a thread very similar to this and received similar sympathetic replies from fellow students!

Now I'm 25 and immensely grateful that she played hardball. I wouldn't have got the work experience at home and at Uni that I'd been forced to get had I stayed at home rent-free. I would have spent all my summers playing The Sims and throwing the rest of my grant away at the cinema.

Partly because of that early work experience and that independence, I'm one of only a few graduates in my social circle to have a good job. It's taken a few years to get rid of the chip on my shoulder but now I'm really proud to be financially independent and determined to raise any future children of mine to be the same, whether or not I can afford it. My partner comes from the complete opposite background, and he is still fully financially supported by his parents while he completes his postgraduate studies. It might be coincidence but I can't say he has the same drive to make it alone as I do. Sometimes I think that showing your offspring (when they're not kids anymore!) the way to a responsible, adult way of living is the best gift that parents can give.

If you'd taken up the advice some of the people here have been giving and done things to spite your mum simply because she was being a mum, trying to teach you independence and also simply not in a financial position to provide everything for you, then that may have caused a lot of strain on the future relationship you have with her. A lot of the views and responses have been quite immature though they'll likely view things differently as they get older and begin to understand the strains of adult life.

Good on you though for realising your mum was giving you the best form of support which last a lifetime. And I hope you apologised to her

[pikaboo]

(Original post by Labqueen)
If you'd taken up the advice some of the people here have been giving and done things to spite your mum simply because she was being a mum, trying to teach you independence and also simply not in a financial position to provide everything for you, then that may have caused a lot of strain on the future relationship you have with her. A lot of the views and responses have been quite immature though they'll likely view things differently as they get older and begin to understand the strains of adult life.

Good on you though for realising your mum was giving you the best form of support which last a lifetime. And I hope you apologised to her

Lol, I remember literally throwing £50 at her when I was upset at having to pay keep, how embarrassing!

I haven't apologised to her as such but maybe she can tell I'm a bit more sympathetic now when I do come to visit for a few days, as I cook meals for her, do the cleaning etc...I figure I might as well when she works every hour she can and I'm lucky enough to have more holiday time.

[Labqueen]

(Original post by pikaboo)
Lol, I remember literally throwing £50 at her when I was upset at having to pay keep, how embarrassing!

I haven't apologised to her as such but maybe she can tell I'm a bit more sympathetic now when I do come to visit for a few days, as I cook meals for her, do the cleaning etc...I figure I might as well when she works every hour she can and I'm lucky enough to have more holiday time.

Sometimes hon, just saying sorry and giving a cuddle, it means a lot. We as parents do what we can in the hope it's the right thing for our kids. It would be so much easier if babies came with instruction manuals but sadly they don't so we have to make it up as we go along and just hope and pray we're putting everyting in the right place. You're relationship with her now will show her that she's done it right, and I bet she's bursting with pride at how her baby girl has grown

You'll likely find that your mum did some equally embarrassing things with her parents too and no doubt when you have kids, it'll be exactly the same

[cgraham15]

(Original post by zaliack)
A child is every human being below the age of 18 (Art. 1 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child). His dad only has parental responsibility for him if he is child. So, no they are not bound by law to take care of him.

okay okay I get it, it's different in Scotland, they told us at a uni lecture.

[koko298]

(Original post by littleone271)
20k a year for a household isn't a lot. Especially not in the south east. I live in a pretty average 3 bedroom detached house in an average sort of area. Our council tax is £175 a month, mortgage is £400 a month and then you've got to consider things like petrol, car maitenance, insurances, gas, electricity, water, phone and internet bills, food etc. before you even think about all the random stuff that adds up like clothes, birthday presents, toiletries, dentist bills, household maitenance etc.

Just because tesco food prices are the same throughout the UK it doesn't mean the cost of living is the same, far from it. My friends who have gone to uni up north have all been amazed at how cheap it is to live there.

Having said this, I don't think it's right for the OP to be charged rent over the summer. Regardless of any laws (that may or may not be there), his parents should be wanting to support him and help him out, not make a profit from him. My mum and stepdad (who has a son from a previous marriage to support) earn around 17-20k between them because they're both self employed and my gran a pensioner who gets a disability allowance also lives with us and contributes. My mum wouldn't dream of asking me for rent money, she's terrified I won't come home as it is without trying to charge me for it!

I qualify for the maximum maitenance money as the OP would too and my dad is a separate case because he doesn't live here but even my mum wants to give me money to help me out while I'm there. She'd never in a million years accept money from me. She probably wouldn't even do it when I come out and get a job because she'd want me to save that money for a flat deposit or something. I'm not a brat. I appreciate everything I get from my parents, especially seen as I know that they do a lot for me that they can't necessarily afford. I guess some parents just have different priorities.

Whatever. Stick with your argument. I have my own opinion. Bleh.

[SpicyStrawberry]

(Original post by cgraham15)
By law you are still dependent on him, so if you can't afford it then he has no right to charge you.

No they're not. If you're at university you're no longer considered a dependent.

[cgraham15]

(Original post by SpicyStrawberry)
No they're not. If you're at university you're no longer considered a dependent.

okay okay for the fifth person who has quoted me saying this, I get it!!! It's different in Scotland though, ok? a lecturer told me, so if the OP lives in Scotland then it applies to him. If someone else quotes me saying this I'm gonna be mad

[Labqueen]

(Original post by cgraham15)
okay okay for the fifth person who has quoted me saying this, I get it!!! It's different in Scotland though, ok? a lecturer told me, so if the OP lives in Scotland then it applies to him. If someone else quotes me saying this I'm gonna be mad

You know that is just tempting people to do it, just to see how mad you get

[SpicyStrawberry]

(Original post by cgraham15)
okay okay for the fifth person who has quoted me saying this, I get it!!! It's different in Scotland though, ok? a lecturer told me, so if the OP lives in Scotland then it applies to him. If someone else quotes me saying this I'm gonna be mad

Might be best to edit what you said to stop it happening I've only read the first few posts so I didn't realise this had been cleared up.

[cgraham15]

(Original post by Labqueen)
You know that is just tempting people to do it, just to see how mad you get

(Original post by SpicyStrawberry)
Might be best to edit what you said to stop it happening I've only read the first few posts so I didn't realise this had been cleared up.

haha yeah I agree I'll go back and edit it and yeah, they will know

[Iqbal007]

(Original post by joelw)
Basically my Dad wants me to pay rent whilst at home over the summer, during my gap year he was ridiculously demanding and made me pay £50 a week just because I was still living at home. Now I'm back home for summer, something which is totally unavoidable, he expects me to give him money to live back in my room even though I have no income.

Also, I am solely paying for the rent on my student house for all of the summer at £76 a week. This money is coming direct from my gap year savings and is already making me very poor, having to pay rent on 2 places would cripple me.

Can anybody help with some suggestions for this situation? Is he being unreasonable or am I being a brat? Is there any sort of money he can claim from the government whilst I am back over the summer to shut him up?

Thanks.

Stay at your student house accommodation?
Plus what does your mum think about this?

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by Labqueen)
I was making reference to your earlier comments about friends you have who's parents are struggling due to job losses and living from savings. In a scenario such as this yes the possibility of an additional expense can lead to the person not being able to meet mortgage payments or payments on other commitments, this can lead to house repossession and legal action against them.

Now for all we know the original posters father may be in that situation, we do not know as none of us are fully aware of his fathers financial commitments.

I also have no idea who Janice is.

Now you also made a comment earlier regarding parents being in a situation where they could not afford to support their children and so in your view should not be entitled to have childen, does this also then apply to friends of yours, who's parents, through unforseen circumstance have lost their jobs and are now relying on savings. Savings do not last forever and so support, which normally may be offered, has to be withdrawn.


Time and time again throughout this thread there has been a constant theme of people expecting their parents to maintain their children and financially support them even as they are adults, simply because they are parents. Question for all the parents on this site, how many of you run to your parents to get financial help because you simply want to do something, or do you just be an adult about it and say yeah okay, I'd like to go and spend time with friends, or have soemthing I want but can't afford it myself.

The original poster had stated themselves, they have a house they are paying for, they somewhere to live but they want to return to spend the summer with friends and not work simply to pay bills, yet they expect their parents to fund this choice of theirs.

To answer your question, probably the 2nd.

I work and I don't ask my parents for money.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[Dee Leigh]

(Original post by babygirl110)
I stayed in my uni town after my first year of uni, and I really enjoyed it. I only stayed because I wanted to get a job in the area, not because my parents were making me pay rent. Either way, it was nice to be away from them.

This. I will start uni in September but after finishing each year I will stay in the city and work.

Did you live in halls for the first year?

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[sharp910sh]

Get a job! lazy, no wonder this country is going through a double recession. people think its a free for all!