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Sad rant

I really don't want replies telling me that I'm an awful person, because I really feel like I am.

I'm currently on a break with my boyfriend because things haven't been working out. I love him but I'm beginning to realise I love him as a person rather than romantically (if that makes sense...) - basically we have had some very serious problems in our relationship and he's trying so hard to fix them that it just breaks my heart telling him that I'm not sure I can stay in this relationship any more. But I have told him that, and that I need to think, so therefore we're on a break and have been for a few weeks now. He suffers with depression and I'm worried what a break up could do to him - not because I think I'm all that great but because he's told me things like being with me has saved him, and that if he didn't have the relationship with me he has no idea where he would be.

So that's where that stands.

And, this is the bad part, I think I might be falling for someone else. Even worse, he's my best friend. I currently have no intention of telling him whatsoever because I value our friendship so much and I'd be lost without him and I just can't let go of that friendship. Also he's going travelling next year, South America, and I'll be starting University in Wales so it seems a silly time to even consider starting anything. But at the moment I can feel myself liking him more every day, and my goodness it actually hurts me. I've never liked someone so much that it hurts. I'm just hoping these feelings go away. Another reason that I could never tell this boy how I feel is because even if things don't work out with my boyfriend I care about him so much as a person and this would destroy him. I can't do that to anyone.

I care about my boyfriend so much but I don't think things are going to work out. I'm not seeking anything with my best friend except to just continue with our friendship that I'm so lucky to have, and hope for these feelings to pass.

I don't even think I'm asking for advice really, I know what I have to do. I guess I just need reassurance that I'm not a completely awful person because I've been feeling so guilty for a little while now and I just want to know if anyone else has been in this situation. And that it will all be okay.

The thought of breaking up with my boyfriend is what my closest girl friends who I've confided in have told me I need to do, based on my relationship with him rather than any issues with my boy best friend. I think they're right but the thought of it makes me so upset, we've been together for two years and had some really good times, really really good, but I'm just not happy any more and I know he isn't either. He seems to think that he can save our relationship and make us both happy again but I think he's being naive. Some of the arguments we've had have been truly disgusting.

I'm not even sure what kind of responses I'm looking for, if at all. I'm just feeling very low tonight and needed to let it all out because I haven't told anyone about my feelings for my best friend.
I think you need to tell your boyfriend that you want to break up for good and the sooner the better, because whilst you're on this 'break', he will think there is a chance that you guys can sort it out and obviously you don't want that. It will be upsetting, for both of you, after two years there is obviously a lot of emotional attachment there but in the long term, it is much better that you break up than carry on in an unhappy relationship.

Regarding your feelings for your best friend, if it was me in that situation, I wouldn't say anything to him, for two reasons. Firstly, you need to give yourself time to get over what has happened with your current boyfriend and get used to being single. It would be really unwise to jump into something new with someone else so soon after splitting up and you could potentially ruin your friendship. Secondly, you mention he is going to South America and you are going to University, so yes, I agree that it would be a silly time to start anything with him.

Break up with your boyfriend, maybe try and distance yourself from your best friend a tiny bit to ensure further feelings don't develop and spend time with other friends to try and take your mind off things.
i dont think your a bad person at all.

I know how you feel, partly. Being in a relationship with someone you love (but not romantically) is incredibly difficult. Because you love them enough that you dont want them out of your life, but not so much that you want to be with them.

Its hard, but the best course of action is to just tell him. That way you might at least be able to remain amicable with one another.
You need to make a decision either way as soon as possible. It is unfair on your bf and must be difficult for you too.
I sympathise with how you're feeling as i've been there myself with both situations (although not quite at the same time). When you go to uni you'll meet loads of new guys which will, in time, help you get over the feelings for your friend and help you move on from your relationship with your boyfriend. Good luck :smile: you're not an awful person!

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