[professionaljack]

was just wondering if someone could please take the time to read this and give me some advice or help me out, i am literally at my wits end and have no idea what to do anymore.

as the threat title says, im 19 years old, a student about to finish my first year at uni. in a material sense, ive never suffered and have always been given everything i needed. however, ever since i can remember ive had to deal with my dads constant put-downs and taunts, while my mum just watches and does nothing. eventually i started to believe i really was a horrible, worthless person and combined with problems at school, i started to take out all my frustration and despair on myself, by self harming, and an eating disorder.

9 months ago it all came to a head and i attempted suicide. that was the kick up the backside that i needed to try and get myself better, which to an extent i have done.

part of my mission to recover was by taking control of my own life, starting by leaving uni. it was never my decision in the first place, my parents were very manipulative and forceful about it and not wanting to rock any boat, i just went with it. but its not for me and i want to leave.

i decided to tell my parents this a few days ago and all hell broke loose. i was told by my dad how ungrateful and useless i was, among other things. eventually i decided id heard enough of this, i was going to a friends place for the night to sort my head out and cool down a bit. and thats when it got ugly.

basically, i was physically prevented from leaving the house by my dad standing at the front door like a bouncer, daring me to even attempt to get past him. it might be worth mentioning that he's been physically violent towards me in the past so i became completely terrified, having panic attacks, shaking, crying. the manipulative person my dad is, started saying to my mum and sister, "look at him, he wants to leave so badly hes clearly on drugs" (IM NOT) and threatened to call a doctor and get me sectioned. this only made me worse. how can someone who is meant to love me, treat me this way?

what im basically trying to say is, my original plan was to leave uni, get a job, and stick at home until i find my feet and move out. but now, i just cant face being in my own home. im staying with a friend at her uni about 3 hours away from home right now but that cant last forever, and when i have to leave her place, i dont know what im going to do. the thought of going back home makes me physically ill, to the point where id rather sleep on the streets.

please dont anybody tell me to try and stick it out at home, i havent even began to mention everything ive been through and i cant put up with it for another second. i have nowhere else to go, and a friend of mine who lives in a neighbouring town was in a similar situation, and she walked out her home and now lives in one of the Foyer things for young people with home troubles. problem is, she was just under 18 when all this happened. im 19 now, legally an adult, so im not sure if that makes it any different for me. i havent got a penny to my name as im not in work, and i need help, i just dont know where to get it.

i really hope someone has some kind of advice that can help me sort my life out.

[Dee Leigh]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Are you male/female? You could try a domestic violence refugee.

Didn't read the whole post, but the police would be your next port of call if things get violent.

I feel so sad for you. Could you PM me please? I can help you some more. Copy and paste your original post into your PM.

Also speak to your GP, and some at uni e.g. Counsellor.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[Dee Leigh]

Btw you shouldn't have to put up with that kind of behaviour because it is not right.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[Formerly Helpful_C]

(Original post by Dee Leigh)
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Are you male/female? You could try a domestic violence refugee.

As for uni, what year are you in?

Didn't read the whole post, but the police would be your next port of call if things get violent.

I feel so sad for you. Could you PM me please? I can help you some more. Copy and paste your original post into your PM.

Also speak to your GP, and some at uni e.g. Counsellor.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

"as the threat title says, im 19 years old, a student about to finish my first year at uni"

It was the third line.

[professionaljack]

(Original post by Dee Leigh)
Btw you shouldn't have to put up with that kind of behaviour because it is not right.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

hearing that is so refreshing. for my whole life i believed i deserved this, i can be so difficult at times and ill admit that, and i thought everyone who was like me got treated the way i did. i was manipulated into believing that its fair enough.

but that day it all kicked off, when i couldnt leave my house, something just clicked, this didnt feel right anymore. none of it did.

i doubt my dads gonna knock me about again any time soon, but i know hes capable and thats enough. getting beaten down and trodden on like this, i wouldnt rule out suicide attempt #2 further down the line. id rather sleep on the streets and if i have to i will

[Graceyyyyyyy]

I'm really sorry, I can't suggest anything helpful but I hope you get out of this horrible situation soon. Noone deserves to be treated like that

[YvonneSSturrock]

one thing straight: nobody should have to put up with that, its a good idea to get some space away from a situation like that, myself personally I couldn't even imagine what you have gone and are going through right now.

first I suggest you talk to your uni Counsellor, they are there to help and will help- this I have personally experience successfully with- but not on the same subject

secondly I suggest you have a look around at any support sites that may be of help for you in your situation, if the matter was to become violent again- inform the police

also I think that helpline may help in case:

24-hour National Domestic Violence
Freephone Helpline
0808 2000 247

ill be keeping in touch of this thread and her if you need anything else, sorry i couldnt of been more help.

good luck x

[professionaljack]

to everyone who says i should talk to uni counsellor... doubt its possible. first year finishes next week. i have to be out of my flat by the 18th so there wont be enough time for that.

im not a non-ambitious person, i want to get a proper job, get my own place, be self sufficient. but these things take time that i dont have. which means for a while ill probably be on benefits in a poky little bed sit. people often look down on that sort of thing, but the way i see it, what you need to look down on is those few people who are happy to sponge off the government in the long term. and im not one of those people.

[dgeorge]

(Original post by professionaljack)
to everyone who says i should talk to uni counsellor... doubt its possible. first year finishes next week. i have to be out of my flat by the 18th so there wont be enough time for that.

im not a non-ambitious person, i want to get a proper job, get my own place, be self sufficient. but these things take time that i dont have. which means for a while ill probably be on benefits in a poky little bed sit. people often look down on that sort of thing, but the way i see it, what you need to look down on is those few people who are happy to sponge off the government in the long term. and im not one of those people.

Referring to what you said previously, what do you mean that uni "isn't for you"? Would it be possible to change courses if you don't like what you're doing?

It's a very tough job market nowadays, and the more qualified you are, the more likely you are to be able to find a good job. Also, wouldn't being at uni allow you to be away from your abusive father, at least most of the time?

[professionaljack]

(Original post by dgeorge)
Referring to what you said previously, what do you mean that uni "isn't for you"? Would it be possible to change courses if you don't like what you're doing?

It's a very tough job market nowadays, and the more qualified you are, the more likely you are to be able to find a good job. Also, wouldn't being at uni allow you to be away from your abusive father, at least most of the time?

it just isnt what i want to do, never was, didnt think i could handle it. as i said before i was heavily pressured into it. i thought id make the best of my situation, i gave it my absolute best and put all my effort in, but, the course im on would in theory be the best one for me if i didnt struggle massively. some people just arent intelligent enough for higher education in general, and ill hold my hand up and say that sadly, im not.

& yes in theory thats right, id be away from all my home problems, but lets face it, the vast majority of students that i know, still rely on their parents to some degree. and i cannot rely on mine anymore because i dont trust them

[katyness]

"I wanna get a proper job"... you don't have a degree or a penny so I suggest you go all out and get any [honest] job you can find. It's not the time to pick and choose.

The only way to sort out your situation in 8 days is to go to the council closer to you and get them to give you any roof to live under - again, not time to pick and choose. Start somewhere and develop from it.

[professionaljack]

(Original post by katyness)
"I wanna get a proper job"... you don't have a degree or a penny so I suggest you go all out and get any [honest] job you can find. It's not the time to pick and choose.

The only way to sort out your situation in 8 days is to go to the council closer to you and get them to give you any roof to live under - again, not time to pick and choose. Start somewhere and develop from it.

of course... youre right. i was talking more long term on that one, just wanted to be clear that i wasnt in this to be a benefit scrounger forever or anything like that. to start with i know full well that i need to be after anything thats going.

as for the second part... im going to the council on monday to get this ball rolling. no idea what to expect on that one so if anyone has experience with that and are happy to share, itd be much appreciated!

[dgeorge]

(Original post by professionaljack)
it just isnt what i want to do, never was, didnt think i could handle it. as i said before i was heavily pressured into it. i thought id make the best of my situation, i gave it my absolute best and put all my effort in, but, the course im on would in theory be the best one for me if i didnt struggle massively. some people just arent intelligent enough for higher education in general, and ill hold my hand up and say that sadly, im not.

& yes in theory thats right, id be away from all my home problems, but lets face it, the vast majority of students that i know, still rely on their parents to some degree. and i cannot rely on mine anymore because i dont trust them

I disagree. Once you can read and write, and are not mentally deficient/disabled, you CAN pass higher education. Most of it is, quite simply, memorisation and research. Neither of these require any form of advanced intellect. I think if you go in with the idea that it isn't "suited" to you, then you're halfway on your way to failure

[professionaljack]

(Original post by dgeorge)
I disagree. Once you can read and write, and are not mentally deficient/disabled, you CAN pass higher education. Most of it is, quite simply, memorisation and research. Neither of these require any form of advanced intellect. I think if you go in with the idea that it isn't "suited" to you, then you're halfway on your way to failure

hardly. heres my example. im a very lucky guy, i can speak 3 languages besides english. however i learned the traditional way, as in, living abroad, being immersed. i am good at nothing else academic whatsoever. im not bad exactly, but i struggle. a languages degree (what i am/was doing) is very very different to that. yes, it involves memorisation and research. something i really do struggle at. like i said, im lucky, i can speak languages. doesnt automatically make me capable of doing a degree in them because there are so many other aspects involved.

[katyness]

(Original post by professionaljack)
of course... youre right. i was talking more long term on that one, just wanted to be clear that i wasnt in this to be a benefit scrounger forever or anything like that. to start with i know full well that i need to be after anything thats going.

as for the second part... im going to the council on monday to get this ball rolling. no idea what to expect on that one so if anyone has experience with that and are happy to share, itd be much appreciated!

From what I know, as it is very urgent, they might give you any place they have available and you could be sharing with other guys of the same situation as you.
I think you should also try to get jobseeker's allowance just so you at least get money for food while you look for a job - it's not easy to get one nowadays (not being condescending, you said you always had everything given to you so I'm assuming you never looked for/had a job)

[professionaljack]

(Original post by katyness)
From what I know, as it is very urgent, they might give you any place they have available and you could be sharing with other guys of the same situation as you.
I think you should also try to get jobseeker's allowance just so you at least get money for food while you look for a job - it's not easy to get one nowadays (not being condescending, you said you always had everything given to you so I'm assuming you never looked for/had a job)

all of that sounds pretty much like what my expectations for all this are... and im perfectly happy with that!

& thats not condescending, but not quite what i was getting at when i said i had everything given to me. i just meant i wasnt physically deprived of anything (food/clothes/any other essential material possessions). around the age where i began to look for part time jobs at like 16 or 17 while i was in sixth form, my mental state was really fragile, after a few rejections i gave up because it made me feel even worse about myself, much as that sounds a cop out.

[katyness]

(Original post by professionaljack)
all of that sounds pretty much like what my expectations for all this are... and im perfectly happy with that!

& thats not condescending, but not quite what i was getting at when i said i had everything given to me. i just meant i wasnt physically deprived of anything (food/clothes/any other essential material possessions). around the age where i began to look for part time jobs at like 16 or 17 while i was in sixth form, my mental state was really fragile, after a few rejections i gave up because it made me feel even worse about myself, much as that sounds a cop out.

Oh ok. I apologise for the assumption then.

You sound a lot like my brother. He too gave up on university and has been put off of job searching after a few rejections... I wonder if there's a link between the two.

[dgeorge]

(Original post by professionaljack)
hardly. heres my example. im a very lucky guy, i can speak 3 languages besides english. however i learned the traditional way, as in, living abroad, being immersed. i am good at nothing else academic whatsoever. im not bad exactly, but i struggle. a languages degree (what i am/was doing) is very very different to that. yes, it involves memorisation and research. something i really do struggle at. like i said, im lucky, i can speak languages. doesnt automatically make me capable of doing a degree in them because there are so many other aspects involved.

What other aspects are involved in your degree? Care to elaborate?

[green.tea]

What languages do you speak? You could get a job teaching english abroad. In some cases you need a degree but not in others. You'd need to do a tsol course but i dont believe theyre all that taxing. May be something to look at if your after a new start.

[new-here]

I'm sorry OP. I really don't know who you are, but no one deserves that sort of treatment. Remember you DID get this far with all these problems and you're definitely looking for some help to recover. You're a fighter
As for the advice, have you already quit uni? (is there any way you can reverse that now?). If you're away in college you don't have to spend so much time around home...so if you haven't already quit, I suggest you don't. The chances of you getting a job are better if you stayed in uni, I think. And when you do, you can move out of home...
If you really don't want to stay in uni, you can always try what green.tea said. Take a certificate course in English or something?