Am I being unfair or unreasonable?
For questions and discussions relating to all aspects and kinds of relationships, from love and dating to friends, family and work. Threads about sexuality also belong here.
| Announcements | Posted on | |
|---|---|---|
| Please change your TSR password | 23-05-2013 | |
-
- Reputation:
- Thread Starter
- Overlord in Training
- Location: Zürich
Am I being unfair or unreasonable?Lately several people close to me has been saying I'm being rather unreasonable / unfair.
My partner who I've been with for awhile, when we first met she said she never wanted any children at all but was fine that I had some and was fine even if any of them came to live with us. 2 of the kids now live with us permanently and suddenly she changed her stance and wants to have one or two of her own.
Her reasoning :-
i) She claims it is very normal to change stances on such issues.
ii) Claims looking after the 2 is making her want kids even more.
iii) We can afford it.
iv) She thinks she can be a very good mother.
v) She just wants one.
My objections to her having a baby :-
i) I already have 3 and I don't particularly like any of them. I don't quite want to pay for another one as it would mess my economic and financial planning goals.
ii) I am of the stance that once you make a promise or stand you should keep to it.
iii) I have no doubt she can be a good mother, hence I have essentially outsourced childcare/child-raising to her 100% and yes she is indeed doing a very good job, but the worry remains is if she has one that is biologically her own that she might begin practising favouritism.
iv) She once asked me how long I planned on remaining in Switzerland, I told her I'll remain for as long as it is economically viable to do so, I'm starting to wonder if I might be able to make more money elsewhere and starting to get tired of living in Switzerland. She thought I was just pulling her leg when I told her.
v) End of the day, I make a great manager or boss / big boss (as evidenced by me not losing a single employee since starting my businesses) but I generally make for a crap dad..... just ask my eldest brat and the 2 who lives with me, they prefer my OH (who isn't their biological mother) over me.
Just to clarify, my OH doesn't quite see this as a reason to split up, but she is of the opinion that I should at least be fair and reasonable on such things. I told her I don't want to discuss, this topic does tend to come up every so often to which I usually tell her that I have work to do and show her where the door is. She usually goes on the no worries she has time.
Does anyone else think I'm being unfair or unreasonable? All opinions / criticism will be welcomed
-
- Reputation:
- Benevolent Member
- Location: Bath
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?(Original post by Herr)
Lately several people close to me has been saying I'm being rather unreasonable / unfair.
My partner who I've been with for awhile, when we first met she said she never wanted any children at all but was fine that I had some and was fine even if any of them came to live with us. 2 of the kids now live with us permanently and suddenly she changed her stance and wants to have one or two of her own.
Her reasoning :-
i) She claims it is very normal to change stances on such issues.
ii) Claims looking after the 2 is making her want kids even more.
iii) We can afford it.
iv) She thinks she can be a very good mother.
v) She just wants one.
My objections to her having a baby :-
i) I already have 3 and I don't particularly like any of them. I don't quite want to pay for another one as it would mess my economic and financial planning goals.
ii) I am of the stance that once you make a promise or stand you should keep to it.
iii) I have no doubt she can be a good mother, hence I have essentially outsourced childcare/child-raising to her 100% and yes she is indeed doing a very good job, but the worry remains is if she has one that is biologically her own that she might begin practising favouritism.
iv) She once asked me how long I planned on remaining in Switzerland, I told her I'll remain for as long as it is economically viable to do so, I'm starting to wonder if I might be able to make more money elsewhere and starting to get tired of living in Switzerland. She thought I was just pulling her leg when I told her.
v) End of the day, I make a great manager or boss / big boss (as evidenced by me not losing a single employee since starting my businesses) but I generally make for a crap dad..... just ask my eldest brat and the 2 who lives with me, they prefer my OH (who isn't their biological mother) over me.
Just to clarify, my OH doesn't quite see this as a reason to split up, but she is of the opinion that I should at least be fair and reasonable on such things. I told her I don't want to discuss, this topic does tend to come up every so often to which I usually tell her that I have work to do and show her where the door is. She usually goes on the no worries she has time.
Does anyone else think I'm being unfair or unreasonable? All opinions / criticism will be welcomed
They prefer your OH? I wonder why.... -
- Reputation:
- TSR Legend
- Location: Barnsley, South Yorkshire
- Posts: 14,431
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?you know my stance on this, you're being unfair.
That being said, if she wants children she's probably better off leaving you and having them with somebody who actually likes children, to be honest. -
- Reputation:
- Exalted and Worshipped Member
- Location: Exeter
- Posts: 1,132
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?You're being unreasonable. People can change their minds about this because they are exposed to different experiences and that can influence them. If she's never been around kids before yours came to stay then she wouldn't know what the reality of having kids is like. Honestly, you should buck up your ideas and be more understanding.
-
- Reputation:
- Vengeful, Imperial Overlord of The Student Room
- Location: Term time Oxford, otherwise Surrey
- Posts: 4,322
oh gosh, this for sure. I didn't think I'd meet a dad who could talk about his own children in that way(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
if she wants children she's probably better off leaving you and having them with somebody who actually likes children, to be honest.
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App -
- Reputation:
- Thread Starter
- Overlord in Training
- Location: Zürich
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?There are plenty of men out there who may love their kids to bits but not particularly like them or like hanging out with them.(Original post by such_a_lady)
oh gosh, this for sure. I didn't think I'd meet a dad who could talk about his own children in that way
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Quite common especially in the country mentioned in your avatar
-
- Reputation:
- Thread Starter
- Overlord in Training
- Location: Zürich
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?I think in reality I'm not being unfair, she made a stance I'm just holding her to her word....... if I had known she wanted kids I would have told her to stay far far away from me even before we started seeing each other.(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
you know my stance on this, you're being unfair.
That being said, if she wants children she's probably better off leaving you and having them with somebody who actually likes children, to be honest.
Surely it isn't unfair or unreasonable to keep someone to their word? -
- Reputation:
- TSR Legend
- Location: Barnsley, South Yorkshire
- Posts: 14,431
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?It's unreasonable to expect that a human being, who is not infallible (as no human beings are), is not entitled to change their mind.(Original post by Herr)
I think in reality I'm not being unfair, she made a stance I'm just holding her to her word....... if I had known she wanted kids I would have told her to stay far far away from me even before we started seeing each other.
Surely it isn't unfair or unreasonable to keep someone to their word?
Just look at- he has sworn blind for YEARS that he didn't want to get married and have kids. He's changed his mind now though.(Original post by silverbolt)
.
People change their minds. Tastes change. Lifestyles change. Opinions change. I hated cheese as a child and now I can't get enough of the stuff. -
- Reputation:
- TSR Legend
- Location: Roscommon
- Posts: 13,364
Re: Am I being unfair or unreasonable?yep shes right - i changed my mind - that being said it seems to be more who im with now (cos shes wonderful) compared to who i was with (and we know what shes like)(Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
It's unreasonable to expect that a human being, who is not infallible (as no human beings are), is not entitled to change their mind.
Just look at - he has sworn blind for YEARS that he didn't want to get married and have kids. He's changed his mind now though.
People change their minds. Tastes change. Lifestyles change. Opinions change. I hated cheese as a child and now I can't get enough of the stuff.
