Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Am I being unfair or unreasonable?

Announcements Posted on
Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
    • Thread Starter
    • 9 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Lately several people close to me has been saying I'm being rather unreasonable / unfair.

    My partner who I've been with for awhile, when we first met she said she never wanted any children at all but was fine that I had some and was fine even if any of them came to live with us. 2 of the kids now live with us permanently and suddenly she changed her stance and wants to have one or two of her own.

    Her reasoning :-
    i) She claims it is very normal to change stances on such issues.
    ii) Claims looking after the 2 is making her want kids even more.
    iii) We can afford it.
    iv) She thinks she can be a very good mother.
    v) She just wants one.

    My objections to her having a baby :-
    i) I already have 3 and I don't particularly like any of them. I don't quite want to pay for another one as it would mess my economic and financial planning goals.
    ii) I am of the stance that once you make a promise or stand you should keep to it.
    iii) I have no doubt she can be a good mother, hence I have essentially outsourced childcare/child-raising to her 100% and yes she is indeed doing a very good job, but the worry remains is if she has one that is biologically her own that she might begin practising favouritism.
    iv) She once asked me how long I planned on remaining in Switzerland, I told her I'll remain for as long as it is economically viable to do so, I'm starting to wonder if I might be able to make more money elsewhere and starting to get tired of living in Switzerland. She thought I was just pulling her leg when I told her.
    v) End of the day, I make a great manager or boss / big boss (as evidenced by me not losing a single employee since starting my businesses) but I generally make for a crap dad..... just ask my eldest brat and the 2 who lives with me, they prefer my OH (who isn't their biological mother) over me.

    Just to clarify, my OH doesn't quite see this as a reason to split up, but she is of the opinion that I should at least be fair and reasonable on such things. I told her I don't want to discuss, this topic does tend to come up every so often to which I usually tell her that I have work to do and show her where the door is. She usually goes on the no worries she has time.

    Does anyone else think I'm being unfair or unreasonable? All opinions / criticism will be welcomed
    • 3 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Herr)
    Lately several people close to me has been saying I'm being rather unreasonable / unfair.

    My partner who I've been with for awhile, when we first met she said she never wanted any children at all but was fine that I had some and was fine even if any of them came to live with us. 2 of the kids now live with us permanently and suddenly she changed her stance and wants to have one or two of her own.

    Her reasoning :-
    i) She claims it is very normal to change stances on such issues.
    ii) Claims looking after the 2 is making her want kids even more.
    iii) We can afford it.
    iv) She thinks she can be a very good mother.
    v) She just wants one.

    My objections to her having a baby :-
    i) I already have 3 and I don't particularly like any of them. I don't quite want to pay for another one as it would mess my economic and financial planning goals.
    ii) I am of the stance that once you make a promise or stand you should keep to it.
    iii) I have no doubt she can be a good mother, hence I have essentially outsourced childcare/child-raising to her 100% and yes she is indeed doing a very good job, but the worry remains is if she has one that is biologically her own that she might begin practising favouritism.
    iv) She once asked me how long I planned on remaining in Switzerland, I told her I'll remain for as long as it is economically viable to do so, I'm starting to wonder if I might be able to make more money elsewhere and starting to get tired of living in Switzerland. She thought I was just pulling her leg when I told her.
    v) End of the day, I make a great manager or boss / big boss (as evidenced by me not losing a single employee since starting my businesses) but I generally make for a crap dad..... just ask my eldest brat and the 2 who lives with me, they prefer my OH (who isn't their biological mother) over me.

    Just to clarify, my OH doesn't quite see this as a reason to split up, but she is of the opinion that I should at least be fair and reasonable on such things. I told her I don't want to discuss, this topic does tend to come up every so often to which I usually tell her that I have work to do and show her where the door is. She usually goes on the no worries she has time.

    Does anyone else think I'm being unfair or unreasonable? All opinions / criticism will be welcomed

    They prefer your OH? I wonder why....
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    you know my stance on this, you're being unfair.

    That being said, if she wants children she's probably better off leaving you and having them with somebody who actually likes children, to be honest.
    • 7 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Shes a woman, they usually want children.
    • 3 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    You're being unreasonable. People can change their minds about this because they are exposed to different experiences and that can influence them. If she's never been around kids before yours came to stay then she wouldn't know what the reality of having kids is like. Honestly, you should buck up your ideas and be more understanding.
    • 82 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    if she wants children she's probably better off leaving you and having them with somebody who actually likes children, to be honest.
    oh gosh, this for sure. I didn't think I'd meet a dad who could talk about his own children in that way :lolwut:


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    • Thread Starter
    • 9 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    oh gosh, this for sure. I didn't think I'd meet a dad who could talk about his own children in that way :lolwut:


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    There are plenty of men out there who may love their kids to bits but not particularly like them or like hanging out with them.

    Quite common especially in the country mentioned in your avatar
    • Thread Starter
    • 9 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    you know my stance on this, you're being unfair.

    That being said, if she wants children she's probably better off leaving you and having them with somebody who actually likes children, to be honest.
    I think in reality I'm not being unfair, she made a stance I'm just holding her to her word....... if I had known she wanted kids I would have told her to stay far far away from me even before we started seeing each other.

    Surely it isn't unfair or unreasonable to keep someone to their word?
    • 22 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Herr)
    I think in reality I'm not being unfair, she made a stance I'm just holding her to her word....... if I had known she wanted kids I would have told her to stay far far away from me even before we started seeing each other.

    Surely it isn't unfair or unreasonable to keep someone to their word?
    It's unreasonable to expect that a human being, who is not infallible (as no human beings are), is not entitled to change their mind.

    Just look at
    (Original post by silverbolt)
    .
    - he has sworn blind for YEARS that he didn't want to get married and have kids. He's changed his mind now though.

    People change their minds. Tastes change. Lifestyles change. Opinions change. I hated cheese as a child and now I can't get enough of the stuff.
    • 9 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    It's unreasonable to expect that a human being, who is not infallible (as no human beings are), is not entitled to change their mind.

    Just look at - he has sworn blind for YEARS that he didn't want to get married and have kids. He's changed his mind now though.

    People change their minds. Tastes change. Lifestyles change. Opinions change. I hated cheese as a child and now I can't get enough of the stuff.
    yep shes right - i changed my mind - that being said it seems to be more who im with now (cos shes wonderful) compared to who i was with (and we know what shes like)
    • 12 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    How is it unreasonable to change your mind about having children?
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    i dont think either party is in the wrong its probably best for you both to go your seperate ways
    • 39 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I really hope you're trollin' dude...

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: June 11, 2012
New on TSR

A-level results day

Is it about making your parents proud?

Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.