[Anonymous]

hi TSR

This started with something that i thought would be quite trivial. in year 10, I went for senior prefect, which involved doing speeches to both the student and staff body for votes. I managed to get on the team, but I wish I had never bothered.

I don't know what it is about me, but I was more noticeable than anybody else who bothered and putting myself in front fo the whole school meant that lots more people knew who i was, yet I didn't know anybody else. I have always had some abuse in education, but after I had done that whole election thing, I started getting a hundred-fold the abuse. People would shout and yell at me in the corridor at school (people who i didn't know), everything from sarcastic greetings and compliments to really nasty comments I couldn't imagine saying to anybody. a few members have physically abused me, tripping me over and pushing me. One of them even tried to throw me down the stairs at my old school. I tried reporting them, but as i knew none of the names, I couldn't do anything.

At the time I was 6" and about 12 and half stone, and so I had abuse about my weight as well. I didn't get this formally diagnosed, but my friends think I had developed an eating disorder, where I would skip 2 meals a day and often would miss dinner from feeling "ill". in my last months of Y11, during my GCSEs, I dropped 3 stone.

now I have finished Y12, yet on the way home from college I still experience verbal abuse on the streets from the people at my old school. They are younger than me, but when i am alone and there are ten of them, I can't do anything about it. I often will camp out in the college library to after 6 so I avoid them, but even then because i live in the same area so I'm scared to go outside anywhere near my house because I know I can meet them. For example, I lead a small group of scouts and they were having a cokking competition last yesterday. They ran out of butter so i had to go to the local sainsbury's and in the carpark I was threatened by a group of about 12 Y11s.

I hope this doesn't sound whiny, but I am absolutely despairing at the minute. I hate exeter and everything about it, I just want to leave so much. I am studying A Levels with the hope of university, but now I want to get into university more so I can get away from this place, than actually wanting to study (which I really do, I have wanted to study medicine for years and have worked really hard both in school to get good enough grades and in voluntary work etc). I have stabilised my diet a little, but I still despise eating anything because I hate the way my body looks. I just don't know what to do though, I have tolerated enough and I don't think I can handle another yea of this. I still don't know who any of them are, is there anything I can do about this?

[Anonymous]

Bump, please could somebody yell me please

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I meant help, not yell. Typo.

[IceCool]

(Original post by Anonymous)
cokking competition

[nonswimmer]

Advice:

1. You might want to edit your post or delete it, you have given away your home town and substantial identifying details about your life.

2. Be brave, walk the streets, ignore abuse. I very much doubt it will ever be physical (and if it is, it will be a matter for the police). When out and about you could put your phone on video record in your pocket, so that if you are harassed you can record it. Sustained harassment would also be a matter for the police.

3. In addition to being brave, be patient. Work hard and you can go to uni. Things will be much better there, I promise. The weird thing is, you will become friends with people who would have bullied you at college. Oddly that can be a good thing.

Good luck.

[Stevo112]

shout abuse back!

[I Gurn Hard]

Okay, do all of these things:

- Get down to the gym, and eat big. Lots of lean proteins, complex carbs - pack in the calories. Watch yourself morphing into a super-you in front of the mirror. This will boost confidence.

- Following from this, when your body starts to improve, start practicing staring people down. When that first little **** backs down from you, your confidence will be boosted. The punk will be visibly shaken in front of his cronies, and you've won the first of many battles which will contribute to winning the war.

- Don't SAY anything in retaliation, just look unmoved. If needs be, start walking towards them. Invest in tank tops, tighter fitting shirts, clothes which are portrayed as being worn by nutters in the media. This will give you inner confidence as well, by appearing fearsome on the outside. Sounds crazy but it works.

- Cane the revision while people comment on how big you've gotten. Blag your way into medical school, laugh in the faces of all the little mugs who tried to belittle you. You're 6' for Christ's sake - get big, think big, don't back down.

[nonswimmer]

(Original post by I Gurn Hard)
- Following from this, when your body starts to improve, start practicing staring people down. When that first little **** backs down from you, your confidence will be boosted. The punk will be visibly shaken in front of his cronies, and you've won the first of many battles which will contribute to winning the war.

- Don't SAY anything in retaliation, just look unmoved. If needs be, start walking towards them. Invest in tank tops, tighter fitting shirts, clothes which are portrayed as being worn by nutters in the media. This will give you inner confidence as well, by appearing fearsome on the outside. Sounds crazy but it works.

Yeah great plan, definitely escalate things!

The advice from the real self-defense experts? If things get really bad, run away.

http://www.samharris.org/blog/item/t...about-violence

[OSharp]

In 15 years time you'll go into a McDonald's as a success with your partner and you will find numerous members of staff there who 15 years previously took the piss out of you and you can laugh in their faces.

I used to get all sorts of crap from people in secondary school, Im not exactly inconspicuous being 6' 6'' and nearly 100 kg but the kids who took the piss are all a bunch of wasters and drop outs now and I got the last laugh.


always remember that 'Living well is the best revenge'


if its really getting you down that much go and have a chat to one of your year heads or someone you trust, if that doesn't help talk to someone else until it does.


Just never be afraid to talk to people about it.

P.S. just saw your location (might want to edit that) anyway if all goes to plan i'll be down there next year and am not above chasing teenagers down the street with a cricket bat

[Stevo112]

(Original post by nonswimmer)
Yeah great plan, definitely escalate things!

The advice from the real self-defense experts? If things get really bad, run away.

http://www.samharris.org/blog/item/t...about-violence

funny

I got off the bus about 30 mins ago and some absolute tit was staring me down and making some harsh comments... This guy did look relatively fit and i'm actually a big pushover But yea, i'm 6ft 3 and quite a big guy. Simply turning round, staring and saying "you ok mate? Whats up?" had him backing down like a little girl.

Ok walking off is always the best thing to do, but more often than not they back down if you confront them. At least they do for me....

[I Gurn Hard]

(Original post by nonswimmer)
Yeah great plan, definitely escalate things!

The advice from the real self-defense experts? If things get really bad, run away.

http://www.samharris.org/blog/item/t...about-violence

The kids he has described are babyish school children, who are picking on him because he's making himself a target. They are complacent bullies - they've found a target who doesn't respond and so they're persistently using him as a target. This isn't about some lousy "self-defense" guide. This is about taking hold of the exact reason he is being bullied in the first place - supposedly for being seen as a nerdy little gimp - and turning it back around in their faces.

The first and last time someone tried to bully me (year 7) I put a stop to it by making sure the kid knew who was boss. Since then - yeah, sure, I haven't been friends with everyone, but I am friends with a great deal and command some level of respect from the rest. You just have to stand up for yourself, or people will walk all over you. It's the same in any walk of life - the workplace, family environment, school...

The kid is saying he's having stuff shouted at him in the street by y11's. It's also in Exeter, where I study. These kids are not going to mob him, or pull a knife. Trust me. I've lived in the area all my life, and all these little fatherless scrotums need is someone to stand up to them and be a worthy adversary. This is coming from a fatherless scrotum, by the way.

[nonswimmer]

(Original post by I Gurn Hard)
The kids he has described are babyish school children, who are picking on him because he's making himself a target. They are complacent bullies - they've found a target who doesn't respond and so they're persistently using him as a target. This isn't about some lousy "self-defense" guide. This is about taking hold of the exact reason he is being bullied in the first place - supposedly for being seen as a nerdy little gimp - and turning it back around in their faces.

The first and last time someone tried to bully me (year 7) I put a stop to it by making sure the kid knew who was boss. Since then - yeah, sure, I haven't been friends with everyone, but I am friends with a great deal and command some level of respect from the rest. You just have to stand up for yourself, or people will walk all over you. It's the same in any walk of life - the workplace, family environment, school...

The kid is saying he's having stuff shouted at him in the street by y11's. It's also in Exeter, where I study. These kids are not going to mob him, or pull a knife. Trust me. I've lived in the area all my life, and all these little fatherless scrotums need is someone to stand up to them and be a worthy adversary. This is coming from a fatherless scrotum, by the way.

I know the area too and I agree the risk is probably quite low. But I think he can achieve all of that through just ignoring them, and being unintimidated. Not by bulking up and stepping-to.

What does adopting an aggressive stance towards them achieve? It just increases the risk that he'll get assaulted. With minimal reward since he's not here for much longer.

[I Gurn Hard]

(Original post by nonswimmer)
I know the area too and I agree the risk is probably quite low. But I think he can achieve all of that through just ignoring them, and being unintimidated. Not by bulking up and stepping-to.

What does adopting an aggressive stance towards them achieve? It just increases the risk that he'll get assaulted. With minimal reward since he's not here for much longer.

He'll never have to "step-to", as just a mean look will suffice. And it's not just about beating these bullies, it's about adopting the mentality of a winner, rather than succumbing to the mindset that he'll always be a loser. Unfortunately, internal confidence tends to be governed by how others see you. I imagine this boy has been walking past the scum, ignoring them, and this fuels the fire. Simply ignoring them doesn't work to change how they perceive you. The only way to change peoples perception of you is by changing you are perceived - in this case, it might be as simple as getting a red harrington jacket, some original farah trousers and some rockports.

[brunettegirl92]

if its in school, its atrocious, but its the school's responsibility to do something. although if its anything like my old school, they won't do much.
Now its outside of school, and you no longer go to sthe same school, it is no longer a case of school room bullying, but it is a civic offense.

live your life as normal, and document it for a few weeks- this can be anything from keeping a diary with times, places, number of people, age and if possible names, to taking photographs, films, or if this is difficult, audio recordings are more discrete, but is still good, hard evidence (a diary is not proof. if you are confronted agressively, there may be cctv of the events.

honestly, if you contact your old school, they will either do nothing, or make some sort of assembly announcement and because you 'grassed' it may get worse.
If you do wish to complain to the school, do it through the police or a solicitor - it will hold more weight, and if the kids know you are taking legal action or that the police are involved, many of them will piss off quickly enough.

Contact a solicitor and/or the police anyway. That way there may be legal ramifications for these individuals. the more agressive ones that are persistant, you can get restraining orders against. if they break this, they get arrested. That will scare everyone else away.

you may be able to take an injuction out against the school itself, but it isn't really the schools fault that you live in a **** area, and you might end up going down the line of the whole 'sue culture' thing that we have going on right now, but its your choice entirely- if thats what you feel you need to do, do it.

the self-defense front may work. I was bullied at school (although by people the same age as me - and i was a midget girl). it was also constant. I was alway a quiet, polite, reserved person. i always had a nervous disposition and i avoided doing stuff to piss people off.

it started in year 7 and by about the end of year 8 i stated telling them to **** off. around year 9, i became quite agressive back, and generally turned into an angry, agressive person. That isn't something i'm proud of, but it is certainly understandable and it was likely a defence mechanism - unless i toughend up, i wouldn't survive. This resulted in me no longer feeling powerless, but it did perpertuate the situation and until the end of year 11 i was constantly getting into both physical and verbal fights. I also lost support from other peers becausei turned myself into half of the problem. because of this i couldn't complain to my school.

The problem with the self-defence is although you become an adversary, not a target, if it continues, there may not be much you can do in terms of seeking legal help if you could be seen as inflaming the situation.
its bloody stupid becaue you would have been forced into that, but unfortunately, thats how it is.

don't just leave it though. bully victims either become very agressive in the way i did - not good, or become recluses -also not good.
It won't just go away, changes need to happen to end it.

[nonswimmer]

if its in school, its atrocious, but its the school's responsibility to do something. although if its anything like my old school, they won't do much. Now its outside of school, and you no longer go to sthe same school, it is no longer a case of school room bullying, but it is a civic offense.

You are mistaken. The legal position on harassment doesn't change once you enter a school. A criminal offence outside the gates is a criminal offence inside them.

[Jono404]

12 stone 5lb is a perfectly acceptable weight at 6 foot :/

[Anonymous]

(Original post by IceCool)

Whoops, typo

*cooking.

(Original post by Stevo112)
shout abuse back!

Thanks for the advice, but I have tried this at one time and it worked n the opposite direction.

(Original post by nonswimmer)
Advice:

1. You might want to edit your post or delete it, you have given away your home town and substantial identifying details about your life.

2. Be brave, walk the streets, ignore abuse. I very much doubt it will ever be physical (and if it is, it will be a matter for the police). When out and about you could put your phone on video record in your pocket, so that if you are harassed you can record it. Sustained harassment would also be a matter for the police.

3. In addition to being brave, be patient. Work hard and you can go to uni. Things will be much better there, I promise. The weird thing is, you will become friends with people who would have bullied you at college. Oddly that can be a good thing.

Good luck.

Thankyou vet much for this. I not now I did put a little much n, perhaps I was a little emotional. Moderators, I'm sorry, could you please edit out personal details. Thankyou.

I think your idea of a camera is very good. I walk to school with a friend and we have discussed walking to college each with a camera switched on so we could photograph these peoplpe. I just wasntnsure if this was legal.

But thanks anyway

(Original post by I Gurn Hard)
Okay, do all of these things:

- Get down to the gym, and eat big. Lots of lean proteins, complex carbs - pack in the calories. Watch yourself morphing into a super-you in front of the mirror. This will boost confidence.

- Following from this, when your body starts to improve, start practicing staring people down. When that first little **** backs down from you, your confidence will be boosted. The punk will be visibly shaken in front of his cronies, and you've won the first of many battles which will contribute to winning the war.

- Don't SAY anything in retaliation, just look unmoved. If needs be, start walking towards them. Invest in tank tops, tighter fitting shirts, clothes which are portrayed as being worn by nutters in the media. This will give you inner confidence as well, by appearing fearsome on the outside. Sounds crazy but it works.

- Cane the revision while people comment on how big you've gotten. Blag your way into medical school, laugh in the faces of all the little mugs who tried to belittle you. You're 6' for Christ's sake - get big, think big, don't back down.

Thanks for your support but I'm not reallynone for gym or any of that. I'm also a conservative dresser and don't think I would suit tight tops or anything.

I don't want to be an ego maniac and I really wouldn't appreciate peopple commenting on my size, even if tin was positive. Also, I couldn't blag my way into medical school haha. But thanks anyway.

[I Gurn Hard]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your support but I'm not reallynone for gym or any of that. I'm also a conservative dresser and don't think I would suit tight tops or anything.

I don't want to be an ego maniac and I really wouldn't appreciate peopple commenting on my size, even if tin was positive. Also, I couldn't blag my way into medical school haha. But thanks anyway.

This is the problem really. "I'm moaning about being bullied but i'm not willing to change, even superficially."

There is no way you can stop them without changing the way you feel when it happens. There is no way you can change the way you feel when it happens without changing yourself. "Conservative dresser", "not really one for the gym", you ask for help and then respond with that garbage? Man, you remind me of some of the kids from my old school who let themselves be continually belittled and victimised. Pull yourself out of the slurry tank - you'll thank yourself later when you have the confidence to leave the house without having an anxiety attack.

[brunettegirl92]

(Original post by nonswimmer)
You are mistaken. The legal position on harassment doesn't change once you enter a school. A criminal offence outside the gates is a criminal offence inside them.

not what my school told me, but maybe didn't want my parents to get all legal on their arse

[nonswimmer]

(Original post by brunettegirl92)
not what my school told me, but maybe didn't want my parents to get all legal on their arse

Got it in one!