[AxlGirlxai]

Hey guys! I have been in Britain for only about 3 years now - where I come from, birthday parties are very normal, whenever its somebody's birthday and an invitation is sent out (normally to around 10-15 people), we all go out and dine at pizzahut or most often somewhere formal - italian/chinese. The person who invited us (the birthday guy/girl) pays. We give them gifts and tadah, great night!
I am 19 now and till now (thanks to where I grew up i guess!!) I have always had the concept you invite, you pay. I have never ever ever heard of a birthday party where your guests pay - unless ofcourse they threw you a surprise party.
Since having moved to uk - I have organised 3 birthdays, and have invited around 7/8 people each time and went out to a formal dining place and yes, I paid for everybody. Simply because it was my birthday and I invited everybody! Happened the same when I went to parties thrown by my friends on their birthdays. Not to sound like a snob at all but both my parents are doctors and we do end up socializing alot with other doctor families and their kids pay for their parties as well!
Anyway last week I got a text 'Can you come to my birthday meal on...' I went there today, after buying a 30 quid gift (which for me is expensive enough since she is not close to me). At the end - we were asked to pay. I was sat there, confused as hell. What the hell?
Is this normal?! Will I be expected to pay for every birthday party I am invited to here?! But thats like saying hey its my birthday! Please throw me a party and pay for it. That just does not make sense to me. Why would you do that? If you are really that desperate, wouldn't you ask a bestfriend to plan a party for you instead of inviting everybody and then asking them to pay? I did not even have any cash on me! I was well pissed. I just spent a good 45 quid on somebody who isn't even close.
Next year Ill be at uni - won't be getting any monthly allowance from parents, so don't you think its a little too expensive? a) you buy them a gift b) you go to their party that YOU pay for c) you thank them as if they did all the effort.
Guess I'm just too annoyed. What a waste of money.

[katyness]

Yes. I had a hard time adjusting as well (I'm Portuguese). And to be honest, until now if it's someone's birthday and they don't plan a party or something like that, I won't buy them a present.

[alexsasg]

(Original post by katyness)
Yes. I had a hard time adjusting as well (I'm Portuguese). And to be honest, until now if it's someone's birthday and they don't plan a party or something like that, I won't buy them a present.

Yeah, I know it seems a bit weird. My family's European and Asian and they'd be mortified if guests paid but that's just the way it works a lot of the time over here. I've just grown used to it.

The present thing is a difficult one - I still feel like there's some pressure to buy a present, especially when other people ask you what you bought the person I just only tend to go the parties/celebrations of close friends now, it's just so...long to do to those of mere acquaintances when you factor in the cost.

I hope that doesn't sound antisocial of me or anything :/

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by katyness)
Yes. I had a hard time adjusting as well (I'm Portuguese). And to be honest, until now if it's someone's birthday and they don't plan a party or something like that, I won't buy them a present.

I don't either unless the person is very close. Its just that she invited me to her 'birthday meal', so I couldn't just go without a present. I only found out I have to pay after the meal had finished!

Weird!

I'm definitely throwing birthday parties now if I don't have to pay :P

[EatRainbows]

Whenever it's someones birthday meal we tend to pay for ourselves because we are all poor students and it feels unfair to make whoevers birthday it is pay for us. The parent used to pay when we were younger and couldn't really pay for ourselves.

[QI Elf]

TBH this is pretty normal in British culture. I can't really think of a birthday party recently where you don't pay for your own meal. It may have happened about twice when I was about 13/14. When I was younger my parents would give me money to go out for a friend's birthday. This is even more common at uni than outside in my experience- people don't have that much spare money so definetly wouldn't be able to pay for a group of friends' meals.

Unless I'm really really good friends with the person, I wouldn't get them a present, just a card and then pay for my own meal or cinema ticket etc.

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by alexsasg)
Yeah, I know it seems a bit weird. My family's European and Asian and they'd be mortified if guests paid but that's just the way it works a lot of the time over here. I've just grown used to it.

The present thing is a difficult one - I still feel like there's some pressure to buy a present, especially when other people ask you what you bought the person I just only tend to go the parties/celebrations of close friends now, it's just so...long to do to those of mere acquaintances when you factor in the cost.

I hope that doesn't sound antisocial of me or anything :/

I know exactly what you mean! She opened her gifts before the meal, if I didn't have a gift for her, I'd feel well weird.

[cl_steele]

whenever i go out for someones birthday we all pay for our own meals and chip in for the birthday boy/girls, just polite isnt it ... dont want to bankrupt them on their birthday.

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by EatRainbows)
Whenever it's someones birthday meal we tend to pay for ourselves because we are all poor students and it feels unfair to make whoevers birthday it is pay for us. The parent used to pay when we were younger and couldn't really pay for ourselves.

So would you throw a birthday party, invite everybody and then ask them to pay for themselves?
Instead friends could generally decide to go for a meal; special occasion being the friend's birthday. That way people will pay without thinking 'but she invited me!'. I have thrown a lot of friends surprise parties and we all pay equally including that friend's meal. But she never asks us to throw that party.
It just comes across as I'm dying to have a birthday party, since none of you will throw me one, I am going to organize one, you'll have to pay.

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by QI Elf)
TBH this is pretty normal in British culture. I can't really think of a birthday party recently where you don't pay for your own meal. It may have happened about twice when I was about 13/14. When I was younger my parents would give me money to go out for a friend's birthday. This is even more common at uni than outside in my experience- people don't have that much spare money so definetly wouldn't be able to pay for a group of friends' meals.

Unless I'm really really good friends with the person, I wouldn't get them a present, just a card and then pay for my own meal or cinema ticket etc.

Wow thank you! Just made a menta note - again I never had a concept of attending a birthday meal without a present. Different cultures i guess!

[jelly1000]

I've always paid for everyone so I could go to somewhere nicer than Pizza Hut to celebrate but then I've had money to pay for it instead of a birthday present from a close relative every year. I always expect that I'll have to pay for other peoples though as I know its not something most people can afford.

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by cl_steele)
whenever i go out for someones birthday we all pay for our own meals and chip in for the birthday boy/girls, just polite isnt it ... dont want to bankrupt them on their birthday.

But thats like a normal meal! If I feel like going out with my friends, I say lets go somewhere. Then obviously we all pay for our own meals. I would never add its my 'birthday meal', that just means they better get me a present and treat me special - thats just forced.

[alexsasg]

(Original post by AxlGirlxai)
I know exactly what you mean! She opened her gifts before the meal, if I didn't have a gift for her, I'd feel well weird.

I know. I guess it evens out though, if you decide to start doing the same for your birthdays.

I don't mind getting friends presents at all, after all - it's nice to make them happy. But sometimes my friends will try to convince me to come to someone's party who I'm not particularly close to and I just really don't feel like it. I mean, I'm sure I'd have some fun, but I'd be like 40 quid out of pocket.

Incidentally, I don't like it when people invite you to their birthday at a restaurant or whatever, but decide to host it at a REALLY expensive place. (this is in situations where the guests are expected to pay). I think it's inconsiderate but that's just my tuppence worth.

[LookIt'sPete]

For my last birthday meal, I was expecting to pay for everyone - even had the money with me. But, everyone stopped me and paid for themselves. I was pretty surprised, considering they'd bought be gifts as well.

[EatRainbows]

(Original post by AxlGirlxai)
So would you throw a birthday party, invite everybody and then ask them to pay for themselves?
Instead friends could generally decide to go for a meal; special occasion being the friend's birthday. That way people will pay without thinking 'but she invited me!'. I have thrown a lot of friends surprise parties and we all pay equally including that friend's meal. But she never asks us to throw that party.
It just comes across as I'm dying to have a birthday party, since none of you will throw me one, I am going to organize one, you'll have to pay.

We don't go to really expensive restaurants or buy each other really expensive gifts and none of us mind as we all do it for each other.

It's not like we are throwing a huge house party then ask all the guests to pay for their share of everything on the way out x)

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by LookIt'sPete)
For my last birthday meal, I was expecting to pay for everyone - even had the money with me. But, everyone stopped me and paid for themselves. I was pretty surprised, considering they'd bought be gifts as well.

That's very nice to them! I wouldn't ever feel right for a million years if I'd let them pay but I guess I'm just new to this, feeling stupid everybody finds it so normal
On a brighter note, no more giving-gifts and payingformybirthdaymeals!

[BritGirl]

I've never been expected to pay for myself when I have been to a party/meal... the only things I have ever paid for is the present/card and extra drinks that i wanted (when its a meal).

[The Doggfather]

You pay

But the gifts make up for it innit

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by BritGirl)
I've never been expected to pay for myself when I have been to a party/meal... the only things I have ever paid for is the present/card and extra drinks that i wanted (when its a meal).

Exactly. So how do you know you'll be expected to pay or not when you are going to a meal that you are invited to?
I think I should just skip all fancy meals from now on incase they expect me to pay too

[AxlGirlxai]

(Original post by The Doggfather)
You pay

But the gifts make up for it innit

They do. But I don't think its fair if you are buying them a gift and paying for your own meal as well?