[Anonymous]

I'll jump straight into it... whilst trying to make it as brief as I can!

My ex and I attend the same university, live next door to each other in halls and are on the same course - so it's pretty clear that I couldn't see more of her even if I tried!

We get on really well, and it wasn't long before we made it official...I was a bit hesitant due to the "Don't sh1t where you eat" concept...

Had been dating since October, when in March we began having some problems. I am naturally a confident, flirty person, who makes female friends and male friends relatively easily - this never used to be the case, but when I came to university I decided that to be a more outgoing person.

My is insecure and didn't like me texting other girls or hanging out with other girls...it irritated her and she always thought I was planning on getting with others. She has no trust for me but has no reason to doubt me - I have never cheated on her or anything of the sort.

She would get upset with me for spending time with other friends and would make me feel bad for not spending this time with her.

Ultimately it led to us breaking up because "we just have different morals, personalities and rules"

I do really love her and want to be with her, but at the back of my mind, I think it's university, the freshers year, it's an opportunity to meet new people and form many friendships, and towards the end I think it just got a bit too suffocating for me.
Another contributing factor may be that we spent so much time with each other literally 20hrs a day, 24/7, that we ended up invading each other's space...

She is dead set against the idea of being my girlfriend again, but I want to change her mind.

I don't want to move on, nobody else interests me! So please don't say move on...

Thanks

[SkySantiago]

Even though you don't want to her this, you might have to move on. That or you both have to try to.communicate and trust each other. Without those two things a relationship is unlikely to last.
Another thing, I know exactly what you mean about spending too much time together. You've got to give each other a chance to miss one another so that it doesn't appear as if you guys are suffocating each other. You have to sit down and explain all these things to her.
Furthermore, you have to SHOW her that there is absolutely no reason for her to feel insecure. Try to cut back a little on how often you're hanging around females or how frequently you text then etc ... that is if you truly want to be with this girl.
Don't waste her time and most importantly don't waste yours.

Sky

[CharlieEmma]

I know it's a hard situation to be in, but you need to look at it from an outer perspective. It sounds to me like you've just over-worked the relationship and now its just burnt you out. Seeing each other everyday like you said is suffocating, and noone wants to be in a suffocating relationship. Also, I don't want to sound mean, but a relationship with no trust will never work, and if she won't trust you to make female friends, then the relationship was in jeopardy from the beginning. My boyfriend moved around 300 miles away from me in september to go to uni, and although I did get a little jealous of him spending time with other girls, its part of uni life, and to deny anybody that is selfish. What i'm trying to say is, if i were you, as hard as it is, try and move on, you deserve to enjoy your university life as you'll only ever get it once, don't let anybody ruin it for you Best of luck, hope I've helped x

[SofiaSalento]

Sounds pretty sucky to me, but i'm sure you can win her back! I think you should give her time to recover from the immediate break-up, but for her to even consider you again, I think you need to prove you're serious, so don't let photos of you arm-in-arm with some pretty girls turn up on facebook, even if it's harmless, those kind of photos always spark off jealousy after a break-up. Also, just asking how she is can be really nice, a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years and even though it was sad, she said she was really impressed by how he still asked after her, after all, it's like being best friends with someone as well as their bf/gf. Once you've earned back her respect as a friend, then maybe take her out somewhere special!

So, briefly, my advice is, time, prove you mean it, be nice and then ask her out for a date,

hope that helped

[Anonymous]

(Original post by SkySantiago)
Even though you don't want to her this, you might have to move on. That or you both have to try to.communicate and trust each other. Without those two things a relationship is unlikely to last.
Another thing, I know exactly what you mean about spending too much time together. You've got to give each other a chance to miss one another so that it doesn't appear as if you guys are suffocating each other. You have to sit down and explain all these things to her.
Furthermore, you have to SHOW her that there is absolutely no reason for her to feel insecure. Try to cut back a little on how often you're hanging around females or how frequently you text then etc ... that is if you truly want to be with this girl.
Don't waste her time and most importantly don't waste yours.

Sky

(Original post by CharlieEmma)
I know it's a hard situation to be in, but you need to look at it from an outer perspective. It sounds to me like you've just over-worked the relationship and now its just burnt you out. Seeing each other everyday like you said is suffocating, and noone wants to be in a suffocating relationship. Also, I don't want to sound mean, but a relationship with no trust will never work, and if she won't trust you to make female friends, then the relationship was in jeopardy from the beginning. My boyfriend moved around 300 miles away from me in september to go to uni, and although I did get a little jealous of him spending time with other girls, its part of uni life, and to deny anybody that is selfish. What i'm trying to say is, if i were you, as hard as it is, try and move on, you deserve to enjoy your university life as you'll only ever get it once, don't let anybody ruin it for you Best of luck, hope I've helped x

(Original post by SofiaSalento)
Sounds pretty sucky to me, but i'm sure you can win her back! I think you should give her time to recover from the immediate break-up, but for her to even consider you again, I think you need to prove you're serious, so don't let photos of you arm-in-arm with some pretty girls turn up on facebook, even if it's harmless, those kind of photos always spark off jealousy after a break-up. Also, just asking how she is can be really nice, a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years and even though it was sad, she said she was really impressed by how he still asked after her, after all, it's like being best friends with someone as well as their bf/gf. Once you've earned back her respect as a friend, then maybe take her out somewhere special!

So, briefly, my advice is, time, prove you mean it, be nice and then ask her out for a date,

hope that helped

Thanks very much guys

I really want to see her!! I have a free house this weekend and I said to her I would make a 3 course meal for her and she can stay the night - I even told her i'd set up a spare room for her. I could understand if she didn't want to stay because she thinks something could happen with us...but I even said I'd drive her home which is an hour each way - and she maintains that it's 'not a good idea'

The advice is all good guys, but I won't try and move on. No other girls interest me, I'm not even going to go out on 'the pull' etc.

How can I win her back?! I need a step by step guide as I am terrible with this sort of stuff ! haha thanks x

[o Rebecca o]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks very much guys

I really want to see her!! I have a free house this weekend and I said to her I would make a 3 course meal for her and she can stay the night - I even told her i'd set up a spare room for her. I could understand if she didn't want to stay because she thinks something could happen with us...but I even said I'd drive her home which is an hour each way - and she maintains that it's 'not a good idea'

The advice is all good guys, but I won't try and move on. No other girls interest me, I'm not even going to go out on 'the pull' etc.

How can I win her back?! I need a step by step guide as I am terrible with this sort of stuff ! haha thanks x

You may not like this but it sounds like she simply doesn't want to get back with you, and the more you push her into getting back with you, the more annoyed she will be.

I suggest giving her a few weeks/months to decide what she wants, and if she really does want to get back with you then she will. Leave the decision to her, and if she wants to move on then it's tough luck I'm afraid.

[SofiaSalento]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks very much guys

I really want to see her!! I have a free house this weekend and I said to her I would make a 3 course meal for her and she can stay the night - I even told her i'd set up a spare room for her. I could understand if she didn't want to stay because she thinks something could happen with us...but I even said I'd drive her home which is an hour each way - and she maintains that it's 'not a good idea'

The advice is all good guys, but I won't try and move on. No other girls interest me, I'm not even going to go out on 'the pull' etc.

How can I win her back?! I need a step by step guide as I am terrible with this sort of stuff ! haha thanks x

I have to admit that asking to see her in such an intimate setting this soon after the break up might not be a great idea......maybe have a more relaxed approach, doing something fun like ice skating or bowling could remind her why she started going out with you, where as dinner means you have to talk all the time and then it could get awkward or you might arguing, although on the other hand, dinner could help you sort out your issues.
Also you should definitely tell her how she is the only one you care about and you can't even look at another girl - it might be cheesy but if she feels insecure it's good to tell her properly how important she is.
It's hard to write a step by step guide because you don't know how each thing will go, but good luck!

[laurenmarie123]

So, even if you were to get back together, what would change?
Would you respect her different morals as such, and stop talking to so many girls and hanging out with friends? I don't think so- the same problems would continually arise? Unless there is going to be a definitive change in perspective from either yourself or your ex, then I don't see how this would work out a second time.

[AmyL6]

(Original post by Anonymous)
She is dead set against the idea of being my girlfriend again, but I want to change her mind.

Ahh my heart stopped for a second, pheww

[abacuss]

It sounds to me like you are just not ready for an exclusive relationship and your ex realises this. You've described yourself as a flirty guy who likes to text/hang out with other girls - frankly I don't blame her for walking away. It is pretty stressful being with a guy who likes the company of other women so much -I recently broke up with a guy for the same reason. He was also first year uni and there were sooo many girls throwing themselves at him and he loved the attentioon so much that he couldn't resist responding. In the end I just got sick of the continual worry. Maybe you should stop trying to restrict yourself to one girl and just go out and have a good time as a single guy.