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My sister is ruining our family...

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    #2

    I know exactly how you feel. I used to have the same problems with my 17-year-old sister who was very violent, punching me and kicking me in the stomach over things like not letting her invite her druggie mates round for a houseparty whilst my parents are out. She quit college and finally got a job, but got sacked after hitting another employee because 'she was annoying'. She regularly stole either items or money from me, my younger sister and my parents and destroyed many things in the house including smashing down bedroom doors when we put locks on them to stop her stealing our stuff. Not only that but she was in with a bad crowd who attacked our house whenever they fell out with her over something. My Mum responded in the same way your Mum does.

    All I can suggest is trying to persuade your parents to kick her out. She's 20 which is old enough to live on her own and she may not have the money for her own place but she can get housing benefit and jobseeker's or income support so it's not like she'll be unable to live. It'll just be a crappy way to live and hopefully that'll make her realise and grow up, and if not at least she's not home anymore. Luckily we've managed to get rid of my sister even though my Mum was reluctant to kick her out because she's still her daughter. I do feel bad for wanting her out but she's now got herself on benefits because of being kicked out so she's able to support herself and I just keep reminding myself that she's brought it on herself.

    I would perhaps try suggesting it to any siblings/your Dad/other family members who would agree with you and then all going to your Mum and reassuring her that your sister can claim benefits when she's kicked out etc. Also if she brings up the "she's still my child" thing like my Mum did remind her that so are you (and any siblings) and she needs to consider your wellbeing too and tell her how much this is affecting you. If your sister is kicked out be prepared for your Mum feeling guilty and needing reassurance, she will probably be tempted to change her mind and ask your sister to come back home but it needs to be your sister who asks to come back because then she doesn't have the power over you to behave the way she did before.
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    (Original post by meowmeowmew)
    Yes!! This is exactly my situation! And I hate to say it but it doesn't sound too good.. my sister was the same when she was younger and has only got worse! It's so frustrating to watch isn't it? Especially if your parents are weak with your sister like mine are with my sister.. In away I am relieved to know I'm not the only one in this situation but I'm sorry that you also have to put up with this kind of thing. Ugh, it sucks.

    Have you ever spoken to your parents about it? I have but I never seem to get anywhere. having read responses on here I want to try again. (thanks guys!)
    yeah, it's the exact same for me! they say that there's no point saying anything to her when she's angry, and that it doesn't matter if they punish her because she doesn't change. they've pretty much given up on her i guess. so yeah, guess i'll be keeping my eye on the advice in this thread too!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

    I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

    She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

    She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

    I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

    We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

    What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

    Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

    I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

    Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.
    Please read my thread on psychopaths:

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1873367

    If you would like any advice then PM me.
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    Well I personally think that you need to tell your parents and your brother to totally ignore her. Then it will hit her, otherwise if the parents are too lenient then the behavior will just continue.
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

    I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

    She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

    She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

    I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

    We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

    What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

    Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

    I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

    Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.
    I'm in pretty much the exact same position. My sister is 23 and in the past 6-8 months things just seem to have gotten worse. There's always a tense feeling in the house, everyone lives on edge around her. She moved out for a week to live with my Aunty after she had a tantrum where she cried and cried and wailed.
    She's really disrespectful to my Mum, I then start a fight with her as I can't bear to see my Mum be talked to in a way she doesn't deserve.
    She's still a student, so I just can't wait until she graduates and gets a job, maybe that will sort her out ( I pray she fixes herself up sooner rather than later), she graduates in 14 months, that will be 14 months of hell.

    I don't know what it is, but you can approach her in the calmest manner, tell her that you don't like the way she acts and she will start crying and making it out as if she's the victim. I'm almost 20, this stuff has been going on for about 5/6 years, on and off, like I said it's got worse. I'd just like to have a few peaceful years at home before I move out in 3 years.
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    Alright, you could call me a psychopath, mentally challenged and whatever, but the only way out is to either;
    1) Take her for a brain test, because most likely she will have an advanced disorder, OCD or something else. Then take her to a mental asylum.
    2)Kill yourself/ run away from home
    3) Get rid of everyone. Permenantly.

    I've been there. My 7 year old sister has an iPhone 4, she wants to have sex with every boy I know(including me(obviously I change the subject). Don't even make me go there when she's with her pay-to-be friends, or when she's playing something like Minecraft. When she's playing Minecraft, she tries to kill everything, and when she dies, she rage quits, crying, throwing my controller on the floor, and tries to kill everyone, and that's not an exgaggeretion. My dad says she's only young, but no-one listens to anyone, and my family's already on crisis point because of my sister. She almost broke my leg once, and she eats so many sweets and has so much gum(I hate both) her teeth have cavities. Those are her good points. Yeah, life's a b^^^h. I hate everyone.
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    My sister isn't as bad as yours but it's still quite similar.1. maybe try to support your parents by things like just giving them a hug. 2. I don't know how old your sister is bit maybe when she is 10-13 tell her that if she acts like that in future chances are it won't work out and she will get judged. Chances are you will get shouted at but it the long run it will do her good and it means she may stop. 3. Also maybe mention to your parents about taking her to a paediatrician it won't stop her but will help you and your family cope and maybe explain why she was doing it.
    Hope this helps 😀
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    My brother is similar...

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in pretty much the exact same position. My sister is 23 and in the past 6-8 months things just seem to have gotten worse. There's always a tense feeling in the house, everyone lives on edge around her. She moved out for a week to live with my Aunty after she had a tantrum where she cried and cried and wailed.
    She's really disrespectful to my Mum, I then start a fight with her as I can't bear to see my Mum be talked to in a way she doesn't deserve.
    She's still a student, so I just can't wait until she graduates and gets a job, maybe that will sort her out ( I pray she fixes herself up sooner rather than later), she graduates in 14 months, that will be 14 months of hell.

    I don't know what it is, but you can approach her in the calmest manner, tell her that you don't like the way she acts and she will start crying and making it out as if she's the victim. I'm almost 20, this stuff has been going on for about 5/6 years, on and off, like I said it's got worse. I'd just like to have a few peaceful years at home before I move out in 3 years.
    This sort of stuff can happen. I dont know your sister obviously but if you have tried the good all sit down and talk without success. Then boycott her. Do not talk to her, tell your brother not to talk to her and request your parents have minimum interaction. If she tries acting out because of it, tell her straight up "you are not allowed to show such disrespect to anyone never mind your family. Which is all you have done, you have lost the right to speak to me. When you realise how much you hurt us, then talk to me" straight after saying it, dont wait for a reaction get up and walk away. See how this plays out. Oh and try recording her stupid tantrums and play them back to her sometime, maybe she will go crazy and smash the listening device or maybe she will realise the error of her ways once you ask her what would happen if you played this to all her friends.....
    Hope i helped.......
    #4

    (Original post by Sly_uman)
    This sort of stuff can happen. I dont know your sister obviously but if you have tried the good all sit down and talk without success. Then boycott her. Do not talk to her, tell your brother not to talk to her and request your parents have minimum interaction. If she tries acting out because of it, tell her straight up "you are not allowed to show such disrespect to anyone never mind your family. Which is all you have done, you have lost the right to speak to me. When you realise how much you hurt us, then talk to me" straight after saying it, dont wait for a reaction get up and walk away. See how this plays out. Oh and try recording her stupid tantrums and play them back to her sometime, maybe she will go crazy and smash the listening device or maybe she will realise the error of her ways once you ask her what would happen if you played this to all her friends.....
    Hope i helped.......

    I think the first half of this post would be really helpful!
    Coming from a different perspective, quite a few of the things you wrote sound like me. After a long day at uni I often find I snap at my family and wind them up just because of my mood. Whenever they try to speak to me about it I have this victim complex where I feel like they are trying to make me miserable although rather than crying I just snap back.
    Discussing it doesn't really work as I usually feel awful as soon as i've said something but I still can't seem to stop. But when I am ignored then I tend to find the time to cool down and try to make up for it in another way. So ignoring could work!
    Also if you've ever heard the phrase "kill them with kindness", my sister does this to me and I feel incredibly guilty afterwards.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think the first half of this post would be really helpful!
    Coming from a different perspective, quite a few of the things you wrote sound like me. After a long day at uni I often find I snap at my family and wind them up just because of my mood. Whenever they try to speak to me about it I have this victim complex where I feel like they are trying to make me miserable although rather than crying I just snap back.
    Discussing it doesn't really work as I usually feel awful as soon as i've said something but I still can't seem to stop. But when I am ignored then I tend to find the time to cool down and try to make up for it in another way. So ignoring could work!
    Also if you've ever heard the phrase "kill them with kindness", my sister does this to me and I feel incredibly guilty afterwards.
    Every person is different and so there is no one way to combat/resist negative thoughts and mindset towards other people. Something will work even if its just your family being patient or until you have a new life changing perspective.
    As for killing with kindness, i hate it when people do that but dont retaliate to it. Just look her in the eyes and be honest.....
    No matter how bad your day gets, the family is often the only constant thing in our lives. We wont miss it until its gone.
    #5

    My little brother is kind of like that he is such a ******* and its making my life miserable. My dad travels a lot and my mom just puts up with what my little brother does to us. Whenever i ask for help to deal with my brother, he just puts on a display of throwing a tantrum then acts like a victim and lies that i started the trouble. I dont know what to do. If i tell him to shut up or something, he just flings himself onto me and we end up brawling all over the house. Im tired of fighting with him after 5 years and i just want peace in the house, but he always has to find a reason to do something to us. I ask my mom for help but she just tells me that she doesnt want to stress herself and she just allows him to do what he wants without punishing him severely, im sick of it and i just really dont know what to do

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