[yayifications]

~~

[Lucia.]

Just ignore him. I agree that giving a guy your number doesn't necessarily show interest. I mean women do it all the time. If I thought someone was not a psycho, I'd probably willingly give them my number. So it seems like he only ever wanted something romantic with you. It's hard to be friends after that unless you're both mature about it. So I wouldn't worry about him. You can't be everyone's friend.

However if you find out someone likes you next time, and you are sure that their feelings won't be reciprocated, it is better to let them know straight away. You won't come off badly for that.

[Ben_LiveYourDreams]

As a guy, I would say that I assume that if a girl gives me her number, she has some degree of interest in me. However I'd equally admit that the reason for that is more me internalising anything as a signal of interest so I make a move on it.

It's the reason I don't make post's on 'should I ask this girl out/does this girl like me'. I assume they do until I find out they don't (happens a fair bit!).

But equally, I do it early on (well now anyway), so I know my place, and I won't that affect me subsequent friendship with anyone.

So objectively I will realise that not every girl that gives me her number has any interest in me, but I will act as if they do until I find out they don't.

[CoventryCity]

Something similar happened to me minus all the friends involvement, I told a girl I know I had feelings for her and she said she only saw me as a friend. We tried to stay friends and I wanted to do so but ultimately I was too immature at the time and could barely hold a conversation or make eye contact with her after so our friendship sort of faded.

He is too embarrassed to speak to you, you didn't do anything wrong but neither has he. You could either ignore him and move on with your life, if you really want to maintain a friendship best thing maybe would be to talk to him face to face so he can't avoid you but if he is shy he will probably go on the defensive and may even deny it.

Don't let it upset you, it isn't worth it.

[yayifications]

(Original post by Ben_LiveYourDreams)
As a guy, I would say that I assume that if a girl gives me her number, she has some degree of interest in me. However I'd equally admit that the reason for that is more me internalising anything as a signal of interest so I make a move on it.

It's the reason I don't make post's on 'should I ask this girl out/does this girl like me'. I assume they do until I find out they don't (happens a fair bit!).

But equally, I do it early on (well now anyway), so I know my place, and I won't that affect me subsequent friendship with anyone.

So objectively I will realise that not every girl that gives me her number has any interest in me, but I will act as if they do until I find out they don't.

Really?! I'm the complete opposite, I assume someone doesn't like me unless they clearly show they do. But I'm a pessimist. I'm not sure if it makes a difference, but I've only had one boyfriend (the one I'm with now, we're long distance so only my best friend knows as I'm scared of being judged lol) and I've never known him to have a girlfriend either so I genuinely didn't expect him to be interested for that reason. I guess I lost a friend then?

(Original post by Lucia.)
Just ignore him. I agree that giving a guy your number doesn't necessarily show interest. I mean women do it all the time. If I thought someone was not a psycho, I'd probably willingly give them my number. So it seems like he only ever wanted something romantic with you. It's hard to be friends after that unless you're both mature about it. So I wouldn't worry about him. You can't be everyone's friend.

However if you find out someone likes you next time, and you are sure that their feelings won't be reciprocated, it is better to let them know straight away. You won't come off badly for that.

I understand I should have probably reacted differently when I found out he liked me, however my friend who told me was sworn to secrecy and saying anything would show she'd not kept quiet. I'd rather have not known, honestly.

[yayifications]

(Original post by CoventryCity)
Something similar happened to me minus all the friends involvement, I told a girl I know I had feelings for her and she said she only saw me as a friend. We tried to stay friends and I wanted to do so but ultimately I was too immature at the time and could barely hold a conversation or make eye contact with her after so our friendship sort of faded.

He is too embarrassed to speak to you, you didn't do anything wrong but neither has he. You could either ignore him and move on with your life, if you really want to maintain a friendship best thing maybe would be to talk to him face to face so he can't avoid you but if he is shy he will probably go on the defensive and may even deny it.

Don't let it upset you, it isn't worth it.

The worst part is the text he sent me though, it was so cold hearted and nothing like how he normally speaks and I'm extremely bad with criticism and I just don't understand why he had to take it out on me. :/

I'd rather try and be friends as we hang out at the exact same spot at school and have many mutual friends and it's extremely awkward (for me at least) because I don't even know where I stand right now.

[Ben_LiveYourDreams]

(Original post by yayifications)
Really?! I'm the complete opposite, I assume someone doesn't like me unless they clearly show they do. But I'm a pessimist. I'm not sure if it makes a difference, but I've only had one boyfriend (the one I'm with now, we're long distance so only my best friend knows as I'm scared of being judged lol) and I've never known him to have a girlfriend either so I genuinely didn't expect him to be interested for that reason. I guess I lost a friend then?

I understand I should have probably reacted differently when I found out he liked me, however my friend who told me was sworn to secrecy and saying anything would show she'd not kept quiet. I'd rather have not known, honestly.

Well, being optimistic makes me enjoy life far more then when I was a lil ball of hatred.

Never be scared of being judged, its not worth worrying about what others think (mainly because other people have the tendency to be stupid!).

And I can tell your a pessimist by saying that you lost a friend, whereas maybe his lost a friend, by not being able to deal with rejection and giving you a cold response!

[yayifications]

(Original post by Ben_LiveYourDreams)
Well, being optimistic makes me enjoy life far more then when I was a lil ball of hatred.

Never be scared of being judged, its not worth worrying about what others think (mainly because other people have the tendency to be stupid!).

And I can tell your a pessimist by saying that you lost a friend, whereas maybe his lost a friend, by not being able to deal with rejection and giving you a cold response!

I suppose! It's just worse because we hang out in the same area and can't really avoid confrontation so not being friends kinda sucks. Maybe I could try texting him in like a week or so and see if he responds then? :/

[Ben_LiveYourDreams]

(Original post by yayifications)
I suppose! It's just worse because we hang out in the same area and can't really avoid confrontation so not being friends kinda sucks. Maybe I could try texting him in like a week or so and see if he responds then? :/

Don't act any different.
If your around mutual friends, and your acting all cool, and his being a ****, then you well come off looking the better person.

Stop over thinking things .

[yayifications]

(Original post by Ben_LiveYourDreams)
Don't act any different.
If your around mutual friends, and your acting all cool, and his being a ****, then you well come off looking the better person.

Stop over thinking things .

Yeah, I didn't act different but it's the way he walks the furthest away from me and I just feel like I can't walk nearer to him in case he says anything. You're right, I should just stop thinking about it and do whatever. D:

[un-jardin-sur-le-nil]

I wouldn't give a guy my number if I wasn't interested in him unless it was explicitly clear it was for friends reasons. Its cruel to lead someone on.

[Soph(:]

I really don't see how by giving someone your number you can't just be friends?! I'd say maybe ask your friend to have a word with him if he's ignoring you completely

[RalphsDisciple]

Unless it's a guy who I've been really good friends with for a substantial period of time, I wouldn't give my number to a guy I wasn't interested in. I've always thought it was pretty common knowledge that exchanging numbers would make a guy think you were into him.

[Journeyzap]

He probably likes you and doesn't want to get hurt, hence cut off contact to get over you quicker.

but trust me, that is no drama whatsoever.

He will get over it, and maybe you will be friends again in the future, or maybe not.
And I don't think anyone would judge you badly on having an LDR boyfriend =\

Sorry for my bluntness.

[Kage]

I think he just at the moment feels stupid.
Some guys ask for numbers simply when they are attracted to a girl and want to get to know them more, and you were happy enough to do that.
I think he's just being immature about it.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by yayifications)
So I have this friend who I wasn't really that close with, we just said hi and stuff, until about a month ago. We began talking on Facebook then he asked for my number and we texted regularly since then. (He usually initiated conversation, I'm the one who stops replying first)

Somewhat contradictary statements there. Seems to me that you and this guy were having a good deal of contact. Like your were close friends, partners or setting up to go out with each other.

He didn't know she told me and we resumed speaking as normal, until today I got a text saying he regrets asking for my number and wished he never had so he wouldn't have wasted his time on me. Now he won't reply to any of my messages and won't speak to me at school.

I found out it sprung from his friend encouraging him to ask me out, and then my friend discouraging it where she had to admit I only liked him as a friend. So honestly, I don't see how I'm the bad person here? I never sent flirty texts, I treated him solely as a friend and I genuinely enjoy speaking to this guy and would like to remain friends but clearly that isn't an option to him.

So basically you do not want to go out with him. Fine. He has found out that you are not interested. Naturally he is disapointed.

Now he only started chatting to you because he wanted to go out with you. He did not want to be your "friend". That much is clear.

This guy is in the defintion of the friendzone. He has now taken the appropriate strategy of completely avoiding any contact with you and moving on. As he knows he is in a losing battle.

He's shy and has never even admitted his feelings so I think it's somewhat unfair I'm being left in the dark about the whole situation. I texted him back asking if he would explain because I didn't understand and he hasn't replied. Did I really deserve that message? I gave him my number in the hope of friendship and now because a relationship is out of the question we can't even be friends? Ugh it's made me so upset. I've basically gone through my life up until now with next to none drama in my life and this really unsettles me, I don't know what to do!

You on the other hand. You quite enjoy the position of power. You want this poor bastard to be following you around, being nice, keeping you company, making you feel special. You just do not want to do anything in return.

Well done to the guy. And **** you for being a whinny little bitch, don't desire or actually to friedzone some poor guy. It is just cruel.

(btw, you look pretty lovely, so I suspect you wil never have many real guy friends who just want to be friends, sorry, that is one of the curses of looking hot)

[Lil Piranha]

(Original post by Classical Liberal)
You on the other hand. You quite enjoy the position of power. You want this poor bastard to be following you around, being nice, keeping you company, making you feel special. You just do not want to do anything in return.

Are you suggesting she should sleep with him or lead him on to keep hold of the platonic friendship??? She wants his friendship in return for her friendship, which is a fairly even deal, she's not expecting him to be some sort of fawning puppy following her everywhere.

She has not said she wants him to make her feel special, or to follow her round, she is merely shocked and slightly upset at his new cold attitude. None of this situation is of her making - the guy was upset (understandably) that she is not interested, but that does not mean he has a pass to be rude to her because she does not reciprocate. If he needs some space to get over his feelings then he should tell her rather than just be rude.

These days, when everyone has mobiles / facebook / email, I don't think giving out your number equates to signalling interest, anymore than adding someone on facebook does! I don't give out my number to complete strangers at clubs for example, but friends of friends, people on the same course or society then yes, because I like to keep in contact and it's pretty useful!

It always sucks when it turns out someone doesn't see you the same way, but it's no excuse for namecalling and blaming. It's just the way it is.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by Lil Piranha)
Are you suggesting she should sleep with him or lead him on to keep hold of the platonic friendship??? She wants his friendship in return for her friendship, which is a fairly even deal, she's not expecting him to be some sort of fawning puppy following her everywhere.

You are right, I wrote that poorly. But the point is that the guy does not want to be friends.

She has not said she wants him to make her feel special, or to follow her round, she is merely shocked and slightly upset at his new cold attitude.

She has not said this. But I can fairly confidently derive out that she feels quite disapointed that she is not longer getting his attention. It is lovely to have a guy texting you, who you don't find creepy. It also instills in you a sense of power, a sense of control. Which is something that I think girls really enjoy, just like guys do.

She might not even be aware of this going on though.

None of this situation is of her making - the guy was upset (understandably) that she is not interested, but that does not mean he has a pass to be rude to her because she does not reciprocate. If he needs some space to get over his feelings then he should tell her rather than just be rude.

I think he has made it pretty ****ing clear. If you cannot work out what this guy is doing, then you are dumb. He is not being a **** or anything like that, he is just flat out ignoring her, he is moving on swiftly. Totally the right thing to do. Sure the girl feels a bit put out, but tough titties.

Is there really any legimate reason for the guy to contact her again? I don't really think so, and doing so could become a slippery slope. The girl might start to flirt with him more to draw him back into place, not good.

It always sucks when it turns out someone doesn't see you the same way, but it's no excuse for namecalling and blaming. It's just the way it is.

I just want to tell her that friendzoning guys/girls is a really nasty thing to do. It might not seem like it is but it really is. You might not even realise it has happened. It is like torture for the victim.

[Lil Piranha]

(Original post by Classical Liberal)
I just want to tell her that friendzoning guys/girls is a really nasty thing to do. It might not seem like it is but it really is. You might not even realise it has happened. It is like torture for the victim.

You can only be friendzoned if you allow yourself to be. It's pretty simple.

If you like someone, tell them. If they do like you, great. If they don't like you, fair enough, and everyone can move on.

"Friendzone" is just a stupid expression people use to excuse their own failings and blame other people for their own lack of action. If I asked every guy who was being nice to me if they liked me (to try and avoid "friendzoning" them), I don't think I'd make many friends because they'd all think I was creepy or insane, or both.

Not every member of the opposite sex who finds you an interesting person wants to sleep with you. 99% of the time, they will just think they're making a new friend.

In short, trying to be friends with someone as a pick-up technique is a MASSIVE fail. As is mistaking "being friendly / polite" for "flirting / interested". On a very few occasions, it might work, but I find it very annoying when guys who are displaying nothing more than friendliness and have not given any indication of their real motives then whine about how girls can't mindread and mistake their affections for friendship.

If you *like* someone - flirt. If you just like them - be friendly. It's not hard.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by Lil Piranha)
You can only be friendzoned if you allow yourself to be. It's pretty simple.

I totally agree with that. That is why I am coming out in favour of the guy. He is doing the right thing.

If you like someone, tell them. If they do like you, great. If they don't like you, fair enough, and everyone can move on.

"Friendzone" is just a stupid expression people use to excuse their own failings and blame other people for their own lack of action. If I asked every guy who was being nice to me if they liked me (to try and avoid "friendzoning" them), I don't think I'd make many friends because they'd all think I was creepy or insane, or both.

It is not about blaming anybody perse. It is just a relationship where one party is suffering whilst the other is enjoying the sense of god like power. Anybody who says they do not like attention from other people that makes them feel attractice or wanted, is a liar.

In short, trying to be friends with someone as a pick-up technique is a MASSIVE fail. As is mistaking "being friendly / polite" for "flirting / interested". On a very few occasions, it might work, but I find it very annoying when guys who are displaying nothing more than friendliness and have not given any indication of their real motives then whine about how girls can't mindread and mistake their affections for friendship.

I am in complete agreement with this. However guys suck. They are stupid and scared. They cannot read signals (I am a serious victim of this, I had a girl sit on my lap and I did not clock it lol) and cannot give them off very well.

Because guys suck, I just think it is worth realising that guys do not make their feelings clear but can often be deduced out when you start to think about it. Unless you have something real incommon with a guy friend, like a sport, a class, close friends, then really what other explanations are there for them to pay attention to you.

For example, guys are friends with other guys usually because they have something in common. A sport, a game, etc. This is the basis for their relationship at first. Then they can become real friends. Guys do not become friends, just to become friends usually. I cannot think of a single one of my mates who I just thought about and said "I want to be friends". It always derives from something meaningful in common.

If a guys relationship with a girl does not derive from something that would be equally applicable to a guy, then odds on, the guy fancies the girl. It is not certain, but pretty ****ing likely.

My point is that from where a friendship derives is a pretty big give away.