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Since when does giving your number to a guy mean you're interested in them?

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    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    Somewhat contradictary statements there. Seems to me that you and this guy were having a good deal of contact. Like your were close friends, partners or setting up to go out with each other.



    So basically you do not want to go out with him. Fine. He has found out that you are not interested. Naturally he is disapointed.

    Now he only started chatting to you because he wanted to go out with you. He did not want to be your "friend". That much is clear.

    This guy is in the defintion of the friendzone. He has now taken the appropriate strategy of completely avoiding any contact with you and moving on. As he knows he is in a losing battle.




    You on the other hand. You quite enjoy the position of power. You want this poor bastard to be following you around, being nice, keeping you company, making you feel special. You just do not want to do anything in return.

    Well done to the guy. And **** you for being a whinny little bitch, don't desire or actually to friedzone some poor guy. It is just cruel.

    (btw, you look pretty lovely, so I suspect you wil never have many real guy friends who just want to be friends, sorry, that is one of the curses of looking hot)
    I'm probably older than a few of you folks here (I'm mainly active in the psychology forums) but stumbled across this thread and must say this post pretty much hits the nail on the head.

    The guy does feel embarrassed, stupid and he probably still has feelings for you and wants to cut his losses and stop this-this however can't happen if he is friends with you-it has never worked out well in such situations and maintaining a friendship is going to affect him and cutting you off is the best approach for him.

    As for you wanting to be his friend-why?
    You said you weren't that close but you enjoyed talking to him?

    However Im going to be in agreement here and say it was because the attention he gives, and you knowing its due to his feelings for you, which you find on some level increases your self-esteem and it is that you miss-the attention he gave and not him as a person.

    Your friend told you he liked you and you "thought nothing of it" - sorry but People do tend to give such things some level of thought-I am going to suggest that his interest was something you liked because you were in a position of power because you knew he liked you but he did not know that you knew that.

    Hence no doubt there was some flirtation on your end to push him little by little to keep his interest.

    Or how else does someone just text saying they wished they didn't know you? if discussions were simply straight forward that would be something of a new level to jump to and text such a sensitive thing-unless it was already on the boundaries of normal discussion already-hence I believe you may have not have told us exactly how you were friendly with him.

    Leave him alone and let him move on-your desire to have him linger around you is pretty much evidence that you enjoy the attention in short.

    Sorry I don't mean this in a nasty way at all-this is just simply the way people work.




    This was sent from Mephestics Galaxy Far far away..
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    Erm sorry why would people judge you for being in an LDR? Unless you're like fourteen...


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    Been there, done that, he'll get over it eventually, and at least you're safe in the knowledge that you didn't lead him on intentionally. I have male friends who I'll happily chat to until the early hours of the morning, but there's nothing romantic there at all, purely having a fun conversation, usually ranting about politics or the falling quality of Doctor Who, they know this, I know this, it's well established. Giving a guy your number can be a sign you like them, but generally when it's a complete stranger. With one guy I know, I asked for his number when we were chatting on facebook because I had to go offline but he was going through a rough time and I wanted to help him out, I didn't mean it in a romantic way. But it kinda went wrong. We're ok now though, all is well. So trust me, he'll be upset for a while and ignore you but he'll survive. Anyway, to answer the question more clearly, yes, giving a guy your number can show you're interested in them but it isn't a sure sign that you are, it might just be that you like chatting to them as a friend. These things can be misinterpreted, especially if one or both of you is shy. Sadly there's not a great deal you can do if someone mistakes your friendly actions as something more, but let them down gently and let him deal with it at his own pace.
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    Sounds like you have been shielded away for the real world your whole life if you think this is "drama". Basically this guy probably hasn't had much luck with the ladies and doesn't see friendships with girls as an option because he is so sexually deprived that all he wants is a relationship. But from that whole thing, my final view is that you actually do like him because your so upset that he doesn't want to be your friend.


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    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    Somewhat contradictary statements there. Seems to me that you and this guy were having a good deal of contact. Like your were close friends, partners or setting up to go out with each other.



    So basically you do not want to go out with him. Fine. He has found out that you are not interested. Naturally he is disapointed.

    Now he only started chatting to you because he wanted to go out with you. He did not want to be your "friend". That much is clear.

    This guy is in the defintion of the friendzone. He has now taken the appropriate strategy of completely avoiding any contact with you and moving on. As he knows he is in a losing battle.




    You on the other hand. You quite enjoy the position of power. You want this poor bastard to be following you around, being nice, keeping you company, making you feel special. You just do not want to do anything in return.

    Well done to the guy. And **** you for being a whinny little bitch, don't desire or actually to friedzone some poor guy. It is just cruel.

    (btw, you look pretty lovely, so I suspect you wil never have many real guy friends who just want to be friends, sorry, that is one of the curses of looking hot)
    We texted a few times a day, but it was mainly based around school work (we do the same subjects) or music or something. Nothing I would consider more than friendly.

    I assumed he wanted to be friends as he's told me he's never really had a girlfriend and he's friends with my friends as well, which to me suggests he's not really the relationship type? I wanted to remain friends because I genuinely enjoy his company and thought he did mine but that's all I wanted, to be friends & nothing more.

    (Original post by Lil Piranha)
    Are you suggesting she should sleep with him or lead him on to keep hold of the platonic friendship??? She wants his friendship in return for her friendship, which is a fairly even deal, she's not expecting him to be some sort of fawning puppy following her everywhere.

    She has not said she wants him to make her feel special, or to follow her round, she is merely shocked and slightly upset at his new cold attitude. None of this situation is of her making - the guy was upset (understandably) that she is not interested, but that does not mean he has a pass to be rude to her because she does not reciprocate. If he needs some space to get over his feelings then he should tell her rather than just be rude.

    These days, when everyone has mobiles / facebook / email, I don't think giving out your number equates to signalling interest, anymore than adding someone on facebook does! I don't give out my number to complete strangers at clubs for example, but friends of friends, people on the same course or society then yes, because I like to keep in contact and it's pretty useful!

    It always sucks when it turns out someone doesn't see you the same way, but it's no excuse for namecalling and blaming. It's just the way it is.
    That's basically my point of view on things, I managed to get him to reply on Facebook chat last night and I apologised if I upset him and said I didn't mean to, he told me he's sorry for how he reacted and he just needs time & then maybe we could be friends again, so I said I'd respect his decision. So, I dunno really. I hope he's serious and actually will get back to me when he's ready.


    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    You are right, I wrote that poorly. But the point is that the guy does not want to be friends.



    She has not said this. But I can fairly confidently derive out that she feels quite disapointed that she is not longer getting his attention. It is lovely to have a guy texting you, who you don't find creepy. It also instills in you a sense of power, a sense of control. Which is something that I think girls really enjoy, just like guys do.

    She might not even be aware of this going on though.



    I think he has made it pretty ****ing clear. If you cannot work out what this guy is doing, then you are dumb. He is not being a **** or anything like that, he is just flat out ignoring her, he is moving on swiftly. Totally the right thing to do. Sure the girl feels a bit put out, but tough titties.

    Is there really any legimate reason for the guy to contact her again? I don't really think so, and doing so could become a slippery slope. The girl might start to flirt with him more to draw him back into place, not good.



    I just want to tell her that friendzoning guys/girls is a really nasty thing to do. It might not seem like it is but it really is. You might not even realise it has happened. It is like torture for the victim.
    I'm not disappointed I'm no longer receiving his attention (I have a boyfriend), I'm glad he knows I'm not interested but I still wished to continue our friendship because he's a really lovely guy and I enjoy speaking to him. I'm not the type to enjoy unwanted attention, I'm relatively shy.

    I understand he's trying to forget about me but when we have so many mutual friends I'd much rather try and get on with him. I never flirted in the first place which is why I can't really understand why he'd continue to like me, without even hinting he does, if it was somewhat evident I didn't feel the same way.

    What does friendzoning actually mean then? He's never been anything to me but my friend, that makes me a bad person?


    (Original post by Lil Piranha)
    You can only be friendzoned if you allow yourself to be. It's pretty simple.

    If you like someone, tell them. If they do like you, great. If they don't like you, fair enough, and everyone can move on.

    "Friendzone" is just a stupid expression people use to excuse their own failings and blame other people for their own lack of action. If I asked every guy who was being nice to me if they liked me (to try and avoid "friendzoning" them), I don't think I'd make many friends because they'd all think I was creepy or insane, or both.

    Not every member of the opposite sex who finds you an interesting person wants to sleep with you. 99% of the time, they will just think they're making a new friend.

    In short, trying to be friends with someone as a pick-up technique is a MASSIVE fail. As is mistaking "being friendly / polite" for "flirting / interested". On a very few occasions, it might work, but I find it very annoying when guys who are displaying nothing more than friendliness and have not given any indication of their real motives then whine about how girls can't mindread and mistake their affections for friendship.

    If you *like* someone - flirt. If you just like them - be friendly. It's not hard.
    Basically my train of thought again. Thanks, haha!


    (Original post by Mephestic)
    I'm probably older than a few of you folks here (I'm mainly active in the psychology forums) but stumbled across this thread and must say this post pretty much hits the nail on the head.

    The guy does feel embarrassed, stupid and he probably still has feelings for you and wants to cut his losses and stop this-this however can't happen if he is friends with you-it has never worked out well in such situations and maintaining a friendship is going to affect him and cutting you off is the best approach for him.

    As for you wanting to be his friend-why?
    You said you weren't that close but you enjoyed talking to him?

    However Im going to be in agreement here and say it was because the attention he gives, and you knowing its due to his feelings for you, which you find on some level increases your self-esteem and it is that you miss-the attention he gave and not him as a person.

    Your friend told you he liked you and you "thought nothing of it" - sorry but People do tend to give such things some level of thought-I am going to suggest that his interest was something you liked because you were in a position of power because you knew he liked you but he did not know that you knew that.

    Hence no doubt there was some flirtation on your end to push him little by little to keep his interest.

    Or how else does someone just text saying they wished they didn't know you? if discussions were simply straight forward that would be something of a new level to jump to and text such a sensitive thing-unless it was already on the boundaries of normal discussion already-hence I believe you may have not have told us exactly how you were friendly with him.

    Leave him alone and let him move on-your desire to have him linger around you is pretty much evidence that you enjoy the attention in short.

    Sorry I don't mean this in a nasty way at all-this is just simply the way people work.




    This was sent from Mephestics Galaxy Far far away..
    Even if he didn't want to be friends, why did I deserve such a cold hearted message?

    I want to be friends with him because I only really have about 3 really good friends and I could see him becoming one and we got on really well.

    Can I just emphasise I do not miss attention from him because I already have all the attention I need from my boyfriend? It's not very often I find somebody I get on with as well as I did with him and I liked that.

    I didn't react to finding out he liked me because I didn't wish to make things awkward and hoped if I continued to speak to him as merely a friend he'd get the idea and do the same.


    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Erm sorry why would people judge you for being in an LDR? Unless you're like fourteen...


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Happened to another girl at my school, I'm really shy and wouldn't be able to defend myself if anyone said something nasty, so I'd just get upset and it was easier not to tell everybody.


    (Original post by aspirinpharmacist)
    Been there, done that, he'll get over it eventually, and at least you're safe in the knowledge that you didn't lead him on intentionally. I have male friends who I'll happily chat to until the early hours of the morning, but there's nothing romantic there at all, purely having a fun conversation, usually ranting about politics or the falling quality of Doctor Who, they know this, I know this, it's well established. Giving a guy your number can be a sign you like them, but generally when it's a complete stranger. With one guy I know, I asked for his number when we were chatting on facebook because I had to go offline but he was going through a rough time and I wanted to help him out, I didn't mean it in a romantic way. But it kinda went wrong. We're ok now though, all is well. So trust me, he'll be upset for a while and ignore you but he'll survive. Anyway, to answer the question more clearly, yes, giving a guy your number can show you're interested in them but it isn't a sure sign that you are, it might just be that you like chatting to them as a friend. These things can be misinterpreted, especially if one or both of you is shy. Sadly there's not a great deal you can do if someone mistakes your friendly actions as something more, but let them down gently and let him deal with it at his own pace.
    Yeah, it was purely friendly and not romantic in any way, I understand now why he was embarrassed/upset but the coldness of his message upset me too. I thought giving someone your number was a normal action, but if I were to like him then I'd go further & flirt rather than just send mundane everyday type messages.

    (Original post by GaryMoister)
    Sounds like you have been shielded away for the real world your whole life if you think this is "drama". Basically this guy probably hasn't had much luck with the ladies and doesn't see friendships with girls as an option because he is so sexually deprived that all he wants is a relationship. But from that whole thing, my final view is that you actually do like him because your so upset that he doesn't want to be your friend.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    I get upset if anybody doesn't like me, I'm way too sensitive for my own good and I know I can't be friends with everybody but it's just the fact he went from being my friend to my enemy within a few hours and I don't really understand what I've done wrong.

    (Didn't realise there was quite this many messages to quote, lol)
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    (Original post by yayifications)
    What does friendzoning actually mean then? He's never been anything to me but my friend, that makes me a bad person?
    It means one party fancies the other, but the other just wants to be a friend. Obviously this is a natural and reasonable outcome for many relationships. However it can get out of control.

    It is horrible for the victim if they carry on following around the person they fancy. In the end this always ends up with the victim becoming a right **** as they turn on the person they fancy.

    Some people who just want to be friends will be very mean and flirt with the other person to lead them on and the like, because they like the attention and the like. I think those people are very bad.

    The best thing for the victim to do is completely cut off connection with the person they fancy, be cold and heartless. Just don't be a jerk and don't "be friends". It kinda sucks for you, but the guy is doing the right thing.
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    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    It means one party fancies the other, but the other just wants to be a friend. Obviously this is a natural and reasonable outcome for many relationships. However it can get out of control.

    It is horrible for the victim if they carry on following around the person they fancy. In the end this always ends up with the victim becoming a right **** as they turn on the person they fancy.

    Some people who just want to be friends will be very mean and flirt with the other person to lead them on and the like, because they like the attention and the like. I think those people are very bad.

    The best thing for the victim to do is completely cut off connection with the person they fancy, be cold and heartless. Just don't be a jerk and don't "be friends". It kinda sucks for you, but the guy is doing the right thing.
    Alright, I see! Well when I spoke to him last night he apologised for how he spoke to me and said maybe in time he'd like to be friends again, and then said he'd miss me, which I found awkward because I will miss him but I didn't say it in case he thought I meant like in a romantic way?

    But I didn't intend (and still don't think I did) to lead him on in anyway. I just hope I'm not the bad guy. D:
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    (Original post by yayifications)
    So I have this friend who I wasn't really that close with, we just said hi and stuff, until about a month ago. We began talking on Facebook then he asked for my number and we texted regularly since then. (He usually initiated conversation, I'm the one who stops replying first)

    A few weeks ago my friend told me he liked me and as his love was unrequited, I just brushed it off and never brought it up/thought of it again since I didn't feel the same way.

    He didn't know she told me and we resumed speaking as normal, until today I got a text saying he regrets asking for my number and wished he never had so he wouldn't have wasted his time on me. Now he won't reply to any of my messages and won't speak to me at school.

    I found out it sprung from his friend encouraging him to ask me out, and then my friend discouraging it where she had to admit I only liked him as a friend. So honestly, I don't see how I'm the bad person here? I never sent flirty texts, I treated him solely as a friend and I genuinely enjoy speaking to this guy and would like to remain friends but clearly that isn't an option to him.

    He's shy and has never even admitted his feelings so I think it's somewhat unfair I'm being left in the dark about the whole situation. I texted him back asking if he would explain because I didn't understand and he hasn't replied. Did I really deserve that message? I gave him my number in the hope of friendship and now because a relationship is out of the question we can't even be friends? Ugh it's made me so upset. I've basically gone through my life up until now with next to none drama in my life and this really unsettles me, I don't know what to do!
    You seem quite dumb to me so I'm gonna give you some insight into the friend-zone.

    Please free yourself of all this petty crap you've been obsessing over. By this I mean forget everything which could be construed as a "signal of interest" or "flirting" or "in a romantic way". It's best just to keep things simple, but also these things mark the cornerstone of your "defense" against being interpreted as a bitch who leads people on.

    When your in the friend-zone, it's not real friendship. The person with the romantic interest in you has absolutely no need for you as a friend. What the friend-zone is actually a one-way system where the one in the power position (usually the girl) can enjoy unlimited to access to your time, attention, conversation and pretty much go to you for any little thing (just so happens that relationship problems is the most common).

    You seem eager for people on here to justify you that you "haven't done anything wrong". Well that's why the friend-zone is such a frustrating place to be. It would just make no sense whatsoever to brand you a bad person just because someone fancies you, and that you just so happen to know about it.

    However, in reality things are much messier. The last girl to friend-zone me (the only one and it was 7 years ago. lesson learned) used to hang out with me and my lads EVERY Friday and Saturday without fail. Even though my feelings for her were obvious to the point where EVERYONE (including her) in the group knew about it, I still didn't make a move. I used to get unbelievably jealous whenever someone flirted with her and even this was obvious. Her best friend would often try and comfort me over the whole thing. But the girl in question preceded to try and get with 3 of my best friends in front of me (at different times, lol). The fact that she could quite easily do this without feeling guilty IS the reason why the friend zone is a horrible place. There is no moral high-ground for you to take, you can't accuse them of leading you on and you can't stop them from seeing anyone else. THAT is why it's so painful. So although you feel all frustrated, jealous and resentful towards the person you like - you really have no right to feel any of those things and this dynamic alone makes the whole thing feel 10 times worse.

    Eventually I saw sense and told her she couldn't come round and hang around with us anymore. There was 4 girls in her little crew but every one of them had to go, it was the only way. How do you think she reacted? She kept trying to arrange "meet-ups" and would often text me and message me and wanting to lure me back to the friend-zone where she enjoyed attention and felt sexy, attractive and validated but I wouldn't have it. Cutting contact is the only way.
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    (Original post by yayifications)


    Yeah, it was purely friendly and not romantic in any way, I understand now why he was embarrassed/upset but the coldness of his message upset me too. I thought giving someone your number was a normal action, but if I were to like him then I'd go further & flirt rather than just send mundane everyday type messages.
    Don't beat yourself up in any way, he was the one who misinterpreted, from the sounds of it you weren't leading him on. Everyday messages are just that, the kind of thing you'd send to any friend, male or female, young or old. If you'd been sending him suggestive or flirty messages then I'd say yeah, that wasn't wise, but you can't blame yourself for treating him as a friend when that's all he was to you, trust me, you did the right thing. No doubt he's giving you the cold shoulder for a bit to help him get over you, and once he is then you'll be fine again. It sucks though, I sympathise. Giving someone your number does not mean "I fancy you, please father my children."
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    (Original post by aspirinpharmacist)
    Don't beat yourself up in any way, he was the one who misinterpreted, from the sounds of it you weren't leading him on. Everyday messages are just that, the kind of thing you'd send to any friend, male or female, young or old. If you'd been sending him suggestive or flirty messages then I'd say yeah, that wasn't wise, but you can't blame yourself for treating him as a friend when that's all he was to you, trust me, you did the right thing. No doubt he's giving you the cold shoulder for a bit to help him get over you, and once he is then you'll be fine again. It sucks though, I sympathise. Giving someone your number does not mean "I fancy you, please father my children."
    Okay, well thanks everyone who's helped!
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    Well as someone said, usually when a guy gets a girl number, he automatically assumes that he has interest from the girl

    However, he should have read the signs. You don't initiate texts and you're first to stop replying. I would take it as a hint that you are only interested in being friends.

    The guy is either immature or too shy/angry to talk to you.
    I'm sure he'll come around
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    In this day and age either you make it clear it's just as friends, or you divert to 'facebook', or you duck out completely (either by avoiding, 'mistakenly' giving an incorrect number, or outright refusing)..
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    A moment of silence. For our brother in the friend zone.

    Click image for larger version. 

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    (Original post by Lil Piranha)
    Not every member of the opposite sex who finds you an interesting person wants to sleep with you. 99% of the time, they will just think they're making a new friend.
    I just don't agree. Any new girl that enters my life is scrutinised and thought of as a potential sexual partner. Everytime.
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    (Original post by yayifications)
    So I have this friend who I wasn't really that close with, we just said hi and stuff, until about a month ago. We began talking on Facebook then he asked for my number and we texted regularly since then. (He usually initiated conversation, I'm the one who stops replying first)

    A few weeks ago my friend told me he liked me and as his love was unrequited, I just brushed it off and never brought it up/thought of it again since I didn't feel the same way.

    He didn't know she told me and we resumed speaking as normal, until today I got a text saying he regrets asking for my number and wished he never had so he wouldn't have wasted his time on me. Now he won't reply to any of my messages and won't speak to me at school.

    I found out it sprung from his friend encouraging him to ask me out, and then my friend discouraging it where she had to admit I only liked him as a friend. So honestly, I don't see how I'm the bad person here? I never sent flirty texts, I treated him solely as a friend and I genuinely enjoy speaking to this guy and would like to remain friends but clearly that isn't an option to him.

    He's shy and has never even admitted his feelings so I think it's somewhat unfair I'm being left in the dark about the whole situation. I texted him back asking if he would explain because I didn't understand and he hasn't replied. Did I really deserve that message? I gave him my number in the hope of friendship and now because a relationship is out of the question we can't even be friends? Ugh it's made me so upset. I've basically gone through my life up until now with next to none drama in my life and this really unsettles me, I don't know what to do!
    Get on with your life, it's his problem.

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