[Ryan_94]

If this is true you really need to end that relationship. Some of the stuff he did is a bit... kinky and simple shouldn't be happening unless you're really up for it too. You shouldn't have to disengaged from sex, you should be enjoying it completely. Also the feelings of embarrassment and humiliation shouldn't really feature into anything (unless you're that way out). This isn't how things should be, it's not how things have to be, it's not okay.

[SillyMilly]

(Original post by GdotL)
Well I do think it's pathetic to fall in love with someone who'd act like that towards you...what's to love?! Plus, it seems he acted that way right from the beginning. It's stupid and self-degrading behaviour - she's clearly completely uncomfortable in these situations and probably shouldn't even be having sex at all from the sounds of it...

no i totally agree on that front, but i dont think she can see that shes acting in a way thats letting him use he, i know forme i was so blinded by the 'he loves me' i would of done anything probs would of been better if i had your attitude and taken no ****!

[umarrehman187]

you rag doll

[kunoichi]

(Original post by Joeman560)
Really? The point I was trying (and apparantly failing) to make is that there is a growing number of people who are content to take abuse just to stay in relationships. Were not living in medieval times ffs.

Then maybe you should have said people and made that clear.
Its not just women that are being abused in relationships.
Anyhow, sorry for my comment above

[kunoichi]

(Original post by GdotL)
Yeurgh, you're so pathetic for staying with someone like that and doing things you're not comfortable with. Stand up for yourself..for once.

FML, have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Its not easy to leave someone like that, especially is you dont know if what they are doing to you is wrong.
Calling OP pathetic is very wrong also

[azg545]

(Original post by GdotL)
Yeurgh, you're so pathetic for staying with someone like that and doing things you're not comfortable with. Stand up for yourself..for once.

It's easier said than done, standing up for your self takes courage and building courage takes confidence, confidence takes self-esteem and optimism which takes self belief.

[Preeka]

I think you're really naive and prone to find fault in yourself but really, he is the one in the complete wrong here. You don't have to 'tolerate' things to make him happy and it's not wrong for you to say 'no'. It's a relationship and you have equal say in everything and you don't have to 'grin and bear' anything. You should only do something/allow something to be done if you are feeling it. He should in no way ever make you feel humiliated or embarrassed. He's a bit of a pig and I hope reading these responses makes you actively realise that because sometimes it is quite easy to miss the obvious.

He should have really discussed or atleast actively made sure you were comfortable with everything he was doing but he failed and that really says something. The reason you want it over with all the time is because he's looking out for himself and not really think about you or what you want. Now you might think this is just restricted to sex but something like that will overflow into other aspects. Sex is such a sensitive area at times especially if its someone's first time (I assume you were a virgin before him?) so he owed it to you to be considerate and thoughtful but he wasn't. Is that really the type of person you want to commit to and be with? Many people here will tell you to leave him and I agree with them completely but also think about why people are saying this. It's important you look back and understand where everyone is coming from and why he is not good for you. You don't want to look back and somehow find fault within yourself and think 'oh, if I was more compliant, maybe it would have worked out'.

Seriously, read what you wrote in your post and imagine if a friend or someone close told you that about their partner. What would you say? What would you think or feel?

[xXHolly_90Xx]

You shouldn't be having sex at all just to keep him happy. You should both be enjoying it and making each other happy for it to work. So first thing is have you told him what you like or what you would like to try? Work together to find something that works rather than switching off until it's over..

What he did that time, if you don't like it be firm with him and have the guts to tell him that it wasn't ok! If he keeps doing it and doesn't listen then he isn't worth keeping I'm afraid and you'll have to realise that yourself.

[brunettegirl92]

if you don't feel ready, don't do it.
I know you want to please him, but he should also be trying to please you.
Some guys/girls do have a greater emphasis on sex - that is fine, but only with a girl/guy who is also up for it.
If you aren't into it all that much because you aren't ready, that should tell you something. plus sex is an important thing in a relationship - whether there is a lot of it or its occasional - therefore it is important to be sexually compatable.

I understand the religious side to sex. Although I am a liberal protestant, i believe sex to be sacred. I see it as a gift from god that you give to someone you love and want, and it is to be enjoyed by both parties.

Some guys/girls fetishize strangulation/being strangled, but some may not like it and it may frighten them if they are not expecting it.
he should have agreed on it with you before hand - he had no right to just do it
again, some guys/girls lke putting things/having things up their/the other's backside, but he should have asked you first.

next time if he starts doing something you don't like, (assuming you stay with him/continue having sex) just say to him no, don't. after you make your wishes clear, if he continues stop having sex with him.

don't worry about seeming fridgid. you're 20, not 14. we left that in the school yard where such immaturity and disrespect towards ones personal choices belong.

[GdotL]

(Original post by kunoichi)
FML, have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Its not easy to leave someone like that, especially is you dont know if what they are doing to you is wrong.
Calling OP pathetic is very wrong also

No, why would I be in an abusive relationship, I'm not an idiot.

[GdotL]

(Original post by azg545)
It's easier said than done, standing up for your self takes courage and building courage takes confidence, confidence takes self-esteem and optimism which takes self belief.

All of which a normal, healthy self-respecting individual possesses. Perhaps the OP has had a difficult or abnormal childhood which has led to this behaviour but still...if she don't get out of her patterns soon, she's gonna have one hell of a **** life.

[ShredMaster]

If you don't want to have sex with him just grab a mallet and smash his face to pieces when he tries anything?

[DontBeJelBeReem]

wow. no long ting you need to speak to him, thats pretty bad.

[kunoichi]

(Original post by GdotL)
No, why would I be in an abusive relationship, I'm not an idiot.

Why would being in an abusive relationship make you an idiot? Unlucky is the term you are looking for. No one starts off a relationship thinking its going to end up that way. You seem very naive about this and why are you here if your just going to make the OP feel worse about herself and not try to help her out of the situation. I don't think calling her pathetic and an idiot is constructive advice is it?

[GdotL]

(Original post by kunoichi)
Why would being in an abusive relationship make you an idiot? Unlucky is the term you are looking for. No one starts off a relationship thinking its going to end up that way. You seem very naive about this and why are you here if your just going to make the OP feel worse about herself and not try to help her out of the situation. I don't think calling her pathetic and an idiot is constructive advice is it?

I'm not even sure if her relationship counts as abusive seeing as we don't have many details. She's just letting herself get abused sexually and he's having his own fun. Firstly, I think it's *relatively* obvious, most of the time, which guys could turn out to be abusive therefore lesson 1, go for the nice guys. Secondly, anyone who isn't overcome by child-like infatuation for a bad boy or with any self-respect would get out of that situation immediately. It wasn't meant to be constructive advice, it was giving my opinion - awakening her to the depths to which she has sunk, if you will. Hopefully she'll gather the courage to leave this guy because, in my opinion, no matter how lovely he may be in other areas, someone who treats you like that, does not and will not love you.

[Kathyn]

You need to really talk to him about your concerns.

[umarrehman187]

(Original post by GdotL)
I'm not even sure if her relationship counts as abusive seeing as we don't have many details. She's just letting herself get abused sexually and he's having his own fun. Firstly, I think it's *relatively* obvious, most of the time, which guys could turn out to be abusive therefore lesson 1, go for the nice guys. Secondly, anyone who isn't overcome by child-like infatuation for a bad boy or with any self-respect would get out of that situation immediately. It wasn't meant to be constructive advice, it was giving my opinion - awakening her to the depths to which she has sunk, if you will. Hopefully she'll gather the courage to leave this guy because, in my opinion, no matter how lovely he may be in other areas, someone who treats you like that, does not and will not love you.

lesson 1: sorry love girls never like the nice guys so no point saying it they always become the friend so giving advice as such wont be good, cuz truth is no one likes the nice guys

[farmgirl1990]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 20 and I know i must come across a frigid stupid cow, I dont know why i have such a big issue with sex but what he did last night really frightened and hurt me and im confused I guess i want somebody experienced to tell me what he as doing is it normal?

Rather then shout abuse at you likes others have been doing.
1. He has a dominatrix complex. Look it up on various sites - it will be easier to understand than me try and explain it in a small box.
2. Don't let him strangle you unless you enjoy it AND you have a "safe word" which you can say, or whisper, if you want to stop whatever it is you are doing.
3. You might not enjoy sex because he is not the one for you.
4. You most likely don't enjoy sex because you cannot have an orgasm through penetration - only about 25% of girls can. The others have clitoral orgasms usually.

Hope this has helped.
But seriously, I wouldn't trust that guy. He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend.

[sekret]

(Original post by GdotL)
I'm not even sure if her relationship counts as abusive seeing as we don't have many details. She's just letting herself get abused sexually and he's having his own fun. Firstly, I think it's *relatively* obvious, most of the time, which guys could turn out to be abusive therefore lesson 1, go for the nice guys. Secondly, anyone who isn't overcome by child-like infatuation for a bad boy or with any self-respect would get out of that situation immediately. It wasn't meant to be constructive advice, it was giving my opinion - awakening her to the depths to which she has sunk, if you will. Hopefully she'll gather the courage to leave this guy because, in my opinion, no matter how lovely he may be in other areas, someone who treats you like that, does not and will not love you.

You are beyond naive if you think that it's 'relatively obvious' about who might be abusive.

Secondly, blowing things out of proportion a little bit? At no point has OP said to him that she dislikes or is against anything her BF has done. Yes he should have asked her but if she has never in the past acted against anything, then what reason does he have to expect her to hate this.. For all he knows, she is just into the same things he is (although fairly blind of him to not realise she isnt, unless shes a fantastic actress)

Feel free to point out how you are the guru of relationships though as you seem to have some insane power that none of the rest of us have about being able to spot someone abusive a mile off.

[Rossagle]

Pleasee, stop having sex with him. Stop seeing him. Dump him! It sounds like he is just using you since you said "if i didnt like sex thered be a problem in our relationship." Which means if you held your ground and said no he'd have left and that would be it.

"I didnt say no or stop him because I didnt want to appear frigid" It's not being frigid, it's holding your ground and doing what is right for yourself. If he'd called you frigid then he was pressuring you and manipulating you into doing it.


"it was never discussed my boyfriend" That is also a bad sign.. like he never even wanted to find out how you felt about if and everything?

"wanted to keep him happy" what about keeping yourself happy?

I don't really know what he did to you. Maybe it was some sort of kick, I don't know. But really just from everything you said it sound as if he really does not give a crap about you, so why do you try and please him when he doesn't care about pleasing you?
Don't feel bad about what you did, just learn from it now and stop carrying on with it. Sex it supposed to be enjoyable and you won't ever get that with him.