[Ashan17]

Ok so I have a friend... Basically he wears fake tan, shaves his legs, gels his hair perfect, wears low cut fitted v necks and has a weird laugh. I'm fine if he's gay but I asked him once and he said no... Now I'm confused. He dates girls but I've never seen him even hold a girls hand and every girl he's been out with they just text. Recently he came in with a love bite. Can I assume he's gay? How can I make him feel comfortable in opening/ coming out?

[The Puppet Master]

No you can't assume he's gay. Physical appearance has no affect on the sexuality of a person. When he starts dating men you can then assume he's gay/bi. If this happens then saying "If you were gay, I'd still think you were awesome..." Or something along those lines would ensure he could be comfortable coming out to you if he were.

[Palatial Veranda]

See if you can get a glimpse of the underside of his left foot. Most gays are hot-branded (similar to livestock) with a 'G' on the bottom of their left foot at birth. This stands for 'gay'.

[Todd]

Does it matter if he's gay?

Also, it's somehting he needs to work out on his own time. I have a very good friend form primary school who is one of those 'typically gay guys', he even used to play with my little ponies for goodness' sake :P we would amke light little jokes about it, but we all knew it was never anything serious, because to judge soemone like that is kind of harsh and makes it all the more difficult for them to work out their own sexuality.
He did come out this year, he has a boyfiend, we're all really happy for him. And while we did all react with 'well Duh, been waiting for that! :P' we never tried to second-guess him or work out his sexuality before he came out.

What I'm trying to say is, it's your friend's buisness. Support him whatever he does, and if you do that, if he ever does come out or realise he's gay, he'll trust you enough to let you know.

[Cheech23]

(Original post by Ashan17)
Ok so I have a friend... Basically he wears fake tan, shaves his legs, gels his hair perfect, wears low cut fitted v necks and has a weird laugh. I'm fine if he's gay but I asked him once and he said no... Now I'm confused. He dates girls but I've never seen him even hold a girls hand and every girl he's been out with they just text. Recently he came in with a love bite. Can I assume he's gay? How can I make him feel comfortable in opening/ coming out?

Some of that is a bit emasculate, like the fake tan, but you do seem a tad immature, just because the dude shaves his legs (so what!! he may prefer that way, he may have really hairy legs lol) and so what if he wears v neck shirts...doesnt mean he's gay just because of what he wears. A weird laugh so ****ing what, Joe Pasquale has a funny voice, that don't make him gay! Grow Up!

[gingerben]

that doesnt mean he's gay
it may just be how he feels most comfortable
and dont keep asking him cause if he is he may not be ready to "come out"

[aiiimee]

(Original post by Palatial Veranda)
See if you can get a glimpse of the underside of his left foot. Most gays are hot-branded (similar to livestock) with a 'G' on the bottom of their left foot at birth. This stands for 'gay'.

Haha

[lad-lad]

All swimmers shave their legs, apart from that there is no real reason to assume he is gay.

[Ashan17]

He doesn't swim

[coffeepirate]

Genuinely in tears of laughter at you thinking having a weird laugh makes someone gay. So what if he is gay?

[Ashan17]

If u heard it u wuld see wot I mean. He hangs in a group of all girls and all the guys hate him. He doesn't call a girl fit or anything but calls them pretty. He talks about girls things. Sounds gay to me and everyone else says so

[MostUncivilised]

(Original post by Ashan17)
Ok so I have a friend... Basically he wears fake tan, shaves his legs, gels his hair perfect, wears low cut fitted v necks and has a weird laugh. I'm fine if he's gay but I asked him once and he said no... Now I'm confused. He dates girls but I've never seen him even hold a girls hand and every girl he's been out with they just text. Recently he came in with a love bite. Can I assume he's gay? How can I make him feel comfortable in opening/ coming out?

I'm not sure why you were negged; I thumbsed up to even it out.

I am gay, and I'd say it sounds like he is a femme gay guy. There are some effeminate straight men, but all the ones I've known at school/uni who exhibit those characteristics were indeed gay.

I think it's very considerate of you to ask how to make him feel comfortable coming out.

I suppose it's really a question of whether he feels comfortable to admit it to himself; one of my close mates at school, quite effeminate, seemingly gay, denied his homosexuality for years after the rest of us in that form who were more normalish/masculine were open about our sexuality.

*Shrugs*

If he is gay, he will start to open up to people around him when he himself accepts it.



Edit: And to the people who are saying Ashan should grow up, I would emphasise that she is quite young, that there is a very good chance she's probably right, and she's coming at this from a perspective of, "How can I help him understand that I don't mind whether he's gay or not, he's still my friend, makes no difference etc"

The fact that people are like this these days is a cause for celebration, and an opportunity to discuss these issues, not be cruel to someone for trying to explain the reasons behind their belief.

[MostUncivilised]

(Original post by The Puppet Master)
Physical appearance has no affect on the sexuality of a person.

I would have to most respectfully disagree.

I'm gay, and in my experience effeminate men very often turn out to be gay. I think it's a very complex issue because I am convinced there is more than one cause for gay sexuality.

I do believe there are some men who are more.... "biologically gay", as it were. More effeminate, that kind of thing. The effeminate trait *was* emphasised by gay men for many years as a protection mechanism (you might get beaten up for being a queer, but you weren't *as much* of a threat, more considered a joke, so less likely to end up dead).

But you look at some issues like fraternal birth order, absence of father figures (again, I'm afraid to say that, as a gay man, this seems more common amongst my fellow gays than amongst straight men), and then what you might call a (pure?) gay... guys who exhibit a reasonable degree of masculinity, but simply happen to be attracted to the same sex (and I'm not making any value judgements, there, it's simply too early for me to articulate it more diplomatically)

I was at a school where there were four of us who came out by age 15. It was very tolerant, and yet the femme guys who everyone thought was gay since the beginning of high school didn't come out for years after other guys did.

It's like they needed to prove people wrong? I don't know. Very hung over; apologies for my rambling reply

[MrHayden]

I'd just reiterate the point that people have already made - what does it matter if he's gay? Unless you hate gays (which you clearly don't) or want to date/sleep with him, I can't really see how it is relevant to your friendship.

[The Puppet Master]

(Original post by MostUncivilised)
I would have to most respectfully disagree.

I'm gay, and in my experience effeminate men very often turn out to be gay. I think it's a very complex issue because I am convinced there is more than one cause for gay sexuality.

I do believe there are some men who are more.... "biologically gay", as it were. More effeminate, that kind of thing. The effeminate trait *was* emphasised by gay men for many years as a protection mechanism (you might get beaten up for being a queer, but you weren't *as much* of a threat, more considered a joke, so less likely to end up dead).

But you look at some issues like fraternal birth order, absence of father figures (again, I'm afraid to say that, as a gay man, this seems more common amongst my fellow gays than amongst straight men), and then what you might call a (pure?) gay... guys who exhibit a reasonable degree of masculinity, but simply happen to be attracted to the same sex (and I'm not making any value judgements, there, it's simply too early for me to articulate it more diplomatically)

I was at a school where there were four of us who came out by age 15. It was very tolerant, and yet the femme guys who everyone thought was gay since the beginning of high school didn't come out for years after other guys did.

It's like they needed to prove people wrong? I don't know. Very hung over; apologies for my rambling reply

I think you misinterpreted my point, or maybe I wasn't clear enough
What I was meaning was that just because someone happens to wear a certain type or brand of clothing, or take pride in their appearance doesn't necessarily mean they're gay. (As far as I'm aware anyway, it may be different for girls but I wear whatever I want )

I totally see where you're coming from, many of my gay friends (male) have had absence of father figures and many do take pride in their appearance. A large percentage also didn't come out officially until university, however, in my initial post what I meant was this doesn't make them gay. The fact they find men attractive makes them gay

[MostUncivilised]

(Original post by The Puppet Master)
I think you misinterpreted my point, or maybe I wasn't clear enough
What I was meaning was that just because someone happens to wear a certain type or brand of clothing, or take pride in their appearance doesn't necessarily mean they're gay. (As far as I'm aware anyway, it may be different for girls but I wear whatever I want )

Haha, me too

The fact they find men attractive makes them gay

You're absolutely right. The only determinant of homosexuality as an orientation is same-sex attraction; from a scientific perspective, everything else is irrelevant.

I totally see where you're coming from, many of my gay friends (male) have had absence of father figures and many do take pride in their appearance. A large percentage also didn't come out officially until university, however, in my initial post what I meant was this doesn't make them gay.

I'm not stereotypically effeminate gay. Then again, most of the gay guys in my cohort, at my school and the other fee-paying schools around central Sydney (same loose social circles), tended to be middle-of-the-road masculinish. Perhaps it's an environmental thing.

What's difficult is separating rational and/por adaptive from innate behaviours. So, you have some guys who are inherently effeminate and gay, and a stereotypical trait of effeminacy is attention to one's appearance in that way.

But... many of my British gay mates, and gay friends not from Sydney or from my cohort, also tend to have that appearance thing going on, even when they were very masculine, football/rowing types etc. I think this is partly an adaptive behaviour; in some ways, women are less picky than guys about looks. Whereas men have that grass is greener biological instinct, and when you have men competing with men for the affection of men, it all gets quite cut-throat and you have to be more attractive, more buff etc than you would for an equally good-looking woman.

Argh, it's all so freakin confusing (though utterly fascinating). I was going to say that from a practical perspective, early onset effeminacy can be a reasonable predictor of homosexuality. Most A's are B's, but that doesn't mean all B's are A's.

I was coming up with some example like most Llamas are quadripeds, but that doesn't mean all quadripeds are gay llamas. As you can tell, I had a very big night. Anyways, woot gay llamas

[lil-mazie]

How does having a weird laugh make you gay???
But in all seriousness maybe he's just very camp you know similar to Russell Kane my advice is just be patient if you keep asking him he might get pissed off, just make sure your there for him if he ever does come out


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Hana_87]

I think for now you should just leave him to it. If he is gay and he wants to come out then be there for him when he does. I don't think at the moment you should be questioning his sexuality or speculating past the point where you let him know that if he is, it's cool.

[Anonymous]

Dont judge a book by its cover, if a guy wants to look good he can still **** girls!

[gagaslilmonsteruk]

If/Before he comes out, just be under the assumption he's metro. Quite a lot of guys care about their appearance these days and aren't gay. Andrew Stone being an example.