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Your partner's family and disputes - who's side are you on?

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    • Thread Starter

    When it comes to arguments/rifts between your partner and their family/family member, who's side are you on? Out of loyalty - your partner, or their family?

    Case in question:
    I am staying with my boyfriend's mum and his sister (him also) for the summer in a different city because my boyfriend moved back home. It saves me on travelling costs every weekend to see him and his mum/sister are very welcoming and supportive to me since I have known them two years. My boyfriend has a history of causing rifts with his mum/sister over the years, but he moved home for financial reasons.
    Last night, boyfriend took some of his sister's vodka without asking (he was bit drunk anyway and ran out of his own alcohol), he's also known to take without asking alot. He was specifically told not to by his mum/sister. Anyway, this morning she noticed and kicked off saying 'you know you weren't meant to take it!!', and my boyfriend (has a short fuse) wasn't happy with her response telling me that 'it was only a bit of vodka and I made her dinner that same evening'. He was asking my opinion and I said 'well, i think its silly its over a shot of vodka, but from her persepective she reacted like that because you were specifically told not to take it and you did, and she/your mum knows you have a habit of taking things that aren't yours whether its vodka or not', i also elborated by saying 'i dont want to get involved with family disputes, because im staying under your mum's roof and I dont want to take sides as such because it will cause problems for me staying here'. I thought this was a fair point.

    He didn't reacted kindly atall, said he expects me as his girlfriend to take his side (even if he is in the wrong from my perspective and he is).

    What would you do in this situation and have you been in a similar position involving your partner and their family?

    To be honest, i think he's being unfair. Im staying under his mum's roof and I cant be seen to be taking his side ALL the time if he causes these disputes because his family will see me in a light which is not representative of who I really am. Furthermore, i see his point in that his sister's boyfriend (who is here every day and night and doesn't contribute anything, not even clean up), takes his sister's alcohol without asking her, but maybe that's because he's her boyfriend and it's different i dont know...

  1. Offline

    I would stay out of it unless you need to intervene or take a side. Let them sort out their own issues. It is especially tough since you are under their roof but also in a relationship with one of them. If you start taking sides you may find yourself without somewhere to live or without a boyfriend.

    In this case if you HAD to side I would be telling your boyfriend to nip down to sainsbury and buy a new bottle of vodka for his sister.


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Updated: June 15, 2012
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