I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months, in that time he's brought me maybe 2 drinks, a small christmas present in roughly equal value to the one I gave him, and a fairly expensive birthday present (but it was my 18th and we'd been going out longer by then.) Oh and a small valentine's day present. I love him just as much as if he's lavished me with gifts, probably more actually - the things he's got me have been small and on a budget, but so much thought has gone into them. I'd rather have the silly, cute but cheaper things he has got me than piles of roses, jewllery and perfume, or whatever else guys manage to waste their money on :L
I like it when a guy buys dinner or cinema tickets for me, it might be a bit sexist or whatever but it saves me money :P. Although I enjoy going for dates that don't cost anything e.g. walk in the park or a picnic just as much as going out for dinner or something. I wouldn't like accepting gifts though, on birthdays or christmas its fine but i'd feel uncomfortable because I don't feel like he needs to buy me things to keep my interest.
Its usually the small things that matter most, like I mentioned to my ex that my favourite meal was tagliatelle carbonara and next time I saw him he cooked it for dinner which was really lovely! Shows that he actually listens when i'm talking to him haha.
Tbh I like buying things for girls now and again. Especially when she can receive without feeling like she has to do something in return. You should just be able to treat your partner every now and again just for the sake of doing it.
And girls who dislike the whole process and prefer to "split the bill" are clearly ignorant and I find such an attitude repulsive. There's nothing new age or particularly enlightened about missing the point completely and making it all about money.
(Original post by Pink Liquid)
I would feel like he is desperate and trying to buy my affection. No thanks
With my ex we'd always split the cost of things.
There were times he'd surprise me with little things, like one time he was buying something in Morrison's and got me a kinder egg out of the blue
Spontaneous little things are cute, but flashing your money about really isn't, and I would feel awkward if I expected a guy to pay or buy me things, just on the pure basis that I have a vagina. Makes no sense to me.
No, i'm not inclined to like or love him more. In fact i'm inclined to like him less if he bought me gifts because it comes across a bit desperate and less genuine. And to answer your initial question, affection can definitely not be bought.
As an example, I went to a restaurant with a group of 9 friends and it was super expensive and everyone bought loads of food and like a million cocktails and so the bill ended up coming to over £200 and we were all shocked, and we sat there all working out how we had spent that much and how much everyone owed, and then suddenly one of the guys we were with appeared back and just said he'd paid it all. (he was trying to impress my friend) But me and all the girls didn't like him any more than we had previously. We were all shocked and it was kind of awkward because we thanked him loads, but we didn't know whether to tell him he shouldn't have and he didn't need to, because that would sound ungrateful, and we all just thought it was a bit crazy that he'd paid that much money!
I would feel uncomfortable and possibly as if I am expected to reciprocate more in the form of love/sex/gifts - so I don't think it would make me feel more inclined to like them.
Well thought out sparse 'gifts' are where its at, not splurging out at any opportunity. Besides, I feel very guilty when I don't get to pay for anything.
But it's common courtesy for the man to pay on the first date. I would contribute to any future dates. That's fair. It's not because I'm demanding, but it's how it works for me. That's the type of guy I'd want to be dating.
If he's doing to show affection and because he likes treating me and wants me to feel special then it's nice.
So if a guy wanted to treat me to dinner and it was a genuine way to show he likes me then I'll think "awww that's nice of him".
But it won't change existing feelings, you can't control how you feel about someone, and being bought stuff certainly wouldn't. But if I don't fancy him or like him then money won't suddenly change that, or gradually change that.
It may make the girl think your sweet, but it won't make her want you in that way.
It depends on the girl though- some may find it awkward if they can't afford to reciprocate but feel pressured to.
By all means, if you want, be a gentleman, but on the only date i've ever been on lol i insisted on splitting the bill because i felt like a **** otherwise :P
Occasional, even cheap but well thought of gifts may be more valued though. Too many presents may diminish the meaning of them or set a standard you may feel you have to keep up.
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