[Honey:)]

Hey guys.... so basically theres this guy that i met like a year ago and ever since then i just cant stop thinking about how great it will be if we could be together! we speak every now and then but we go different schools and stuff and only seen him twice this year. I just know hes the one for me... except he has a girlfriend but i swear he kindah feels the same way i do! Our chemistry when were together is really nice, easy going and genuine.
We share the same interests which makes me like him even more because im so outgoing and reallllyyyy pickey with guys! like every guy that asks me to go on dates with i just reject cause theres something that i dont like about them... but like i said i dont want anyone else but him. what the hell do ido?!?!???

[Lucia.]

He's got a girlfriend so don't get too close. Don't care so much about wanting him because people like a person who's a challenge. He either likes you or he doesn't - you can't manufacture that. Just because he likes you as a friend, doesn't mean he's interested in you romantically. Sounds like you're reading too much into it.

[Honey:)]

(Original post by Lucia.)
He's got a girlfriend so don't get too close. Don't care so much about wanting him because people like a person who's a challenge. He either likes you or he doesn't - you can't manufacture that. Just because he likes you as a friend, doesn't mean he's interested in you romantically. Sounds like you're reading too much into it.

Yeah like reading back on my post i realise why you would think that cause thats what it sounds like but ahhhh dunno.

[Shelly_x]

Nothing. He has a girlfriend.

[Climbontoyourseahorse]

I'm going to be cruel to be kind here: if he thought you two were that great a match, he would have done something by now.
Ever considered that maybe he is even more 'perfect' for his girlfriend?
He's not 'perfect' if he doesn't feel the same way back and show you the affection you deserve.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
I'm going to be cruel to be kind here: if he thought you two were that great a match, he would have done something by now.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.



Now look at it from the guys perspetive. If he breaks up with his current girl friend she will likely to be lost forever. However if he stays with his current girlfriend, the other girl will still be available in the future.

Breaking up, essentially shuts the door on a relationship. Whislt staying together and keeping the other girl on the backburner keeps the doors open.

[Climbontoyourseahorse]

(Original post by Classical Liberal)
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Now look at it from the guys perspetive. If he breaks up with his current girl friend she will likely to be lost forever. However if he stays with his current girlfriend, the other girl will still be available in the future.

Breaking up, essentially shuts the door on a relationship. Whislt staying together and keeping the other girl on the backburner keeps the doors open.

Fair enough - I can see how that could be the thought process of some guys. But what remains is that being on the backburner generally means you're second best in their eyes, or third, or fourth, or... you get the picture. Also it's best to have a bit of self-respect and not be on someone's backburner, if you get me.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Fair enough - I can see how that could be the thought process of some guys. But what remains is that being on the backburner generally means you're second best in their eyes, or third, or fourth, or... you get the picture.

No. That is not true.

Firstly, there is a the options effect. And people like to keep their options open. This is why people cheat on each and stuff. Because they do not want to break up and close the door on one relationship.

Secondy, if you have been in a relationship with somebody you will have invested your time, feelings and money into this person. It is very hard for people to let go of these sunk costs (break up), so they plough on because they cannot take the pain of losing all of those resources.


It is a myth that if you are in a relationship with somebody, that person is the best person available to you.

[Climbontoyourseahorse]

Although we disagree I respected your opinion up until this beauty:

(Original post by Classical Liberal)
so they plough on because they cannot take the pain of losing all of those resources.

Pahaha. Women are not commodities.
The video you linked us to is to do with casual dating, and I agree, in this stage of things it is healthy to keep your options open. But in the OP's case, she is talking about a guy who is in a proper long term relationship. So it's not really relevant.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Although we disagree I respected your opinion up until this beauty:



Pahaha. Women are not commodities.
The video you linked us to is to do with casual dating, and I agree, in this stage of things it is healthy to keep your options open. But in the OP's case, she is talking about a guy who is in a proper long term relationship. So it's not really relevant.

You have completely mininterpreted what I was saying or you like to pretend that is no economics in a relationship.

My point was that people do not like to throw bad investments down the drain. You invest yourself into a relationship. Your feelings, your time, your sex, other people etc. It is very hard for people to accept that in the end these investments into the relationship are now redundent, if you break up. So people won't break up and they stay together because neither party wants to cut their losses because it is psychologically too painful.


Look at this thread. The girl is clearly second best in the eyes of the guy, but the guy cannot break up with her, it is too hard for him. So he cheats on her.

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2012566

What do you think the chances are that on a clean slate the guy would pick his current girl friend?

[Honey:)]

hey guys... thanks for the comments... taking them on board! but good news (for me) hes broken up with his gf! and were talking on fb.... butt hes not getting back to my last message (messaged him yday...)