[Clare~Bear]

My grandad died earlier this year, leaving my 85 year old nan on her own. She's capable of living on her own, but my mum took her chip pan away from her as she's the kind of person that leaves it turned on and goes to watch the TV or has a phone conversation. And she never uses timers etc to remind her. And grandad used to cook chips and was sensible enough not to leave it unattended.

She's now demanding it back/ threatening to buy another one as the (slightly safer) deep fat fryer we gave her doesn't make as nice chips. Although my mum says that sh'es never been able to make nice chips so it wouldn't make any difference which she uses. Plus it's not the fryers fault as my dad could make nice chips with it.

What can we do, or say to her?

She is unsafe using a chip pan. We've gone round her house to find pans boiling over. If they had hot oil it, that could have easily set fire to the house bungalow.

Why the negs? we're thinking about her safety. We've just lost my grandad and we don't want to lose my nan as well as this is a genuine threat. I bet the neggers just think we're being patronising and have never been in this kind of situation. How would you feel if you were us? And you gave it her back and she did set fire to the house and killed herself? I bet you'd never forgive yourselves. And it was my mum that did it anyway, not me. i don't really have any say over this. I'm jsut asking for ideas as to what we can say/do to my nan to convince her that this is for the best.

[PinkyPurply]

Give her the pan back.
She must be annoyed that you stole it from her, but also how patronizing you're being to her.

[RibenaRockstar]

Buy her some oven chips.

[Clare~Bear]

(Original post by PinkyPurply)
Give her the pan back.
She must be annoyed that you stole it from her, but also how patronizing you're being to her.

But how guilty would you be in our situation if we gave the chip pan back and she set fire to her house?

(Original post by RibenaRockstar)
Buy her some oven chips.

She doesn't like them.

[PinkyPurply]

(Original post by Clare~Bear)
But how guilty would you be in our situation if we gave the chip pan back and she set fire to her house?

I'd never forgive myself, but I think you need to show more respect and trust in your Nan's ability to look after herself. If she's been making chips up until now then what makes you think she's no longer capable.

[Clare~Bear]

(Original post by PinkyPurply)
I'd never forgive myself, but I think you need to show more respect and trust in your Nan's ability to look after herself. If she's been making chips up until now then what makes you think she's no longer capable.

There you go. And that's the only thing we've taken away from her. It's not like we went round every room, taking anything she could hurt herself on, she's capable of using things like knives and the iron and they don't combust if you leave them. My grandad always made them cos hers were rubbish and he was sensible enough not to go off and leave it turned on.

[squeakysquirrel]

(Original post by Clare~Bear)
My grandad recently died, leaving my nan on her own. She's capable of living on her own, but my mum took her chip pan away from her as she's the kind of person that leaves it turned on and goes to watch the TV or has a phone conversation. And grandad used to cook chips and was sensible enough not to leave it unattended.

She's now demanding it back/ threatening to buy another one as the (slightly safer) deep fat fryer we gave her doesn't make as nice chips. Although my mum says that sh'es never been able to make nice chips so it wouldn't make any difference which she uses. Plus it's not the fryers fault as my dad could make nice chips with it.

What can we do?

I sympathise - my mother used to keep leaving the iron on and the gas cooker.

The ironing board looked like it had been tattooed with black marks - in fact it was more black than patterned and the gas bills were horrendous.

Unless she has Alzheimers you need to give her her pan back - but get a smoke alarm - and try and fit it just out of reach ( the Fire Service "says we must all have them" - we should have actually) She is trying to be stoical and to show she can cope - just let her

[Octohedral]

Difficult situation

However, unless she medically has dementia or something, I don't think there's a lot you can do. I'm surprised she hasn't bought another one already. If your Grandad made chips a lot, it's quite likely that she wants to do it because it reminds her of them being together.

It's really touching that you're so concerned, but the way you say you 'trust her with knives' (this is a woman who brought your mother/father up) implies that either she is medically unfit to be by herself, or that you see her as a defencesless old lady, not the person she used to be. That would upset most people.

I'm not saying give it back - I know it would be horiffic if something happened - but maybe agree to go round and cook chips with her sometimes, as a grandmother-granddaughter thing. Just something to make her feel better

[Platostolemysocks]

(Original post by Clare~Bear)
My grandad recently died, leaving my nan on her own. She's capable of living on her own, but my mum took her chip pan away from her as she's the kind of person that leaves it turned on and goes to watch the TV or has a phone conversation. And grandad used to cook chips and was sensible enough not to leave it unattended.

She's now demanding it back/ threatening to buy another one as the (slightly safer) deep fat fryer we gave her doesn't make as nice chips. Although my mum says that sh'es never been able to make nice chips so it wouldn't make any difference which she uses. Plus it's not the fryers fault as my dad could make nice chips with it.

What can we do?

Tell her to buy oven chips? Make her watch one of those ridiculous education videos about what could happen in a chip pan fire?

It seems very silly, surely she understands that it could be a hazard!

But on another note. Does she really eat chips all that often anyway? I know my family rarely have chips with our meals, maybe once a week or twice if we have a takeaway on the weekend. Could she maybe come round to yours on "chip day?" Then you've not only potentially saved her life, but you're getting to spend more time with her in the process!

[thecrimsonidol]

Unless you plan on also taking away her iron, cooker, heating etc. (i.e. literally anything that could be a hazard) then I would give her back the chip pan.

[carnationlilyrose]

Best thread title ever.

[kka25]

(Original post by Octohedral)
. If your Grandad made chips a lot, it's quite likely that she wants to do it because it reminds her of them being together.

Aw..

[Sternumator]

I think you have to give it her back. It is fine to take it and strongly suggest that she doesn't use one because of the danger but if she puts up a big fight you don't have much choice. Unless she is sectioned under the mental health act she is an adult responsible for herself and can make whatever decisions she wants. In the unlikely event the house did burn now you shouldn't feel bad because you tried to tell her and that is all you can do, it is not your responsiblity to forcibly stop her.

[balloon_parade]

Why not get a deep fat fryer then, surely they are much safer than a chip fan as the oil is all quite contained. Also maybe you could show her how to make good chips if hers are so awful! Then she is not only refining her skills but can pick up some safe practice.

I'd be pretty annoyed too if my family took something off me as they thought I was incapable, you could have just talked it through and encouraged her to get a deep fat fryer or to ensure she is safer with it, there is some special powder stuff you can get that is for chip pan fires, perhaps get that? (I think it was in betterware or kleeneeze..I need a life )

Good intentions but perhaps gone about in the wrong way. Even if she has got dementia or memory problems it would still have been nicer to actually tell her what was happening! She is still an adult, not a child.

[Clare~Bear]

(Original post by balloon_parade)
.

We gave her our deep fat fryer. Mum didn't like it cos of the grease stains up the wall, so we haven't used it in a while now. But nan said the chips didn't turn out right. She probably wasn't using it at the right temeprature.

(Original post by Octohedral)
Difficult situation

It's really touching that you're so concerned, but the way you say you 'trust her with knives' (this is a woman who brought your mother/father up) implies that either she is medically unfit to be by herself, or that you see her as a defencesless old lady, not the person she used to be. That would upset most people.

That statement makes absolutely no sense.

(Original post by thecrimsonidol)
Unless you plan on also taking away her iron, cooker, heating etc. (i.e. literally anything that could be a hazard) then I would give her back the chip pan.

I said that because we took the chip pan away as it's the least necessary yet most dangerous thing in her house. But she's capable of using other dangerous stuff like knives still - knives don't catch fire. She's got all her marbles still. It's just that she's the kind of person to get distracted and wander off to do something else and leave the pan on.

[Octohedral]

(Original post by Clare~Bear)
That statement makes absolutely no sense.

It's not very eloquent, but it makes perfect sense.

[Feefifofum]

(Original post by Clare~Bear)
That statement makes absolutely no sense.

It does actually - the poster was pointing out that your family seem to be treating your nan in a manner that's quite insulting, and that your nan would have ever right to be annoyed to be treated as such, since she brought up your parents and is a responsible adult.

I said that because we took the chip pan away as it's the least necessary yet most dangerous thing in her house. But she's capable of using other dangerous stuff like knives still - knives don't catch fire. She's got all her marbles still. It's just that she's the kind of person to get distracted and wander off to do something else and leave the pan on.

I can easily see why you took away the chip pan. BUT see if from your nan's perspective - wouldn't you find it patronising?

What has she done to make you think that "she's the kind of person to get distracted and wander off to do something else and leave the pan on"? Has she ever actually done this? If not, then you're making quite a big assumption.

If, as you say, your nan still has all her marbles, then your mum could sit down with her and explain why you've removed the chip pan, since it is such a dangerous thing to use if it's not used correctly. It's ultimately her choice, and even if you don't give her the pan back, she can just go and buy another one. Instead of removing it, therefore, you need to make sure she understands your concerns. And, as another poster said, make sure there are good smoke alarms installed, as well as a fire extinguisher and a fire blanket easily accessible in the kitchen.

[jessticles87]

Take her on Jeremy Kyle.

[Jellytots122]

Get her an air fryer, my mums obsessed with that thing. Fried tasting chips but without the oil and obviously 100x safer!

[Clare~Bear]

(Original post by Feefifofum)
It does actually - the poster was pointing out that your family seem to be treating your nan in a manner that's quite insulting, and that your nan would have ever right to be annoyed to be treated as such, since she brought up your parents and is a responsible adult.

I can easily see why you took away the chip pan. BUT see if from your nan's perspective - wouldn't you find it patronising?

What has she done to make you think that "she's the kind of person to get distracted and wander off to do something else and leave the pan on"? Has she ever actually done this? If not, then you're making quite a big assumption.
.

We wouldn't have done it if she didn't do that would we. She's so easily distracted. Especially if the phone goes, she can be on it for hours. One time we came over, she was on the phone so we went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, to find two pans boiling over! Luckily they only had water in them. But what if it was oil?

She's threatening to get another one, but I don't see how she'd get it back to her bungalow.


''but the way you say you 'trust her with knives' (this is a woman who brought your mother/father up) implies that either she is medically unfit to be by herself''

How does this make any sense? Saying that we trust her with knives shows she is capable of living on her own, which she is. I just used that as a random example to show that she can look after herself. But the poster said the opposite.