[Anonymous]

I just need some help and advise... I am so confused right now!

I am 19, just about to start my first year of University!
I found out I may be pregnant! The father being my serious partner of three years, 1.5 years living together. We are getting a flat together in September as we'll be going to university together! We are both A* students. The university we are going to is 4 hours from our home.

If I am pregnant, I feel keeping the baby would be cruel as we're students. Have no real income, a proper home or real way to bring it up properly. As students University is our main focus right now!

I feel so stupid for letting this happen! I am usually very very safe. I was on the Implant for a year but it messed my body up so I ended up getting rid of it and took the pill for a year, which gave me severe migraines.
For about 6 months now I have been completely off birth control to help clear my system for a bit and using condoms every single time. We where so careful but something must have gone wrong!

Anyway, I have always said I'd never have an abortion. It's something I KNOW I will regret. I am very loving and know I'll feel awful about it. Not only would I psychologically feel bad, I am also terrified of what it will entitle?

I got told a medical abortion is best for a pregnancy under 8 weeks... I would only be about 4 weeks pregnant. But I have read SO many terrifying stories about how the pain is excruciating and causes near labour contractions! Is this true? Has anyone else experiences this? The doctors told me the pain would just be a little worse than normal period cramping... I have heard differently?
I also worry about the surgical abortion as I hear this can damage you and increase the risk of miscarriage in the future?
Not forgetting that, like I said, I don't like the idea of having an abortion. It feels like whatever I decide to do I'll regret something! D:

Please, I do not want any pro-life people bashing me. I am NOT saying I want an abortion, I am just seeing my options and what would be best for myself, my partner and the baby.
I guess I just need advice! What would you do in my situation? What would you recommend? Would an abortion be better? Should I keep it and struggle? Also note that my parents are not very supportive at all. It would just be me and my partner struggling alone. The reason we are going to Uni is because we want to make ourselves a good future and for our future kids!

[Sabi_]

First thing is to find out if you are actually pregnant. Might be there is nothing to worry about.

Its really up to you and what you want for your life. You don't HAVE to regret an abortion,and probably shouldn't do it if you will.

Speak to your GP about the procedure - at the very least you can be informed (though I'm sure it will hurt less then labour!)

[Sabi_]

Also its not a baby but a potential for life at that stage.

[ninth2]

I agree with the above poster; first things first, find out if you are pregnant or not.

You really need to discuss this in-depth with your partner. How would he feel about being a father at this stage? You will be carrying the child, but he should have some say too. Would his parents be more supportive? I'm sure your parents would come round; either they want to be involved in their grandchild's life or they aren't worth bothering with...

I'm not particularly pro-life, BUT, you got yourselves into this situation and now have to face the consequences. 19 is young but its not impossible to care for a baby at that age, many thousands do all over the world, in far worse conditions than I'm sure you could provide.

Ultimately, you have to ask yourselves "Do we want a baby right now?" If you decide not to keep it, you can take some comfort in the fact that you didn't make the decision lightly, but yes, there will always be the question of "What if..."

Good luck

[Pen Island]

Like others have said, find out if you're actually pregnant.

If you are then you have to talk it through with your partner and figure out what you both want. It's obviously one of the toughest decisions you'll ever make. Make sure you are sure about what you both want to do. I'm just saying now, if he turns out to really really not want a child right now then it's only fair to consider the abortion - of course it's your body, your decision, but it's his life too and having a baby is a huge step. (That being said if he really does want the child but you don't want it or to go through childbrith then you have every right to just have the abortion even if he's not happy about it).

If you go for the abortion (which I personally would, just saying), then I think you should do it as soon as possible so it can still be done medically - it will probably be the easiest and less traumatic way. I know you say you'll regret it, but if you make this decision you just have to remember that that's what you've decided it best for you, your partner and the unborn baby. My best friend had an abortion (surgical) and she was really really heartbroken about it because she's been told it's hard for her to conceive so that may well be the only child she'd ever get pregnant with - but she felt she had to as she was only 18 and doesn't have such a high wage and she didn't feel ready to be a mother. Really think about this and whether you'd feel that you'd be able to bring up a child. If you decide the abortion is best, you shouldn't regret it.

If you do decide to keep it though, it wouldn't be impossible, many do it. Look into whether your university could offer any help and talk to your parents, they may suprise you (and talk to his too and any other relatives that may help).

Also, have you thought about adoption? If you decide you're completely not ready for a child but really feel like you can't have the abortion then it will be worth looking into.

I personally would go for the abortion. But it's your decision, your life. Just remember, you're starting university that's what you've been wanting to do. You have your whole life ahead of you for children so you don't need to have one now just because you accidentally got pregnant.

Whatever your decision, good luck

[Khadijah6987]

Some of my friends have had children in their first years of uni. Remember that contact is only 16 hours max in the first year; and less so as you continue. Between the both of you, and childcare grants, its relatively easy. Im starting uni this year, I've 2 children, they will be 6 and 2 when I start, the youngest is disabled and has surgery regularly. All im saying is that it is possible, remember the childcare grants etc, so you wouldnt be literally studying with a book in one hand and a baby in the other. And as long as your bf is supportive, you can share the workload. Whatever you choose good luck.

[jenna76484]

I dont think I could have an abortion, but if you decide too, I'm sure everything will go ok. I too have heard that the pain is only a little worse than period cramps.

If you do continue with the pregnancy, I think it would be possible for you to juggle parenthood and uni, so I would suggest this option, as long as both you and your boyfriend are ready for the responsibility and hard work.

One other option would be to have the baby and then give it up for adoption. That way, you dont have to go through an abortion or try to raise the child whilst studying.

Good luck to you both, whatever you decide.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[2009Emily]

I found out that I was pregnant half way through my 1st year of uni, and I was terrified! Abortion would never be an option for me, I couldn't live with myself knowing I had gone through with one. The university is being very supportive and have decided that the best route is a year off, they've made me realise that it is possible to have a child and carry on with my education, and I'm no longer worried . I'm now 21 weeks pregnant with a little boy
I know that keeping the baby isn't always the best option for everyone...but from what I have learnt from my tutors and other students university and a baby is possible, just challenging at times!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

xx