[Lucia.]

So many people wouldn't. They're scared to criticise in case they lose the friend, whilst they watch their friend be miserable in a bad relationship.

I love my friends but it means nothing to me if they say after I break up with someone, "He wasn't good for you anyway" and I think, "Well, if you thought that before, why didn't you tell me?" haha.

[Zoombini]

I think I would if it was one of my best friends but not just a 'normal' friend, they'd probs just get offended.

[Dorito]

I have done it in the past.

One of my close mates didn't want to be with his girlfriend anymore but didn't want to break it off. I told him it wasn't working and he had too end it if he wasn't happy. It went on for ages, they were on and off, then they broke up and remained FWB. In the end I sat him down and told him to stop being a dick and messing around with her because it wasn't helping anyone and he has ended things completely now and they both seem happier for it.

[Anonymous]

It would depend on the exact situation, but probably not.

Most of my friends hate the guy I like, to the extent that I haven't told them we started seeing each other again. They tell me I 'could do better'. Thing is, I really do care about him and he cares about me. They don't see the side of him that made me fall for him because they've only met him once. Even the ones who know him better - he's done so much for me that nobody knows about. I'm not going to tell my best friend when she tells me I could do better than him that he saved my life by stopping me killing myself, although that's true. It's private and between the two of us (hence the anon). No one knows exactly what a relationship is like or the feelings involved apart from those in the relationship. So I wouldn't interfere if a friend was seeing a guy I disliked. I might prefer them to be with someone I got on with, but it's their decision.

Of course, if we're talking about a friend who is involved in an abusive relationship or one that is clearly damaging, rather than a case of 'I think he's a douche/not intelligent enough/not good looking enough/not *insert appropriate adjective here* enough, I would have words.

[sekret]

It depends on how i was judging them.

If it was something out of their control or completely subjective such as looks then it's definitely not my place to say. Bad looking to me might be amazingly beautiful to my friend.

If it was objective things such as snide comments/sarcastic to the point of insults/rudeness then i might ask what they thought of it. I wouldn't ever say they weren't good enough, but i might point out the ways in which i thought they weren't (i guess thats beating around the bush though)

[blue n white army]

I probably would tell them. At the end of the day if you think you're in lvoe with someone you're not going to listen to anyone who says it's not worth it etc.

if i told my mate that his bird was no good for him then i'd probably lose a friend. If it works out then great but when it all goes tits up i'll be there for him.

[pinkmonkey3]

If they are happy then I wouldn't say anything.

If the guy was making her seriously unhappy and she was upset so many times, I'd just say they could do better, maybe once. I don't want to pressurise them into doing something just because of my opinion.

I currently have a friend who is being messed about by a guy, but insists she is happy to keep things 'casual,' even though you can see she is obsessing and secretly hurt by him. I'm not gonna tell her she doesn't know her own mind. It's a difficult one.

[EmmaValentina]

If you have a strong basis for believing the partner isn't good for them then of course you should tell them. Friends should be able to give their opinions on these kind of things without causing offence (especially seeing as you have an outsider's perspective). As long as you're not doing it because of jealousy of something you should speak up!

[Studentus-anonymous]

(Original post by Lucia.)
So many people wouldn't. They're scared to criticise in case they lose the friend, whilst they watch their friend be miserable in a bad relationship.

I love my friends but it means nothing to me if they say after I break up with someone, "He wasn't good for you anyway" and I think, "Well, if you thought that before, why didn't you tell me?" haha.

Partly because a good friend lets them make their own mistakes (a lot of lessons require first hand experience) so as long as they aren't seriously harming themselves or others, if they want to date a cow or a dickhead, so be it.

Another aspect of the problem is that often the friend themselves aren't an impartial observer, so while you may see their partner as a complete nardfarmer they will be hard-pressed to have that perspective. Even if they do suspect themselves, they may cling to the relationship. Either way there is good chance they will not thank you for giving them bad news, even if they have long suspected it themselves.

Also as someone said you don't know the partner the way your friend does.

All situational but mostly it's live and let live.

[meenu89]

I have done this.

[Lucia.]

(Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
All situational but mostly it's live and let live.

Don't you think it's not good to see your friends unhappy? Don't you have an interest in their well-being? I mean, if it was really bad and making them miserable, and the partner was abusive, would you say something then?

In a situation where your friend looked unhappy and it was something to do with his/her relationship, would you offer him/her advice about it? Would you try and figure out what the issue was, or would you leave it to them to figure out?

Yeah, it's a tough one.

(Original post by meenu89)
I have done this.

What happened?

[Foo.mp3]

Depends how not unhealthy for them this partner was, what stage they were at in life, how seriously they took this partner, and on the availability of healthier substitutes

I've gone to extreme lengths in the past to open a friend's eyes to the 'ways' of their partner.. it's typically a thankless pursuit, but someone's gotta do it

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by EmmaValentina)
If you have a strong basis for believing the partner isn't good for them then of course you should tell them. Friends should be able to give their opinions on these kind of things without causing offence (especially seeing as you have an outsider's perspective). As long as you're not doing it because of jealousy of something you should speak up!

Brilliant avatar.

[SillyMilly]

It totally depends really on the extent of why they are not good enough for them
One friends boyfriend i just thought was an ******** and didnt treat her with the respect she deserved so when i met him I made it kinda obvious i didnt think much of him but never actually said straight hes a knob just if he did something bad stuff like 'you dont have to stay with him' buit i could see she was happy and I had no right to interfere

Another friends boyfriend was openly cheating on her, thats where i draw the line as I know if my friends saw my boyfriend slagging around I would want to know, so we told her, we told her we loved her and that whatever she decided to do we would support her, she stuck with him and we supported her we still were civil to him but when they broke up we were also there for her

Some of my friends were a bit blunt about my ex it was ' we dont like him dont see him again hes a dick' that was to far as I felt as if I was betraying them by seeing him

[Agenda Suicide]

Never. I can't think of anything worse.

Unless the person was literally putting them in physical danger I would not say a word. If two people want to be together let them be. If two people are in love let them love. A relationship is for them, who the hell is anybody else to tell them whether one half of them are too good for the other?

People interfering in relationships for me is a no go. If anybody dared to tell me something like that with somebody I was in love with I know they'd be the person who wasn't too good for me.

[Lucia.]

Emotional abuse is still abuse. What if the person had an emotionally abusive partner?

[Converse]

(Original post by Lucia.)
So many people wouldn't. They're scared to criticise in case they lose the friend, whilst they watch their friend be miserable in a bad relationship.

I love my friends but it means nothing to me if they say after I break up with someone, "He wasn't good for you anyway" and I think, "Well, if you thought that before, why didn't you tell me?" haha.

If you're friend was miserable in a bad relationship, surely they already know that their partner isn't good for them.

[meenu89]

(Original post by Lucia.)
Don't you think it's not good to see your friends unhappy? Don't you have an interest in their well-being? I mean, if it was really bad and making them miserable, and the partner was abusive, would you say something then?

In a situation where your friend looked unhappy and it was something to do with his/her relationship, would you offer him/her advice about it? Would you try and figure out what the issue was, or would you leave it to them to figure out?

Yeah, it's a tough one.



What happened?

We let our different views on her relationship get in the way of our friendship, but the short story is she is still with her partner and we are now friends again.

[Lucia.]

(Original post by Converse)
If you're friend was miserable in a bad relationship, surely they already know that their partner isn't good for them.

Not necessarily. If someone is being emotionally abused, they can feel a sense of loyalty towards the abuser because it's part of the manipulation which takes place.

[Wiggler]

I've spent the last year trying to cconvince her that she's way too good for her boyfriend... But I dnt think she believes me... She spends half her life moaning and complaining about him and his lack of affection and boredom :/