Hi I need a little advice on a tricky situation.
Basically, my parents broke up when I was very young. My brother and sister are 5 and 6 years older than me respectively but are not my dads kids, though when my parents broke up my dad took all three of us on.
My dad has always been over-nice and too understanding as you could kind've imagine, always trying to be the fun dad etc. and was dont get me wrong, growing up WAS fun .
I'm now 23, my brother is 29 and my sister his 30 (but shes moved out)
The thing is my dad got made redundent in 2009 (just after my sister moved out) and has been struggling to keep up with all the bills since, he's 2 months behind on the mortgage always chipping at his overdraft etc. He went from 30k+ a year to 17k. It's been tough, last year I was paying 40 quid a week, sometimes more to try and help as much as I could. but I lost my job 6 months ago and that lack of 200ish quid a month is taking it's toll. I'm on JSA and I spend 80 quid every too weeks on food, I have no money what so ever to donate.
Now, my brother. He's 29, he earns 350 quid a week as a joiner, spends all his money on weed and booze and sleeps on the couch most nights. He just druels over an xbox controller stinking out the living room. His hygiene is terrible, he's essentially taken over the living room with all his stinking clothes and shoes. You can't even go in there anymore.... And he's never given my dad **** all. not a penny, he actually earns more than him, watches him struggle but claims he has no money to give. He's always moaning about car insurance etc. but his car insurance is like 600 quid a year. To be perfectly honest, I wanna kill him. But it's gone beyond that, I ask my dad and my dad just says stuff like 'yea he should be paying and I get fed up but mer mer - put forgiving excuse here - mer.
He's soft as **** and it breaks me, this is just now. All my life my brothers been a dick, not full on in your face dick. Snidey wormy dick. Always out for him self but claims he's out for the greater good of everyone else. He has a son that he doesn't get to see and it's bringing out the inner selfishness in him closer to the surface.
All I want is for my dad to be comfortable, he's over the moon I'm starting a degree at uni in september because tbh, I left school with no gcse's let alone a levels so me doing anything with myself it's pretty positive and the uni letting me study purely on auto. But deep down I know he needs cash and when I **** off he's gonna be left with my un-hygienic sibling. I clean the kitchen, bathroom, landings, garden (we have a massive garden). If I go and my dad has to keep working stupid amounts of overtime to survive, nothings going to get done.
I keep nudging my dad about it, but... He's under so much stress he's forgotten how to care . I feel the more I ask him when he's gonna do something the more stress I put him under n it just makes stuff worse. When I tell my brother he's gotta sort his **** out, he just gives in, completely agrees with me and then never does anything about it.
Ultimately my brother's a clever bloke, I'd like to put it down to him being stupid but he's not, so it must be because he's an absolute selfish W*anker.
It's sad your brother is a bit of leech, but that's just the way some people are. Your dad needs to "man up" (as the kids say these days) and demand some rent money from your brother.
Good for you for being responsible and helping out. It's weird how you can have two people from the same family, but have them be so fundementally different.
My brother is/was much the same when we all live together with my mum. That only resolved itself when he went to live in another part of the country. Awful times.
Dont take offence OP, but I do sense some sibling jealously- though im not saying its entirely unwarranted in this context. But when you talk of killing somebody and the language used its a bit of line towards your somebody it cant solely be based on his actions here.
Personally i think he is not as bad as you make out for sure...its just the weed in my opinion (having seen someone close became a weed head and heard a number of similiar stories). It makes alot of people selfish alot of the time...thats all they think off, and are frequently so oblivious to everything else with no purposeful malice intended to hurt people-its just weed comes first.
Not sure what the solution is to your dilemma, but the couple of references I made to people who were like this when hooked on weed are amongst the nicest, most considerate people in the world now that they off the stuff.
Thanks for the replies guys. I appreciate you response
Ultimately me and bro have a lot in common, he's just got this naggy selfishness in him, he's quite swinish about stuff. He's just a bit of a bell end when it comes to handing over money.
On the sibling jealousy topic, bare in mind he is 29 and I am 24... We're adults. Forget he's my brother for minute and realise there's a 29 year old man living in this house, rent free, when the owner of the house can't afford the mortgage. The owners too soft to make a fuss because he's working 12+ hours shifts 6 days week. And I'm stood on the sideline preparing to move out pondering, is this even happening? Again, remember, I maintain everything in the house. it's just gonna go to **** n am a bit concerned about it
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