[noteraz]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't have a luxury flat, what does that have to do with anything.

True about the hymen op though, that's what the pretend virgins I've been with are planning to do when they marry their bfs.

Well with luxury flat it tends to be more easier to bring in girls.

What would you do if your future 'going to be wife' had a hymen Op without your knowledge of her getting gangbanged before?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by noteraz)
Well with luxury flat it tends to be more easier to bring in girls.

What would you do if your future 'going to be wife' had a hymen Op without your knowledge of her getting gangbanged before?

Normally working to bring a girl back has everything to do with what you do before she's even seen your flat so I don't think it makes a lot of difference. There are a lot of lonely rich dudes.
I wouldn't expect my future wife to be a virgin so she wouldn't feel the need to have the op. As has been mentioned I've picked up an eye for spotting these issues so hopefully can avoid them. I know its not right what they are doing but its not my relationship so not my business.

[noteraz]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Normally working to bring a girl back has everything to do with what you do before she's even seen your flat so I don't think it makes a lot of difference. There are a lot of lonely rich dudes.
I wouldn't expect my future wife to be a virgin so she wouldn't feel the need to have the op. As has been mentioned I've picked up an eye for spotting these issues so hopefully can avoid them. I know its not right what they are doing but its not my relationship so not my business.

Can you share some points on how to spot whores before getting into something with them?

Would appreciate it.

[CountvonCount]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its not right what they are doing but its not my relationship so not my business.

Clearly it is your business, otherwise you wouldn't have made this thread. You keep sleeping with girls who have boyfriends, this has led you to become insecure and you said you don't trust women enough to sustain a relationship. So when you find out a girl is taken tell her to sort her relationship out and don't sleep with her otherwise you'll be going in circles.

[Dirac Delta Function]

(Original post by Anonymous)
This is not trolling. And I do no care for lad points.

I made this as I was genuinely concerned about my ability to trust and care for people, my experiences have left me jaded, isolated and switched my views on people as a whole from compassionate and cooperative to everyone being out for themselves. My faith in monogomy and healthy love/loving relationships has been completely shattered.

This is no joke!

Yes, but assuming you're not making this up, then your faith in monogamy deserves to be shattered because it was unfounded. Would you rather be in blissful naivety?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by noteraz)
Can you share some points on how to spot whores before getting into something with them?

Would appreciate it.

They're not all whores, sure some girls repeatedly cheat but I think anyone if put in the right circumstances could be driven to do it. They're just unfulfilled, their partners are either ignoring their needs or to besotted to look past their own. The only point to be made is to ensure your partner is fulfilled. It might not sound pc but girls aren't meant to settle in relationships, they're meant to feel like they won the lottery. Guys are meant to lead the relationship and take responsibility for its direction. Whenever this isn't the case I've seen problems start.

(Original post by CountvonCount)
Clearly it is your business, otherwise you wouldn't have made this thread. You keep sleeping with girls who have boyfriends, this has led you to become insecure and you said you don't trust women enough to sustain a relationship. So when you find out a girl is taken tell her to sort her relationship out and don't sleep with her otherwise you'll be going in circles.

I've stopped sleeping with girls in relationships for a while now, this is more of a persistent afterthought. However their relationship and whether she chooses to have a hymen op is not my business.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Dirac Delta Function)
Yes, but assuming you're not making this up, then your faith in monogamy deserves to be shattered because it was unfounded. Would you rather be in blissful naivety?

There are far too many examples of monogamy working between people for it to be unfounded, some advice here has made things clearer for me I've definitely been exposing myself to the wrong side of this far too much.

[Dirac Delta Function]

(Original post by Anonymous)
There are far too many examples of monogamy working between people for it to be unfounded, some advice here has made things clearer for me I've definitely been exposing myself to the wrong side of this far too much.

You didn't meet these women with foreknowledge that they would cheat on their partners with you. They were, roughly speaking, random samples. At least you can say that your faith in monogamy was too strong, given your experience.

I think it's better to be a well-informed realist than have undue faith.

[CountvonCount]

(Original post by Anonymous)
They're not all whores, sure some girls repeatedly cheat but I think anyone if put in the right circumstances could be driven to do it. They're just unfulfilled, their partners are either ignoring their needs or to besotted to look past their own. The only point to be made is to ensure your partner is fulfilled. It might not sound pc but girls aren't meant to settle in relationships, they're meant to feel like they won the lottery. Guys are meant to lead the relationship and take responsibility for its direction. Whenever this isn't the case I've seen problems start.

I've stopped sleeping with girls in relationships for a while now, this is more of a persistent afterthought. However their relationship and whether she chooses to have a hymen op is not my business.

Firstly, that is a load of crap, girls don't deserve to be put on a pedestal just because they have a vagina.

The reason they cheat is not because their needs are unfulfilled, its because they cant be bothered communicate with their partners and tell them what the problems are. Its just easier to go and find someone else to 'fulfil their needs'

Secondly, you deserve what you get, you slept with these girls knowing that they were in relationships. How do you think the boyfriends/fiancees of these girls feel when they found out what's been happening, I'm damn sure that they'll be left with trust issues far deeper than yours.

You can keep saying its none of your business but you're just trying to avoid feeling guilty. I'm pretty sure that now you've felt some of the consequences of your actions you know how wrong you've been. Stop laying all the responsibility on these stupid girls and accept that in the (quite recent) past you were an a***hole

[Jono404]

Sounds trollesque, how old are the girls you're seeing if their bf's think they are virgins :/

[emilyjc17]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm assuming people will throw a lot of hate my way for this and am prepared for it - for the last couple of years I've been a player, not the odd girls/ONSs here and there, more a full blown kind of deal. My whole life has sort of revolved around meeting, seducing and ****ing girls. Over this time I've slept with:

-Girls in relationships
-Girls in relationships whose bfs think their gf is a virgin
-Girls who are engaged
-etc.etc.etc.

I know this is wrong and recently have been sorting it out but I feel it's left a massive dent. I can't trust anyone at all including girls in the context of relationships, I've seen girls who everyone thought were sweet and innocent come round when I had a free flat for sex weekends. I've seen girls who are engaged, who the whole world thought were happy on the path to lifelong commitment sleep with me repeatedly whilst continuing the perfect couple facade. Girls who are extremely religious in front of family and friends come to see me for regular sex.

It is a pretty unique situation and can't find help anywhere, my flatmates think it's awesome and talk about how they wish they could live this way but they don't know the half of it. Sometimes ignorance might just be bliss, I want a meaningful relationship but find it far too hard to trust anyone. I know I've sort of done this to myself but if anyone has any experience of this, or thinks they could help I'd really like to hear it.

Okay well i'm a girl, and i'll start off by saying that it's YOU that caused this desensitisation to happen in your own mind. It's not that you've "sort of" done it. You've completely, full on, wholeheartedly done this. As well, you've probably caused a lot of hurt to these girls over the years you've been a player, and for that i say shame on you because i know EXACTLY how it feels to be used and thrown away. It's crap. :/

But, you've also hurt yourself too, as you've discovered.. Because now, sex probably feels like a general act to you. Like a hug or shaking hands. It's lost it's intimate special meaning - and that's when it becomes a problem. Also, you've seen the dark side of women - a lot of women, who have cheated, gone with you, and spared no thought of their boyfriend or fiance. So yeah it makes sense that you have trust issues. Your room mate is an ********, by the way. And i doubt he means that. There's nothing better than having someone you love and you find amazing. I write this despite hours ago having broken up with a total c*** of a guy but hey ho nevermind such is life. But when it comes to trust, just let it form gradually, don't see women as sex objects, don't go into a conversation or meet someone with the intention of banging them, think about small things, are they funny? is she someone i'd want my parents to meet? the rest will follow. let trust build gradually.. it will. don't assume that all girls are like the ones you've banged. we are not. i would never, ever sleep with anybody else whilst in a relationship. seriously. it's like me thinking all guys are players.. which admittedly sometimes i do but i know you're all not.

When it comes to sex to admit to yourself that you have in fact caused yourself a whole LOT of pain, and that the first step is to stop this right now. No more sleeping with any girl. No more one night stands. Refrain from sex for a while. Now i know you must be like what?! are you serious?! but honestly.
When you do find someone you connect with, and you WILL, there's a lot of women in this world you're bound to, you'll not have been having sex with a bunch of random girls beforehand - so it'll feel more meaningful and special once you find that girl you really like. And don't pressure her into it, let the relationship move at its own pace, often when sex happens too soon the guy loses interest - you may well, so just, be patient.

GOOD LUCK.

[Saluki-Sake]

Well, obviously you have a biased sample. If you go around trying to pick up as many girls as possible obviously the cheaters will be successful where the loyal ones will reject you, you can't draw these conclusions from all your successful lays... of course you've never been rejected, right? Come on, if you only hang out with people who smoke you'll start to think it's the norm, just like in this case. Of course there are women who don't cheat, but they'd be the ones who rejected/weren't interested in/ avoided you... I doubt if you went up to every religious girl or whatever they'd all fall into your bed. You'd know what types to look out for now. Also, cheaters tend to be a bit.. 'damaged'.. so finding a stable and mature girl would be a start. You also probably pick up girls in clubs etc where the slutty ones tend to accumulate :P


...And actually, also listen to the poster above

[Lucia.]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Out of interest if you met a guy you really liked would you be bothered by him having read up PUA material?

Well I'd prefer if he relied on his confidence. A bit of game playing doesn't matter that much but it'd be good to see the real person amongst that.

(Original post by Anonymous)
They're not all whores, sure some girls repeatedly cheat but I think anyone if put in the right circumstances could be driven to do it. They're just unfulfilled, their partners are either ignoring their needs or to besotted to look past their own. The only point to be made is to ensure your partner is fulfilled. It might not sound pc but girls aren't meant to settle in relationships, they're meant to feel like they won the lottery. Guys are meant to lead the relationship and take responsibility for its direction. Whenever this isn't the case I've seen problems start.

Definitely a wise comment. I have to say this is especially true as I did cheat on someone, and it was because I was unfulfilled.

(Original post by CountvonCount)
You can keep saying its none of your business but you're just trying to avoid feeling guilty. I'm pretty sure that now you've felt some of the consequences of your actions you know how wrong you've been. Stop laying all the responsibility on these stupid girls and accept that in the (quite recent) past you were an a***hole

I doubt he needs to feel any more guilty than he does already. He's already conveyed his guilt. I doubt he puts women on a pedestal either. That's the point - he definitely doesn't and seeing human fallibility so plainly has caused him to re-evaluate how he felt about relationships up to that point.


I also wish to point out for the purposes of this thread, that having casual sex does not make sex with someone you love less meaningful. It doesn't make you forget what sex is like with someone you love. If anything, it might make you want it more.

[Jakeh]

I don't think for a long time I'll be able to trust a female. Neg me all you like, after my experience, it's clear they'll backstab you at any opportunity.

[Lucia.]

(Original post by Jakeh)
I don't think for a long time I'll be able to trust a female. Neg me all you like, after my experience, it's clear they'll backstab you at any opportunity.

What happened?

You're young yet so you just haven't met the right women.

Beware of your blanket statements though. That doesn't help. Know that there are better women out there.

[Jakeh]

(Original post by Lucia.)
What happened?

You're young yet so you just haven't met the right women.

Beware of your blanket statements though. That doesn't help. Know that there are better women out there.

She lied to me from the start pretty much. I knew she had a history but she spent most of my relationship in another room sexting/text ****ing some guy. Used her nights outs for guys and just basically being a whore.

[Anonymous]

You've only (obviously) managed to seduce girls who are in unsuccessful relationships, and therefore you've been given a very skewed picture. What about all of the girls you didn't get to sleep with you?
Even if every girl you approached slept with you, this is likely to be because you have a sixth sense for those who are already interested/giving you the eye. I think that's probably really what being a "player" comes down to. Exploiting a desire which is already there.

Maybe you should spend more time with (/stalk lol) couples who are happy and faithful, this will restore your belief in love/relationships.

You also have to remember that love is always risk.
It's hard to let go of your heart and truly trust someone, even if you are not jaded by experience - especially if in yourself you value strength, independance and never being taken for a fool. You have to risk the things you value, risk humiliation and regret - but the reward you gain if your trust is well-placed is immense. It is a risk worth taking not to miss out on what is for many people one of the most fantastic things in life.

There are lots of girls who don't ever cheat. I haven't cheated on my boyfriend and we've been together 4 years!!


ALSO.. I feel I have to weigh in on this ridiculous hymen issue.

What exactly do you boys think a hymen is? In reality it is more medical myth than anything. The hymen is a vestigual structure, it is highly variable, changes drastically during puberty and may be altered before sex, not altered by sex, or is sometimes altogether/almost absent. It is also capable of healing, so even if it is damaged - it can return to its previous state.

Certainly no menstruating woman has an intact membrane across her vagina without also having serious medical problems due to trapped uterine material!

It is no reliable indicator of virginity, studies of women's hymens consistently reveal this.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-are-not-alone

Read that, it may correct some (frankly childish) ignorance on here

[Lucia.]

(Original post by Jakeh)
She lied to me from the start pretty much. I knew she had a history but she spent most of my relationship in another room sexting/text ****ing some guy. Used her nights outs for guys and just basically being a whore.

Sounds like the sort of person who'd get into a relationship only for attention. Plenty of better women out there, trust me.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by CountvonCount)
Firstly, that is a load of crap, girls don't deserve to be put on a pedestal just because they have a vagina.

I have never put a girl on a pedestal, if anything I was anticipating accusations of degrading/using/womanising. The point I'm making is that just because a woman cheats doesn't make her a whore, and just because a guy cheats doesn't make him a dick.

(Original post by CountvonCount)
The reason they cheat is not because their needs are unfulfilled, its because they cant be bothered communicate with their partners and tell them what the problems are. Its just easier to go and find someone else to 'fulfil their needs'

This is true but the point still stands, a man who doesn't fulfil her needs will lose his gf/wife eventually, be it because she has an affair or she has enough and leaves. Men and women communicate in different ways, men are often ignorant to women's needs just as women are to mens, not everything can be verbalised and communicated through sit-down discussions.

(Original post by CountvonCount)
Secondly, you deserve what you get, you slept with these girls knowing that they were in relationships. How do you think the boyfriends/fiancees of these girls feel when they found out what's been happening, I'm damn sure that they'll be left with trust issues far deeper than yours.

I know I do as I have stated before it is self inflicted. I don't think about how they feel, as I've already said none of these girls are the types who are serial cheaters and have a huge capacity for loyalty - I would hope that instead of having a victim complex they should look at where they dropped the ball and let it be a lesson to them so that in future relationships both parties are happier. That is if they find out.

(Original post by CountvonCount)
You can keep saying its none of your business but you're just trying to avoid feeling guilty. I'm pretty sure that now you've felt some of the consequences of your actions you know how wrong you've been. Stop laying all the responsibility on these stupid girls and accept that in the (quite recent) past you were an a***hole

I was a dick but this is not all to absolve myself of guilt, I didn't seduce these girls out of their perfect relationships, in fact if they were perfect I wouldn't have been able to. I'm not assigning the blame on the girls, its a mix of things: the guys dropping the ball, the girls feeling shunned, me not viewing the relationship as a barrier, the way the situations play out.

(Original post by Jono404)
Sounds trollesque, how old are the girls you're seeing if their bf's think they are virgins :/

Again not trolling, there is no entertainment value to be had from this, all of them have been roughly 18-24. A lot of them come from religious backgrounds whereby it wouldn't be completely shocking for a girl to wait until marriage (or at least close to it) before having sex. In other cases they're just telling their bfs they're not ready yet.

(Original post by emilyjc17)
shame on you because i know EXACTLY how it feels to be used and thrown away. It's crap. :/

I don't feel I've used or thrown away any girls. A lot of them were in relationships, others were ONSs/flings, some were f-buddies, but they all knew it was casual. I don't think there's any girl I can think of that would say she was angry with me, I haven't led on/cheated on any girls. I just titled the thread this way as I didn't know how else to phrase it.

(Original post by emilyjc17)
sex probably feels like a general act to you. Like a hug or shaking hands. It's lost it's intimate special meaning

Not at all, I haven't been in love with any of the girls I've slept with but I can say i've been connected to some of them and sex is definitely better with them than ONSs. I can only imagine it being much more amazing if I loved them but until now I've sort of distanced myself from pursuing girls I genuinely feel I could have fallen in love with.

(Original post by emilyjc17)
Your room mate is an ********, by the way. And i doubt he means that.

None of them know the ins and outs of who the girls I sleep with are so to them they just see me sleeping with loads of girls and they banter about lad points etc. I don't really care for it.

(Original post by emilyjc17)
No more sleeping with any girl. No more one night stands. Refrain from sex for a while. Now i know you must be like what?! are you serious?! but honestly

I've already done this for the last week or so now and planning to carry on with celibacy for a couple months. It's not been too hard as it just stopped being fulfilling, I was looking for something more but found it hard to think about entering a relationship after all I'd seen so made this thread. It's definitely helped.

(Original post by Anonymous)
You also have to remember that love is always risk.
It's hard to let go of your heart and truly trust someone, even if you are not jaded by experience - especially if in yourself you value strength, independance and never being taken for a fool. You have to risk the things you value, risk humiliation and regret - but the reward you gain if your trust is well-placed is immense. It is a risk worth taking not to miss out on what is for many people one of the most fantastic things in life.

I think that's whats been stopping me but I guess it's part of starting any relationship. Will try and work on that now rather than distance myself from girls I see potentially more with.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I think that's whats been stopping me but I guess it's part of starting any relationship. Will try and work on that now rather than distance myself from girls I see potentially more with.

See maybe you are placing too much of the blame on your seeing the dark side of girls - when perhaps the whole reason in the first place why you pursued casual short-term sex is because you don't like to take emotional risks.

I think to a certain degree, being hesistant of the risk is very normal - that is why so many people are paranoid or at least a little nervous of being cheated on.. sometimes for a very long time in a relationship.

I've fortunately never had a negative relationship experience, I've not got very much experience at all - but I was still hesitant! Because I've always prided myself on being cool and distant and emotionally independant. Like it doesn't suit me to be lovey dovey or trusting or not to have the killer hand. But you can't be held back like that in a relationship. It doesn't work and it just makes you unhappy. It's better just to take a risk, and accept that **** might happen but you'll move on.

Then again.. it's took me about 3 years in a relationship to come to this philosophy! Like you, I wish it were possible to really, for sure, know that you know a person. But you can't! Just like you know yourself better than anyone else can, so the same is true for everyone else.
As the years go on, you just feel it's less likely that they're a dick and you've just been too dumb to spot it Just gotta get used to that vulnerable feeling.