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watching someone die unexpectedely

Hi, my grandma passed away last month. She was fine but she had a heart attack in the house, i was home alone. I watched her die in front of me and i could not do anything and i cant get this experience out of my head. I am deeply depressed.
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blossomx
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I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you had to go through that. :frown: :hugs:

There's not much any of us can say over an internet forum that will help to be honest. Have you spoken to your family or friends about this? If you can't get it out of your head, maybe it'd be best if you spoke to a therapist. I can't even imagine what you've gone through and I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful. I hope you find what you need. xxx
I'm so sorry - that must have been horrible.
how do you get rid of the image?
well, you don't, that will stay with you forever, and become a part of who you are.
however, in time, you will learn how to deal with what happened, and although there will always be some pain - i miss my nan and she died 13 years ago- it will lessen as you begin to accept it, and move on with your life.
That is so much easier said than done, but you will eventually be a stronger person for it.
However, to get immediate help, and to get help in confronting, accepting, and finally moving on from the issue, I would suggest threrapy for a while.

There is nothing wrong with therapy and most people would probably benefit from it (even if they don't have it) at least once in their lives.

I hope this helps, and that you will find the peace you are searching for. xx
People always suggest therapy on here - but ofc you won't be able to get it (certainly not at great cost) anytime soon (or at all), so I'd say a more practical suggestion is just to talk about it and your feelings to family/ friends/ the internet/ a diary/ whatever.

And try to think logically and positively (although this will be hard) about the situation. There was nothing you could do. At least your grandma wasn't alone when she died. There are a lot of worse ways to go, and your grandma was never going to live forever. Maybe try to think more about the good experiences you had with her, or talk with your parent (that is her child) about her and her life - so you can focus on that instead of her death.

It has only been a month. You could expect to feel upset about this for a while, especially if you were close. But you will move on, and it will become part of your experience, eventually something that you are resigned to and don't think about very often.
It's sad what happened and it's sad that's your final memory of her, however, you can get yourself out of this depression using your memories. What is your funniest memory of her? What was the best place you spent time together? Think about everything about her that made you so happy and be so proud to be her Grandson/Granddaughter. It's a method I used to cheer myself up when I lost my Nan, and I feel it's always better to focus on the positives. There's never a day when my Nan's not on my mind, its little things like; 'Oh she loved this song' or 'that would have made her laugh' or something. Channel your energies into thinking like that, and it will erase/reduce the depression you're feeling.
My Grandma died when I was 17, and I was holding her hand as she died. It wasn't unexpected, and my Mum was with her, holding her other hand. It left a big impression on me at the time, actually witnessing her die - I feel like it had an impact on my whole world view at the time. I struggled horribly with the grief afterwards too, and had recurrent nightmares for about a year afterwards. But now, I am so glad I was there with her, I really am, because I loved her so much.

If you are struggling with feeling guilty or like you could have done more, you shouldn't, although I think those feelings are natural when someone dies - it is a way of wishing you could change what happened, I think. But you can't change what happened - and, as another poster said, at least you were with her. It could have happened when she was alone, and instead you were there. It may be hard to deal with at the moment but in the end that is a positive thing.

When my Grandma died, it was hard to remember all the good times and instead the image of her death was very real to me. Over time, that has reversed, and now, although I remember her death, the pain has gone and I can smile and laugh about her which I know is what she would want. It may seem hard to believe, but that will happen for you too.

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