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Frustrating shy guy in the workplace...

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    #4

    I'm a girl and I've asked blokes out before but because there is a prevailing assumption that men will go for anything they can get it is even more humiliating to be rejected. There is also a nagging paranoia afterwards that perhaps they wouldn't have asked you themselves and that they could only have lukewarm interest. If a man asks you out at least you know for sure they want you. Also, given the general assumption that all men are easy (which is totally false) you worry about coming across as desperate since any desirable girl would get asked out easily.

    I asked a girl out once in a gay bar just to see what it was like to chat up a girl. I found it a hell of a lot easier and quite a power trip, but probably only because I didn't care if she said yes or not.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Krov)
    Are you ridiculously hot, OP?

    That might be a problem with shy guys.
    I have been told that im good looking but personally would think im average; there has been times that ive been followed around the store with guys pestering me for my number. I find these sort of guys unattractive after all they want my number before they even get to known me at all.

    I guess that is why i prefer shyer guys they arent arrogant but i guess i need to be patient to see how he feels about me.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    The debate you guys are having is great i guess i can see two sides of the coin.

    I give you a little bit more info on myself. Even though im not shy in general. When it comes to guys i have zero confidence i have never had a boyfriend because the guys that i like have never been into me and the guys that are into me are the jerk types and i would rather be alone than get messed around.

    I would be terrfied to tell him outright how i feel just in case he doesnt like me and then the job i work at just will get awkward. I gonna think a way of meeting him up as friends then see what happens i guess.
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So there is a guy I'm attracted to at work its getting me annoyed because he just throws all sort ls of signals and i can not figure him out at all.

    When we first started work together he was incredibly shy and didn't talk much at all. Being the talkative type i pulled him out of his shell a little and managed to get to know him better. We talk quite a bit day to day but he constantly looks at his feet or looks at something else while he talks to me he hardly gives me any eye contact.

    Some days though he will completely blank me or not say much to me at all and it feels like he doesn't want to talk. Which obviously is annoying because he has spent time talking to me into the early hours in the morning via facebook.

    Is he just shy and thats a shy guys way of talking to people or does he like me but afraid to let other people in the workplace see that? Whats up with him? Btw he is in his mid 20s me in my early 20s if that makes a difference.
    Oh wow this sounds so much like me, i am in the same situation haha.

    I took a risk and added her on Facebook after my first couple of shifts, not expecting her to accept it. But she did and i have spoken to her a few times. I'd love nothing more than getting to know her properly but i've never seen her on chat and i don't want to flood her wall because that looks weird.

    We do talk quite a bit at work. She's told me a lot about herself and i have never seen her do this with anyone else. I always try and say something to her, even if its just something trivial like ''when are you working next'', but sometimes i won't out of fear that she doesn't want to talk to me. Or simply because i don't know what to say. She appears to be a bit shy too. For example, one shift we were standing close to each other and kept looking one another before i finally said something :/

    I do like her, but she's really pretty so i assume that either she has a boyfriend, or thinks i'm not in her league. Fear of rejection and all that. I have caught her looking at me a few times, but is this just a ''why won't this guy leave me alone'' type thing? I think when a shy person likes someone, they try so hard to hide it that they end up giving no indication and if anything, making the other person think they don't like them. I can definitely relate.
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    (Original post by katyness)
    Why is everyone posting anonymously??

    OP for me, no man is shy enough to ask the girl they want out. If he's not making a move start walking.

    Ain't nobody got time for that!
    lol i'm always shy
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    (Original post by bloomblaze)
    Why must the man be expected to always make the first move/ask the girl out?

    Why cant a girl ask a guy out? Instead of 'walking' away if he doesnt make a move.(he maybe needs her to make a move as he is shy/scared of rejection etc)
    Exactly! If the OP likes him she could ask the guy out just as well!
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    Your the one being shy by not asking him out
    #5

    (Original post by katyness)
    Why is everyone posting anonymously??

    OP for me, no man is shy enough to ask the girl they want out. If he's not making a move start walking.

    Ain't nobody got time for that!
    .. and leave the guy thinking the girl doesn't like him, and making him feel even worse about himself.

    Great advice :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by katyness)
    He doesn't have to. There are plenty of girls who throw themselves at guys and that's fine for them. I'm a bit more traditional.

    Plus, I wouldn't like to go out with a guy who is not confident enough to take risks to pursue what he wants.




    Well I always have this in mind and I've never gone out with a jerk.
    Yeah you were probably the jerk/idiot in the relationship, not the guy.
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    My bf is really shy.

    I met him online, if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have noticed him. :sad:

    He's really shy with new people and even people we've known ages as he's naturally quiet. It'll take time but face to face is the hardest to deal with, try adding him online or something.
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    OP, if he's shy its most likely because he has no idea what to make of you. If you like him, be more active and ask him to do stuff rather than wait for him. It's incredibly fustrating when you like someone but don't know how to act on it without making yourself look like a right idiot (in your own eyes, if noone elses).

    It doesn't even have to be just the two of you, if you're doing something with a group of friends you can always invite him along. Even if he doesn't/can't go it shows that you don't see him as someone you just happen to work with.
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    (Original post by mc1000)
    Perhaps you could spell it out even more obviously - has she ever taken any risk in which her dignity is at stake? She seems to consider it necessary to do so - thus you'd expect that she has indeed taken the risk of asking a guy out, and that her argument is therefore solidly founded and not at all hypocritical. Is that right, Katyness?
    I didnt ask her if she had ever taken risks.

    I asked her if she had ever asked a guy out/been rejected by a guy. She seems to think rejection is no big thing.

    Rejection is damaging to confidence. Many women never get rejected in their life because they never ask a guy out.
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    perform a mating ritual to show your interested in him...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So there is a guy I'm attracted to at work its getting me annoyed because he just throws all sort ls of signals and i can not figure him out at all.

    When we first started work together he was incredibly shy and didn't talk much at all. Being the talkative type i pulled him out of his shell a little and managed to get to know him better. We talk quite a bit day to day but he constantly looks at his feet or looks at something else while he talks to me he hardly gives me any eye contact.

    Some days though he will completely blank me or not say much to me at all and it feels like he doesn't want to talk. Which obviously is annoying because he has spent time talking to me into the early hours in the morning via facebook.

    Is he just shy and thats a shy guys way of talking to people or does he like me but afraid to let other people in the workplace see that? Whats up with him? Btw he is in his mid 20s me in my early 20s if that makes a difference.
    Leave him alone!
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    (Original post by yothi5)
    Leave him alone!
    :laugh:
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    (Original post by Dmon1Unlimited)
    E
    Rejection can be more damaging than you think. Not every guy is built from steel
    Hardly think its the mans problem regarding random flirting -.-
    I know people who have had a troubled friendship because of it.

    Girls shouldn't flirt with guys they're not interested in, just because they want a confidence boost like that guy said or whatever... It's misleading and wrong...if you've been doing this, then on the behalf of man-dom....stop it...
    Well I used to in the past... now I can't be bothered if I'm not 100% interested.

    (Original post by bloomblaze)
    have you ever asked a guy out?

    Have you ever been rejected by a guy?
    Like I have mentioned previously, I don't ask guys out. I'm a bit more traditional when it comes to relationships

    (Original post by mc1000)
    Perhaps you could spell it out even more obviously - has she ever taken any risk in which her dignity is at stake? She seems to consider it necessary to do so - thus you'd expect that she has indeed taken the risk of asking a guy out, and that her argument is therefore solidly founded and not at all hypocritical. Is that right, Katyness?
    No, I wouldn't. Look above.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .. and leave the guy thinking the girl doesn't like him, and making him feel even worse about himself.

    Great advice :rolleyes:
    Well he's gotta man up if he wants the girl. At least that's how I see it.

    (Original post by Luxray)
    Yeah you were probably the jerk/idiot in the relationship, not the guy.
    LOL. Yeah probably. I'm very strict on my rules. I'm not proud of it but I don't believe in letting go in what I believe so that I can please others.

    (Original post by bloomblaze)
    I didnt ask her if she had ever taken risks.

    I asked her if she had ever asked a guy out/been rejected by a guy. She seems to think rejection is no big thing.

    Rejection is damaging to confidence. Many women never get rejected in their life because they never ask a guy out.
    I have been rejected before but I didn't ask him out. And yes that triggered other things in my mind and I actually reached a point of considering suicide (it wasn't because he rejected me per se, it was all that it triggered). So I know it's bad but you've got to record. Life goes on.
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    Most shy people don't like eye contact so that might be why he doesn't look at you. Maybe he just can't think of a convo starter, it's good that you're already talking to him but it might be a while before he really gets used to you .
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    offer it on a plate and itll turn the shy'est man eager
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    sounds shy to me....be really nice and let him gain your trust

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