[HurricaneUpper]

Saw the doctor today (finally), and it was a crappy experience. I was rushed and he didn't really hear me out for long.

I feel like I've ruined my life by taking his survey and now probably having this on my records.

I may also be referred to a councillor...something that I can't say I'm looking forward to.

So yeah, I'm probably more anxious than before and have nothing to really show for it - except a perscription for some adrenaline-blocking tablets, which I don't want to use.

[Liam-3]

You should definitely see another doctor if you didn't enjoy the experience, ask to see another. Counselling may really help, I had it for about 6 months and found it really good. I know how you feel about work, I think everyone gets certain feelings like this, I just find comfort in knowing that you don't have to stay in any job if you don't want to, nothing is permanent!

[sputum]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
So yeah, I'm probably more anxious than before and have nothing to really show for it - except a prescription for some adrenaline-blocking tablets, which I don't want to use.

Why not?
You sound like you are feeling terrible, you get prescribed something that might help and you leave it on the shelf?
Please reconsider. If it works it could be transforming, if it doesn't you get to go back to the quack and try something else.

[jenren22]

There has been some good advice here. Now I'm no doctor but you certainly are depressed; tablets or whatever may help and I certainly think seeing a councilor is worth a go, but to be honest I really don't think you should be blaming your lack of motivation/interest on you as a person. I mean by doing this, you're just putting labels on yourself when really this is what depression does to you.

I have just finished a teaching course, and it mentally and physically drained me. I've just got back from America for two weeks which was the best holiday ever, but now I'm home I'm looking at an empty summer and feel a bit miserable myself with no job lined up. I'm a very pessimistic person as it is, and I always have been. I've always felt like a failure, but I know that I am battling with myself. I'm not battling with the world, or my circumstances. The only person telling me that I'm a failure is me, and I have the power to control it.

I know this might seem corny, but one thing that has helped me to understand my thought patterns is a fantastic book called 'stop thinking start living' by Richard Carlson. It will make you realise that you have control over your thought patterns, and it is only YOU that is making you feel this way. I think you know this really, but you are allowing yourself to dig yourself a deeper hole and you feel there is no way out. There IS a way out, but you need to want to come out first. Once you decide to come out of the hole, it will be tough and you will need to be STRONG, but you can do it.

You need to get rid of this vicious cycle of self-destructive thoughts. Once you have, life will be so much brighter for you, whether you're in work or not. Trust me have a look at that book, and stick to the principles. One of his best quotes is 'you are the creator of your own thoughts. Your thoughts do not have the power to hurt you, you have to give them that power.' Ever been thinking about something negative and then all of a sudden noticed something on tv and then realised 10 minutes later that you were no longer thinking negative thoughts? You can just as easily do this without a distraction - empty your mind and keep occupied. If they come back, dismiss them again. It takes practice, but no amount of councilling or pills will do this for you, and it certainly wont change your attitude long term.

I hope this helps you.

[HurricaneUpper]

Thanks for the posts. I've calmed down a bit since my last message, but now that job-related pressures are rising again, I'm once again becoming more anxious.

I'm just so lost. I've always been the kind of person that just can't function if something doesn't interest me. And I can't find what interests me...well...what is viable to turn into worthwhile income anyway.

[sputum]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Thanks for the posts. I've calmed down a bit since my last message, but now that job-related pressures are rising again, I'm once again becoming more anxious.

I'm just so lost. I've always been the kind of person that just can't function if something doesn't interest me. And I can't find what interests me...well...what is viable to turn into worthwhile income anyway.

Did you take the medication as prescribed?

I have had the type of feeling you describe and I think if you can get interested in something you'll be in a better frame of mind unemployed or not.
And even 'dull' work can be a field trip in advanced human interaction studies WITH PAY with a change of mindset. It may sound trite, it did to me a long time ago but it's true. People are ridiculously interesting, especially when lined up in hierarchies

[ME777]

great advice guys,

im 23 and had been to the doctors yesterday to look at a little dry skin round the eye..... i knew it was just a case of mosteriser and abit silly to go docs for but the main reason was to see how i was with the doctor, iv been socialy anxious for years and could feel the sweat and slight shaking whilst waiting to be seen.
anyway i did the test for anxiaty and depression and scored high on both, he said do i want medication and i said no (maybe my axciaty again) i said i would prefere counciling and have got an appointment for end of september.

my personal oppionion is that i have been socialy anxious for years slighly as a 7 year old from when my mother had died from alcahol. but as you got older and the real wolrd hits you, it seems like my axiaty gets me depressed and my self asteem drops but realy feel i need to be doing stuff....

whilst writing this i should be looking for work as i have appointment at the jobcenter in 20mins but rearly realry have no interest in looking as i know what to expect from myslef now... if i do get a interview from a job and actualy turn up.. then i can actuly nearly break down at a interview start twithcing in my neck and sweating and speaking realr low if other people are in the room.


to be honest carnt wait for the councing session as just writing on here seems to help.



AND

hurricane upper.

thew quick tips from me who has lots in common and loves to help.

get a dart board and get practing.... i hit 180s daily (but wont join a team)
when you get angry whith youself of something go for a jog (EASY SAID I KNOW) (trust me i used to be the sportiest kid ever tennis football basketball.... you name it i was decent at it.....but now i dont do any sport expecialy within a team.
go for this job and youll feel yourself saying im carrying on and on utill im sweating badly,, go on mate see if you still have that stengh within you, when that bad time comes go for that jog with headphones in mate.

ow and i used to drink up to 8 coffees from age of 12 + , then as i have cut down alot it seems the depression kicks in a little.

ADVISE to anyone coming of coffee--- have 1 in the morning to cut down and take a borraca after dinner... i felt like deaf and a zombie when my doctor told me to say of coffee last month.

Matt
matt

[sputum]

(Original post by ME777)
whilst writing this i should be looking for work as i have appointment at the jobcenter in 20mins but rearly realry have no interest in looking as i know what to expect from myslef now... if i do get a interview from a job and actualy turn up.. then i can actuly nearly break down at a interview start twithcing in my neck and sweating and speaking realr low if other people are in the room.

fwiw none of these are an autofail at interview, singly or in combination (from a fellow twitchy mumbly interviewee)

[HurricaneUpper]

So I got another interview for monday week as an IT support officer.

Same problems flaring up, feel like a wreck. I wish I wasn't who I am, I can't function in this world.

[missybct]

HurricaneUpper - this is scarily similar to me to a certain extent.

I have just had a horrible meltdown due to the anxiety caused by work. I have had to leave my job and am now having to find alternative means of supporting myself.

I was working as a hotel receptionist, responsible for guests, money transcations, multiple phone calls, computer work et al. I absolutely adored the job, but my worsening anxiety meant I was unable to deal with going in, for the fear of doing something wrong.

This is not a new thing in my life - I have had a multitude of jobs, some lasting months and others lasting a year + - as I've got older, I've found myself unable to cope with the pressure of being looked at by a boss and making mistakes that could screw up a business. I thought in the past it was just the wrong job, but in regards to the above, I've realised it's me - not anything else.

I am now seeking treatment from my doctor to deal with this. I've also gone back to college to address the issue - to try and get some stability in my life and open pathways. Oddly enough I can deal with academic pressure, just not from the working environment.

----

I would definitely seek a second opinion from a doctor who is willing to give you time. Mental health issues are not to be brushed under the carpet and hopefully with the right treatment you can lead a fulfilling life. Sadly for me, I've waited until I am 27 to seek this!

[Crumpet1]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
So I got another interview for monday week as an IT support officer.

Same problems flaring up, feel like a wreck. I wish I wasn't who I am, I can't function in this world.

Dear OP

I hope things go okay on Monday.

This thread contains lots of great advice about the medical side so I won't touch upon that again. I just wanted to give some advice from a wider perspective - my sister suffers from depression and Asberger's Syndrome and she too suffered from horrendous difficulties about working after her degree. She started out temping until an incident, when my parents then allowed her to take a year off from working. That 'year' turned into over a decade and it almost wrecked her life.

The problem was:
- she was on benefits so she needed a certain level of job to make it financially viable to get off benefits;
- the lack of anything on her CV meant employers weren't interested;
- so she remained unemployed and practically unemployable;
- that meant she couldn't move in with her boyfriend either, or get married, because her benefits would immediately have stopped and neither of them could afford that.

She also couldn't apply for jobs that were of the sort of level she should be applying for, because the unexplained gap on her CV made her such a poor candidate as compared to the other candidates.

It was a very nasty trap to be in.

She finally managed to break the cycle when a job came up at my mum's work, and she is actually doing really well. But she could so easily have been trapped like that for her entire adult life.

I know interviews are difficult, but it is really positive that you are getting them. Try to tell yourself that an interview in itself is a huge compliment to you. They really do want to meet you, and have a chat about the job, you, and whether you/the job will go together. They already think you might be a good fit, otherwise they wouldn't have invited you in. The key difficulty is that you seem to be building employment up in your mind into being something really scary.

I would strongly urge you to either:
- volunteer at a workplace (no money, but no requirement to work specific hours either); or
- register at a temping agency, so that you can take jobs when you feel up to it, but turn them down when you don't. It won't matter if they're a bit dull or easy, because it will only be for a defined period anyway.

That way you will have something in the work section on your CV, so there won't be a giant gap that looks as though you've been in prison.

It's also possible that a temping job for a week or two might turn into a more permanent offer - but you will have had the comfort of trying it out for a bit, so it won't be such a scary prospect. If you liked it, you could accept. If you didn't, you could decline.

[curlpower]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Hi there guys/girls of TSR, this is my first post here and I have a lot to get off my chest - so please bear with me if it reads rather poorly.

I'll start off by saying that I'm currently depressed, unconfident, introverted and a loser by society's standards. I probably also have what must be all kinds of mental health issues, including pretty bad anxiety with regards to pretty much anything and possibly some degree of ADD/ADHD.

Oh yeah, I'm not sure if this should be on the "mental health" or "graduate in crisis"/"careers" forums - since my tale includes both issues.

Anyway, here goes:

I graduated from uni with a first w/hons in computer science last year (very lackluster A-Levels and solid GCSEs as backup), and have since been unemployed. This is partly due to having a break from education/work as well as having a hard time with job searching. On top of that, I've also been suffering from depression since just before my M&S incident (mentioned later) and being unsure what on earth that I want to (viably) do with my life/for a living. And no, I didn't particularly enjoy anything during my degree - things were pretty "meh" at best. I actually almost quit/changed course, but I figured that I'd stick with the friends that I had made - plus it sounded more impressive than the other degrees that I could think of (both are pretty terrible reasons).

On top of my general down-ness (which for the record is almost 100% due to job-related pressures), whenever I've been offered an interview or job (twice), my anxiety skyrockets to the point where I talk myself out of the job prospect and end up feeling like I've ruined my life and that it will be hell if I accept it - even if it's a short-term thing. Ever heard of somebody that quit Marks & Spencers after 1 day of training? You have now.

I just can't hack the idea of doing 9-5 (or more!), ESPECIALLY if it involves something that I don't have an interest/passion in - it makes me depressed to the point of feeling sick. I also get tired/drained easily (probably partly due to my sedentary lifestyle) and I find it hard to stay focused on things that don't inspire or entertain me so that's probably an ADHD/ADD issue too. I also get bored of conversations/topics that don't interest me to the point that I'll just zone-out sometimes, which is a reason why I'm not a fan of "going to the pub" - not to mention I don't really like drinking.

Sadly, pretty much the only thing I've ever really cared about for a sustained amount of time is videogames. Not the creation of them - I mean playing them and talking about them with their respective communities, and sometimes even reviewing them on my new-ish blog or writing articles for a couple of smaller sites. Unfortunately, pretty much any job related to games is both saturated beyond belief and/or a horrible grind from what I've read/heard.

My lifestyle has also lead to me slowly losing RL friends due to my sheer disinterest in most of the activities they partake in (drinking, pub all the time, etc) as well as the company that they sometimes hang around with. So yeah, getting kinda lonely when I'm not distracted by online friend/forum conversations.

So yeah, my options are pretty damned cut down and I really have zero desire to do things that I'm uninterested in. In fact, it's worse than having no desire - I actively hate the notion.

As you may have guessed by my situation and my views on work, I have a family that has afforded my keep and pretty much provided anything that I've ever wanted/needed (within reason), meaning that I've never applied for JSA. However, their patience is finally running out, and fast. Plus I'm dragging my mum down emotionally and making her upset/angry, which is horrible because I love her to bits and she's the only one that tries to truly comfort me.

So, any ideas on how I should continue? I don't know how/if doctor-related stuff could help me, given that I know my current depression trigger. However I've always had anxiety (and potentially ADD/ADHD) issues, just never to the magnitude of when I'm in these spirals. I'm also scared of some of these medicine-related side effects. Oh, I'm also anxious about seeing the doctors and what it could (or could not) result in.

Anybody have similar issues/thoughts/problems, anybody have a diagnosis (and a plan to overcome this without suffering)?


P.S. I have an upcoming interview on Friday for an unpaid games design internship for a small-time company that makes those lame (and from what I can tell, not so popular) facebook games, and yes - I've re-entered massively-depressed wreck-mode and already lost any drive to go through with it (hence this post). This kills me as my family were so happy for me when I was offered an interview.

P.P.S. Having a girlfriend would probably make life a lot better, but I've yet to find a girl that I like (that liked me in return). Granted I haven't tried very hard, since I just presumed that the kinda girls I'd like would be on gaming/anime forums etc. (I dunno why I even bothered to bring this up)

Hi Hurricane

I have Aspergers and suspected ADHD (the two overlap) and I'm exactly like you in this regard. I get so anxious about everything and overthink everything so I get overwhelmed. I also get tired and drained easily, I think because I am very sensitive to sensory stimuli as a lot of people with Asperger's are. The zoning out of convos and having a narrow intense interest sound very Aspergers like as well. As does the fact that you don't like doing a lot of things your friends do, like the pub etc.

You're definitely depressed and this is very common in Aspergers because of the issues faced when trying to get into employment etc. Maybe you could try an online test to see if you might have Aspergers?

If you got diagnosed, the job centre wouldn't be able to force you to go to just any job, they'd have to make sure you're suited to it, you might not need to do an interview, and just a work trial instead...and maybe even not full time hours so you don't get overwhelmed. The employer could also put in adjustments to help you out.

Good luck

[NobodyKnowsWho]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Hi there guys/girls of TSR, this is my first post here and I have a lot to get off my chest - so please bear with me if it reads rather poorly.

I'll start off by saying that I'm currently depressed, unconfident, introverted and a loser by society's standards. I probably also have what must be all kinds of mental health issues, including pretty bad anxiety with regards to pretty much anything and possibly some degree of ADD/ADHD.

Oh yeah, I'm not sure if this should be on the "mental health" or "graduate in crisis"/"careers" forums - since my tale includes both issues.

Anyway, here goes:

I graduated from uni with a first w/hons in computer science last year (very lackluster A-Levels and solid GCSEs as backup), and have since been unemployed. This is partly due to having a break from education/work as well as having a hard time with job searching. On top of that, I've also been suffering from depression since just before my M&S incident (mentioned later) and being unsure what on earth that I want to (viably) do with my life/for a living. And no, I didn't particularly enjoy anything during my degree - things were pretty "meh" at best. I actually almost quit/changed course, but I figured that I'd stick with the friends that I had made - plus it sounded more impressive than the other degrees that I could think of (both are pretty terrible reasons).

On top of my general down-ness (which for the record is almost 100% due to job-related pressures), whenever I've been offered an interview or job (twice), my anxiety skyrockets to the point where I talk myself out of the job prospect and end up feeling like I've ruined my life and that it will be hell if I accept it - even if it's a short-term thing. Ever heard of somebody that quit Marks & Spencers after 1 day of training? You have now.

I just can't hack the idea of doing 9-5 (or more!), ESPECIALLY if it involves something that I don't have an interest/passion in - it makes me depressed to the point of feeling sick. I also get tired/drained easily (probably partly due to my sedentary lifestyle) and I find it hard to stay focused on things that don't inspire or entertain me so that's probably an ADHD/ADD issue too. I also get bored of conversations/topics that don't interest me to the point that I'll just zone-out sometimes, which is a reason why I'm not a fan of "going to the pub" - not to mention I don't really like drinking.

Sadly, pretty much the only thing I've ever really cared about for a sustained amount of time is videogames. Not the creation of them - I mean playing them and talking about them with their respective communities, and sometimes even reviewing them on my new-ish blog or writing articles for a couple of smaller sites. Unfortunately, pretty much any job related to games is both saturated beyond belief and/or a horrible grind from what I've read/heard.

My lifestyle has also lead to me slowly losing RL friends due to my sheer disinterest in most of the activities they partake in (drinking, pub all the time, etc) as well as the company that they sometimes hang around with. So yeah, getting kinda lonely when I'm not distracted by online friend/forum conversations.

So yeah, my options are pretty damned cut down and I really have zero desire to do things that I'm uninterested in. In fact, it's worse than having no desire - I actively hate the notion.

As you may have guessed by my situation and my views on work, I have a family that has afforded my keep and pretty much provided anything that I've ever wanted/needed (within reason), meaning that I've never applied for JSA. However, their patience is finally running out, and fast. Plus I'm dragging my mum down emotionally and making her upset/angry, which is horrible because I love her to bits and she's the only one that tries to truly comfort me.

So, any ideas on how I should continue? I don't know how/if doctor-related stuff could help me, given that I know my current depression trigger. However I've always had anxiety (and potentially ADD/ADHD) issues, just never to the magnitude of when I'm in these spirals. I'm also scared of some of these medicine-related side effects. Oh, I'm also anxious about seeing the doctors and what it could (or could not) result in.

Anybody have similar issues/thoughts/problems, anybody have a diagnosis (and a plan to overcome this without suffering)?


P.S. I have an upcoming interview on Friday for an unpaid games design internship for a small-time company that makes those lame (and from what I can tell, not so popular) facebook games, and yes - I've re-entered massively-depressed wreck-mode and already lost any drive to go through with it (hence this post). This kills me as my family were so happy for me when I was offered an interview.

P.P.S. Having a girlfriend would probably make life a lot better, but I've yet to find a girl that I like (that liked me in return). Granted I haven't tried very hard, since I just presumed that the kinda girls I'd like would be on gaming/anime forums etc. (I dunno why I even bothered to bring this up)

I think where everything else is stemming from what you've written in paragraph 2. This negative chain of self-opinions, which is clearly irrational. Can;t you see that if you begin thinking like that about yourself, you won't get anywhere? depressed, unconfident, introverted and a loser by society's standards. Trust me, i'm exactly like you, i embark on most tasks thinking i won't achieve anything, and my insecurities eat me alive, but we both have to change this if we want to get anywhere. You don't get anywhere without self belief, nobody else is going to believe in you like you can in yourself, so you had better damn well start.

Have you tried out:
- CBT and counselling as this could help you change your negative thought patterns into positive ones? This can be very effective, and even if you run into an unhelpful professional, try another. And another. Persistance is the key.
- Also listening to positive uplifting music, on loud .
- Writing down your thoughts/ feelings/ what you've done to change your situation each day, as a routine, could help you record the progression in your day to day life.
- Forcing yourself out there to the pub to socialise with people, take an interest in them? Discussing your work troubles with friends, without being a burden on them. Care about what the hell they're doing with they're time. I know the nature of your depressive condition is self-absorption, but even so, if you give one hell of a lot, you'll be surprised what you get back
-Putting on a brave face and just smiling?
-Writing down all your positive qualities; ask your mum to help you draw up a list . Read it every day. Every time you do something good, write it down in your confidence book .
- Just being happy for now and today, taking small pleasures out of eating a biscuit or watching your favourite tv show? Rather than expecting life to dish you out your dream career, you could just live for now the same way kids do

Also, with respect to this work thing, I think you should really look down this games avenue. Forget what anyone else says and all these stupid drawbacks of the career. If you want to do that, and that's what you love, you find a way to go do it. You have to do that sometimes, just have belief in you and that you can be as good as the millions of other people in the game. You won't ever fail in the end, if you put your all into something and bounce back even when you have great setbacks. If you live that way, you'll get somehting out and the hardships will have made it worthwhile.

You think you're a loser by society's standards, but thats bull****, you're probably just a loser by your own. Start loving and respecting yourself more darling, or youll be stuck in this vicious cycle. You need to break free of it. Jean Paul Sartre said you could:

'No matter the circle of hell we live in, I think that it is up to us to break this vicious circle (if we want to…)'

Now go do what the hell you want, because you only live once and cliche though it is LIFE IS TOO SHORT for the kind of misery you describe. All the best of luck moving forward. I KNOW you can do it.

[HurricaneUpper]

Thanks for the new messages.

I appreciate the support and I truly empathize with any of you that suffer from similar (or the same) issues.

With regards to Aspergers - I maaaay have it to a degree, but there is at least one key thing that seems to suggest that I don't have it (I'm going by Wikipedia here). One thing for instance is that I'm a very empathetic person, at least compared to a lot of people. That said, empathy is the kind of thing that a lot of people keep private - so it's hard to gauge. Another point could be that I can tell/guess when some conversation isn't interesting or even suited to somebody.

My time has kinda run out with regards to long-term plans (such as breaching the games industry)...unless I'm willing to spend even more money that I don't truly have by taking another course of sorts. This is due to the fact that after a year (or more!) of being out of work, my family are finally nearing the limit of their tolerance/patience and want a solution very soon.

Overall I greatly appreciate the kind words and some of the suggestions that were made.

[NobodyKnowsWho]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Thanks for the new messages.

I appreciate the support and I truly empathize with any of you that suffer from similar (or the same) issues.

With regards to Aspergers - I maaaay have it to a degree, but there is at least one key thing that seems to suggest that I don't have it (I'm going by Wikipedia here). One thing for instance is that I'm a very empathetic person, at least compared to a lot of people. That said, empathy is the kind of thing that a lot of people keep private - so it's hard to gauge. Another point could be that I can tell/guess when some conversation isn't interesting or even suited to somebody.

My time has kinda run out with regards to long-term plans (such as breaching the games industry)...unless I'm willing to spend even more money that I don't truly have by taking another course of sorts. This is due to the fact that after a year (or more!) of being out of work, my family are finally nearing the limit of their tolerance/patience and want a solution very soon.

Overall I greatly appreciate the kind words and some of the suggestions that were made.

Hmm, couldn't you apply your computer science knowledge to video games somehow, or is that me being ignorant? Try to make sure you don't run into a knee jerk decision because of familial pressure; make sure you take your time to consider what you want from life properly.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Hi there guys/girls of TSR, this is my first post here and I have a lot to get off my chest - so please bear with me if it reads rather poorly.

I'll start off by saying that I'm currently depressed, unconfident, introverted and a loser by society's standards. I probably also have what must be all kinds of mental health issues, including pretty bad anxiety with regards to pretty much anything and possibly some degree of ADD/ADHD.

Oh yeah, I'm not sure if this should be on the "mental health" or "graduate in crisis"/"careers" forums - since my tale includes both issues.

Anyway, here goes:

I graduated from uni with a first w/hons in computer science last year (very lackluster A-Levels and solid GCSEs as backup), and have since been unemployed. This is partly due to having a break from education/work as well as having a hard time with job searching. On top of that, I've also been suffering from depression since just before my M&S incident (mentioned later) and being unsure what on earth that I want to (viably) do with my life/for a living. And no, I didn't particularly enjoy anything during my degree - things were pretty "meh" at best. I actually almost quit/changed course, but I figured that I'd stick with the friends that I had made - plus it sounded more impressive than the other degrees that I could think of (both are pretty terrible reasons).

On top of my general down-ness (which for the record is almost 100% due to job-related pressures), whenever I've been offered an interview or job (twice), my anxiety skyrockets to the point where I talk myself out of the job prospect and end up feeling like I've ruined my life and that it will be hell if I accept it - even if it's a short-term thing. Ever heard of somebody that quit Marks & Spencers after 1 day of training? You have now.

I just can't hack the idea of doing 9-5 (or more!), ESPECIALLY if it involves something that I don't have an interest/passion in - it makes me depressed to the point of feeling sick. I also get tired/drained easily (probably partly due to my sedentary lifestyle) and I find it hard to stay focused on things that don't inspire or entertain me so that's probably an ADHD/ADD issue too. I also get bored of conversations/topics that don't interest me to the point that I'll just zone-out sometimes, which is a reason why I'm not a fan of "going to the pub" - not to mention I don't really like drinking.

Sadly, pretty much the only thing I've ever really cared about for a sustained amount of time is videogames. Not the creation of them - I mean playing them and talking about them with their respective communities, and sometimes even reviewing them on my new-ish blog or writing articles for a couple of smaller sites. Unfortunately, pretty much any job related to games is both saturated beyond belief and/or a horrible grind from what I've read/heard.

My lifestyle has also lead to me slowly losing RL friends due to my sheer disinterest in most of the activities they partake in (drinking, pub all the time, etc) as well as the company that they sometimes hang around with. So yeah, getting kinda lonely when I'm not distracted by online friend/forum conversations.

So yeah, my options are pretty damned cut down and I really have zero desire to do things that I'm uninterested in. In fact, it's worse than having no desire - I actively hate the notion.

As you may have guessed by my situation and my views on work, I have a family that has afforded my keep and pretty much provided anything that I've ever wanted/needed (within reason), meaning that I've never applied for JSA. However, their patience is finally running out, and fast. Plus I'm dragging my mum down emotionally and making her upset/angry, which is horrible because I love her to bits and she's the only one that tries to truly comfort me.

So, any ideas on how I should continue? I don't know how/if doctor-related stuff could help me, given that I know my current depression trigger. However I've always had anxiety (and potentially ADD/ADHD) issues, just never to the magnitude of when I'm in these spirals. I'm also scared of some of these medicine-related side effects. Oh, I'm also anxious about seeing the doctors and what it could (or could not) result in.

Anybody have similar issues/thoughts/problems, anybody have a diagnosis (and a plan to overcome this without suffering)?


P.S. I have an upcoming interview on Friday for an unpaid games design internship for a small-time company that makes those lame (and from what I can tell, not so popular) facebook games, and yes - I've re-entered massively-depressed wreck-mode and already lost any drive to go through with it (hence this post). This kills me as my family were so happy for me when I was offered an interview.

P.P.S. Having a girlfriend would probably make life a lot better, but I've yet to find a girl that I like (that liked me in return). Granted I haven't tried very hard, since I just presumed that the kinda girls I'd like would be on gaming/anime forums etc. (I dunno why I even bothered to bring this up)

Sounds a lot like myself, but I'm just going into second year at uni.

You're in a very good position tbh to be getting on grad schemes and getting interviews..and you have a first. If you got through your degree then you can get through an interview!

Your best options? Tell your doctor and they will give you something to take and you WILL feel better. Take a job and work your way up. The initial period you will probably find hard but once you have got through that, it will become second nature. First is motivation, second is habit.

[Anonymous]

Also, about a gf making you happier...maybe so, but you need to sort yourself out first. See a doctor and they will give you medication that will make you feel less anxious etc, work at getting a job and doing well in it, take up a hobby...THEN have a gf. Trust me, you need to love yourself before you love someone else for many reasons. You also need to be happy in some aspects of life for many reasons too. If your gf breaks it with you, and she was the only form of happiness you had, you'll be screwed.

BTW, what uni did u go to? (Bit off topic)

[NathanW18]

OP, you sound very similar to me, so I can understand a lot of the pressures you're going through.

I know it's difficult, but you should definitely see a doctor. It's fine that you know what your problem is. They will probably offer you some meds and maybe some counselling at a later date. The same things don't work for everyone, but my meds have helped a little bit. The only major side affect I have is that they make me feel quite tired. I'd rather deal with the tiredness than the constant anxiety problems that I had in the past.

My parents were also getting on my back to get a job and I really didn't want to get one. The thoughts of having one made me feel really anxious, because I'm not very good at dealing with people. I ended up getting on an internship. The change has been pretty hard, but I'm adapting to it.

You really don't have much choice but get a job. Your parents won't support you your whole life, so it's basically just about sucking it up and just doing it. It's best to go to the interviews that you get, so that you're at least showing your parents that you're trying.

Also, if you haven't told your parents about the issues you are having, you should probably do that. It's very difficult to do, but it will help them to understand why you're acting in the way that you are.

[curlpower]

(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Thanks for the new messages.

I appreciate the support and I truly empathize with any of you that suffer from similar (or the same) issues.

With regards to Aspergers - I maaaay have it to a degree, but there is at least one key thing that seems to suggest that I don't have it (I'm going by Wikipedia here). One thing for instance is that I'm a very empathetic person, at least compared to a lot of people. That said, empathy is the kind of thing that a lot of people keep private - so it's hard to gauge. Another point could be that I can tell/guess when some conversation isn't interesting or even suited to somebody.

My time has kinda run out with regards to long-term plans (such as breaching the games industry)...unless I'm willing to spend even more money that I don't truly have by taking another course of sorts. This is due to the fact that after a year (or more!) of being out of work, my family are finally nearing the limit of their tolerance/patience and want a solution very soon.

Overall I greatly appreciate the kind words and some of the suggestions that were made.

Hiya

You could be right about the to a degree thing...the autistic spectrum is a spectrum that we're all on, some more than others. I wouldn't take the empathy thing to mean that you don't have it though, I have loads of empathy - a lot of people with asperger's are very sensitive when it comes to animals, social justice etc, I think what they mean is social empathy- i.e. knowing how the other person is feeling by subtle social expressions and things...it doesn't mean that you aren't empathatic when you know that someone is suffering or whatever. Definitely still look into the ADHD thing, the two overlap big time...it could be you've got a touch of asperger's, maybe not enough to be diagnosed and more ADHD...ADHD makes your thoughts race which leaves you feeling drained etc.

Don't worry anyway, things will work out for you. It's good that you know what you're interested in and can target that area and further educate yourself if you need to in the future.

Best of luck!

[MKZebra]

I think you need to take things one step at a time.

Firstly, you need to deal with the depression and anxiety, MoodGym is a particularly good website, and it helps me a lot. You need to talk to your friends more, and spend time with real people, even if it seems like a chore. Maybe play video games with them, instead of alone, as a compromise.

Jobs aren't meant to be enjoyable, that's why you get paid to do them. Your parents might feel better about "keeping" you if you're on an unpaid internship though, it sounds like a good oppurtunity to not only gain some experience on the gaming industry, but to also gain some experience of working in general. You might find working life isn't so bad.

EDIT: Also, I imagine you'll meet people who you have a lot in common with during the internship. You might find their company enjoyable.