(Original post by HurricaneUpper)
Hi there guys/girls of TSR, this is my first post here and I have a lot to get off my chest - so please bear with me if it reads rather poorly.
I'll start off by saying that I'm currently depressed, unconfident, introverted and a loser by society's standards. I probably also have what must be all kinds of mental health issues, including pretty bad anxiety with regards to pretty much anything and possibly some degree of ADD/ADHD.
Oh yeah, I'm not sure if this should be on the "mental health" or "graduate in crisis"/"careers" forums - since my tale includes both issues.
Anyway, here goes:
I graduated from uni with a first w/hons in computer science last year (very lackluster A-Levels and solid GCSEs as backup), and have since been unemployed. This is partly due to having a break from education/work as well as having a hard time with job searching. On top of that, I've also been suffering from depression since just before my M&S incident (mentioned later) and being unsure what on earth that I want to (viably) do with my life/for a living. And no, I didn't particularly enjoy anything during my degree - things were pretty "meh" at best. I actually almost quit/changed course, but I figured that I'd stick with the friends that I had made - plus it sounded more impressive than the other degrees that I could think of (both are pretty terrible reasons).
On top of my general down-ness (which for the record is almost 100% due to job-related pressures), whenever I've been offered an interview or job (twice), my anxiety skyrockets to the point where I talk myself out of the job prospect and end up feeling like I've ruined my life and that it will be hell if I accept it - even if it's a short-term thing. Ever heard of somebody that quit Marks & Spencers after 1 day of training? You have now.
I just can't hack the idea of doing 9-5 (or more!), ESPECIALLY if it involves something that I don't have an interest/passion in - it makes me depressed to the point of feeling sick. I also get tired/drained easily (probably partly due to my sedentary lifestyle) and I find it hard to stay focused on things that don't inspire or entertain me so that's probably an ADHD/ADD issue too. I also get bored of conversations/topics that don't interest me to the point that I'll just zone-out sometimes, which is a reason why I'm not a fan of "going to the pub" - not to mention I don't really like drinking.
Sadly, pretty much the only thing I've ever really cared about for a sustained amount of time is videogames. Not the creation of them - I mean playing them and talking about them with their respective communities, and sometimes even reviewing them on my new-ish blog or writing articles for a couple of smaller sites. Unfortunately, pretty much any job related to games is both saturated beyond belief and/or a horrible grind from what I've read/heard.
My lifestyle has also lead to me slowly losing RL friends due to my sheer disinterest in most of the activities they partake in (drinking, pub all the time, etc) as well as the company that they sometimes hang around with. So yeah, getting kinda lonely when I'm not distracted by online friend/forum conversations.
So yeah, my options are pretty damned cut down and I really have zero desire to do things that I'm uninterested in. In fact, it's worse than having no desire - I actively hate the notion.
As you may have guessed by my situation and my views on work, I have a family that has afforded my keep and pretty much provided anything that I've ever wanted/needed (within reason), meaning that I've never applied for JSA. However, their patience is finally running out, and fast. Plus I'm dragging my mum down emotionally and making her upset/angry, which is horrible because I love her to bits and she's the only one that tries to truly comfort me.
So, any ideas on how I should continue? I don't know how/if doctor-related stuff could help me, given that I know my current depression trigger. However I've always had anxiety (and potentially ADD/ADHD) issues, just never to the magnitude of when I'm in these spirals. I'm also scared of some of these medicine-related side effects. Oh, I'm also anxious about seeing the doctors and what it could (or could not) result in.
Anybody have similar issues/thoughts/problems, anybody have a diagnosis (and a plan to overcome this without suffering)?
P.S. I have an upcoming interview on Friday for an unpaid
games design internship for a small-time company that makes those lame (and from what I can tell, not so popular) facebook games, and yes - I've re-entered massively-depressed wreck-mode and already lost any drive to go through with it (hence this post). This kills me as my family were so happy for me when I was offered an interview.
P.P.S. Having a girlfriend would probably make life a lot better, but I've yet to find a girl that I like (that liked me in return). Granted I haven't tried very hard, since I just presumed that the kinda girls I'd like would be on gaming/anime forums etc. (I dunno why I even bothered to bring this up)