[math1234]

why don't you just forget that girl then automatically you will forget that guy too. I am sure that you will find a good gf at uni & doing that will help you to forget that girl


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[Anonymous]

Forgetting about someone you were pretty sure you were going to spend the rest of your life with is easier said than done. She means everything in the world to me, everything. She taught me so much, and she protected me from a whole load of crap that's now falling down all around me- I don't exactly have a great relationship with my family and there have been many arguments. I wasn't overly clingy or anything, but I really did depend on her support. Without it I've just fallen apart.

[green.tea]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I go shooting on a regular basis, about 2 times a week. I also go running every day. I haven't really got time for much more than that, so have resorted to cutting myself which really IS a release, though certainly not one I want to keep using.

I can't just punch him, on account of me being in Wales and him being in Ireland. When we both roll up at uni, however, I don't think that just hitting him would be enough.

Any other ideas?

Stop cutting yourself. Go do some violent sport like boxing. You need to be able to express controlled anger cleanly and quickly in future and find a release for your current feelings. Learning to beat the **** out of people who piss you off is a good reaction to getting pissed off. Cutting yourself isnt.

[math1234]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Forgetting about someone you were pretty sure you were going to spend the rest of your life with is easier said than done. She means everything in the world to me, everything. She taught me so much, and she protected me from a whole load of crap that's now falling down all around me- I don't exactly have a great relationship with my family and there have been many arguments. I wasn't overly clingy or anything, but I really did depend on her support. Without it I've just fallen apart.

If she has really taught you so much then I think, you should also learn from her that how to leave someone for someone else levae her & pick something new, change is the only constant in life, change your thoughts & move on, don't spoil your life after her.


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[Libertinedreamer]

(Original post by M1011)
Lol, typical clueless kid. In the real world you can't assault random people and not expect consequences. If he was to attack this individual it would be premeditated assault, he would absolutely face prison if charges were pressed.

To the OP, tough luck but move on. Nothing else to do but forget her and focus on something better.

Haha typical clueless middle class kid. Dont believe everything mummy and daddy tell you before they took you in! I have had numerous random fights and seen many more and nothing happens. Unless u kill someone like i said....

Now go back to sleep before the boogey man gets ya!

[Agenda Suicide]

(Original post by So Instinct)
Your post is great. A lot of truth in it, I'm in a similar situation, finally feels like someone understands.I'm in that whole upset then angry mode.

Thanks, sorry you feel that way but do something about it man.

[M1011]

(Original post by Libertinedreamer)
Haha typical clueless middle class kid. Dont believe everything mummy and daddy tell you before they took you in! I have had numerous random fights and seen many more and nothing happens. Unless u kill someone like i said....

Now go back to sleep before the boogey man gets ya!

Please don't pretend to know me you silly little internet troll. You're idiotic if you don't think people go to jail for assault. You clearly lack intelligence (took you in? lol?), but from what I can gleam you're some jumped up egotistical fool who acts tough on an internet forum while whining about the unfairness of your upbringing. Grow the hell up or at least hide under some sort of damp rock where I don't have to see you.

[catoswyn]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've met the guy a couple of times- when I went to visit her at uni- and although he's not a terrible person there was always something that unsettled me about him. The way he looked at her, even when I was with her, made my skin crawl. But I never even thought of telling her that she wasn't allowed to pick and choose her friends- it wouldn't have been my place anyway. She was always free to do exactly what she wanted.

She hasn't seen or spoken to me in just over a month and a half, saying that she wanted to "give me a bit of space", even though we live about a 10 minute walk from each other. We went through school together and I took a gap year this year so that I could earn enough money to go travelling with her this summer, to South Africa and to Paris, where I was going to propose.

All of that is just down the drain. I'm still going to SA, but don't really feel like going to Paris without her. I really don't know where we went wrong, and she hasn't given me any answers, even when I asked her outright. I just don't see how it could be anything but him. And that makes it his fault.

I haven't got enough time to go out and get fitter, I'm still having to work crazy hours at my bar job and I can't quit because I still really need the money- having been kicked out of my parent's house when they found out that I was self- harming. (not recommended by the way, but it just gave me something to be in control of)

No matter what I try to think about it comes down to the fact that if that bastard hadn't shown up in her life, then everything would be amazing. As it is, I've lost the roof over my head and the only person in the world I've ever really cared about. I want him dead. I don't care what happens beyond that. But that's not how I want to think. If he makes her happy, then I know that should be enough.

I've been cutting myself and tried to kill myself twice in the past 3 months. Once by overdose and once my trying to throw myself off a bridge. The bridge attempt failed because I couldn't bring mmyself to let go of the railings, and the OD failed because the tablets weren't as high a dose as I thought they were.

But still, it just comes down to the fact that I want to hurt him. Badly. And I normally think of myself as a good person. I don't want to want to hurt him, but the thought of him not being around any more is just amazing.

Im really scared that if I run into him when I'm drunk at uni that I'll do it. I went after professional help, but my doctor refused to refer me to a psychiatrist and gave me a councillor instead, which has been of no use whatsoever.

You sound very hurt and angry. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The pain of these things can be overwhelming. It sounds as if you are struggling to hold on and trying to escape the pain by hurting or killing yourself. Inbetween you are imagining hurting or killing the person you see as causing the pain. I'm sure you know all this yourself but it probably doesn't help with the feelings themselves and the uncontrollable thoughts.

Usually we do not act on our thoughts of violence against people. You sound as if you are scared of what you might do but remember that lots of people have violent thoughts and do not go on to act on them. Its perfectly natural to feel so angry and to imagine what you might do if you met this person given how hurt and upset you feel.

Return to your GP and insist that you need help/medication/a referral. You can change GP's as well if they are not listening to you. Make sure you mention that you are suicidal. You do sound depressed right now and in real danger of hurting yourself so you have the right to obtain help and not to have to deal with all these feelings alone. You can also refer yourself to the local mental health team if necessary and ring their crisis line direct. However this is a bit more complicated so if you can get the GP to see that this is a crisis and refer you immediately then that would be best.

Try to hang on in there. I know it feels unendurable. The thing is that these feelings will take time. You are grieving the death of something very dear to you and your world has fallen apart. Allow yourself to grieve. Try some ritual stuff like burning all the old photo's of her or making a box and putting things into it and putting a lid on/storing it away. Try not to haunt her facebook and read all the things she is up to etc if you can help it. Also try to keep eating and sleeping if you can. Loss like this can make us forget to look after ourselves.

The hardest thing of all is realising that the very person who you would normally tell about all this is the one who has caused the pain. Losing your best friend is very difficult. Its good you are talking on here. Lots of people are listening. Is there anyone else you can talk to/any other good friend?

In terms of dealing with your ex, your pain will only frighten her, it will not bring her back. Neither will removing the new man! My experience is that at least trying to put on a face of normality in dealing with her in future may open the door to a future friendship continuing at least. This thing with him may well not last anyway.

There isn't an immediate solution to getting rid of the feelings. However you can get through this and out the other side. It will not always feel this painful. I know that is hard to believe right now but it is true.

Big HUG,

[Anonymous]

(Original post by catoswyn)
You sound very hurt and angry. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The pain of these things can be overwhelming. It sounds as if you are struggling to hold on and trying to escape the pain by hurting or killing yourself. Inbetween you are imagining hurting or killing the person you see as causing the pain. I'm sure you know all this yourself but it probably doesn't help with the feelings themselves and the uncontrollable thoughts.

Usually we do not act on our thoughts of violence against people. You sound as if you are scared of what you might do but remember that lots of people have violent thoughts and do not go on to act on them. Its perfectly natural to feel so angry and to imagine what you might do if you met this person given how hurt and upset you feel.

Return to your GP and insist that you need help/medication/a referral. You can change GP's as well if they are not listening to you. Make sure you mention that you are suicidal. You do sound depressed right now and in real danger of hurting yourself so you have the right to obtain help and not to have to deal with all these feelings alone. You can also refer yourself to the local mental health team if necessary and ring their crisis line direct. However this is a bit more complicated so if you can get the GP to see that this is a crisis and refer you immediately then that would be best.

Try to hang on in there. I know it feels unendurable. The thing is that these feelings will take time. You are grieving the death of something very dear to you and your world has fallen apart. Allow yourself to grieve. Try some ritual stuff like burning all the old photo's of her or making a box and putting things into it and putting a lid on/storing it away. Try not to haunt her facebook and read all the things she is up to etc if you can help it. Also try to keep eating and sleeping if you can. Loss like this can make us forget to look after ourselves.

The hardest thing of all is realising that the very person who you would normally tell about all this is the one who has caused the pain. Losing your best friend is very difficult. Its good you are talking on here. Lots of people are listening. Is there anyone else you can talk to/any other good friend?

In terms of dealing with your ex, your pain will only frighten her, it will not bring her back. Neither will removing the new man! My experience is that at least trying to put on a face of normality in dealing with her in future may open the door to a future friendship continuing at least. This thing with him may well not last anyway.

There isn't an immediate solution to getting rid of the feelings. However you can get through this and out the other side. It will not always feel this painful. I know that is hard to believe right now but it is true.

Big HUG,

Mate let me be honest with you. The same thing has happened to me. 4 years into the relationship and she suddenly decides she doesn't want to be with me anymore despite the fact that we were best friends and had spent years in and out of each others pockets.

I wake up excited to see her, she wakes up thinking how to break the news. I wasn't even clingy or horrible, I had no problem with her going out with friends and everything and that had no effect on the 110% I put into the relationship.

What happens now? She's all over Facebook with a new guy, been on days out and all sorts, just weeks after we split up. She obviously has something going on and she obviously left me for him. At first I was heartbroken, and aged 18 for the first time since being 5 cried into my mums arms . I then got angry for a few days, then sad again. It really broke me mate. It was the thought that our time was worthless and suddenly she was ready to sleep around and go out and do this and that as if that was much better than having love. I really wanted to break stuff and hurt things.


But don't. I've got a better solution. Channel your energy. At first it's hard, I mean I couldn't do anything because I was all over the place, but I stuck to it. I thought that if the one thing more satisfying than watching them be in some sort of distress would be it would be the fact that when she next saw me she would start having regrets or start to wonder if it was the biggest mistake of her life.

She finished with me before exams, I lost a few days of revision but then suddenly I thought if I can do these, get great grades, that's one step to bettering myself. Let's put it this way, I revised late, all day everyday even though it bored the crap out of me. In the exams I wrote loads, detailed, informative. I should get good grades.

Next I thought, what else does the ideal man have? A great body. I didn't like the sound of the gym because I'm quite skinny and not really the type of person (not saying that you have to be a certain type to hit the gym). So I bought some home weights, I work out with them and sometimes go running really early. It clears my head and makes me feel good. Suddenly my body is developing into this stronge an stronger more muscular thing that by the time I get to uni I am almost certain it's going to be pretty awesome.

I am doing stuff like playing guitar, inviting friends out, I even plucked up the courage to ask an acquaintance who is extremely popular if she would come for a day out with me and maybe some food, she said yes as I made it clear it wasn't a date. There is nothing worse in the world, I know, I mean let's remember you won't see anybody like her, but atleast you'll see other great people that makes you tihnk, was she worth it if she could do that.

Remember she doesn't care about you and won't give you the true answers, that's the hardest part, but accept it and move on. Make sure that she doesn't get the final play.

Next time my ex-girlfriend sees me I'll be doing something with good grades and a great body. I'll have turned my life around whilst she thought it was good to just go be with this other guy. Whether it's in a few months, a few years or longer, when she sees me I want her to think it was the biggest mistake of her life letting me go and now with her being so heartless that determination has come.

I'm not saying do all them things, replace the ones you don't like with your hobbies. But just use that anger and frustration and make determination and after a while I stopped doing it because I wanted to make myself awesome to get back at her, I did it for me, and I'm a bit upset still, but I'm getting well over it.


I know that's really long, but I just know what you're going through and I don't like the thought of another guy as heartbroken as I was having such a **** time that he messes up the rest of his life for it. I won't even post anon so you know I'm not some random person saying it to make you feel better.


Good luck, if you ever need to chat drop me a message. Otherwise, remember, when you fall down the hardest part is getting back up. When you start running again, that's the easiest part and that's when people will be most impressed.

Thanks for the advice guys, but the truth is that I'm already putting a lot of it into practice. All the photos are gone and all contact broken. The only reminder of her that I've got at all is my watch, which she bought, and is worth a fair amount of money so I'm not getting rid of. I'm happy with my body and I exercise every day. It just doesn't stop these thoughts.

I can't take up boxing or anything more disciplined than what I already do, purely because I'm working long, irregular hours just to pay the rent on my new place, which is an absolute dump. I can't really hang out with all my old friends because their solution to seeing me so depressed is to offer me heroin, which it would appear they started doing this year at uni. My other group of friends that I'd normally turn to are her friends so they've kind of turned their back on me. I can't ever meet up with people from work because if I'm not working then they are and vice-versa, and people I know from the shooting club are all much, much older, like 40+.

My grades are good already and I have an unconditional offer from my uni, which I've already accepted and I don't want to switch just because they're going to be around. I know my pain isn't a good thing- believe me, I know that much- but that doesn't change the reality of it.

I think I'm going to have to go back to my GP, because I really don't want to carry on like this. I just really don't think that they're going to do anything- she already knows that I'm suicidal and having violent thoughts, and saw the cuts on my arms and chest, and still didn't refer me. It just feels like everyone in the world has turned their back on me at once.

[rockchicsocks]

Sorry to hear about this OP. I don't really know what to suggest, but I hope you will be able to find something/someone to make you happy again soon x


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[catoswyn]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the advice guys, but the truth is that I'm already putting a lot of it into practice. All the photos are gone and all contact broken. The only reminder of her that I've got at all is my watch, which she bought, and is worth a fair amount of money so I'm not getting rid of. I'm happy with my body and I exercise every day. It just doesn't stop these thoughts.

I can't take up boxing or anything more disciplined than what I already do, purely because I'm working long, irregular hours just to pay the rent on my new place, which is an absolute dump. I can't really hang out with all my old friends because their solution to seeing me so depressed is to offer me heroin, which it would appear they started doing this year at uni. My other group of friends that I'd normally turn to are her friends so they've kind of turned their back on me. I can't ever meet up with people from work because if I'm not working then they are and vice-versa, and people I know from the shooting club are all much, much older, like 40+.

My grades are good already and I have an unconditional offer from my uni, which I've already accepted and I don't want to switch just because they're going to be around. I know my pain isn't a good thing- believe me, I know that much- but that doesn't change the reality of it.

I think I'm going to have to go back to my GP, because I really don't want to carry on like this. I just really don't think that they're going to do anything- she already knows that I'm suicidal and having violent thoughts, and saw the cuts on my arms and chest, and still didn't refer me. It just feels like everyone in the world has turned their back on me at once.

Hi,

Your GP sounds abysmal! If you can see someone else that would be great. Good luck.

[imconfused]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. She's now with someone else. I think she left me for him. I'm going to uni with them both next year and I'm really scares that I'm going to hurt him. Every time I close my eyes, I can imagine myself attacking him, and it feels good.

I know I should be feeling some kind of negative feeling towards her as well, but I just feel like he stole her. I was with her for 4 years and I just dont understand why she left.

Im absolutely terrified that I'm going to do something stupid next year- and I mean that every single time I close my eyes I can see myself burying a knife into his throat and it feels good. How do I stop these thoughts? I'm desperate here. Please, I need help.

i must warn u the closest relationship that i ever had is with kfc fried chicken & hot wings, with fried chips....

Anyways from my movie watching expereinces: i recomend u to forget about her as she dumped her but with revenge:
And the revenge will come with a new hot girlfriend (can be real/ fake arranged relationship...) and some sour coolness, and sticky popularity...

Basically u make her reallly jealous with ur new gf and then her bf will be jealous of u as the more u become popular...


YOU HITTING HIM MAY MAKE YOU SEEM STRONG, BUT AT THE SAME TIME WILL MAKE YOU WEAK AS YOU ARE DUmped by ur gf for him... if u get what i mean...

[Anonymous]

(Original post by imconfused)
i must warn u the closest relationship that i ever had is with kfc fried chicken & hot wings, with fried chips....

Anyways from my movie watching expereinces: i recomend u to forget about her as she dumped her but with revenge:
And the revenge will come with a new hot girlfriend (can be real/ fake arranged relationship...) and some sour coolness, and sticky popularity...

Basically u make her reallly jealous with ur new gf and then her bf will be jealous of u as the more u become popular...

YOU HITTING HIM MAY MAKE YOU SEEM STRONG, BUT AT THE SAME TIME WILL MAKE YOU WEAK AS YOU ARE DUmped by ur gf for him... if u get what i mean...

Yeah. I'm not thinking that taking him out of the picture will make her instantly fall for me again. It's not about that. It's about revenge. Like I've said, my entire life has fallen apart and if he wasn't around then it wouldn't have. I hate him and I can't stand the thought of her being with him, of her looking at him the same way she used to look at me. Like I said, I don't want to feel like that but I just can't help it. Tbh, she said that she wants to stay friends and I want to be able to like the guy, but I just don't see it happening.
Having just gotten back from the GP, she's still refusing to refer me, saying that I seem too "co-ordinated" to warrent such action, and has recommended that I continue seeing that stupid, useless councillor.

I just don't know what to do.

(Original post by Hype en Ecosse)
Anyone else get a massive feeling of narcissistic personality disorder from this guy?

Sorry for derailing your thread, OP!

Don't worry about it. The guy's clearly either a troll or an idiot.

[Hype en Ecosse]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah. I'm not thinking that taking him out of the picture will make her instantly fall for me again. It's not about that. It's about revenge. Like I've said, my entire life has fallen apart and if he wasn't around then it wouldn't have. I hate him and I can't stand the thought of her being with him, of her looking at him the same way she used to look at me. Like I said, I don't want to feel like that but I just can't help it. Tbh, she said that she wants to stay friends and I want to be able to like the guy, but I just don't see it happening.
Having just gotten back from the GP, she's still refusing to refer me, saying that I seem too "co-ordinated" to warrent such action, and has recommended that I continue seeing that stupid, useless councillor.

I just don't know what to do.

I wish I had useful advice for you. But I really don't, I've never been in a situation where I've felt like you have. I know it's tough for you when working at the bar a lot, but maybe you can try picking up a new hobby, or teaching yourself a new skill. I've picked up memory training recently, and it's helped me learn to focus my mind, gives me a way to stop thinking about things I don't want to and block out certain things. There's the added bonus of being able to memorise shuffled decks of cards, lists of random digits, and pretty much any kind of information, too. Maybe you can look into something similar. It doesn't take too much time up. I spend an hour a day on it, but you could see a significant improvement with no more than half an hour a day. Feel free to PM me if you're interested!

Why would you say that the councillor is useless, too?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Hype en Ecosse)
You got me. I feel inferior to the sociopathic narcissist studying physics at an ex-poly.

(Disclaimer for others: I have nothing against the universities people attend, but this guy is being an arrogant dickhead.)


I wish I had useful advice for you. But I really don't, I've never been in a situation where I've felt like you have. I know it's tough for you when working at the bar a lot, but maybe you can try picking up a new hobby, or teaching yourself a new skill. I've picked up memory training recently, and it's helped me learn to focus my mind, gives me a way to stop thinking about things I don't want to and block out certain things. There's the added bonus of being able to memorise shuffled decks of cards, lists of random digits, and pretty much any kind of information, too. Maybe you can look into something similar. It doesn't take too much time up. I spend an hour a day on it, but you could see a significant improvement with no more than half an hour a day. Feel free to PM me if you're interested!

Why would you say that the councillor is useless, too?

Thanks, I might look into something like that to keep myself distracted. I suppose it can't hurt.

I'd say that the councillor is useless because he just keeps on telling me that I have so much still in front of me etc etc all that generic motivational bull****. There's no actual advice given. I think that I just need somehthing a bit better than a one hour session each week telling me that I'm still young. It doesn't help at all with this incessant anger and hatred or the fact that my life has gone to pieces.

[Casshern1456]

Forget her and forget the new bf, there's more to life than a girl. Honestly, i know spending so much time with someone and having her break your heart must be difficult but you'll find someone else again soon and the longer you hang onto these thoughts the less you'll be able to go out there and find another girl who shares the same interest as you. I would recommend focusing on your university, achieve good results, get a good job show her your stronger without her and make yourself a successful guy, by that time, she'll look at you with envy as you got the monies, the girls, the contacts and friends, you won't even have time to think about her because you'll be so busy with other more important things

Hope this makes you feel better, remember us guys are made of tough material. You can do it!!

[rock_climber86]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I just don't know what to do.



Don't worry about it. The guy's clearly either a troll or an idiot.

ebay your watch for a start! You must sever ties completely - you can't keep the watch cos every time you stare at the time you'll think of her! I don't know about you other people but that'd piss me off!

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Casshern1456)
Forget her and forget the new bf, there's more to life than a girl. Honestly, i know spending so much time with someone and having her break your heart must be difficult but you'll find someone else again soon and the longer you hang onto these thoughts the less you'll be able to go out there and find another girl who shares the same interest as you. I would recommend focusing on your university, achieve good results, get a good job show her your stronger without her and make yourself a successful guy, by that time, she'll look at you with envy as you got the monies, the girls, the contacts and friends, you won't even have time to think about her because you'll be so busy with other more important things

Hope this makes you feel better, remember us guys are made of tough material. You can do it!!

Like I said, I've already put most of this stuff onto practise. I've already got the grades to get an unconditional offer at the uni I've wanted to go to since I was about 6 years old. I've got a job that's bringing in a fair amount if money, and I can transfer between pubs when I move (I'm with Wetherspoons), so that's not an issue. I haven't got any friend I can depend on inWales, so that's going to have to wait till I arrive at uni, but on paper I'm doing everything right. It's just that all this stuff isn't changing the way I feel, and it certainly isn't changing my dreams at night.

(Original post by rock_climber86)
ebay your watch for a start! You must sever ties completely - you can't keep the watch cos every time you stare at the time you'll think of her! I don't know about you other people but that'd piss me off!

I can't get rid if my watch, I've been wearing it for 3 years. Tbh, I think of it more as mine than as something she gave me anyway. It's not a big deal. Possibly a bigger issue is that I have to walk past her house every time I go to work.

[iamyourspiritfrombeyondth]

I think that perhaps rather than distraction you should try and take a long hard look inwards. Logically mate you realise that if you were to kill this guy it wouldn't achieve anything and you would find your life in a whole lot more of a mess than it is now. It's ****ty and it's painful but you just have to fully understand that and realise that the best thing you can do is to try and move on. These feelings will eventually fade, they will obviously always be there but it's about trying to deal with them and not let them **** you up.

Also, do you have anyone you trust and can go for a drink with to discuss this with? I find that this is usually very beneficial.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by playthoseblues)
Hi Anon,

From what I've gathered you're actually frightened of committing these actions that come into your mind. I have the exact same problems as you, and after going the doctors, and further to a psychiatrist I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This condition affects people with not only handwashing and counting, but many people with intrusive thoughts, be that violent, sexual or religious.

I know exactly what you're going through. If you are looking for advice concerning this issue, go to the OCD Action website http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/ and post any problems concerning the thoughts there. You'll find some great advice. Also look at some of the resources and articles they have on the site, on where to start with the issue.

I'm no doctor, but from what I've read I had the same issues and still do. I know I felt awful and terrible for thinking these things, but this site was the first step.

Good Luck!

I'm not trying to put down your advice and I know it was meant well, but that doesn't sound like OCD to me. The fact that it focuses on a specific person, is triggered by a specific event and not some sort of vague 'what if in the future...' kind of feeling, and that he seems to find the idea of causing this guy pain satisfying doesn't seem to fit in with what I know of OCD. Sorry to butt in like that, thought this issue might affect other readers as well.

As to the OP, I certainly don't mean this to say anything bad about you, it's understandable to feel angry about bad things being done to you. Hope you'll be able to move on in time. Also, speaking as someone whose three year relationship ended close to the end of first year of uni, I think maybe you'll eventually come to think that a really long relationship at that age is almost inevitably going to come to an end, no matter how good you are together. It's frustrating to think that if you'd met when you were older you might have stayed together forever, but just in my opinion, you still have things to do and experience on your own before you're ready for that kind of thing. Still, I really sympathise. Hope you feel better man.