(Original post by Anonymous)
I never thought abt this before but I guess I should now.
I am a 19 female. I have been educated by my family that sex is not a good thing to think about when I am young and when I am studying.
I actually never got a proper conversation with my mum about sexual issues. We all tried to avoid it by all course.
I hang out with friends who are educated in the same way. Therefore, we are all clueless.
I think I started thinking about sex when I turned 19. I started enjoying watching porn where girls are touched by guys. I am not into anything with an actual intercourse action. I think I just want to be touched and feel that I can have sex.... Because of all the years being ' compressed', I think that is why I really do want to try having sex or sexual actions with guys.
I do not think my thought was healthy since to me sex is about trust and love. However, I keep thinking about it because I want to do something that I was told not to....
Again, I never kissed a guy. It is like I dont want to be in any relationship further than just being friend. My girl friends told me I am 'too friendly' for a guy to be my boyfriend. Yes they are right, I never allow the thought of loving a guy friend to get into my head as I always want to be a good friend...
When I do fall in love with a guy which I always try not to, I started thinking about having sex, kissing him and I feel so guilty!!!! I know it doesnt make sense!!! I feel like I should keep my thoughts of him as innocent as possible!!!!! This sounds so unhealthy but i cant help it!!
I feel guilty thinking about kissing a guy, even dreaming about kiss a guy, about being touched, about having sex with a guy I love truly. But deep down in me, I do want these things with a guy.
I know there are my guy friends who are interested in having sex and sexual actions with me, but not into me as a person. I am scared one day soon I will just go out and say yes to them as I just want to try the feeling of having sex and being touch by a guy.
I even thought I would get drunk and ask a guy to take my virginity which sounds so silly... I know virginity is something you give not ask someone to take...