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Losing a partner to university

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    Me and my partner went through a rough patch after years of being together, we kind of broke up and since then I've really made a conscious effort to try and get it to work.


    We hadn't spoke for weeks and just today we had an hour speaking, I asked her about why she wouldn't want it to work and why if she loves me like she says would she not want to be with me.

    If I am honest it has never been too great when we aren't with each other, as in when we are long distances or haven't seen each other for a few days things can get a bit iffy, but we are great when we are together.

    She tells me that she won't get back together because she knows it will be coming to an end when we get to university because it just won't work and she doesn't want to be with me in summer because she knows that when we get to university it won't work and so there is no point being together when we know it will come to an end.


    I really don't know what to do. I tried so hard and she refuses to be talked out of it, shall I just settle for it an accept the fact or is it worth keep trying for somebody you love, so long as you don't stalk them and annoy them?
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    At the risk of sounding harsh: Get over it and move on.

    There will be SO many things to see, do and people to meet at uni that you really don't want to cut yourself off by worrying how things are going with your partner.

    I am going through a similar thing. My partner kept telling me I was leaving him etc etc (many other reason, he got a bit abusive towards the end too) and I couldn't take it. We ended last Monday and I was completely devastated, I saw him last Saturday to exchange belongings and decided I would give it some time and contact him to try to work it out.

    I moped around all day on Monday and felt awful and sad and depressed. Then I wrote it all down on a bit of paper and got up on Tuesday feeling a million times better, knowing this is the right thing. Keep yourself occupied and try to find something to do this summer that you have always aspired to. I am learning to become a riding instructor.

    Trust me you don't want to waste your time at uni and prevent potential new friendships by wasting your time wondering if she has been in touch. It will be hard, but you'll find someone who feels strongly for you no matter what you do.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by SuperCat007)
    At the risk of sounding harsh: Get over it and move on.

    There will be SO many things to see, do and people to meet at uni that you really don't want to cut yourself off by worrying how things are going with your partner.

    I am going through a similar thing. My partner kept telling me I was leaving him etc etc (many other reason, he got a bit abusive towards the end too) and I couldn't take it. We ended last Monday and I was completely devastated, I saw him last Saturday to exchange belongings and decided I would give it some time and contact him to try to work it out.

    I moped around all day on Monday and felt awful and sad and depressed. Then I wrote it all down on a bit of paper and got up on Tuesday feeling a million times better, knowing this is the right thing. Keep yourself occupied and try to find something to do this summer that you have always aspired to. I am learning to become a riding instructor.

    Trust me you don't want to waste your time at uni and prevent potential new friendships by wasting your time wondering if she has been in touch. It will be hard, but you'll find someone who feels strongly for you no matter what you do.

    Good luck.
    But we were together for years


    I feel heartbroken, I am more than willing to make it work annd I don't mind restraining from sex I just wish she felt the same.
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    I know exactly how you feel. Honestly. And it seems such a waste over something trivial like uni, but trust me there will be SO many things there that once you're feeling a bit brighter you will probably not even think about it.

    Don't think about the times you had, try to take small steps and think about small things you want to achieve tomorrow, then next week etc. It will take your mind off it.

    Also if she doesn't want it to work then you cannot force her, sex really has nothing to do with it. You never know what might happen in the future but you also can't put your life on hold for someone who doesn't feel the same.

    Be honest with yourself too, if you only got on when you were together was the relationship that strong anyway?

    It is so, so hard. I was on the point of moving in with and setting up a life with my guy, but I know that right now this is the right thing to do. Your g/f probably feels the same, but doesn't want to feel down and sad at uni. She would rather go through the pain now than ruin potential new friendships by moping around and feeling sad about you two.
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    (Original post by SuperCat007)
    At the risk of sounding harsh: Get over it and move on.

    There will be SO many things to see, do and people to meet at uni that you really don't want to cut yourself off by worrying how things are going with your partner.

    I am going through a similar thing. My partner kept telling me I was leaving him etc etc (many other reason, he got a bit abusive towards the end too) and I couldn't take it. We ended last Monday and I was completely devastated, I saw him last Saturday to exchange belongings and decided I would give it some time and contact him to try to work it out.

    I moped around all day on Monday and felt awful and sad and depressed. Then I wrote it all down on a bit of paper and got up on Tuesday feeling a million times better, knowing this is the right thing. Keep yourself occupied and try to find something to do this summer that you have always aspired to. I am learning to become a riding instructor.

    Trust me you don't want to waste your time at uni and prevent potential new friendships by wasting your time wondering if she has been in touch. It will be hard, but you'll find someone who feels strongly for you no matter what you do.

    Good luck.
    Bro, shes basically telling you she wants to **** other guys at uni (sorry for sounding harsh) Im going into my 3rd year at uni, and I have faced reality. When you are at uni, its soo goooood, you will be glad u split up. Your an adult and you should face reality and whats in front of you. Never let anyone break your heart, just carry on living the way you wana live. Remember, we only live once, make the most of it, forget the past and enjoy yourself. UNIVERSITY, IS BIGGEST EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFETIME, YOU WONT GET A SECOND CHANCE. GO FOR IT AND ENJOY IT.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But we were together for years
    Years? How long could it possibly be? You're, what, 17 or 18? If we were talking about a long-term relationship where you'd lived together, maybe had children, had a mortgage and so on, then it would be worth the heartache to try to make it work.

    But frankly, we're talking about a fling between a couple of kids. Painful as it is to hear, when you're that age you're playing at relationships.

    She's told you quite clearly she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and it's probably about more than just going to university if she doesn't even want to be with you over the summer. You need to buck up, pull yourself together, and start putting one foot in front of the other no matter how much your instinct is to keep trying to make this work.

    Start going to the gym, exercising, spending more time with your friends, feeling good about yourself, and then go to uni in the right frame of mind and find a great girlfriend. Trust me, you're going to find the girls at uni far more impressive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my partner went through a rough patch after years of being together, we kind of broke up and since then I've really made a conscious effort to try and get it to work.


    We hadn't spoke for weeks and just today we had an hour speaking, I asked her about why she wouldn't want it to work and why if she loves me like she says would she not want to be with me.

    If I am honest it has never been too great when we aren't with each other, as in when we are long distances or haven't seen each other for a few days things can get a bit iffy, but we are great when we are together.

    She tells me that she won't get back together because she knows it will be coming to an end when we get to university because it just won't work and she doesn't want to be with me in summer because she knows that when we get to university it won't work and so there is no point being together when we know it will come to an end.


    I really don't know what to do. I tried so hard and she refuses to be talked out of it, shall I just settle for it an accept the fact or is it worth keep trying for somebody you love, so long as you don't stalk them and annoy them?
    What Supercat said - if you have to work that hard to convince someone to be in a relationship with you, then it really isn't worth it
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    (Original post by MostUncivilised)
    Years? How long could it possibly be? You're, what, 17 or 18? If we were talking about a long-term relationship where you'd lived together, maybe had children, had a mortgage and so on, then it would be worth the heartache to try to make it work.
    I see your point but I think this is a bit harsh to be fair, my boyfriend and I are both nearly 19 and we've been together since 14, my parents were married at that length of time, it still hurts when they break your heart, especially if you see a future with them..
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    (Original post by JSam1994)
    I see your point but I think this is a bit harsh to be fair, my boyfriend and I are both nearly 19 and we've been together since 14
    That is truly frightening

    my parents were married at that length of time, it still hurts when they break your heart, especially if you see a future with them..
    You're right, it still hurts, and to be fair your relationship sounds somewhat longer lasting and more permanent than what you'd expect for someone that age. I suppose I'd advise most people not to expect what you appear to have; it's unusual, and takes particular personality types to make it work.
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    (Original post by MostUncivilised)
    That is truly frightening
    What do you mean by frightening? :lol:
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    (Original post by JSam1994)
    What do you mean by frightening? :lol:
    I suppose I just mean that it's... unusual to have had such a long-term relationship at that age. I meant frightening in the nicest possible way.

    It raises all sorts of questions from my perspective, but not ones I'd worry about if I were you; it's adorable, really, that you and your beau are that committed to each other at your age. I hope you stick with it.

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Updated: June 24, 2012
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