[Anonymous]

...With women, and getting into a relationship.

I've been single for around 4 years now. At high school I thought I did quite well - I had girlfriends, but I was never confident about making the next move with them. If they wanted to take it further, I'd always wait for them to ask me. I suppose I was brought up to be respectful to women and never to 'force myself upon them'. I guess I reclused too far. So naturally, I never had sex, and I had a fairly bad experience in the past few years where it would've been acceptable for my age.

Post-16, I tried really hard to get on well with a particular girl. It ended up with her one-night standing with another guy, and her giving me the 'I thought we were just friends'.

So after her, and after going through difficulties in my life, I started to get on well with another girl... Her friends didn't like me, would call me a paedo (she was older than I was!) and despite managing to get with her at a party, she had sex with another lad and went on to go out with him.

So I pretty much gave up looking. People went to university. Nobody was really doing it for me. I have enough female friends, but they're just that. I am a bit of a soft sort of guy, so much so that some people think I'm gay, but I'm really not. I just make the most of getting on with male friends. I don't have a particularly deep voice or whatever. I just like to be nice to people, I really hate lads who push themselves onto women... Even if it seems to work out for them (sex and relationships).

I just don't want to go to university and be 'that guy' who can't get laid. One friend jokingly believes that I'll be the next 40 year old virgin. Maybe it's some sort of OCD related thing, but I really don't like the idea of getting with someone who has been with many partners either. And as I get older, the number of those people drops off hugely.

I can't really flirt. I was able to buy myself a snog with a jagerbomb, but that doesn't really count towards anything - And apparently I'm not a great kisser either.


Mehh. I really don't have the confidence in me to be with women. It becomes a worrying thought. I think I'm too fussy in who I go for - Not neccessarily the prettiest, but I like the quirky ones. That jagerbomb certainly helped with the aforementioned though...


So what could you suggest? I don't want to change myself just to get with women, but my current attitude is far too restrictive. I also seem to really like the ones with boyfriends... Oops!


Do you have any suggestions? I know it's not easy to give such huge life advice. I think I'm a fairly average guy. I try not to be an A-hole to people, I just like to get on with people. I really get annoyed when people are just idiots to all women to get that one in a dozen who will take them to bed.

What are your thoughts? I've just not been with someone for so long that I forgot how.

[Studentus-anonymous]

Your parents were stupid. Their is nothing wrong with flirting, with being forward, with 'being those kinda guys' as you see them.

Those guys get dates.


It's about self-inspection. Look at yourself and what you can improve upon, your dress sense, your social skills, do you need to work on confidence? How to read someone's interest etc etc (but stay away from that PUA nonsense).

Basically attraction is like an auction, or a bet, or any type of transaction. You are the product and you have to make yourself as appealing to the potential customer base as possible.

But a good start is that not caring, nobody likes someone who's sole driving force in life is their desperation to be liked by someone else. A confident man with a passion for his own life regardless of whether you like them or not is as much a turn on as any.

An 'attractive man' would have shrugged off those girls hooking up with other guys, because hey, those girls are free agents who can do whatever they want it's not as if it's that big a deal if you get with them or not, life goes on. Plenty of other women who will want you.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

It's not that my parents were asses, I just think I took their words out of sense. They're not the sort of parents who would slap their child for getting a date - They'd always want the girl to come around so they could all meet her, and they'd always be asking after her because they care.

But the message was always there to treat them with all the respect in the world.



It's just difficult to get back into the swing of things. You lose your footing and then you forget how to walk.

[Anonymous]

I am the female equivalent of you. I understand how you feel - its hard.

[Classical Liberal]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you have any suggestions? I know it's not easy to give such huge life advice. I think I'm a fairly average guy. I try not to be an A-hole to people, I just like to get on with people. I really get annoyed when people are just idiots to all women to get that one in a dozen who will take them to bed.

What are your thoughts? I've just not been with someone for so long that I forgot how.

1. Stop being an average guy. Improve yourself. Make yourself more masculine and attractive. Make yourself the best version of yourself that you can be.

2. Stop winging about guys who get action. It is not cool and displays you have your priorities all wrong. **** other people and what they are doing, you just concentrate on yourself rather than moralising about others.

3. Use the Golden Rule (women have the same brains as men)

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am the female equivalent of you. I understand how you feel - its hard.

Well, hey. What are you doing next Saturday?



I'm gonna work on my image over the summer. I've really needed to knuckle down and get on with work. I literally haven't been on a night out in over 2 months. Just busy busy busy with work. But I think I'm an alright looking guy. I take enough care of myself to look alright, but not too much care that I can't get dressed and out the house in under 15 minutes. I like my gelled hair (girls have come up and asked to feel my hair. That was, erm, interesting) but I always shrug it off as just drunk people being drunk. I was later informed that I should return the comment with 'well what of yours can I touch', which I shall save for a rainy day. I definitely have that legal view of 'what ever you do say can and may be used against you'. If I wanted to get serious with that person, then I fear a dickish move at the start could backfire.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to find a balance between making an effort and staying true to yourself. As a girl, I think the fact that you have respect for girls is a really attractive quality and you should definitely keep that, but don't use it as an excuse to avoid telling girls how you feel or making a move just because you're nervous of being rejected. I think its a good thing to make an effort with your appearance as you say, because thats all someone will initially have to make an impression of you, but I wouldn't start worrying about your personality. I think thats something that you really can't change, and much as it is a cliche you just have to try and find someone who will accept you for who you are. I don't think you suddenly have to start being really 'forward' with girls just because 'other guys' do that. As other people have said don't worry about what others are doing, because for every girl that likes a guy like that there will equally well be a girl who is very put off by it. Maybe just try not to be 'picky' as you say, at least get to know a girl first because you can't expect them to wait until you're ready to make a move if you're not willing to spend enough time with them to find out what they're really like.

Hope that helps, I'm sure you'll find someone soon you sound like a decent guy!

[Annoying-Mouse]

Join a band. These chicks don't even know the name of my band but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands cause once I blow they know that I'll be the man all because I'm the lead singer of my band.

So I get off stage right and drop the mic, walk up to the hot chicks and I'm all like "Sup ladies, my name's Jim Brady. I'm the lead singer in K-V baby" They're all like "Oh my god it's him" "Becky oh my ****in' god it's Brady" "I swear to ****ing god dude you ****ing rock" "Please Jim please Jim let me suck your cock" And by now the rest of the fellas get jealous, especially when I drop the beat and do my acapellas.