Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Feeling like you're not good enough

Announcements Posted on
Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm soon to be 23, and havent had a relationship for 3 years. My previous relationships ended on bad terms. The guy I was with for 2 years didn't even break up with me in person, he was nasty and lied to me about things. One of the last things he said to me was that I was never going to find anyone that won't dump me or cheat on me, I can't remember why he said that now. The guy I was with after that slept with someone else in the next room. There was a guy I was dating recently for a few months and then he said he just saw me as a good friend and has pretty much ignored me since... I don't know how to trust people anymore and I always now have in the back of my mind that I am not good enough to be with. Anyone else feel like this or can give me advice?
    • 40 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    No don't think that. They both sound awful.

    Those guys weren't good enough to be with you. Think that guys have to be worthy of you, and you're less likely to fall into the trap of dating the bad ones.

    So work on your self-esteem. Believe that you deserve a great guy.

    It'll help for you to consider why you ended up dating those guys, and using what you learn for the future.

    Don't give up.

    *hugs*
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I'm pretty much exactly the same, except I haven't had a relationship, or a proper date for that matter, and I *am* 23!!

    The six guys I have been with all turned out to be horrible / lied / were sleeping with other people / had girlfriends (that was fun :curious: ) and on one memorable occasion, slept with Thai prostitues without mentioning it to me (cue quick dash to GUM clinic).

    I know how you feel, I've had major depression pretty much since I was 15, and this really doesn't help with how I feel about myself as you can probably imagine.

    I don't really know what advice to give you, but I just want you to know you are SO not alone in feeling like this :hugs:
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Lucia.)
    No don't think that. They both sound awful.

    Those guys weren't good enough to be with you. Think that guys have to be worthy of you, and you're less likely to fall into the trap of dating the bad ones.

    So work on your self-esteem. Believe that you deserve a great guy.

    It'll help for you to consider why you ended up dating those guys, and using what you learn for the future.

    Don't give up.

    *hugs*
    Well the last guy I dated wasn't bad.. but I do feel lead on thinking we dated for months and he didn't feel that way about me... or he did and then he changed hid mind. All oy my experiences make me think my personality isn't good enough or something that people never want to stick with me
    • 40 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well the last guy I dated wasn't bad.. but I do feel lead on thinking we dated for months and he didn't feel that way about me... or he did and then he changed hid mind. All oy my experiences make me think my personality isn't good enough or something that people never want to stick with me
    Well it's nothing to do with your personality. If you're in a relationship and the other person isn't as into it as you, then it's their responsibility to end it. I wasn't saying he was a bad person. But he was a bad match for you - that's all I meant.

    You've only been dating a couple of guys so how do you leap to thinking that they all "never want to stick with me"?

    If you approach a future relationship in such a way that you get your needs across and you expect them to be honest with you about theirs, then you'll be in a better place. It's only about asserting what you want more. I'm learning that too.It isn't a bad thing - it forces them to think; and if they're not into it when you ask them, you can end it there rather than let it drag on.

    Definitely don't date anyone else until you've resolved all of this in your head.

    As for the guy who's ignoring you now. That's not an uncommon occurrence. Many people move on after a relationship ends. It seems that they don't care but they have a tendency to put friends and dates into different boxes.

    You need a stronger man too - one who'll be stand-up and honest with you.

    Know yourself - as soon as you see a red flag, deal with it straight away. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right. It's not just about trusting other people. Learning to trust yourself better will help you too.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Well it's nothing to do with your personality. If you're in a relationship and the other person isn't as into it as you, then it's their responsibility to end it. I wasn't saying he was a bad person. But he was a bad match for you - that's all I meant.

    You've only been dating a couple of guys so how do you leap to thinking that they all "never want to stick with me"?

    If you approach a future relationship in such a way that you get your needs across and you expect them to be honest with you about theirs, then you'll be in a better place. It's only about asserting what you want more. I'm learning that too.It isn't a bad thing - it forces them to think; and if they're not into it when you ask them, you can end it there rather than let it drag on.

    Definitely don't date anyone else until you've resolved all of this in your head.

    As for the guy who's ignoring you now. That's not an uncommon occurrence. Many people move on after a relationship ends. It seems that they don't care but they have a tendency to put friends and dates into different boxes.

    You need a stronger man too - one who'll be stand-up and honest with you.

    Know yourself - as soon as you see a red flag, deal with it straight away. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right. It's not just about trusting other people. Learning to trust yourself better will help you too.
    Well I come to that conclusion because they all end it and act in ways that seem like they couldn't care less about me. This is what makes me feel like I am not good enough to be with

    I don't really know how to read signs anymore, how do I know what someone is saying is the truth without seeming like I am interrogating them? The guy I dated recently told me I ws attractive, that he wanted to kiss me, and that he liked me as more than a friend but then decided he saw me as a good friend. I just don't know what to believe anymore.
    • 40 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I come to that conclusion because they all end it and act in ways that seem like they couldn't care less about me. This is what makes me feel like I am not good enough to be with
    You're not being kind enough to yourself. If people are being that ****ty, it has nothing to do with your worth as a person. Stop making what they do/or have done count towards your self worth. No one deserves that kind of treatment from someone who's meant to care about them. You agree, right?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't really know how to read signs anymore, how do I know what someone is saying is the truth without seeming like I am interrogating them? The guy I dated recently told me I ws attractive, that he wanted to kiss me, and that he liked me as more than a friend but then decided he saw me as a good friend. I just don't know what to believe anymore.
    You only have to trust that what they say is true, until there is some evidence to the contrary. If he said he found you attractive, you shouldn't doubt that. Men are rarely openly complementary about women (unless they're complete creeps or something), so take that compliment as is. I'm sure he meant it. Maybe he changed his mind about wanting a relationship with you, but it doesn't mean that you're no longer attractive. He might have personal reasons for not pursuing a relationship.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Lucia.)
    You're not being kind enough to yourself. If people are being that ****ty, it has nothing to do with your worth as a person. Stop making what they do/or have done count towards your self worth. No one deserves that kind of treatment from someone who's meant to care about them. You agree, right?



    You only have to trust that what they say is true, until there is some evidence to the contrary. If he said he found you attractive, you shouldn't doubt that. Men are rarely openly complementary about women (unless they're complete creeps or something), so take that compliment as is. I'm sure he meant it. Maybe he changed his mind about wanting a relationship with you, but it doesn't mean that you're no longer attractive. He might have personal reasons for not pursuing a relationship.
    Yes I do agree.. thanks for putting that into perspective. I guess I am just frustrated that it seems to always happen to me and now I live with trust issues because of it which could potentionally ruin future relationships for me.

    I guess when he said he liked me as more than a friend he must have meant that too, so either changed his mind about how he feels about me or just doesn't want me for another reason.
    #2

    Exactly how i feel , exactly the same situation too, quite uncanny/scary actually!

    Things just never develop into a relationship and i wonder why? am i not good enough to have as a girlfriend?

    mleh!!
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Exactly how i feel , exactly the same situation too, quite uncanny/scary actually!

    Things just never develop into a relationship and i wonder why? am i not good enough to have as a girlfriend?

    mleh!!
    PM me if you like

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: June 24, 2012
New on TSR

Submitting your UCAS application

How long did it take for yours to be processed?

Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.