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Can I be angry for my boyfriend giving me an STI?

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    When I got with him I was a virgin, I was also very naive about sex, im from a catholkc family sex is never spoken about nor mentioned I went to a all girls school run by nuns so our sex ed was pretty basic 'if you have sex you will get pregnant and die' nothing about STI'S. Obviously im not some pre victorian wierdo who had no idea about sex I knew about sti's , I just didnt know the details, I thought you only got sti's If you slept around and that if you had an sti it was pretty obvious.


    My boyfriend is 4 years older than me (parents dont know about him due to sex thing) im 19 I was a bit wary of sex I didnt want tloosse it to just anybody and I wanted it to be special, but he was so blase about itI felt immature for not doing it. I also kinda wanted to see what all the fuss was about so i slept with him about 4 months into our relationship, he used condoms, but this is where i went wrong i thought stupidly dont think im an idiot, you could only get an STI if tehy came insdie you i thought thats where the bad bacteria was stupidly.

    He told me he had been with 10 women and only slept with 2 unprotected who were long term girlsfriends, I just assumed also stupidly that having that number of partners he would have had an STI test, i had friends wh had casual sex and ONS and they got checked regulary, i thought at 23 he would have had the initive to, he is also much more sexually aware . I should of insited he had a test before anything happend but i naively didnt think he had anything it didnt even cross my mind. I was wastching embarssing bodies where i realised how idiotic and stupid had been and booked myself into the clinci the next day, it came back i had chylmidia, i told him and told him he had to get a test. He was also positive it then came out he had slept with me and then a girl before me a month before he got with me. He also told me she was a giant slag, that their relationship was 'open' so she was sleeping around and so was he, he told me she had been sleeping with his best friend and all of them were sleeping unprotected! because 'shje was on the pill' I know its my fault for not asking him to get a test, but im very upset that the actions of him this girl and his stupid friends who are all in their mid 20s could result in me being left infertile as i dont know how long ive had it.

    This was about a month ago ive pretended its ok but recently ive got the symptons again and im really worried i have it again from him. Can i be angry at him or is it all my fault?
    #2

    I was in the same boat. Me and my (now) girlfriend were good friends for about a year before we started going out and both had sex etc with other people prior to going out. So, like 2/3 weeks after me and her started going out exclusively I started to show symptoms of the same disease as you got and I got tested and it was positive. The dr said the incubation period for it is like a month so she must have got it from a guy just before we started going out and not known about it.

    To be honest I didn't care at all, yeah it sucks getting it but you take 1 pill and that's it treated. Just be thankful you found it early, as did I. You can't really be mad at somebody for something they did prior to going out with you - especially if they didn't know. Furthermore, in my case, it would be hypocritical for me to be annoyed at my girlfriend for sleeping about before we went out as I was doing the same, and we both knew it. It was just bad luck on her part that she caught something!

    Hope this doesn't put you off sex for life, Op. Your current boyfriend will be a sad panda if so!
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    Be angry at him. He knew all this time and didn't bother enough to think of protecting you
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    Of course you should be angry? How else do you think you should react happy? he couldve given you anything. The fact that he hasnt checked himself shows how stupid and immature he is.
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    You should be angry at Catholicism.
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    Isn't it illegal to knowingly have an STI and have sex with someone, especially without telling them?

    Yes you have a right to be angry, chuck him.
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    Yeah you should be angry. While these things can be treated, he still should've had some awareness for you in the first place.
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    i don't like to encourage dumping someone, but i feel that in this case it would be fully justiable
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    (Original post by Georgie09)
    Be angry at him. He knew all this time and didn't bother enough to think of protecting you

    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Isn't it illegal to knowingly have an STI and have sex with someone, especially without telling them?

    Yes you have a right to be angry, chuck him.
    He didn't necessarily know he had chlamydia, as it often presents no symptoms at all.

    OP, just be thankful that it's easily treatable and that you didn't catch something like herpes or genital warts that would stay with you forever.

    You say you have symptoms again - what are your symptoms? As I've said, it's unusual for chlamydia to present any... Have you seen his test results? Are you sure he hasn't got anything else? I think you ought to stop sleeping with him at least until you're both clean, if not indefinitely.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by sweeter than a cherry pie)
    He didn't necessarily know he had chlamydia, as it often presents no symptoms at all.

    OP, just be thankful that it's easily treatable and that you didn't catch something like herpes or genital warts that would stay with you forever.

    You say you have symptoms again - what are your symptoms? As I've said, it's unusual for chlamydia to present any... Have you seen his test results? Are you sure he hasn't got anything else? I think you ought to stop sleeping with him at least until you're both clean, if not indefinitely.


    Thankyou for your advice I dont think he knew I just think he wass ignorent and just didnt bother to get tested. It sounds silly and I dont want to sound to gross bt like I kinda just knew i felt different, i felt quite sick and stuff and then I also started to get alot offffff dischargy stuff and had chronic cramps like period pains and im getting it these symptons again but after i took my tablets, I got retested to make sure it had gone away and they said i was clean so i dont understand how i could possibly have it again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thankyou for your advice I dont think he knew I just think he wass ignorent and just didnt bother to get tested. It sounds silly and I dont want to sound to gross bt like I kinda just knew i felt different, i felt quite sick and stuff and then I also started to get alot offffff dischargy stuff and had chronic cramps like period pains and im getting it these symptons again but after i took my tablets, I got retested to make sure it had gone away and they said i was clean so i dont understand how i could possibly have it again
    As far as I know, often an STI won't show up on a test until about three weeks after it being contracted, I guess because there isn't enough bacteria/virus to be detectable. So give it another couple of weeks and if you still have symptoms, get tested again.
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    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Isn't it illegal to knowingly have an STI and have sex with someone, especially without telling them?

    Yes you have a right to be angry, chuck him.
    Not with sti's as many people dont know they have them. Especially when there are no sypmtoms.

    But i think it is if your HIV positive or have aids. Not too sure but i think there is some ruleings on it.

    This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100
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    Of course you have a right to be angry. In this case it was only chlamydia, what about if it was Hep B or HIV? it could be anything. Don't blame yourself too much. You've learnt from the experience and the main thing is you remembered to get tested. There are probably many people on this forum who have chlamydia, but no signs and are not getting tested when they should. He is really stupid to be having multiple sexual relationships and not gtting tested. He should thank you that you reminded him to get tested. If he does not change his ways i would question whether this is the best relationship to be in.

    50% of women and 70% of men who have it don't have symptoms- so guys who have unprotected sex, multiple partners and have no symptoms can still have chlamydia
    Symptoms to watch out for: 1-3 weeks after infection can occur, genital discharge, pain, bleeding, difficulty urinating, fever, nausea and pain during sex. If you think you are infected don't have sex in the meantime.
    Contracted through oral, vaginal and anal sex.
    <25-get tested once a year if sexually active
    >25 the same plus all people with new partners, or having a pregnancy should be treated.
    It can be treated easily with antibiotics so make sure you see your doctor or go to the sexual health centre, get those medicines and gest tested if you think you may have it.

    I don't mean to scare you in fact i think you should be congratulated for having the initiative to get tested...many many experienced and sexually active people don't even get tested. By knowing when to get tested you have saved yourself future worry.

    Women need to watch out as we can get more complications but men also get complications like infertility. It can spread from cervix, uterus to fallopian tubes. You can get Pelvic inflammatory disease-which can damage the reproductive organs, which can cause chronic pain, infertility, or ectopic pregnancy which can be fatal. It can also be transferred to baby if mother has it when pregnant.


    and by the way he calls the girl a slag he is as much of a slag for having an open relationship and sleeping around.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thankyou for your advice I dont think he knew I just think he wass ignorent and just didnt bother to get tested. It sounds silly and I dont want to sound to gross bt like I kinda just knew i felt different, i felt quite sick and stuff and then I also started to get alot offffff dischargy stuff and had chronic cramps like period pains and im getting it these symptons again but after i took my tablets, I got retested to make sure it had gone away and they said i was clean so i dont understand how i could possibly have it again
    How long ago was it since you got retested? Maybe its another STI that mimics chlamydia? What all did you get retested for or was it just chlamydia? Did you get swabs for gonorrhoea or other bacterial infections. Did you have any sexual intercourse after the time you started having these symptoms?
    Are you sure he does not have any STIs he is not telling you about? I would recommend seeing a doctor again if you're getting those symptoms because there can be numerous causes. Is it difficult to pass urine? What colour is the discharge? Does it smell off? Are your periods regular and heavier than usual?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5drrZ8d95Y
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW8sB...feature=relmfu
    Did you get tested for other STIs or or genital herpes?
    have you noticed any rashes? sometimes you can have herpes without it being obvious.
    Also i think it might be a good idea to get a pap smear as well as just getting tested

    other things it could be bacterial vaginosis-->if its greenish grey with fishy odour
    chlamydia, cytomegalovirus-spread through body fluids, saliva- even through kissing, blood, swollen glands, fever, nausea, weakness. Gonorrhoea-vagina,oral and anal intercourse, 80% of women, 10% of men no symptoms, symptoms can include frequent and burning urine, irregular periods, abdominal pain, yellowish urine discharge, pain in joints. Bacterial infections can include Vaginal candidiasis-thick, white discharge and itching and burning. Trichomonas vaginitis-thin greyish frothy discharge, discharge worse after menstruation, pap smear is recommended because your cervix can be inflamed and have a strawberry appearance.

    Not sure how it works in the UK but here in AUs we get tested for everything.
    Main thing is get tested for all STIs, ask them to do swabs of your vagina etc for bacterial infections, get a full medical check up and also maybe talk about having a pap smear with the doctor.

    all the best sorry for the long post.




























































































































    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5drrZ8d95Y










































































    here is a video on 12 most common STIs. A good watch.


    Also, you have a right to be angry. If it was the other way around the guy would be fuming probably. So don't feel bad about that. I would also be upset with the way he is justifying and blaming it all on that other girl. He knew she had 10 partners so he should have got tested. He is responsible for his health..what is the point in blaming the girl if you couldnt even control your impulses and got infected
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    Here are a list of reportable diseases. So if a doctor has seen him and diagnosed it the partner has to be notified and the person themselves have to also notify the partner. If he never gets tested then that would be hard.

    chlamydia is a notifiable STI in Aus and im sure it also is in the UK. however if he doesnt visit the doctor it cant be notified or recorded (all of this is confidential)
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    ■Gonorrhea
    ■Syphilis
    ■Chlamydia
    ■HIV AIDS
    ■Hepatitis A
    ■Hepatitis B
    ■Hepatitis C

    When an STI result comes back positive for a reportable disease, the nurse will also need to notify sexual partner(s) so that they can also be tested, treated, and counselled about STI prevention. This process assists in minimizing the risk of infection to others and re-infection to the original client.

    In OPT clinics, the nurse works with the client to notify sexual partners; this is done confidentially (the client’s name will not be mentioned). Alternatively, clients can notify their own partners.


    you have a number of reasons to be angry
    * not being tested for high risk of stis
    *not being clear with you that he has not been tested
    * not being tested which reduces the chance of you being notified
    * being so complacent about the whole process when it could negatively impact you
    * not caring and supporting you knowing it is your first time and it is a scary world of stis and he should at least be there for you when you told him you had chlamydia.

    All in all if his attitude does not change, personally i would reconsider the relationship. You deserve better.

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Updated: June 25, 2012
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